Scientifikal-type facks I bet you guys didn't know...

[badgerpup]

:hi: Read these carefully...then please LOL responsibly...

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

For head cold: Use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

To collect the fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

When you smell an odorless gas, it's probably carbon monoxide.

Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygen and Hydrogen. Oxygen is pure gin.
Hydrogen is gin and water.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.

H₂O is hot water, CO₂ is cold water.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

The moon is a planet like Earth, only even deader.

Artificial inseminination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

Dew is formed on the leaves when the sun shines on them and makes them perspire.

A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they are shaped like umbrellas.

The body consists of the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five- a, e, i, o, and u.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection around insects.

The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

The skeleton is what is left after the outsides have been taken off and the insides have been taken out. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch the meat to. (this is my personal favorite...badgerpup)

A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends toward the Moon because there is no water on the Moon and Nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.

Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.

Germinate: to become a naturalized German (so...does this mean that if you've lost your Japanese citizenship you've become DISoriented? badgerpup)

Liter: a nest of young puppies.

Magnet: something you find crawling all over a dead cat

Momententum: what you give a person when they are going away.

Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.

Vacuum: a large, empty place where the Pope lives. (Must...not...comment...)

Respiration is composed of inspiration and expectoration.

To remove dirt from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

For a nosebleed: Put the nose lower than the body until the heart stops.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

and remember, folks....

To prevent contraception: Wear a condominium



These were originally in the January 1996 edition of Popular Science...
but more recently they were in a box I found when I was cleaning out my bedroom. :hide::yoiks:
Enjoy!