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YEE-HAW, VOTE FOR BUSH BOYS!!
Copyright ®2005 Ban the GOP
Perhaps no activity represents the Republican ideology and constituency makeup than the national association of sports car racing. With its racially exclusive, corporate plasterizing presence wreaking environmental havoc on the planet, NASCAR projects its hillbilly lingo and moonshine running beginnings in front of thousands of screaming Republicans every Sunday. This obscene ritual goes completely against the grain of most normal people, ridiculing our stature in the global community amid a orgiastic ritual that celebrates environmental havoc over sanity.
Let's don't we start with the basic evil of NASCAR: all participants, drivers, and owners, are 100 percent white male.
There are no African-Americans.
There are no Latinos.
There are no Asians.
There are, in fact, exactly zero—count them, zero—minorities involved in this multimillion dollar sport.
In addition, every race is a three-hour corporation glorifying orgy of mechanical monsters with billboards careening around a searing hot bowlful of dirty tarmac at 190 miles an hour. Corporations routinely take money from providing living wages and benefits for its workers and disburse it to greedy sports car owners who project Republicanized-corporate images on the hoods, fenders, bumpers, roofs, and every other nook and cranny of their cars. In addition, every square inch of their body suits, pit crews, infield grass, T-shirts, and infield outhouses have decals from half the known republican-sponsored companies, many of whom have moved their labor base overseas, putting millions of Americans out of work permanently.
Environmentally, NASCAR wreaks humongous damage into the atmosphere. From every car, an unmistakable, overbearing stench of nitro gasoline, oil, and hazardous chemicals seep ominously into the atmosphere. Oil spills are common, washed into the drains to permanently harm our rivers, oceans, and waterways. Global warming goes up a tenth of a percent per year on NASCAR racing alone.
One of the biggest lies routinely used by these Republican good old boys pertains to NASCAR's so-called contribution to the evolving safety measures for normal cars. This whopper can easily be refuted by comparing the automobile industry with other industries regarding safety testing and development. For instance, how many jet races go three-ride around the aerial pylons, trading paint on their wings and fuselages? How many cities and islands are routinely destroyed by nuclear bombs in the development of nuclear energy? Responsible businesses don’t open up their testing environments for planetary destruction and driver safety. They test their products with no damage to the environment, ostensibly with workers chosen through democratically approved Affirmative Action policies. But logic and republicanism are not compatible.
The average NASCAR fan is a beer guzzlin’, tobacco chewin’, bucktoothed redneck with missing teeth and a fat, ugly wife. They routinely live in white trash neighborhoods adorned with overgrown weeds, discarded bottles and pizza boxes, the obligatory rusting ’67 LTD sitting on blocks (originally used for moonshine runs of course), and breed sass-mouth kids running amuck chasing frogs and other critters. Of course, no NASCAR fan’s house is complete without the African-American loathing symbol of slavery and the KKK’s main symbol, the confederate flag. This obscene logo can be found in at least two windows on their usually dilapidated house, the car antenna of their only running vehicle (usually a 20-year old pickup), and plastered on the bumper of the vehicle, along with bumper stickers that say “US out of NATO” and “Reagan-Bush ‘84”.
The insidious spread of this racially exclusive, environmentally destructive “sport” has been conducted by our little Nazi media network, Fox. With cameras placed in virtually every nook and cranny on and around the racetrack, in every car (both front and back windows, steering wheel, and even “pedal cams”), Fox spews out every conceivable view of the race for its screaming minions, complete with corporate logos prominently displayed in the frame. Most commentators are fanatics of this renegade redneck brand of demolition derby style kiddy carts, combining quasi-hi-tech babble about differential cables, restrictor plates, and gasoline-oxygen mix ratios with barely discernable redneck-ese good ol’ boy accents, paint trading guffaws and overall moonshine madness. “Boogity boogity boogity, let’s go RACING, boys!!” has evolved from its dirt-track origins to the Republican Party theme cry. Of course, one can’t help mentally transposing “RACING” with “VOTE FOR BUSH.”
The US Military has been prominently featured in all the races. No less than three cars are fully sponsored by the US Army, obviously supporting its many incursions and destruction of countries, most of which pose no threat to the rest of the planet. In addition, NASCAR is the only major “sport” that starts every race with a “JEE-zuz!” prayer, effectively barring the beliefs of atheists, Jews, Catholics, Muslims, Buddhists, and other religions. Finally, the overall false patriotic pride spewing from the participants, fanatics, and media conflicts with decent American and global values.
In other words, it's a complete, outright cesspool of obscene toxic worship.
The citizenry needs to call NASCAR on their blatantly Republicanist hypocrisy and show their vociferous dissent to an institution that prevents the progress of humanity in an inclusive, collective nature, not by this showcase of Republicanist bullshit.
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