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DRINKING WITH THE ENEMY 2008
The game is still days away, but I've already got that feeling in my gut… and my liver.
It’s a sensation that’s equal parts anxiety, nervousness and anticipation. Games against Troy or Middle Tennessee State don't give me this feeling. Neither do games against Vandy or Mississippi State. What puts this damn sensation in my stomach is knowing that in just a few days my Alma Mater, The University of Florida will once again meet the University of Georgia on a football field in Jacksonville. Yes, once again it's time for the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party and like so many others before; this game will have major implications in regards to who will win the Southeastern Conference championship.
There is so much riding on this year's game I’m more worked-up than usual. Maybe it is the fact that Gator losses the past five years have been excruciatingly painful. It's not so much the gut-wrenching defeats in the game's waning seconds that are killing me (they are giving me ulcers, loss of sleep, blood in my urine and heartburn, but not necessarily killing me). It's the media that’s driving me nuts because they can't seem to put a Gator loss to rest. Just when I feel like climbing out of my bunker after a tough loss I'm subjected to Pontiac Game Changing Moments, ESPN Instant Classics and Lou Holtz pep talks (Lou, if you really want to help, just buy me a drink and stop spitting on me). Hell, even when we get clobbered like we did a few years ago against Alabama; it makes the cover of Sports Illustrated (This year we lost by 1 point to Ole Miss to make our S.I. appearance).
For what seems like forever I've heard a lot of complaining coming out of Athens about the Gators having an open date the week prior to the WLOCP. I heard one guy, in all seriousness go so far as to say that the SEC should step-in and make it illegal for the Gators to have a bye before we play the Bulldogs. I wanted to tell the fellow that the conference is much too busy recruiting at the Jose Feliciano School of Instant Replay Officials to concern themselves with the Gators schedule. When they're not barking like mental patients Georgia folks seem to have the market cornered when it comes to complaining about the annual game in Jacksonville.
“They have a bye week!”
"The Gators can take a bus to the game and we have to come via an airplane"
“What do you mean I’ve got to wear shoes in this restaurant!?!?
But then again, if I lived in a state that didn't allow me to buy a six-pack on a Sunday, I'd be bitter and fast to complain as well.
This year the red and black faithful don’t have the open date to complain about or use as an excuse because both teams played last week, and we both crushed our opponent. Going into this weekend’s game we are virtually tied in the rankings and the winner can begin booking hotel rooms in Atlanta for the SECC game. Being that I’m a Gator, I’m paranoid about everything when it comes to the Georgia Bulldogs and the Cocktail Party. Open date or not, it’s just as likely that I’ll reach for an Alka-Seltzer as I will a martini this week.
Remember the old Road Runner cartoon? You know the part where Wiley E. Coyote paints a big brick wall to look like a road? The Road Runner comes racing up and runs right through it, and continues on his way. Wiley stands back and scratches his head then he decides to run through it. Of course he goes splat because it's really just a big painted brick wall. Through the decades Georgia has been that brick wall for the Gators. But for the past 16 years or so we've been able to turn the table on the Bulldogs and unlike poor Wiley we've been the ones who've dropped an anvil on Georgia instead of ourselves. In order to get back to the SEC Championship Game we need to beat the Bulldogs. If we lose, it will take a miracle for us to win the SEC East. On the other hand, if we win, I’ll be pouring pitchers down my throat and becoming best friends with the bartender.
I'm always a wreck the week of the Florida/Georgia game. I hate the Bulldogs worse then any team the Gators play. Losing to FSU is a fate worse than death, and the thought of getting beat by LSU makes me want to jump out a window. A loss to the Vols? I'd rather leap in front of a train. But a defeat at the hands of the Georgia Bulldogs would make any of these other situations seem like a fun-filled Caribbean vacation.
