Off of Craigslist. This is such bullshit. What a piece of misogynist crap.

[Horse with no Name]

Yeah I REALLLY believe that college-aged girls can take care of you BETTER at $30 an hour and WHY do they need pictures?
This guy is a real shit. Something about karma comes to mind.

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/hea/295518098.html

WM, 39, coming to Glendale area for 2 nights in April, paralyzed from chest down, needs minor assistance in evenings for about 2 hours each night (bathing, etc). Hotels are not accessible enough for a single traveler...can't get into tubs, etc. Prefer college aged women needing extra cash. Will pay up to $30 per hour cash. Please reply with a photo, ONLY because I have had men reply in the past looking for "more than helping me" ...Thank you for your interest and reply.

[Hamlette]

1. could be another answer

I agree it sounds suspicious but being disabled changes your world view especially in terms of vulnerability. If you are alone in a hotel room you might fear someone could take advantage of you physically or rob you. He might not be physically capable of defending himself against a man. He might have had a bad experience.

[NashVegas]

4. College Age Girls Could Make a Heckufalot More

Than $30 per hour, if sex was the main point.

ALthough you DO have to wonder why he doesn't have a traveling companion for that.

[Warpy]

12. Then let him call an AGENCY

This is a sexual comeon. I'll bet the rent that the only thing paralyzed is his conscience.

[Lerkfish]

45. because paralyzed people can't want sex?

disabled people are sexual beings, being human and all.

[Horse with no Name]

50. I have no problem with that

But please, don't advertise for healthcare workers under healthcare settings. That is why they have personals.
I don't care how people get their kicks and I know many quads and paras do have companions.
But my profession isn't a dating service and I do take offense to someone trying to make it one.

[Warpy]

79. No, it's because college girls don't want RAPE

[Lerkfish]

80. um, I'll go along with you and say NO ONE wants rape.

I'm just a little uncomfortable with all the libelous claims being made on this guys, with a direct link to his ad, by peope who don't know him.

pervert, misogynist, rapist, etc.

several people have discussed OTHER possibilities than that in this thread.

1. I think we have a great deal more things to worry about, with KNOWN evils
2. if someone is concerned the ad is dangerous, report it to craigslist and then discuss it generally here if you want.

but the way the OP is constructed, its like they're daring people to track this person down and harrass them, without proof or knowledge of anything.

Since I HAVE worked with a paralyzed man, I suppose I have a little more compassion than some that this ad COULD be legit on some level. Sure, it could be bogus, too. But I'm not comfortable with gathering up pitchforks and torches and storming the castle based solely on this.

IMHO.

[gravity]

111. Maybe he just wants a sponge bath

Hell, if I am a paralyzed, I would prefer to be tended by a college age girl too.

It doesn't meant that he necessarily expects sex or anything to happen between them.

[Warpy]

175. He's asking for PICTURES

He's asking for SEX, and again, if anything is paralyzed on this dude, it's his conscience.

If he wanted care, he'd call an agency instead of suffering what an untrained person did.

I'm thinking Ted Bundy here. He used to do a crippled act to suck his victims in.

This guy does NOT get the benefit of the doubt.

[Madspirit]

58. I agree with OP

...because if he felt vulnerable and was just afraid of being able to defend himself, he doesn't sound like he could from a woman either, if her intent was to rob him or even physically abuse him. It's a crock because there are real services that can be checked out that offer nursing at home stuff.....
Lee

[havocmom]

169. If he fears for his personal safety AND legitimately needs help, he calls agencies

One does not call unknown, unsupervised college age women (be sure and send photo!) in a town one just travels to if they really need reliable help. There are bonded agencies which can be researched and trusted to provide care.

The guy is looking for a party, at best. At worst, any young lady in need of cash might disappear. There are such things as kidnappings.

Predator, not a man in need of real help in the evening.

Yes, I have worked with disabled too. They have resources to call for help and referral when traveling.

[MilesColtrane]

2. The great Karmic wheel works, sometimes in the same lifetime. n/t

[Bunny]

3. Well, if all he really wants is Attendant Care, he can plan ahead

and call some health agencies in the Glendale area and request services from a certified attendant care specialist. By requesting a picture, I'm thinking that he wants to be tended to by a young hottie, and any older and/or plainer women are not going to be hired by him. And I suppose he's entitled to that, but he really should just be more upfront about it.

[Iwasthere]

5. He doesn't have to be up front if he doesn't want to, not at all.

Put yourself in his shoes.

[Bunny]

16. Actually, I'm very good friends with a quadriplegic.

He's married and his wife tends to his hygiene needs, but if he were to have someone else do it, he would much prefer a pretty young co-ed. And, he would not be afraid to say so!

[NashVegas]

6. The Great And Wonderful Joy of Craig's List Personals

Is that people post, often truthfully, what they want.

In the anonymity of Craig's List, you aren't bringing a sheet of paper in for the head of Classifieds to approve and take your $20.

You may not like what they want, you may not approve of it.

But it is a fascinating peek into the human condition.

My local fave is a foot fetish guy.

[Horse with no Name]

9. This wasn't under personals

It was under healthcare jobs.:shrug:
But I agree--if you really want to walk on the wildside, visit the personals.:scared:

[NashVegas]

10. I See

But it was a good tangent, anyways.

[Skinner]

7. I have a hard time getting pissed off at a guy who is paralyzed from the neck down.

The poor guy is paralyzed and needs someone to help him get in and our of the tub. I'm not feeling particularly enthusiastic about judging him when I have never in my life walked in his shoes.

[Horse with no Name]

13. He is discriminating against others

and I'm sorry but disability doesn't give you a license to discriminate against qualified caregivers nor does disability give you freedom to sexually harass the young girls who are looking for a job. Did you not see that he implied that male caregivers would molest him? Please.
I've seen many people in his position and I have actually had to find caregivers for them. Never before have I seen such an obscene request. In my experience, the majority of men in his position actually request male caregivers and also in my experience I have never seen throngs of young college aged girls want to do a task such as this.

[slampoet]

27. So i have the right as a male caregiver to force female parapalegics to hire me?

PUUUULEEESE!!


Have you ever worked as a PCA?

[Horse with no Name]

29. Dude I have been a nurse for 20 years

and I was a PCA for several years prior to that. So tell me--have you?

[Lerkfish]

47. I'm trying to figure out here if your objection is that its misogynist or that it precludes you?

You seem to be equally upset with your perception of what he's asking for and that he's not asking for a professional like yourself to be an attendent.

Those seem wierdly contradictory. You think he's a pervert, but you think he's also not an equal opportunity employer pervert.

:shrug:

[Horse with no Name]

52. To start with

As a professional I would seek work with an agency.
Just like I would think if he were interested in quality nursing care, he would seek someone pre-screened through an agency to screen out the freaks and weirdos. If I were interested in the job, I also would want to protect myself by going through an agency to pre-screen the freaks and weirdos.
Yes I do think he is a pervert but on the off-chance that he is legit, he is discriminating and that is never okay. In fact, it is illegal.

[Lerkfish]

61. so, either way, you're upset with him enough to label him a pervert or a misogynist

if he's "legit", he's discriminatory
If he's seeking something else, he's a pervert.

:shrug:

I thought of a third possibility, as long as we're slamming the guy: he COULD be a homophobic, and the idea of some other guy touching him in the shower creeps him out. In fact, the way I read the ad, I think that's the most likely reason for it...I am not homophobic myself, but he makes reference to previous unwanted advances. If you are in fact paralyzed, you're not in a position to defend yourself against unwanted advances. Maybe he feels like if its a woman, even if he can't prevent her from inappropriate touching, at least its in the flavor he prefers.

but you know, I don't know the guy, so I have no right to label him based solely on this ad.

