So met I some fundie Christian uncle cousin of my wife's today

[maseman]

while visiting my parents-in-laws. We were splitting wood (wood splitter of course...no more axes in my life) and this cousin or uncle or something was there who I never had met. Nice enough guy we were all chewing the fat about this and that until someone mentioned something about snakes.

This new found relative turns to me sort of laughing and says "speaking of snakes is that an Obama sticker on your car?" Without missing a beat I said "of course it is." He asked "Why?" So I went on a 60 second tirade about my feelings of what is going on in this country and how we have been screwed by Republicans for eights years blah blah blah.

He didn't argue any of my points and just said "OK." Then it started getting weird. He started injecting Jesus into the random conversation. I joked about my friend who has lead an "interesting" life and what sort suntan lotion he may need when he dies for his trip to Hades. In 100% seriousness this guy starts preaching about how Jesus will save him no matter what he's done if he repents and asks Jesus into his life. Dude, I was joking.

The final kicker was...and my wife is still in shock I said this...but he turns to me (remember I've known this guy for less than one hour) and asks me if I have accepted Jesus Christ into my life? I looked at him without missing a beat and asked "When was the last time you beat off in the shower?" I went on to say "Since we are asking personal questions of each other I thought I would get mine in before answering yours."

For some reason he didn't ask me any more questions. We got the wood split and I headed home. I think we'll get one less Christmas card this year.

[ColbertWatcher]

1. I bet he keeps track of the answer to your personal question on line.

Or at least videotapes it for posterity.

What a clown Republican.

[Warpy]

2. Good for you!

Being a bad Buddhist, I live for the intrusive fundy jerks who demand to know if I've been saved. I always say, "No, I'm recycled."

I can usually make a clean getaway while they're trying to process it.

[maseman]

3. That's a good one.

I must say I hadn't prepared for this moment. I don't know if anyone has ever asked me the big Jesus in my life question outside of some people at my wif'es church (she is a music director.) At church is one thing...in the field cutting wood is rude.

[riderinthestorm]

42. I just moved out of Wheaton, IL after several decades living there and it's among the FIRST question

asked - right after "what church do you go to?"

You must live in a very tolerant area. Enjoy it!

[maseman]

43. Ohio...kind of like Alabama without the accent

I just don't like to talk to many people.

[conscious evolution]

37. Jesus saves-Buddha invests

[keroro gunsou]

40. jesus saves...

moses invests
but only buddha pays dividends.

or so i've been told.

[Oddball]

57. I like that...

Living in the South I get that question a lot. Now I have a re-tort.

[funflower]

4. Wish I could think of something quick and witty to say in response to stuff like that. n/t

[Fozzledick]

5. "No, I'm not into idolatry"

[Lars39]

6. He saw you as a sinner, someone he had to witness to,

all because of your Obama sticker. You answered appropriately, imo.

[maseman]

7. See I'm not real bright with this stuff

I grew up a Catholic...after mass we ate and got drunk on Sundays watching football. Burrp.

But that is exactly what my wife told me. Good observation.

[Lars39]

10. If you were around him quite a bit and still didn't accept salvation,

the next would be shunning. :D

[maseman]

12. or maybe a stoning?

:shrug:

These people are nuts enough to do that I think.

[Lars39]

28. I'd say within a generation or two.

Just part of the Purpose-Driven Life.

[TlalocW]

8. Classic

One of my college friends, Jim, who's one of the fastest thinkers on his feet that I know, used to work at the Arby's in our college town. One weekend, there was a revival going on just outside of town (large tent, fire and brimstone evangelist yelling at people), and one Saturday after the sermon, they all descended on his Arby's with just him and two others working. The evangelist was the last one to order, and when Jim gave him his order, the evangelist thanked him and said, "Oh, by the way, Jesus is coming." Without missing a beat, Jim asked, "Do you know what he wants to eat?"

He was given the hairy eyeball by everyone in the restaurant for the rest of the night.

TlalocW

[maseman]

9. Nice!

:rofl:

I heard a guy once on a corner street in NY City screaming "Jesus Saves!" The guy I was with turned to me and said "I hope his 401(K) is doing better than mine."

