From The Internets: A Day In The Life of Joe Republican

[REP]

found on the internets - not written by me:

A Day in Life of Joe Republican

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare
his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some
tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

With his first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily medication. His
medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought
to insure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical
plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for
paid medical insurance -- now Joe gets it, too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe
to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the
meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is
properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total
contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know
what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he
breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought
for laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to
work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation
fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public
transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a
contributor.

Joe begins his workday. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical
benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy
liberal union members fought and died for these working standards.
Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't
want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or
becomes unemployed, he'll get a workers compensation or unemployment
check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home
because of his temporary misfortune.

It's noontime, and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some
bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC, because some
godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous
bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his
below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided
that Joe and the government would be better off if he were educated
and earned more money over his lifetime.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at
his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His
car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating
liberal fought for car safety standards.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live
in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers
didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity
until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't
belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on
Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking,
cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe
wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk
show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and
conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved
Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe
enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those
big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self- made
man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I
have."

[Indy_Dem_Defender]

1. Great!

[ebayfool]

2. Another 'Joe' Republican from DUer BigBearJohn ... I love both of 'em!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=389&topic_id=224111

You might be a Republican if...




You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.

You've named your kids "Deduction one" and Deduction two"

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just
allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority
here) friend"

You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're
richer than you.

You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."

You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of
bitches."

You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."

You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."

You answer to "The Man."

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it
because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and
Ernie of "sexual deviance."

You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain,
little woman, old lady, tax credit...

You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.

You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."

When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."

You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."

You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your
home.

Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in
America.

You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.

You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a
Bob Packwood fund-raiser.

You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."

You've ever called education a luxury.

You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.

You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

You're afraid of the "liberal media."

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."

You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of
pornographers.

You think all artists are gay.

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because
he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when
they don't even have shoes.

You confuse Lenin with Lennon

[bananarepublican]

3. First thing every morning... he craps his brains out!!! n/t

[REP]

4. Kick for the Day People

[raccoon]

5. I've seen this, and it deserves to be disseminated widely. K&R. nt

[flamin lib]

6. Joe votes Republicans into power.

Joe votes Republicans into power.

Joe once enjoyed fishing and the outdoors. Now the fish he catches exceed the mercury levels set by the FDA because of de-regulated coal fired electric plants.

Joe's paying for his health insurance now because his employer can't afford to pick up the cost after the industry was de-regulated and tort reform capped damages. That expense really cuts into the budget.

Joe doesn't visit his dad very often because gas is too expensive what with the uncertainty of the Middle East and all the wars going on over there.

Joe's dad had to give up the homestead when Social Security was privatized and his stock portfolio lost most of it's value.

Joe comes home in the evening to a house with a sweltering 85 degrees because the electric bill is too high for him to pay because of the cost of oil and natural gas used to generate his electricity.

Joe's father is begging for a lethal cocktail of drugs because he feels abandoned in the nursing home. Joe doesn't have time to visit what with the second job to make his mortgage payment after predatory lending laws were repealed and he got screwed when he cashed out his equity to avoid bankruptcy.

Joe's kid is in Iraq on his third tour. They used to exchange emails every day but when net neutrality was defeated his ISP jacked up the charges for his DSL so high he had to drop it. Now the letters come once every few weeks if at all.

Joe's street is full of pot holes and the sidewalks are falling apart because his city can't get help from Federal grants and the last city tax increase was defeated. Three houses on his street were vandalized because of the cutback in the police force.

Joe's depressed because his wife left him after all the fights over money. He can't afford counseling because he dropped his insurance after his employer cut his pay to compete with the illegal aliens.

Joe's gained 50 pounds and a heart condition. He can't afford the blood pressure medication because his drug benefits under Medicaid have been slashed.

Joe's talk radio is on endless repeat and he still thinks everybody should just take personal responsibility.

Joe sits alone in the dark fondling the gun he bought with his instant background check and no psychological profile.

[Ian David]

7. Michael Moore attributes it to John Gray

August 29th, 2004 9:38 pm
Day in the Life of Joe Middle-Class Republican
by John Gray [e-mail]
http://www.michaelmoore.com/words/latestnews/index.php?id=144


Day in the Life of Joe Middle-Class Republican
A TvNewsLIES Reader contribution.
By John Gray Cincinnati, Ohio - [e-mail] - July - 2004
http://tvnewslies.org/html/day_in_the_life_of_joe_middle-.html