For the record, though, when I was a live-in attendant, I helped the guy in and out of the shower...yet I was a college student. I didn't need to be a nurse to do that. And no, I didn't make advances on him, but If I was inclined to, there's no way he could have prevented it. That's a great deal of surrendering control to another person. Not sure how I'd feel about it, in the same boat.

[DrunkenMaster]

125. So You Can't Specify a Female OB-GYN?

So you can't choose an OB-GYN for their gender or (if you were ever searched by the cops) a female officer for pat-downs?

Uhuh.

[slampoet]

131. I was a PCA for 5 years to the Head of the Rhode Island's advocacy group for the disabled.

I built wheelchair ramps for 2 years.
I worked tech support for the Kurzweil Reader for the blind as a temp job.
I was the "go to guy" providing tech support to visually impaired users at a professional audio company for 3 years.
For 7 years I was a professional reader of books and periodicals for the visually impaired including 4 years in a recording studio. Some disabled people actually still recognize my voice from that time.
One year, I provided hospice care for my late uncle until he passed away in our family home.

My oldest friend describes herself as a "Sexy Gimp with a great ass" and has green crutches to match her hair. My wife's step-father was disabled. My father took care of paralyzed veterans during Vietnam and afterwards. He and my mother are both in healthcare to this day.


So I've been a lot of things besides working PCA until something better came along.

[Lerkfish]

37. I used to be an attendent for a man paralyzed from the neck down

he had some random muscle function in a few places, due to polio.

He taught me this:

People have two drastically incorrect views of disabled people. either they're horrible ogres, or beautific saints.
The problem with both of those stereotypes is that neither one of them involve an object of sexual desire.
His point was that until you view the disabled as sexual beings, you have not viewed them as human.

If he's paralyzed, he's in no position to harrass them sexually except verbally I suppose.

I'm not really sure why this request outrages you that much.
He might want college students because they're more flexible in scheduling. He might want them because he's lonely, company-wise, not sex wise, and prefers people in a certain group.

Or, he might prefer a young good-looking woman take care of him :shrug:

Of all the things to get upset about, I don't see this as all that harmful.

IMHO

[High Plains]

This reaction to the ad seems way, way overblown.

[High Plains]

43. self-delete, dupe

[Raskolnik]

98. "Never before have I seen such an obscene request"!?!?

I didn't realize this was your first day on the internet.

Welcome.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

124. Wow. I Mean, Wow. Ok, Let's Have A Shot At This:

"He is discriminating against others"

He's entitled to. Any time anyone makes a choice they're technically discriminating against something. In this case, discriminating merely means applying parameters rather than just any and all. Since this is dealing with quite a private and potentially uncomfortable situation, I don't find anything unreasonable about applying parameters to the choice whatsoever.


"and I'm sorry but disability doesn't give you a license to discriminate against qualified caregivers"

You're right... It doesn't. Being an individual human being does. Again, this is an immensely private and potentially uncomfortable situation. The person in question has every right to decide for himself who he is or isn't comfortable with. Personally, that choice is none of your business and technically isn't even up for you to judge. But he absolutely has the right to pick and choose just based on being an individual alone. You attempt to put forth a premise that as individuals we shouldn't have any choices in who we do or don't choose in different situations. A premise that says anyone at all who can technically perform the task should be acceptable no matter what. But I find that premise ridiculous. Of course as private citizens we have a choice and to expect or demand otherwise is absurd and unrealistic.


"nor does disability give you freedom to sexually harass the young girls who are looking for a job."

See, now this is where I find your attacks on this person to cross the line of disgusting. You have ZERO substance to go by to make such a character attack on someone you know nothing about. You have nothing to provide to lend credence to your claim that he has or may sexually harass anybody. I shake my head at the ability to attack someone who may be innocent with such harsh words.


"Did you not see that he implied that male caregivers would molest him? Please."

That statement is twisting reality. He implied no such thing. What he did do was state factually that he has received many sexual requests from men so now wants to exclude the group altogether thereby minimizing the chances of having to weed through those types of offers thereby wasting his time. This is also perfectly understandable. But that's not implying whatsoever that male caregivers would molest him. He's simply minimizing the frequency of which he has to deal with those types of replies by further limiting the parameters.


"I've seen many people in his position and I have actually had to find caregivers for them."

So? What does that actually mean? Anything?


"Never before have I seen such an obscene request."

Ummmmmm, alllllrighty then.


"In my experience, the majority of men in his position actually request male caregivers"

Inherent within your statement itself is the implication that some in fact didn't request men. Well, there ya go. Individuals are individuals for a reason.


"and also in my experience I have never seen throngs of young college aged girls want to do a task such as this."

At some point you must come to understand that the world is bigger than your experience alone...

[opiate69]

140. Ladies and Gents..mark your calendars.. Opiate69 agrees with OMC

;) :toast:

[GoneOffShore]

171. Well done OMC!

:applause:

I'm not adding anything, cause you said it all.

[noamnety]

15. I don't have a problem with judging him

There is no reason a 40 year old man needs college aged women specifically - with photos - to do health care for him. And there is no reason his race needs to be specified.

If he specified he was a white man - and then asked for a black person, either gender - to bathe him, you'd likely see he was racist. And even though you never walked in his shoes, I'm betting you'd be okay with judging him.

But exploitation of women is so normalized in this culture that we're trained not to see it, even when it's right in front of our faces.

[RagingInMiami]

19. Self-Delete

[schrodingers_cat]

187. Yep, I agree lwfern...I think that we can distill it to this........

That ad makes my BS detector go off the charts, as it does to a number of other women here. Plain and Simple. We've heard it ALL before. YAWN. When I was living 'unofficially'in another country for a few years, I ran an ad for odd jobs. That language didn't have a gender neutral self identifyer, so anyone who read it knew that I was a woman. You cannot even imagine the requests I recieved. 10 lurid for every legit one that called. Talk about VEXING.
So please, until you've been on MY side of the fence, I don't want to hear it.

[RagingInMiami]

22. I think "walked in his shoes" is the wrong metaphor in this case

But I agree with you. The man has the right to request pictures and college-aged women just as any college-aged woman has the right to respond to his ad.

[Lex]

38. The issue isn't so much him needing help getting in and out of the tub.

It's his 'need' for college age young women with photos to help him get in and out of the tub.

Of course, he probably just wants to make sure they are athletic and strong enough to help him in and out of the tub, so that's why he needs a photo. ;-)

[bicentennial_baby]

56. Thank you

My dad is totally paralyzed, and frankly, he'd probably would prefer a young woman as well. And he's happily married man with 3 children. And not a perv.

:hi:

[phylny]

162. How is a man who is paralyzed from the chest down going to get in and out of

a tub without the help of a very strong man?

I can't see THAT happening. Unless he has tremendous use of/strength in his arms, he's going to be dead weight.

If he wants companionship or more, he should post as such. If he wants a healthcare worker, he should ask the agency to send over someone strong.

[havocmom]

170. DING DING DING!

Yep

[Marie26]

194. Are we sure about that?

No. I'd certainly NEVER answer such an ad, nor should any woman, really. A stranger wants to obtain someone's picture & name before inviting them to an unknown location. It could be perfectly innocent, but it could be a potentially dangerous situation.

[valerief]

8. Duh, it's pretty obvious what he wants. Whoever responds will know what to expect. nt

[Horse with no Name]

14. No what he needs to do is place an ad in the personals section

that he wants young, attractive women to do whatever tasks he needs done and he will compensate them accordingly. As a healthcare provider, I find this degrading to the ones who are qualified to assist with the ADL's for thousands of clients who are unable to do for themselves.
Just a little honesty is all that is required. I don't care how people get their kicks but they should do it honestly.