Rim shot please.

[TlalocW]

13. That guy was amazingly funny

He's an atheist but knows the Bible inside and out. We went to Walmart late one night and ventured into the toy section where he found some Biblical action figures of Moses and the Pharaoh, and we spent 10 minutes watching him use them to tell their Biblical story in the style of a badly dubbed kung-fu movie.

He married a lapsed Catholic but got married in a Catholic church because his wife's dad was a bigwig in the college town and paid for it. His then fiancee made the mistake of telling him that when she went in for her dress fitting, the seamstress noted one of her breasts was slightly smaller than the other (which is common of course) and needed to adjust the dress. When she was walking down the aisle, he and his entire wedding party, all tilted their heads to the left, raised one eyebrow and stared at her for a moment before returning their heads to normal position. This was done with exact timing that would make synchronized swimmers jealous. I was in the pews and hurt myself from trying not to laugh out loud.

TlalocW

[Gabi Hayes]

54. too bad he didn't ask:

do you spit or swallow?

[TlalocW]

11. Classic Two: Electric Boogaloo

The more I think about it, the more I like your response. I was at a local Hispanic festival once, and with loud Tejano music playing, some woman came up to me and asked me if there were a quieter place nearby. I gave her directions to a park down the street, and after thanking me, she asked me if I had accepted Jesus as my personal savior. I told her that was none of her business, and continued saying Jesus probably wouldn't like you using false pretenses to try and convert people.

I'm memorizing yours for future use.

TlalocW

[HeresyLives]

14. Now that I'm through choking

with laughter, I'd like to say, nice shot!

[progressoid]

15. ...

:spray: "When was the last time you beat off in the shower?" :spray:

I'm going to have to remember that one! :thumbsup:

[DeadManInc]

16. OMFG this is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. I damn

near spit my Labatts Blue on my computer. I would have paid good money to see the look on his face when you asked him that.

[maseman]

17. Just a blank stare...nothing more or less.

I just bent down, picked up a log and started splitting the next piece. My father in-law then started talking about fishing. Heck of a segueway.

[tom_paine]

33. Have I EVER seen that blank stare HUNDREDS of time these last eight years

(though I am not naive enough to think it originated 8 years ago any more than the virulence that brought Hitler to power magically appeared in Germany 1933)

That blank stare must have been real big in 1930s Germany, too.

[Tuvok Obama]

18. With your permission...

I'd like to use that line myself the next time a stranger asks me about my relationship with his god.

[maseman]

19. Certainly

a buddy of mine wears a shirt all the time that says in big letters:

Dear Jesus,

Please Save Me From Your Followers.



He said he gets a lot of dirty looks in the grocery checkout.

[maseman]

20. Self-delete. Trigger happy tonight. Beer makes me giddy.

[FM Arouet666]

26. LOL Tuvok Obama live long and prosper.

and welcome to DU fellow Washingtonite or is it Washingtonian or ... What ever, welcome......:toast:

[Hepburn]

56. Welcome to the DU!

:hi: Hope you enjoy the place as much as I have!

[Seldona]

21. I just tell them no, there is no proof God exists.

If they try to claim any exists, I ask them this question. How can something be provable and require faith at the same time?

I have not had a single conversation where any of them can answer that question. Their facial expressions as they digest it are worth the hassle imho.

[maseman]

22. That would have caused a discussion

I didn't want to talk to him. It is Saturday and I don't have to deal with my idiot clients. I really didn't want to deal with a Jesus Christer.

[Catherine Vincent]

23. LOL! I wouldn't have the guts to say something like that to anyone.

The other day I had this woman sitting next to me on the bus and we started chatting small talk. Then all of a sudden she asks me where do I worship. I thought to myself, "oh shit hear it comes". I just told her I was Catholic. Then she went on something about being saved and accepting Jesus in your heart and if you don't you're going to hell blah blah. I just looked at her and told her that I don't discuss religion. She was surprised I would say that to her but I'm sorry, I didn't like the way she started yapping about that so early in the morning. Luckily I was able to change the subject.