Why do I hate Georgia? Actually there are plenty of reasons, but to list them all would require a book so large, it would make "War and Peace" look like a TV Guide. So I offer just a handful of the many reasons I detest, hate, loathe and despise Georgia:
1. THE JACKSONVILLE BULLDOG CLUB
They claim to be the largest Bulldog club outside the state of Georgia. Maybe they are that's not the reason they get under my skin. It's their logo that irks me. It's the regular UGA logo (the older, uglier one, not the new one that looks like it was drawn by a sixth grader) with a Gator in its mouth. If their intention was to tick off Gators, then they have succeeded. Its one thing to see a drawing like this on a t-shirt or a banner, but this is their official club logo!
2. THE USHERS ARE BIASED
Back when Georgia held the upper hand in the series; the Bulldog faithful had no problems with the Gator Bowl's seating arrangement or staff. But a few years ago, after several straight ugly losses to the Gators, the Dog fans started getting upset. They said they didn't like the way the seats were divided between UF and UGA fans (even though it had been set-up this way for years). They griped about price gouging and a few other things, but the one item that really made me chuckle, was they thought too many ushers were wearing Florida hats. I'm not making this up. This was one of their complaints. Personally, I don't care if an usher wears a grass skirt, hi-heels and has a toilet lid around his neck. All I want him to do is show me my seat and not turn me in if he sees me mixing a drink.
3. THE JACKSONVILLE GAME
Depending on who you are rooting for, the game is normally called the UF/UGA or the UGA/UF game. I can live with this. It's not a slap in the other school's face. Understandably you want your school's name to come before the others. But back the University of Georgia used to take it one step further. They don't want to mention Florida's name at all. In their programs the game was called "The Jacksonville Game". Like once a year Georgia travels to Jacksonville and plays a different opponent every time. I prefer not to stoop to their level and refer to the contest as the Jacksonville Game. I'd rather call it what it really is: The Florida/Goober game.
4. #badword# #badword#, #badword# #badword#, #badword# #badword#
If ever there has ever been a lower moment in Florida football history then the 1980 UF/UGA game, I don't want to know about it. We had this game locked up. If you were to have told me that with less than two minutes left, Georgia would be backed up on their own goaline and their only hope was that their "noodle-armed" quarterback, Buck Belue, would pass them down the field. I'd have said "Let's chill the champagne!" Unfortunately, that's what the Gator defense was thinking. If we had won, there would have been no national championship in Athens. Hell, there would've been no SEC championship! To make matters worse, every year during the UF/UGA game this play is shown sometimes during the broadcast. It doesn't matter if we are winning 47-7 with two minutes left, seeing this play makes me want to vomit. I've been addicted to Rolaids ever since Nov 8th, 1980.
5. JEAN SHORTS
The Georgia Faithful like to portray the average Gator fan as a jean short wearing, mullet styling, Zima drinking cheeseball. I'll be the first to say that there are Gators with mullet hairdos, tank tops and jean shorts. But you know what? UF doesn't have a monopoly on these types of fans. All schools have their share and UGA is no exception. It astounds me that Bulldogs think they're Carey Grant's answer to the Southeastern Conference. I've seen a lot of Carey's movies and not once have I seen him in red and black bib overalls. I don't sport a mullet (to be honest I don't sport much hair at all) and I don't own jean shorts, but if that's how they want to portray me, then fine. Just don't label me a Zima drinker. I'll punch you in the mouth if you do.
6. BARKING AND HUNKERING
You know the number of times someone has "barked" at me outside the Jacksonville city limits? Zero. You know the number of times I've been barked at during a typical Florida/Georgia weekend? 1,895,987 times. The only thing worse then hearing a real dog bark is hearing some red polyester clad jackass start yapping.
This never fails: It's the Saturday morning of the game. Your head is pounding like a Keith Moon drum solo. You've just pulled in to your parking spot and you're gingerly unloading your tailgate supplies. When all of a sudden one of the "Duke boys" comes screeching up to the spot next to you, barely comes to a stop and jumps out of the "General Lee" and starts barking like Lon Chaney Jr. on a Southern Comfort bender. At 9:00 in the morning, this is the last thing you need.
Hunkering is another thing that gets me. "Hunker down Daaawgs!" You hear this cry all weekend as well. During the '82 Auburn/Georgia game, Bulldog radio announcer Larry Munson, repeated this phrase so often, it drove an Auburn fan to toss his bourbon and Coca-Cola into the UGA broadcast booth. I don't think Munson has to worry about anyone tossing a drink into the booth this weekend. Maybe an empty bottle, but at "The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party", nobody is going to throw away their drink.
I have so many memories of Florida/Georgia games. Some fond and some that I'm sure have taken years off my life. Allow me to take a stroll down memory lane and remember some of the "Cocktail Parties" of years past:
1986: My first Florida/Georgia game. My breath was taken away when I saw the inside of the stadium for the first time. I thought to myself, I've died and gone to college football heaven. I also remember talking to some guy outside of the stadium before the game started. He was complaining about the room he stayed in the previous night. I asked him which hotel he was talking about. "Hotel?" he answered, "I wasn't in no hotel, I was in the Jacksonville Jail."
1987: The coldest Cocktail party I ever attended. It was also the first time that I sat in the upper deck. I was so far away I felt like I wasn't really a part of the game, and that's just as well. The Gators scored a field goal early to go up 3-0 and scored a TD late. Besides that, there wasn't much else for us that day. I awoke the next morning with a hangover that could've killed a mule.
1988: I'd graduated and moved to Maryland. I had to watch the game via some PBS station probably about 50 miles away. The reception was horrible. It looked like there were six teams on my screen. I'm sure the Gators thought there were six Georgia teams on the field that day as we lost 26-3.
1989: We had Emmitt and little else. Somehow we managed to hold the lead at the half (Even more shockingly, it was a TD pass that put us up). As the second half wore on I could feel things starting to slip away. I turned to my friend and said, "We need a spark. Something has got to happen!" Right then something did happen. The girl two seats over from me threw-up all over herself. That's wasn't the sign from the heavens that I was looking for. I awoke the next morning with a hangover that could've killed a mule.
1990: It was much colder this day than the 1987 game. But I didn't feel a single chill. After three straight losses to the Dawgs, we crushed them 38-7. It was a great day to be a Gator and I'm not exaggerating when I say if we had taken advantage of all of our scoring opportunities, we'd have scored 70. Not only did I not want the game to end, I didn't want to leave. I honestly think I was the last person to leave the Gator Bowl that day. I actually walked around on the field once all the cops and their dogs left. The next day I realized that hangovers hurt less when you win.
1991: Two days before the game a girl I knew asked me out to a concert. Michael Crawford, of Phantom of the Opera fame, was singing at the Kennedy Center that afternoon and she wanted to know if I would come with her. I told her that I didn't care if the Beatles were reuniting and they wanted me to sing all of John's parts, I wasn't going to miss the Florida/Georgia game. I never saw that girl again. I did see UF wallop the Dawgs 45-13.
1992: Maybe my favorite of all-time. Finally we got to deny the Dawgs a chance at the SEC crown. The Georgia faithful came in to the game expecting to gain some revenge on Steve Spurrier and the Gators for the past two year's whippings. When UGA ran 80 yards on their first offensive play, it certainly looked like they would. But UF fought back and with just over five minutes left the Gators led by nine. I was just starting to feel a little comfortable, until the Dawgs drove 70+ yards in only three plays to cut the lead to two. Now Georgia only needed to get the ball back and kick a field goal to win. Here we go again, I thought, but I would be wrong. Somehow the Gators managed to hold on to the ball and kill the remaining 5 minutes off the clock. Speaking of killing, I killed a few brain cells that night. I awoke the next morning with a hangover that could've killed two mules. That still didn't prevent me from getting up early in order to read the sports page.
1993: An emotional rollercoaster. With just seconds left in the game Georgia had just thrown a touchdown pass to draw within one point and were just a two point conversion away from winning. But hold the phone. UF's Anthone Lott had called a timeout just a split second before the play had begun and the Georgia TD was called back. With one last chance the Bulldog's Eric Zeier tossed a pass out of the corner of the endzone and I thought the game was over. But once again, hold everything, UF was called for pass interference and Georgia had one last shot. By this time, I'm on my knees, praying either for an incompletion or for a 10 ton boulder to come out of the sky, land on me and end my misery. Luckily, the boulder landed on Ray Goff as Zeier's last pass fell harmlessly to the ground.
1994: A friend of mine lives just a few blocks from Florida Field so I parked at his place and we began to have a tailgate party in his front yard. A huge rainstorm forced the party to move in to his garage. We didn't care, we had music, food and coolers full of beer. A little while later a Georgia fan walked in to the garage and asked if he could buy some of our beer. He was tailgating with his brothers and they'd run out. We gave him three beers and said we didn't want his money, but we did want his rain poncho. He thought for a moment and said, "Give me two more beers and it's yours". We did and off he ran to bring the brew to his siblings. We saw him walking in to the game with his brothers. They had ponchos, he did not, but for a soaking wet guy, he looked pretty happy. Something tells me he woke up the next morning with a hangover that could've killed a mule.
1995: Steve Spurrier became the first coach to score over 50 points against Georgia 'tween the hedges. Our last score still irks the Georgia faithful. They thought that Steve was running up the score when he called for a reverse with under five minutes left that led to our final TD. I was ticked at coach Spurrier following that play as well. I was angry he didn't try an onside kick on the ensuing kickoff!
1996: The game wasn't on locally in the DC area so I had to go watch it with the local Gator club. The club had arranged to get the satellite feed from CBS. About 15 minutes before the game, the rest of the country was watching scores and hi-lites from the day's games. But since we had a direct satellite feed, we were watching the CBS crew getting ready for the game. Most of the shots they were shooting were of the band or of fans, but they did get a few shots of UGA the bulldog. Normally I wouldn't bother to even tell this story. So they showed a couple of shots of a dog, so what? Well, I've watched a ton of TV in my life, and I've seen a lot of things, but I've never seen a dog peeing on a pile of ice and then licking it.
1997: We lost. It had been eight years since I'd felt that terrible feeling a loss to Georgia brings. Only time can heal that hell. To be honest I don't know if heal is the correct word. Time kind of just numbs the pain.
1998: We won. It was Halloween so I set up my portable TV by the door so I could watch the game while I gave out candy to the kiddies. When Doug Johnson caught the TD pass that clinched the win, I screamed so loud the little girl at my door dressed as Snow White began to bawl.
1999: For Georgia fans it was a windy, cold and rainy day in Jacksonville. For Gator fans it was a 30-14 postcard perfect afternoon.
2000: I discover that Georgia has added a new weapon to their arsenal. Sure they still bark and hunker, but now, every waking second leading up to kickoff they play "Who Let the Dogs Out?” Do you think Oregon tailgaters play "Disco Duck" during pregame festivities? Or LSU fans play "Year of the Cat" while tailgating? You know why they don't? Because those are stupid, mindless, insipid, crappy novelty songs. And just like those songs, "Who Let the Dogs Out?" is abrasive and obnoxious (which might explain why Bulldog fans can relate to it).
2001: We won 24-10, but the game was in doubt up until the final 90 seconds. This game answered the age-old question: How many Tums can one man go through in a 3 hour period. The answer: 8,934.
2002: I fully expected a Gator loss in this game. Georgia was undefeated coming in while we'd already lost three games (And we were a blocked chip-shot field goal away from entering the contest with three straight defeats and four overall). At times we tried to give the game to the Bulldogs with turnovers in the red zone as well as fumbles deep in our own territory. But it was Georgia who blew the game. Trailing by a touchdown with less than three minutes remaining, UGA quarterback David Greene launched a bomb to a wide open Terrence Edwards. For some reason the Georgia receiver thought there was a UF defender right behind him (In reality there wasn't a Gator defender within seven yards). He leaped and tried to shield his body away from the phantom Gator and in doing so took his eyes off the ball and thus wasn't prepared when the ball hit him squarely in his hands. I don't know what was the more beautiful sight, the ball falling harmlessly to the turf or Edwards lying on the ground holding his head in misery.
2003: Last week, my eight-year old son asked me about the movie The Exorcist. He’d heard that in the movie a young girl had the devil inside of her. He wanted to know what she looked like and why everyone said the film was so scary. I asked him if remembered how I looked doing last year’s Florida/Georgia game. He started trembling at the thought and ran out of the room sobbing.
I had so many emotions surge through my body during this game. I didn’t think we had much of a chance to win yet somehow we held them to a 3-3 tie at the half and with only 10 minutes remaining in the contest, we had a 10 point lead. I was beginning to think, we might win this thing! But silly me, I should’ve know that double-digit leads in the Ron Zook era can disappear faster than a pizza placed in front of Phil Fulmer. And just like that cheese crust pizza, the Gator lead was gone in a blink of an eye and the game was tied at 13-13. With his team reeling, Chris Leak led UF down the field and put them in position to kick the game winning field goal. As the kick traveled through the goalpost, I was so shocked I just stood there. If I wasn’t so stunned I would’ve cried.
2004: This had all the makings of a debacle from the start. The previous week, we'd lost to Mississippi State in a loss so bad it cost Ron Zook his job. The whole week leading up to the game was a mess with angry players and distractions at every turn. I thought there was no way we'd win this game and well into the second quarter it sure looked like I'd be correct. We were down 21-7 and the Bulldogs had the ball on our one yard line. But a funny thing happened, Georgia fumbled and things started to swing towards the orange and blue. Slowly we mounted a comeback. When Chris Leak found Billy Latsko open for a touchdown, the Gators were suddenly only down 24-21 with 12 minutes left in the game. But it was too good to be true. Georgia pulled away at the end, and for the first time since Seinfeld was on in primetime, we'd lost to the Bulldogs. I guess I should've been proud of the Gators' effort, but in this series, there's no such thing as a morale victory.
2005: Thank God for Tivo. When you reach a certain age, some events take precedence over the Cocktail Party, an event such as your son’s championship soccer game (at least that’s the line your wife feeds you all week to make you feel guilty as hell). I Tivoed the game and when I finally made it home about an hour into the game I unplugged all the phones and drew the curtains. After overcoming my initial reaction to vomit when I first saw the Gators jerseys with the orange arm, I was delighted to see UF jump to a 14-0 first quarter lead. I then held my breath for the games remaining 50 minutes as we held on for a 14-10 nail biter (thankfully bourbon has the same effect on me as Maalox does).
2006: I have two pet-peeves (actually I have numerous peeves, and to call these ones "pets" would be an insult to domestic animals all around the world). The first is directed at people who get married in the fall. Look, the spring is a wonderful time of year and much better suited to nuptials then the period between Labor Day and early December. Please don't give me that nonsense about, "But we scheduled it during a bye-week!" First off, not everyone who is invited to your wedding is going to have an alma mater that is off that Saturday. Secondly, you may think you're wedding date is clever, but what about the following Saturday when you are either on your honeymoon or coming back from it. Have you thought about how you going to watch that Saturday's game? Huh, that didn’t cross your mind did it?
Here's something else to chew on, your anniversary will occur every freakin' year for the rest of your life and it won't always fall on the proverbial bye week. Your lovely little wife is going to want to go out to some fancy restaurant on a Saturday night. The same Saturday night when your team is playing a night game in Baton Rouge, or Auburn or Knoxville. On your fifth anniversary the Mrs. may even want to go away for the weekend to some quaint little bed and breakfast. So quaint it doesn't have a television. You see, getting married in the fall not only leads to alienating friends and family it also is a one-way ticket to marital discord.
My second peeve is aimed at folks who have children born in the fall. Look if you want to be scheduling moon bounces, pony rides and putting out Hannah Montana plates and napkins on a college football Saturday that is your business. But when you invite my kid to the circus that is going on at your house during the Florida/Georgia game that is a different story. And please don't give me that line "But Chuck E. Cheese sells beer!" Look, I don't care if they sell Jaeger Bombs and bong hits; I want to be either at the stadium or in the privacy of my own home during a big game like the WLOCP.
I guess you see where this is leading; my daughter was invited to a birthday party at something called Tumbletown or Flip city or some other God-forsaken kid's place. To be honest I can't remember its actual name, but I know it wasn't Alltel Stadium.
I managed to drop her off just prior to kickoff and was comfortably back at home just minutes into the game. After the Gators returned a Georgia fumble to start the second half we had a 21-0 nothing lead and with the Bulldog offense running as efficiently as Britney Spears’ career, I figured it wouldn't be the end of the world if I had to listen to the game on the radio for a little bit while I picked her up. Now anyone who has kids knows that picking up a kid after a birthday party is never a simple feat. First off, the kid is super charged thanks to the cake, candy and 64 sodas they had while at the party. Secondly, when it comes time to go they will be missing their shoes. If not the shoes, it will be a jacket or a sweater or some other item that is mixed in with the jumble of clothing that is strewn all around the room. Finally, the kid doesn't want to go home. They're having fun and know that it will end as soon as they get in the car with good, old dad (especially when good, old dad is very likely to be screaming at the radio the entire drive home). It took what seemed like a week to get out of the place, and by the time I was back in the car Georgia had cut the lead to 21-7. Seconds later a Gator fumble set the Bulldogs up deep in Florida territory and it wasn't long before the score was 21-14. The thought of plowing directly into a telephone pole ran through my mind, but having my daughter in the backseat kept me from actually doing it (that and we still did have the lead).
After cutting a 21 point deficit to a mere touchdown, Georgia reverted back to their old stagnant offensive strategy and were unable to move the remainder of the game, and the Gators thankfully hung on for a win. A win that didn’t need to be that nerve-wracking.
2007: Oh God, what a depressing afternoon. People made a big stink out of Georgia players rushing the field after their first score. The reason most of my fellow Gators were ticked at Richt’s stunt was that it worked! If that’s what it took to get them motivated for the game, it sure went off as scheduled. We had over 50 minutes to display our disapproval during the remainder of the game, but we didn’t, and now a year later, we should let it rest. Look, a team normally takes on the demeanor of their coach. Marc Richt appears to be a decent enough person, but he is certainly not a fire and brimstone type. Hell, I often wonder if he is even awake during a game. In fact, the only time I’ve ever even seen him show any emotion was last year when he lobbied for Georgia to play in the BCS game. Even he realized it was a bunch of crap to consider a team that didn’t even win their conference division, and he looked like he was on the verge of busting out in laughter.
Regardless, his ploy was successful, and after Georgia’s first TD we played the remainder of the game in catch-up mode and thanks to the final outcome, the past 12 months have sucked.
The "Cocktail Party" is an appropriate term. For any normal Gator game against a good opponent, I'm usually too nervous to drink. I can't tell you the number of times I've brought in a 1/2 pint and never even opened the thing. You'd think for a Georgia game I'd be a nervous wreck (I am), but there's something about it that makes me join the party.
The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party is a truly unique event and both Gators and Bulldogs should feel lucky to be a part of it. It's a mini-bowl game right smack dab in the middle of the season. You can talk all you want about Ohio-State/Michigan, UCLA/USC or Texas/Texas A&M, but they don't compare. There is something incredibly special about this game. The neutral site, the history, the view of the sun setting over the St. Johns River from the Landing, the pageantry, the booze, it all adds up to one great big powerhouse of a weekend.
It's what college football is all about.
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