[valerief]

30. I think he wants both services. nt

[SemperEadem]

101. have you written him and told him as much?

After all, we can't make him pull the ad or post something honest enough to your satisfaction. Complain to craigslist or complain to your state's law enforcement agencies.

If a young college aged woman doesn't want to earn $30/hr by helping him out, no one is forcing her to answer the ad.

[Beaverhausen]

11. He might want the photo to confirm that the respondant is female

IMHO, he would do well to ask for nursing students.

[Horse with no Name]

17. He sounds like a perv

Most of us nurses are trained to look for that. Highly doubt he would find a nursing student to do this and the fact that he wouldn't EVEN consider a male nurse is disgusting.

[Beaverhausen]

24. What if he had inquired at a nursing school?

My boyfriend is a nurse -his main patient is man who is also paralyzed. I think you might be making a little too much of this.

[Horse with no Name]

28. Not at all

This man wouldn't even consider a qualified male or a qualified older caregiver.
How would your boyfriend feel if his client fired him simply because he was a male?

[Beaverhausen]

34. If this guy had gone to a health agency I think he might take whoever they sent

He choose, for whatever reason, to hire someone privately. That, I think, is where he is wrong.

And believe me, his client has all sorts of reasons why he will fire nurses. When you are talking about paralyzed people and their healthcare, I say they should be allowed to have choices.

[Madspirit]

69. I don't mind the sex preference

He should be able to choose the sex he feels most comfortable with. This isn't about the nurse's feelings. The ad still sounds suspicious to me because there are companies, businesses, that do just this and he could probably have gotten a recommendation from a hospital.

I have no problem with him feeling more comfortable with one sex or the other. I only go to women doctors because I am a woman and it's who I feel most comfortable with. I still don't trust this particular man because why doesn't he go through a nursing service. He could still state his preference. ...and the picture part kind of clinches it for me. After all, if someone was trying to fool him, they could get a picture of a woman. The picture part absolutely clinches it for me. He doesn't want nursing care. He wants something else.
Lee

[Oak2004]

161. I am a disabled person getting attendant care through an agency

*and* I am hoping to transfer to the self-directed option available to me -- i.e., to hire my own people -- as soon as my current primary aide (who is just as disgusted with the agency as I am) leaves the agency in the next year or so.

These agencies you tout as somehow ideal are anything but. They often tolerate poor care and even defend reckless behaviors of their employees. I don't know how many times I've been told that my demands that PCAs follow standard kitchen sanitation practices has been either dismissed as unreasonable or I have been told that any failures on their part are because *I* have the obligation to train them -- of course they won't listen to me because I'm not their employer, and I've been told as much by many of them. This one example, kitchen sanitation, is no abstract consideration: I've gotten food poisoning from my aides' negligence. I could go on to talk about the disappearing objects around the house (problem dismissed by the agency), dismissal of access matters (it's apparently copacetic with the agency when aides rearrange the house to suit themselves even if that means they put essential items out of my reach and block wheelchair access between rooms), violate privacy by disclosing my health informationwithout a release (to nonmedical persons I was in a dispute with, no less!), etc.

And of course there's the probably-illegal restrictions (this is funded with Medicaid funds) the agency has put on assisting me with ADLs and IADLs when I am engaging in political activism they do not approve of (no, I'm not talking about dragging them to protests-- I can't do that sort of stuff, being homebound-- we're talking about things like taking out the mail if it contains what they deem inappropriate content. This was their response to some research I did getting some coverage in the local paper over a corruption issue). Mind you they haven't decided I can't be assisted at all while engaged in political activism, just that they have to approve of what I'm doing before I can be assisted. Not going after locally powerful corrupt people is, I presume, one of their criteria.

No, I'm not making unreasonable demands upon my PCAs. Prior to becoming disabled I was a certified home health aide. I've got a pretty good idea of the distinction between reasonable and unreasonable, and now a pretty good glimpse into the other half of why I always much preferred working privately to working for an agency. It's the agency who sees client needs and client safety as secondary to the agency's convenience, and who sees client rights as just a quaint piece of paper. And the problem is not a novel one: time and again I witnessed this kind of unethical behavior when I worked for agencies.

So going through an agency will not necessarily get you better care (in fact the agency's vaunted screening let through someone who set all of my alarm bells ringing the moment I set eyes on her (someone I would *never* have hired) who subsequently robbed both myself and her other client). It may just get you a bureaucracy standing between you and your aides, defending negligence and misconduct on the one hand and stripping you of the normal authority to control what happens in your own home, with your own body, and to speak out for what you believe in.

Sorry for the run-on sentences. I usually write better than this, but it is late, and I'm not fully resisting the urge to try to stick six years of near-daily issues into a single sentence.

[skygazer]

72. Why is it disgusting?

You keep saying it's discriminatory but I don't see that. A lot of women prefer to see a female gynecologist - is that discriminatory against male gynecologists?

This guy may be uncomfortable having a man taking care of his personal needs. Why? Well, maybe as another poster stated, he's homophobic. Or maybe, because of a cultural bias that's been around a long time, he's used to female nurses.

And maybe he'd rather have someone attractive helping him out. So what? I have a hard time blaming the guy for that.

[Bucky]

180. Well sure he's a perv. But then again, who would seriously reply to an ad like this & NOT know that?

His intent is impossible to miss. He's paying for some female fondlage. Not the most honorable thing, but it's what he's comfortable with and whoever responds to such an ad will understand what she's getting into. I'm not comfortable with this, but then again I don't do this. I won't blame other grown ups for negotiating whatever arrangements they want to come to.

[Catherine Vincent]

18. Why does he need a photo?

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

20. I Saw Nothing Misogynistic Nor Anything Objectionable About This. I Can't Help But Think

that you are judging him too harshly and twisting his intent into something it's not. I find it perfectly reasonable and innocent the things he requested.

Sure, if someone wanted to they could totally twist his intent into an agenda that absolutely will whip some up into a frenzy, but if his intent is maintained with an objective and fair view I'm sure that most would agree it is perfectly fine.

[Horse with no Name]

21. We all aren't you. n/t

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

31. Nor Do You Need To Be In Order To Understand My Point Of View.

Intent can be twisted and demonized and sometimes people see what they want to see rather than what truly is there. But I'm confident that if one looks at the ad with fair objectivity they would deduce that it is innocent and not something deserving of judgment and anger.

You should always be careful in deducing such things; as such judgments of another can have consequences.

In this case, you may be taking a perfectly innocent and pure handicapped man and demonizing him online with intent to get others judging him harshly as well. You could possibly be taking an innocent person and attacking their character harshly, while also being a catalyst for others to attack him, due solely on your judgments of his intentions. When such an outcome or consequence has the potential to occur one should be especially careful in their objective process prior to putting forth that character attack. Are you sure you did such here? Can you be confident that this potentially innocent and pure-intentioned handicapped person is deserving of your character attack and possibly attacks from others buying your point of view? Are you certain you aren't twisting his intent into something you want to see rather than what truly is there? If you aren't certain; if you may have jumped the gun a bit; if you aren't confident he deserves your judgment; then I hope you would agree that it would be a pretty shitty thing to do to someone to put forth the character attack anyway.

In this case, I can't help but thinking the attack is unwarranted and a smear on an innocent person. It does leave a bad taste in my mouth to see such things here; as we should never attack the innocent or even likely innocent.

Peace,

OMC

[Horse with no Name]

36. Most of the physically challenged people that I am acquainted with

seek only the same level of acceptance and rights as anyone else. They don't want less. They don't want more. They just want the same.
I would judge ANYONE just as harshly for this ad regardless of physical ability.
Any other "job" whose requirements were "college aged females" would be glared on with scrutiny.
If he simply wanted good care, he would consider ALL applicants and would go through a reputable nursing agency for his own safety and not be advertising on craigslist.
But I will tell you...ANY Nursing Agency would tell him that they would not be able to meet his demands because it is discriminatory.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

39. I Don't Believe It To Be Your Right To Dictate Through Judgment Who He Should Feel Comfortable With.

I'm of the standing that he gets to decide that for himself. I just continue to find your attempts at demonizing him to a degree to be quite distasteful. But carry on.

[Horse with no Name]

40. Ahhh this feels good

Been a long time coming.:hi:

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

44. It Feels Good To Attack The Character Of Someone Potentially Innocent? Are You For Real?

Some days on DU I just can't believe the shit I read on here. But whatever. See ya.

[Bake]

128. Geez ... time to switch to decaf!

I really don't see this as a big deal, and it's certainly not misogynistic (you DO know what that means, right?).

Bake

[The Straight Story]

49. If it were a woman who only wanted a female to help her, would it be bad?

The defense would be something along the lines 'well, she feels more comfortable around them and doesn't want a man handling her because she will be naked, etc'.

Maybe this guy is gay, for example, and feels more comfortable with women.

Hell, maybe he just wants to leer. Can't blame a person for that :) my wife says if we ever hire help around the house as she gets worse she wants one of them spartans... :rofl:

[lukasahero]

54. Bad logic

The same scenario would be a woman who only wanted young college men to take care of her. And I think those of us who are making the assumptions in this case might make the same assumptions in that one.

Part of me is wondering why the gay community here isn't speaking up on this thread since, it seems to me, this ad is more homophobic than misogynistic.

[Horse with no Name]

71. Me too.

There is a lot wrong with it.
It's odd the response to it.

[gravity]

114. It's the same reason women wouldn't want a strange man

coming to their house to give them a sponge bath. Strange men are creepy, and you don't know what their motivations are.

A woman is a lot more trustworthy in these types of situations. You don't feel like you are being taken advantage of, and if you do, you probably won't care that much anyways.

[lukasahero]

117. "you probably won't care that much anyways"

Therein lies my issue with so many of the points defending this. There's so much here, I'm not sure where to begin.

Who cares if she rapes him, all guys want sex all the time so it can't be rape, right?

A young pretty college woman couldn't possibly do anything to hurt someone, especially a man who needs someone to help him bathe, right?

As long as she signed up for the job he should be able to ogle her all he wants, he's paying for it, right?

What's a little touchy-feely, she should have known what she was getting in to by the ad, right?

[TahitiNut]

118. "A woman is a lot more trustworthy"?

:wow:

[slampoet]

23. Nice to see you pick on cripples first.

The disabled are sexually abused at a rate greater than the general public and your amazing ignorance is sickening.


Lets see you tie your legs to a chair and invite a stranger you've never seen into your hotel room in a strange city where you don't know anyone!

[Horse with no Name]

25. Your use of the term "cripple" is much more offensive than anything I said

You don't know me and have no idea about me.
I have no ignorance about this subject and if this man wasn't looking for kicks, he would call a qualified nursing agency instead of advertising on craigslist.
I have never in my life "picked on a cripple" so sell your shit somewhere else.

[slampoet]

35. You kicked a man who can't bathe himself and now want to argue about somantics?

To Quote Oscar Wilde "We already know what kind of woman you are, now we're just haggling about price."


You can try to hide your sins in the dictionary but you are picking on someone who can't defend himself, in a place where he won't find you to people who aren't directly concerned.

I used the Term "Cripple" to goad you into complaining about the word.



You're not part of the disability community because if you were you'd realize that the TOTAL loss of privacy is the first this to go out the window when a person becomes disabled.



Everyone on this list will become disabled if you live long enough.


I just hope than none of you has to have someone else hire the person who bathes you.

[Bucky]

181. Semantics. "Somantics" would be a topic dealing with sleep.

Which may or may not apply to the situation under discussion.

[lukasahero]

26. Given the rate of young female teachers being arrested for sexual molestation these days

I would think the gentleman in the ad might be safer with a college age male. Just sayin'.

On the other hand, if he were to call a legitimate health care services agency that deals with these situations all the time, he would at least have access to the references of the people who would be caring for him. This ad is bogus, sorry.

[valerief]

32. I'll bet the female predator teachers make up only 2% of all the predator teachers. nt

[lukasahero]

42. Guess I forgot the sarcasm emoticon

Bu I thought that would be obvious.

[valerief]

82. Aw, it was. I was just po'ed at seeing yet another nooze story today

about a female teacher predator (on an 18-year-old boy). Absolutely, it's criminal, but sensationalizing only the women predators when the men predators so far outnumber the women is just plain annoying. The NAMBLAesque activities of American men are so prevalent and yet are buried under the comparatively infrequent predatory female incidents. Guess we're supposed to forget about the predatory priests this way.

[lukasahero]

87. I hear you

I was using it for just that reason. The insinuation that this it's fine that this guy might "just want to leer" is all part and parcel of the same story. I don't expect that to be understood here because nuance isn't a big seller in these parts but I thought I'd put it out there anyway. I'm guessing you will get where I'm coming from.

[bicentennial_baby]

57. Bingo!

:applause:

[jumpoffdaplanet]

33. Since I know a 50yr old woman going to college

Does that mean I should forward the ad to her to apply?

She could use $30hr.

[Marrah_G]

41. We now search Craigs list for things to offend us?

Craigs list and AOL message boards can keep those with a need to be offended happy 24/7/365!

The world is full of shit we find offensive, try taking a deep breath, count to ten and then think about the truly important things we need to worry about in this time of chaos.

[lukasahero]

46. Since the OP is a health care worker

and the ad is seeking health care services, perhaps she was just looking at work in her field? I know it's so much more exciting to envision the agenda but...

[slampoet]

48. I have written the gentleman in question and sent him a link to this thread.

I figured he shouldn't be treated like a second class citizen.


Your baloney passive-aggressive BS is more insulting than anything. It really is too bad that you're so intimidated by the disabled that you can't talk to them. You like to say that you are judging him like an able-bodied person. So from that i conclude that you go around behind the backs of everyone in your life. You are sad.


His legs don't work and apparently you think that he's also Mute, Deaf, or Blind and apparently morally disabled too.

[Catherine Vincent]

53. Geeze, that was very dumb.

:eyes:

[Horse with no Name]

55. Yep it was.

I hope it buys a pizza for the "concerned".
I guess I won't ever post a link in this place anymore.

[slampoet]

59. I guess you really were embarressed to say it to his face then.

You really are scarred of the mean man in the wheelchair aren't you?

And did you complain to Craigslist about this post?


Typical.

You'd rather express anger (to the choir) than fix problems.



If the gentleman had bad motive he will remove his post. If not he will possible contact DU and Cragslist to clarify his reasoning...

Either way it's a positive result.



And you not posting is the frosting on top.

[Horse with no Name]

60. Actually I did alert to craigslist

But what you did was obscene.

[slampoet]

62. Talking about the disabled like they aren't in the room is the real obscenity

If you can't confront anyone directly then you are asking others to do your work for you.

[Horse with no Name]

64. It's a discussion board

We discuss.
I don't know the man's name. I didn't make it personal.
You, however, made it personal.
That is pure disgraceful.

[slampoet]

70. Disability is alway personal

If you were you'd know.

[Lerkfish]

75. Or, if you had half a heart and worked as an attendant, you'd know, too.

like me.

it affected me a great deal, and allowed me to view people, not just disabled people, as more human.

unfortunately, it doesn't work for everyone.