[FM Arouet666]

24. LMAO Thanks for the post I will use this

That is the one question that really gets under my skin. What business is it of anyone if I have accepted JC into my life? It is between me and JC and, well, the shower, and those long midnight strolls on the beach walking on the water....... I digress.....

:evilgrin:

[cynatnite]

25. So, he thought you were some heathen who needed saving because you're voting for Obama...

so if he did convert you it'd mean one more vote for McStupid.

[southerncrone]

27. Good Job!

:thumbsup: We've got to put them back in their place. Under a rock.

[pnwmom]

29. Sounds like you testified really well for Obama today, huh.

:shrug:

[Edweird]

35. What does how he dealt with with an overbearing xtian fundie jerk have to do with Obama?

It's pretty clear to me that he wasn't going to vote for Obama no matter what anybody says.
"speaking of snakes is that an Obama sticker on your car?"
That pretty much sums it up right there....

[maseman]

39. If you read my post

I did testafy to Obama and why I am fed up with Republicans for about a minute after he made a referrence to my bumper sticker. I was nice about it (I did use the word Fascist to desribe the Republican party but I believe that to be true.)

It wasn't until he pushed the Jesus bullshit that I had to push back. It wasn't planned. It was a random response. Ask me a very personal question and I get to do the same thing.

[donheld]

30. Priceless

[chollybocker]

31. maseman, that was great. I love these stories on DU.

"Speaking of snakes... When was the last time you beat off in the shower?"

[stewartcolbert08]

32. LMAO

Good One!! I hate self righteous assholes like that. My boyfriends entire family is totally right wing, of course none of them can tell me why except that democrats are going to give all the money to the people on welfare and because Roe v. wade needs to be overturned. So i just take deep breaths and change the subject. I wish i had balls like yours though. Bravo!:yourock:

[Edweird]

34. "When was the last time you beat off in the shower?" BWAHAHA!!!

Dude, that is priceless. :toast:
I'm going to use that.

[OneGrassRoot]

36. Wow, even I gasped when I got to that part....LOL

the "beat off" line.

Wasn't expecting that one!!! Good for you. ;)

[malaise]

38. That was one great response

:rofl:
K & R

[a kennedy]

41. Oh my gawd......

great comeback.... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[knitter4democracy]

44. I usually tell them I'm voting for Obama because I'm a Christian.

I get the blank stare for a few minutes, and then they usually ask me why. I follow it up by telling them that Obama's better at following the two greatest commandments and the beatitudes. Heh. That usually shuts them up, but if they keep at me, I'm more than ready for them.

I like your answer, though. You're right--it's a very personal question, and the timing was totally wrong. He should've thought about where he was, the fact that he didn't know you well, and the reality that most people don't like to talk about their faith like that.

[spelldmilk]

45. F^cking Excellent response! I am so stealing that.

[foxfeet]

46. When I lived in New York City, in the '70s, I was riding the subway

and minding my own business, when a young woman sat down beside me and tried to strike up a conversation. The second thing out of her mouth was, "Have you accepted Jesus Christ?" I said politely, "I don't want to discuss this." She persisted. I said again, "No, I really do not wish to discuss this." She tried yet again. I turned and looked her in the eye and calmly said,"I've told you twice, very politely, that I do not wish to discuss this. If you ask again, I'm going to kill you." She left.

Not as funny as yours, but very satisfying and equally effective.

[maseman]

49. Hey I laughed out loud. Dark but funny.

[rucky]

47. You were getting the soft-sell.

[mnhtnbb]

48. I knew it! That's why guys take such long showers.

:rofl:

[RainDog]

50. thank you! made me laugh - and millions of Americans thank you

for telling the guy to stfu. I bet he actually knows as much about the bible as my cat.

[bertman]

51. I've been waiting for someone to ask me that but all of my family members know better.

My prepared response is hopefully going to be: "Not yet. I'm still trying to decide if I want to accept Zeus, Zoroaster or Jesus as my personal mythological savior."

I just hope I am as quick on my feet as maseman when the time comes.

[SammyWinstonJack]

52. ...

:spray:

[Fuzz]

53. I'll pray for you.

;)

[Hepburn]

55. OMFG.........

.....:applause: :bounce: :rofl: :patriot: