The American Family Association needs you all to become soldiers in the War on Christmas

[Bjorn Against]

The American Family Association is urging a boycott of Costco because they have committed the apparently grave sin of saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”. The American Family Association has a form on their website which allows you to become a brave soldier in the war on Christmas by writing a letter to Costco CEO James Sinegal. I hear that if you are a Republican this will give you an excuse for supporting the war in Iraq without being willing to fight it yourself, because if you are brave enough to fight in another war then you can keep calling liberals cowards while thumping your chest as a brave and proud soldier in the War on Christmas.

If you do choose to write to President Sinegal as a soldier for Christmas I would suggest you change the text so that you can help spread the message of Republican Jesus even better than the American Family Association did with the template they provided. Here is a sample of the letter I sent, but feel free to be creative and post your letters in the comment section below.

Dear President Sinegal:

If you say happy holidays one more time you are certain to burn in hell for all eternity you sinner! I don't want happy holidays I want pissed off and judgmental holidays! I demand you you wish me a Merry Christmas! If you refuse my demands I will send Jesus after you, and Jesus is not that long haired hippie you read about who walks around in sandals and a robe talking about peace and helping the poor and all that liberal nonsense. No this Jesus ain't no hippie, he is Republican Jesus and he is a badass.

When our great hero George Bush said that Jesus was his favorite philosopher it was Republican Jesus he was talking about, and he did what Republican Jesus told him to do. That is why he cut aid to all those poor people while we gave tax cuts to the rich just like Jesus instructed. Bush even appointed Republican Jesus to be a guard at Guantanamo Bay, and once Jesus waterboarded a baby. Don't worry though he assured us that the baby was going to grow up to be a terrorist so he was just protecting America.

Jesus instructs us that we need to all be fundamentalists that follow every word of the bible literally! Except for all that crap about helping the poor, we can just pretend those pages don't exist. While we can skip over the pages about the poor people though, we can't skip over the page that says "Thou shalt receive eternal damnation if you don't say Merry Christmas enough times". Don't ask me what verse that is in the Bible, because someone told me it is there and if you question it you are a sinner. That is why I demand you say Merry Christmas to me five hundred times a day, because if you don't remind me it is Christmas enough then I might forget and that would mean that you would go to hell. I won't go to hell though, I will just ask for forgiveness just like I did the time I wore a diaper to the home of David Vitter's nanny, Jesus will forgive me just like he forgave me last time. I don't have to worry because as a right-wing fundamentalist I can ask for forgiveness and I will be forgiven for whatever I do. But you won't be forgiven you sinner, you have committed the unforgivable sin of not saying exactly what the religious right wants you to say. Now wish me a merry Christmas or prepare for eternal damnation.

Sincerely,
Commander Christ
Soldier in the War on Christmas

[Crunchy Frog]

1. I'm ready to do my part in the trampling to death squads.

[donco6]

2. He just got a note from Pissedoff Jeebus.

It was remarkably similar in tone.

[Sultana]

3. These people need to get over themselves

Jesus wasn't even born in December :eyes:

[Bjorn Against]

4. What makes it even better...

Not only was Jesus not born on Christmas, but the real reason Christmas is on December 25th is because it is the Winter Solstice, and the "Christmas tree" did not originate with Christianity but was instead a pagan symbol. Our Christmas traditions did not originate from Christianity they originated from pagan beliefs, and you know how much the American Family Association must love pagans.

[Sultana]

7. LOL

If they took their heads out of their asses they would realize that.

OOOOhhhhhhhhhhh the hooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrooooooooorrrrrrrr :D

[ladym55]

5. This letter needs a little work ...

First, you wrote in complete sentences that made sense. Then, you spelled correctly. How can you be a true fundy and be literate? Just sayin'.

In the meantime, I need to go forth and express the true meaning of Christmas by harassing people making minimum wage based about how they greet me in the checkout line. :eyes:

[pacalo]

6. Jesus would like nothing more than stoking division in such a diverse country.

Forget "love thy neighbor" & let's create a war in Jesus' name!

Vengeance is mine, sayeth the misdirected fundementalists -- we'll ruin their businesses because they don't say what we want them to say!

Reminds me of the scene in "Sound of Music" when von Trapp was chastized for not flying the Nazi flag on his property.

[Feron]

8. Funny. I always thought that Christianity had nothing...

to do with consumerism.

Somehow I doubt that God cares whether or not a store clerk says "Merry Christmas" to a customer. This sort of nonsense only serves to make Christians look ridiculous.

Furthermore it's just this sort of non-issue that these con artists use to steal money from gullible people.

Thank you OP for linking to the form. I'll put their money to good use by sending Mr. Sinegal a letter of support. I invite others to do the same, but I'd advise that you use a spam address.

[Feron]

9. My letter

Dear President Sinegal:

I have always heard great things about Costco and I am saddened to hear that you are the latest target of America's village idiots collectively known as the American Family Association.

Retail has absolutely nothing to do with religion and I appreciate the effort to make non-Christians feel comfortable in your stores. It's a shame that some people aren't happy unless they are forcing their viewpoints onto others and are woefully uneducated about their own faith.

I would also love to shop at a Costco store, but there isn't a location in the New Orleans area. Hopefully we will have a location here soon. :-)

I wish you and yours a happy holiday,