[Lerkfish]

73. well, you did link directly to this person's ad...not sure how that is any better than

not using the guy's name.

You could have simply described or quoted the ad, but you went the extra mile to include the link, which likely opened him up to the possibility of being contacted directly by people in this thread....oh by golly, that's exactly what happened!

[cherokeeprogressive]

102. "I think he's a pervert." That's not personal?

On the other hand, if you were calling ME a pervert, I'd thank slampoet for cluing me in.

[Horse with no Name]

65. Why did you edit your post?

Why don't you say that you called me out and said that EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT ME KNOW?
You do know it's poor form to insult someone and then take it away.

[Lerkfish]

74. Hey! I edited some posts, too!

I'm feeling left out in the flailing mass-judgmentalism orgy.

:dunce:

[slampoet]

77. I edited my post because i'm dislexic

Stop making fun of my disability

[Catherine Vincent]

63. I didn't know we had snitches at DU.

"Psst. Click this link and read this message board and look at what people are saying about you!" LOL!

[Lerkfish]

76. which snitch are you referring to?

the OP who snitches on the craigslist ad, complete with link, or the person who lets the ad placer in on the discussion?

Personally, in this instance, I'd have preferred no direct link in the OP, which would have protected the privacy of an individual not a member whose identity was breached without their permission.

[Catherine Vincent]

83. What the OP did was not snitching being that the ad is public.

You must have been a hall monitor in school.

[Lerkfish]

86. interesting projection

although you do have a point about the ad being public, now that you frame it that way.

of all the people in this thread, *I'm* the one you liken to a hall monitor?

ironic.

[Catherine Vincent]

93. Yes, you. The other one is a snitch. :)

[Lerkfish]

103. as I said, ironic.

but apparently, the irony is lost on you.

[SemperEadem]

106. this is a public message board just like craigslist

it isn't email. Therein lies the difference in your scenario.

[JackRiddler]

112. This is a public board... to keep your electronic lynch mob private, start a private list... n/t

[Bake]

129. And DU is NOT public?

How do you figure that? It's a freakin' discussion board! Of course it's public!

Bake

[Catherine Vincent]

143. I didn't say DU wasn't public.

[SemperEadem]

105. I disagree--I think that it is quite fair for him to read what you've written here

you are very sure of your position, based in speculation, for being offended by what he wrote; you won't take it to him and confront him about it since it bothers you that much, but instead you want to confront him indirectly by assailing his character behind his back instead of finding out from him exactly what his intent is.

I say it's quite fair for slampoet to use the link YOU PROVIDED to let this man know that you are running him down like trash in the street. You're grown enough to start this thread, be grown enough to stand behind it and back up what you've written.

[mondo joe]

116. Why was that obscene? You made a post in a public forum.

Of course I wouldn't want to be associated with your post either, if it were mine.

[Balbus]

167. Yeah, because it's a lot easier to post stupid shit when...

the person you're posting stupid shit about doesn't have a chance to read it, huh? Bet you feel like a fuckhead now...

[LoZoccolo]

66. Nice!

:thumbsup:

[Marie26]

97. Oh man

Why do that? That's the most offensive thing anyone could do here - so you forwarded a paralyzed man a thread that contained many insults & slams.... as a favor? How would seeing that likely make him feel? Probably embarrassed, angry & upset. All to make some elusive point in an anonymous discussion board. Well done.

[JackRiddler]

156. On the contrary...

Assuming the ad is on the up and up, this isn't the first time he will have encountered a heartless attitude to his plight. He's an adult too. Let him see the debate in the open. He might gather some practical tips on how to phrase his ad in the future so that it a) works, b) does not inspire insanity on the part of those searching the Internet for things to be offended by.

[Marie26]

192. And c.)

If this person is not really paralyzed at all, but merely posting in the hopes of luring some woman to a strange hotel room, he'll now know the jig is up.

[JackRiddler]

199. I certainly do not deny the possibility!

Any Internet solicitation, no matter from whom about what on its face, is to be taken as a hoax/lure/trap until proven otherwise. That applies to everything!

This discussion has proceeded on the OP's initial taking of the ad at face value as being from a real quadriplegic looking for the caregiving services of college-age women. Anything I've said is also based on that assumption.

So either way, I think it was right to let the fellow know - real, he's adult and can take care of himself, whereas fake, as you say, he's been warned accordingly.

[Balbus]

168. Fucking awesome!!

:toast:

[Raven]

51. Two "blessed" flamewars in one day???

Wow. The ad did raise my eyebrow but giving the guy the benefit of the doubt, maybe the wording was awkward, on the other hand, could be a real setup and he could be a real predator.

[JackRiddler]

67. I find your reaction hard-hearted, hysterical and bizarre.

It's possible this ad is bogus, as is possible with ANY classified ad. That's why people have to be cautious and make sure every detail checks out before venturing forth anywhere, in response to any ad.

Assuming, however, this is genuine, then the man has every right to make the request and to require whatever he wants in the way of a caregiver, and any potential respondents are free to respond. It's certainly none of your business or the occasion for a public crusade. Disgusting.

[Horse with no Name]

68. Likewise!

:thumbsup:Have a "blessed" day.

[frogcycle]

141. roger that

my best friend is a quadriplegic eom

[ruiner4u]

78. the crime is only 30 an hour...

any respectable whore makes 100













































:sarcasm:

[Bucky]

183. Hey!

What's semi-respectable go for?

[Ghost in the Machine]

81. I see nothing wrong with this at all. The man is attempting to PURCHASE

A SERVICE, and he wants what he wants. Is it any more discriminatory than going to a car dealership and wanting a brand new, BLUE American made automobile? Would that make me discriminatory towards other colors? Against foreign made vehicles? Personally, I won't own a car unless it's a '69-'73 camaro,'65-'69 mustang, '74 barracuda or '74 challenger with a 440, Six Pack & ragtop.

If you hired a clown for a birthday party, would you want a rodeo clown to show up, or a clown that sings, does magic and makes balloon animals?

As a white, 85% disabled hetero male, my thinking is this: If I am going to pay someone to come give me a bath, you can bet the farm that I want someone who looks like Paris Hilton instead of someone who looks like Barbara Bush... again, I'm paying for it, and I want what I want. As far as being sexist, I don't see that either. I don't want another man touching or bathing me. I'm not homophobic, and I don't think it will make me gay, but I just have the right to feel that way, and to decide who touches my body and who doesn't. It's my body afterall, right??

As far as him listing it in the health services, maybe all he really wants is for some hot young CNA to come bathe him, and figures he'd get a more professional response from there.

:hi:

Ghost

[lukasahero]

88. When people are compared to cars, the argument loses a little strength

You know, women really do get it - our value comes from our looks, not our qualifications. The constant reinforcement of the idea really isn't necessary.

The "hot" young teacher, Valeria Plame is "hot", Ann Coulter is not. Doesn't matter what we do: patriot, zealot, rapist, hero - it all comes down to whether or not we look good enough to fuck. We get it already.

[Lerkfish]

90. wow. just wow.

this thread seems to me to be flamefest between those who wish to discriminate against women and those who wish to discriminate against the disabled.

no one wins.

[lukasahero]

94. I don't see the discrimination against the disabled here that you do

No one here is saying the disabled don't have a right to the gender preferences - we're taking issue with the preference of only college aged women who have to supply a photo (read: pretty enough).

FTR, I don't believe this guy is disabled - I think it's a scam to lure young women into a potentially dangerous situation. If he is disabled, he has lots of options to get the care he needs AND truly be safe in doing so IF that's the reason for his photo request.

As has been mentioned here frequently, anyone can send him a photo of anyone but a reputable health care services company could honor his gender request while also ensuring his safety by having screened potential applicants.

Even if he is disabled, why is it discriminatory to question his intentions? Are the disabled above all reproach? I thought they were equally as human as every one else.

[Lerkfish]

104. I'm not the only one expressing that concern

not sure if you're reading the same thread I am.

[lukasahero]

107. And I'm not the only one expressing concern from my perspective

While that may make us even, it makes neither one of us particularly right.

[Lerkfish]

108. not sure if you understand my position, frankly.

but that's ok. I'll allow neither one of us may be particularly right.

[The Straight Story]

89. Ya know, we cut people who drown their kids a lot of slack, but a disabled guy

wanting to see a pretty girl that he is paying (as you so well laid out in your post I might add) to render a service is somehow bad.

[lukasahero]

96. Yes, as opposed to wanting someone qualified to take care of him

Heaven forbid a woman simply be able to do the job required rather than be his little object to ogle.

[Horse with no Name]

109. Yes definitely.

ANYONE who wants to objectify women is A-OKAY. We should quit discussing it. After all, we shouldn't differentiate between physically able or disabled folks. So if it is okay for one subset, it is okay for all subsets.:sarcasm:
AND we should also equate someone who has a total mental break with someone who wants to objectify women. After all, there is no difference except for the fact that BOTH viewpoints have sexist undertones.
Sometimes I wake up and wonder.

[Madspirit]

84. Response to the OP

I think the response to the OP is ridiculous. She isn't picking on the disabled nor is she not respecting this person's privacy. The person advertised publicly. It is not private if it's on Craig's list. I have no problem with the guy preferring one sex over the other because I also do when I seek health care. I just don't trust the ad. Why doesn't he go through a health service. A woman can abuse him or steal from him as easily as a guy can. If he's scared of that why isn't he going to a reputable nursing service? ...and why does he ask for a picture. Anyone can get a picture and it proves nothing to him. We don't even know if the poor fellow is really a poor fellow or a sex creep. We don't know if he is disabled and you talk about being unfair to the disabled...well, I think condescension is equally unfair and it's condescending to not hold him to the same behavioral standards as we hold the non-disabled. I might believe him if he was going through a nursing agency and didn't ask for the stupid-assed photograph. THAT makes it unbelievable, in my opinion because, as I already said, anyone can get a photograph. It proves nothing to him. I don't trust the ad any more than the OP does.
Lee

[cgrindley]

85. Why shouldn't a person

have the right to being comfortable? Would you force a male police officer on a female suspect for a pat down? Would you force a male gynecologist on a woman for a PAP test? This is silly.

I won't get a massage from a guy. I don't like guys doing my nails. I don't feel comfortable around female doctors. I could care less about the sex of my dentist or hairdresser but I find that men charge about 30% more for the sort of styling and coloring I like. The sex of my waiters doesn't matter. Umm...

Why shouldn't someone be able to have a preference?

[The Straight Story]

91. Well, the sex of the waiter might matter, if you're at hooters :)

You sure as hell don't want to see me dressed like that bringing food to your table, you probably would lose your appetite :rofl:

[cgrindley]

92. I would totally go to Hooters if guys had to dress like that

I like drag cafes a great deal, but usually the food is a little on the pricey side. Beers and wings and guys in drag--now that's more like it.

[The Straight Story]

95. Never been to a drag cafe

Maybe we should open one called 'hairy hooters' :)

[Raskolnik]

99. Who exactly is he hurting?

If he was hurting someone or attempting to trick vulnerable people into a sexual situation, I would agree that this is distasteful to put it mildly. We have absolutely no evidence of that, however, other than your supposition.

If he prefers to have a certain type of person help him with his personal needs, what possible business is it of yours to stomp around telling him he's not allowed?

[ecstatic]

100. If the author of the ad is reading this, please get your phonebook

And look up a Home Health care provider/nursing agency, that has bonded and insured staff. You'll most likely end up paying way less than $30/hr as well.

[gravity]

110. But your chances of getting a college age girl are less

[treestar]

113. I don't think he's going to get any responses

I can't even picture the college girl who'd want to respond to this ad, especially with the picture requirement.

If that sounds like I fail to see the disabled as sexual beings, so be it. Ugly people or overweight people aren't seen as sexual beings by common people either. Short men, tall women, older women, homeless men, people with prison records. Plenty of people are pretty much getting only scraps in this department of life. We can't all be Pamela Anderson.

[mondo joe]

115. I can't see begrudging a person paralyzed from the chest down whatever comfort he or she

wants. As long as everyone is upfront about the interaction, I don't care.

[lukasahero]

119. The question is

is he being upfront about it? He says in the ad the "ONLY" reason he wants a picture is to protect himself.

I'm in complete agreement with you IF everyone is upfront about the interaction.

[mondo joe]

122. I don't think anyone can know. And I don't know that the possibilities are that

mutually exclusive.

[Horse with no Name]

120. Which is exactly my point

Ask for what you want and be done. Don't disguise it as "healthcare". If you want to objectify a woman and pay her $30/hr...tell her that is what you want to do.
Everybody involved should have a right to decide if it is an arrangement they are comfortable with.

[mondo joe]

121. I don't see what's unclear about his ad.

He's probably looking for what he says he's looking for. If there's more that would be rather obvious.

[WernhamHogg]

123. It does seem like the guy made a mistake advertising in the "healthcare" section.

I think the objection about the ad comes from the fact that it was
placed in the "healthcare" section. If the man is actually disabled
and is looking for someone to help him with a bath or anything
else NOT sexual, there are many agencies which can easily
help him who will STILL allow him to pick the gender of the care
giver along with the added protection those agencies provide which
would protect both the disabled man and the health care provider from a variety of potential problems (harassment and/or theft from EITHER party for example). If he's simply looking for some companionship (or more) from a young "hot" college girl, the ad should be in the personal section. JMO.

[gravity]

127. Maybe he was looking for healthcare

He just prefers that a young college woman take care of him. Nothing in the ad implies that he expects sex from them.

[DrunkenMaster]

126. real nice comment about "karma"

So this guy deserves paralysis because he wants a college-aged girl to help him with his life?

What an amazingly ugly, disgusting comment. It tells waaaay more about you than it does about him, IMHO.

Ugh.

[Madspirit]

133. Radical Interpretation of the Text

I just re-read the OP to make sure. Where oh where did they say the person deserves to be paralyzed.
Speaking of ugly and disgusting, I think making up that someone says something they didn't say, is kind of ugly and disgusting.
Lee

[Horse with no Name]

136. Please tell me where I said that

Because those are YOUR words, not mine which obviously reveals more about YOU.
Karma is complaining about men looking for "more than helping him"...and then turn around and do the same to women.

[The Straight Story]

137. Maybe DM's point here is - reading more into something than what is there

:shrug:

[Horse with no Name]

138. Nice defense of him

But sorry, he called me out and insinuated I said something vile when I did not.
But keep on defending...

[EvolveOrConvolve]

130. If he's paralyzed from the chest down, then sex is out of the question

I think if I was paralyzed, I'd want someone attractive attending to me. It's hard to judge a handicapped man..

[slampoet]

132. I have heard back from the gentlman in question

I won't provide any details out of deference to his privacy but i am satisfied and happy that I asked rather than prejudged.

[Catherine Vincent]

142. Well, good for you.

[IanBean]

134. Your post is very discriminatory against disabled people

Very very wrong

[Beaverhausen]

135. Check out the other "healthcare" listings

Some of these other private ads are very particular about the people they want to hire.

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/hea/296767180.html

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/hea/296696303.html

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/hea/296878541.html

[lukasahero]

164. And not one of them cares what the aide looks like

:shrug:

[dysfunctional press]

139. it's AMAZING that you can know so much without a doubt about this man...

based on the 4 lines in his ad....you must be like, psychic or something.

just like how based on your post, the words judgemental p.o.s. come to mind.

[Horse with no Name]

144. Likewise!

Have a "blessed" day!:hi:

[The Straight Story]

145. Just to be fair - I will step in defend your OP some, if I may

(And I always enjoy reading your posts, even if we disagree, as we do here).

The question I would have asked would have been 'If your daughter in college emailed you this ad and said she was gonna apply for it, what would your reaction be?'

That brings a vested interest into it, and when people have something to lose they tend to be more cautious.

One could key off the things like 'well, what is he doing in town for only a few days...' That to me was the red flag more than anything else. One might ask, if coming to see family why is he not staying with them? If coming in for business, what sort of company flies a disabled person around and does not provide some support structure, etc and so on.

My company would fly me places, but I won't go and leave my wife alone in her condition, so everything we need to do is remote.

This guy ain't driving obviously.

ALL of that said though, I don't know enough people in that situation to grep their lives and what they go through. He is in town, however he is getting there for whatever reason he wants, and is asking for help while there. I can say if I was in that condition i would sure as hell want to travel when able, for any reason I wanted, and would seek help with things where I needed them.

Odd? Yes. One does not see such a request every day :)

And what would I tell my daughter? The same thing I would tell her no matter the situation: If you are going to a stranger's hotel room, take a gun, cell phone, and let others know where you are and even have a friend go with you (without telling the person someone else is coming, they could step out of the room if asked to during a bath, dressing, etc).

[Horse with no Name]

148. To start with

Regardless of any physical ability or disability--I would feel the same thing. Repulsed.
Being groped or ogled is NOT a function of professional healthcare providers by ANY patient. In the healthcare setting we flat out tell them that it is inappropriate and nowadays, if they do it in a nursing home setting--they are sending them to psychiatric units for redirection of inappropriate behaviours. It is a practice that has been allowed to continue for too long--one of those things that the customer is always right.
We are NOT here to fulfill their warped fantasies. Perhaps you have never been felt up, kissed, tits grabbed, etc. I have and more than once by someone in this same condition as the man in this post.
We are here to HELP them when there is something they are unable to do to promote their independent living.
My response to my daughter would be to stay the fuck away. It is NOT on the up-and-up.
I have worked with many physically disabled people and I guess it is easy for me to treat them for the person they are and not the disability they have--in other words, to see them as humans instead of pitying their situation.
Thankfully, those that know me in real life judge me for what they know and not some ridiculous interpretations of what they "think" I said or meant or simply because of a lack of understanding that people are who they are--and yes, there are some quads out there that are pervs and most likely they were BEFORE their accident or injury. Behaviours like that aren't acquired by physical limitations. That's the honest truth and obviously some cannot understand that because of their own hangups.

[slampoet]

176. You are a hypocrite.

"Thankfully, those that know me in real life judge me for what they know and not some ridiculous interpretations of what they "think" I said or meant or simply because of a lack of understanding that people are who they are."


You never gave this man the same consideration.


I guess you're just insisting on using your privileged status while denying it to others.


You are the very reason this person avoids nursing agencies. Bitter old nurses that don't know how to treat a stranger.

[Mick Knox]

146. I'd like to up the bid to 40.

I'll pay $40

Same parameters as the OP.

PM me

Thanks.

:bounce:

[RetroLounge]

147. "Something about karma comes to mind"

Yeah, and if I were you I would think long and hard about Karma, as in your own...

His ad is "bullshit" and "misogynist crap?"

The guy is a "real shit" and then "karma comes to mind?"

Karma? Are you saying he got what's coming to him? (If not, than please explain what you meant about Karma...)

Wow, amazing insight from 4 line ad on Craigslist.

Maybe you should look into your anger issues.

RL

[Horse with no Name]

149. Maybe you should look into your own

Not what I said...thanks for trying though.
I explained what I meant upthread. I never spoke of his disability--only of his misogyny so why would I stray from that?
But why would your warped mind think that was what I meant? THAT is of real interest since we judge others by how we are ourselves.

[Catherine Vincent]

151. What is it with some of these folks eh?

But at least this thread made it over at crackunderground. They are always looking for entertainment in their pathetic little lives.:hi:

[RetroLounge]

157. Nice evasion.

So what did you mean about Karma?

or are you now afraid it's too obvious what you meant?

RL

[Horse with no Name]

165. No evasion

And I shouldn't have to repeat myself.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=447214&mesg_id=452199

[RetroLounge]

173. But you already have a dozen or more times in this thread...

and you are still wrong-headed and continue to look bad...

so carry on please. I for one am enjoying watching you do it...

:hi:

RL

[bonito]

150. I use craigslist now and then, and your right

Theres allot of sleazy ads there, as for the ones that fall for them, and think there real, well :shrug:

[omega minimo]

152. Can DU handle posting all the misogynist crap on Craigslist?

Might need a whole new Forum?

Or the Lounge. :evilgrin: :hi:

[Horse with no Name]

153. Ain't that the truth

:hi:

[omega minimo]

172. Without going into "somantics"

when ya gonna tell us this was a spoof thread, some sort of social experiment.................? :evilgrin:

[Horse with no Name]

174. LOL I actually was trying to remain civil about THAT

:rofl:
But it's true, sadly.
I guess people don't understand that healthcare workers get a lot of sexual harassment from ALL types of patients and family members and it does really need to stop. I guess that it just offends me that so many defend actions that are transparent and think it okay because he is physically disabled. It is never okay.
I actually did a home health visit in Houston on a per diem thing. When I finished the visit, the male family member who had watched me tend to his father during the entire visit followed me to my car and BEGGED me to let him play with my feet.:wtf:

[omega minimo]

177. Well, ya got Skinner to weigh in

:toast:

[MazeRat7]

154. Its from Craigslist for crying out loud....

Perhaps a grain of salt might help next time your read their postings....


MZr7

[BlooInBloo]

155. Um, it's craigslist - that's what they do there.

[Colobo]

158. It's just Craigslist... people post all kinds of stuff there

No need to get offended.

[Colobo]

159. By the way, disabled people also have the right to have good taste :)

[slampoet]

160. At some point you must come to understand that the world is bigger than your experience alone...

I like that statement. Thanx OMC

[Bucky]

163. Is it weird? Yes. Is it evil? Maybe. Is it anybody else's business?

Consenting adults, fer criminy's sake.

[npincus]

166. doesn't bother me.

If I were paralyzed from the neck down I'd want to be bathed and cared for by sexy young guys. However, $30 and hour is way out of my budget.

[Pastiche423]

178. I am appalled at the OP of this thread

and the many ignorant and sick posts that have followed!

Not discriminating against the disabled??? That's all you've done! It's very apparent to me, a disabled woman, that you know jack shit what living w/a disability is like.

You should spend one day as a quad, w/o help. But then, I seriously doubt you could last an hour.

What this man wrote, is what thousands of other quadriplegic men write to GET SOMEONE TO HELP THEM W/DAILY NEEDS! The request for a college aged pca is normal. (Flexible hours, needing a little extra cash, not having to deal w/agencies that screw the pcas.)

But you have tried to make something sick out of his needs. Shame, shame, shame on you!

I never thought I would read something so disgusting and cruel on a progressive board.

You should apologize to this man and to all of the disabled DUers.

[HEyHEY]

179. Hey, I prefer college aged women pre approved through photos to bath me too

But, it never happens :-(

[Bucky]

184. You're old enough to bathe yourself, HeyHo.

:o)

[HEyHEY]

185. While this may be true, it is also a drag

[Catherine Vincent]

182. Gee whiz, lock this thread already.

(no offense to you HWNN) :hi:

[KamaAina]

186. Oh bollocks. I know someone who might just possibly post an ad like that.

This isn't him, though: he's a para (waist down, not chest).

The last time I saw this guy, he was heading down Bourbon St. with three attractive young females in tow, on his way to a strip joint. Clearly he's an only child, 'cause obviously he never learned to share. :P

[Pastiche423]

188. Kick for an apology

[Horse with no Name]

189. I am sorry but I don't owe you an apology.

My post had nothing to do with the person being disabled--instead, the behaviour he exhibits. As I said MANY times, I'd feel the same if ANYONE had requested it. It is demeaning to women, not to mention discriminatory against men with a flavoring of homophobia all thrown in. If you are offended, join the club. So am I. I am appalled at the lack of concern on this board for sexually harassed healthcare workers.
I would think that you might be offended that so many people would be willing to give a pass to a pervert simply because he was disabled.
By the way, I have a very good friend that is a quad. I asked her to read this just to make sure I wasn't out of line and she felt the same way I did. She couldn't believe some of the responses here justifying sexual abuse.
If I had insulted him because of his disability, I would apologize. However, I did no such thing and I will not apologize.

[Catherine Vincent]

190. Amen, Sister!

[Pastiche423]

191. How in hell

can a man that has no feeling from the chest down, no hand function and is unable to MOVE commit an act of perversion? Just what the hell do you think he could do?

I call bullshit on your "quad friend". I have lots of real quad friends that depend on female pcas. Getting and keeping pcas is a nightmare they live w/each and every day.

Over time I have seen some question how to write an ad for a pca (on a board for the disabled). This man that you are smearing w/o knowing a damned thing about his life, wrote exactly what has been suggested BY other quads.


You keep on showing your ignorant ass. But remember, it only takes a second to become disabled for life.

[Horse with no Name]

193. He is paralyzed from the chest down--not the neck

Which brings his injury to T-1 at the highest which gives him gross and fine arm movement at the very least.
He can pinch, grab and grope. Is that acceptable to you?
Call bullshit all you want on my quad friend because I can simply say I call bullshit on "your disability" and all your alleged "quad" friends.
See? Isn't that fun?
And I will make you a deal. I'll show my ignorant ass as long as you show yours?
You certainly are giving me a credit for a great deal of what I never said because according to board logic, if Ted Bundy were in a wheelchair, then the crimes he committed would have been okay because of his "condition".

[Pastiche423]

195. If he is paralyzed from the chest down

he has a Cervical level injury. Which means he does not have hand function. So no, he can't "pinch, grab and grope".

If Ted Bundy had a C-level SCI, he would not have been able to kill anyone. DUH!

You were so quick to judge this man, all intelligent thought just went swoosh! THINK! Think what paralysis means.

Btw, my paralyzed ass is not ignorant. I am well aware of what it means and what my physical limits are. Furthermore, I am knowledgeable on all SCI levels and their physical limitations.

You obviously don't!

[Horse with no Name]

196. I'm extremely familiar as well

and you started this nastiness but I will set you straight.
http://www.sci-info-pages.com/levels.html
C5 to T1. These dermatomes are all situated in the arms. C5 covers the lateral arm at and above the elbow. C6 covers the forearm and the radial (thumb) side of the hand. C7 is the middle finger, C8 is the lateral aspects of the hand, and T1 covers the medial side of the forearm.

T2 to T12. The thoracic covers the axillary and chest region. T3 to T12 covers the chest and back to the hip girdle. The nipples are situated in the middle of T4. T10 is situated at the umbilicus. T12 ends just above the hip girdle.

[Pastiche423]

198. Every injury is different

Some people get some recovery, some don't. Not all C5-6 are alike, just like all of the other levels. Some are complete, some are not. i.e. someone that is T-3 complete has far less functionality than someone that is C-5 incomplete.

Cutting and pasting does not equal knowledge.

[Name removed]

200. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Horse with no Name]

197. You have no regard for my argument

And my argument is that he is seeking caregivers to sexually harass.
If he wants someone to play with...then he should come out and ask for that.
His disability has never been the problem for me, it is the behaviour.
You have called me a liar more than once in both of your posts to me and that is offensive yet you have no problem to the poster upthread calling someone a cripple.
YOU are the one who said that he had a cervical spine injury. I said he had a thoracic spine injury due to the fact that he is paralyzed from the chest down (his words).
You advocate that it is a-okay for disabled people to sexually harass caregivers and to give them a pass simply because of their disability. Something that gives me great pause.


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10484939/from/RL.2/

[Pastiche423]

202. You have NO knowledge that he wrote his ad

to sexually harrass someone. NONE! You are correct about something - I have no regard for your argument. You made shit up from reading an ad on a email list.

You were just hot to scream SEXUAL HARRASSMENT! It din't matter what the truth was/is. It din't matter that you were smearing a disabled man w/o one speck of evidence.

His behavior? He requested a college aged female and a photo. Stop and think for a moment. You are paralyzed from the chest down, traveling to a city you are not familar with, you are alone and can not get into and out of a bath by yourself.

Wouldn't you want to see who you are hiring for personal care? Have you any idea how frightening it is to be at someone else's mercy to friggen bathe?

No, you just what to trash a man you do not know for your own purpose.

AND, I advocate nothing, except respect for the disabled.

[GoneOffShore]

201. I've been reading this all day and have just about had enough

Let's see who gets their knickers in a twist when we flip the genders.

And so, forthwith:
WF, 39, coming to Glendale area for 2 nights in April, paralyzed from chest down, needs minor assistance in evenings for about 2 hours each night (bathing, etc). Hotels are not accessible enough for a single traveler...can't get into tubs, etc. Prefer college aged men needing extra cash. Will pay up to $30 per hour cash. Please reply with a photo, ONLY because I have had women reply in the past looking for "more than helping me" ...Thank you for your interest and reply.

And maybe the guy has dealt with agencies before and as Oak said upthread #161 has issues with them.

Slam said earlier that he had spoken to the person who placed the ad and he seemed straightforward.

It's consenting adults. And good luck to them.

Sheesh. I'm going back to the Lounge.

[Catherine Vincent]

203. Slam said earlier that he had spoken to the person who placed the ad and he seemed straightforward.

"Slam said earlier that he had spoken to the person who placed the ad and he seemed straightforward."

Some people sure are gullible. :eyes:

[GoneOffShore]

205. Consenting adults

Does that not mean anything?

Guess not.

:eyes: :crazy:

[Horse with no Name]

206. Not when one is ONLY consenting to do a job

and not to be sexually harassed.

[Colobo]

209. Whoever responds to this person's ad should be aware

of the possibility of this man wanting, I don't know, some kind of "extra-curricular" attention (based on what his condition allows him) based on what the ad says.

If someone responds, is because they are, at least, aware of the possibility and, perhaps, willing to...

But anyway, $30 won't get this guy much...

[Catherine Vincent]

210. Yeah I do.

I was talking about believing a poster contacted the person that created the ad and then receiving a response. :eyes: backatcha!

:hi:

[Horse with no Name]

204. It's not okay for either sex to be sexually harassed.

I know a lot of naive 19-year olds who are the ages of my kids who would think this might be easy money and could easily get themselves into a jackpot.
I could care less what "Slam" had to say. He is on ignore.

[GoneOffShore]

207. Well that makes my decision easier

As I thought he and OMC and a few others were the voices of reason in this brouhaha that you seem to have gotten all twisted up about.

Buh bye.

[Horse with no Name]

208. Don't let the door hitya

Buh Bye!

[Fenris]

211. Locking.

This thread is a flamefest.