Please sit with me a while and weep.

[Skidmore]

Yesterday I received a call from my cousin and her husband. Their youngest son committed suicide in their home during the previous night. He was a troubled young man as a teenager and had finally been diagnosed with bipolar disorder a couple of years ago. during the last two weeks, a new psychiatrist changed his medication and he had become despondent. She was so worried that she took him last week twice to the psychiatrist and once to the emergency room and asked that he be admitted. He was refused. She said he ate dinner with the family and went up stairs to his room. She heard a noise and knew immediately what it was. She does not know how he got a gun. He leaves three children between the ages of 3 and 9. My guess is a simple admission for a drug washout and or the gradual introduction of new medication would mean that he would be with us today. He is the same age as my son. I remember them tearing around the house together when our families were together. He was a good boy.

This is the third male cousin in my family to have committed suicide in tihs manner in three years. The first was kind gentle soul who never could rise above his grief upon losing his 15-year-old son in a drowning accident at a lake during summer camp. The second was a good solid family man who was severely injured on his job and was in such physical pain with no one willing to help him, he killed himself. I wrote about his death on this forum last year when it happened. The medical system did not respond to his needs, the insurance people turned him down, and his employer was forcing him out of his job because of his injury all at the same time.

My children asked me what is wrong that we should have this many people in our extended family coping with physical and psychological pain in the same way. I can only answer that sometimes people hurt too much to seek help. I can only reassure them that they and theirs are loved. But then I must sit here for a while and weep for the undying pain of the young man who ended his life on Saturday night. For the undying pain in a father's grief and the forever pain of a rejected life. I miss my cousins. Good men all.

Please sit with me a while and weep.

[annabanana]

1. I am so sorry Skidmore.

He deserved better. His family deserved better. You deserve better. My heart cries for you all.

[benddem]

2. There are no words

to adequately address your pain. I am so sorry. Suicide leaves so many victims.

[bitchkitty]

3. Sometimes they don't seek help,

but it sounds like your cousin did - even the act of going to the hospital with his mom. It sounds like his doctors failed him. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[hamsterjill]

4. Let's sit down over here for a minute...

I'll get the box of kleenexes and you can tell me more about your family.

I'm so sorry to hear of this.

[Stuart G]

My deepest sympathies are with you

[hlthe2b]

5. I'm sitting with you, Skidmore and share your pain

That so many suffer needlessly in this country is almost an impossible reality to face... I can only hope that these dear souls are at peace. As important, is that their family and friends can somehow find it. My sympathies to you and yours.

[barbtries]

6. i am so sorry

words fail :grouphug: :cry:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. My dear Skidmore...

I will sit with you awhile...

We will shed our tears together, and sharing our grief over these terrible deaths will help us get past them...

How incomprehensibly sad to have to face all these deaths.

How misguided is our society when it refuses to take care of people who are obviously hurting...

My deepest condolences to you, and your entire family...

:grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug: :hug: :grouphug:

[Donnachaidh]

8. ....

:cry: :hug: :cry: :grouphug: :cry: :hug:

[sandnsea]

9. All my best wishes -

and because I will forget to say this later, when I know it would be more appropriate, I have read previously that once there is a suicide in a family, it is more likely for it to happen again. I encourage you to do some reading when you are in a better frame of mind to handle it, and perhaps seek out a trusted therapist to set up some sort of personal prevention/intervention plan for every single member of your family. I think of the pain some people have to go through in life and I just don't know how people go on. Living just should not be so hard. :hug:

[Misskittycat]

10. I'm so sorry -- and angry -- that we have such a lousy system.

[Missy Vixen]

11. I'll sit with you

Skidmore, I am so, so sorry for your losses.

There are no words. :hug:
Julie

[AndyA]

12. Wow Skidmore. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

When a person takes their own life, it always leaves so many questions unanswered.

As a kid, I lost a childhood friend to suicide. I had just seen him the day before, and he was kind of depressed, but I was able to get him to laugh and he seemed in much better spirits when we parted. I was shocked to learn of his act when my mom told me what had happened the next day.

I've always wondered what he would have grown up to become. He was very smart. Who knows.

My thoughts are with you and your family, I know there's very little anyone else can do at this point but let you know that they understand and care. Sending good thoughts your way.

[JNelson6563]

13. Silent reverence

:hug:

[bertman]

14. My deepest sympathy to you and your family. Thank you for posting this so we all can

understand the need for comprehensive, universal physical and mental health care for all Americans.

[panader0]

15. Your story did make me weep----------------so sorry

[babylonsister]

16. And even when seeking help, there's too often not enough help or

caring out there. My sincere condolences, Skidmore. This is very sad. :hug:

[potisok]

17. May you and yours find peace

My condolences and my tears are there for you the many who suffer your pain

[ProfessorGAC]

18. Wow! What A Drag

My wife has BPD. Unless there was a sound medical reason, i'm questioning the changing of the meds. That illness is so hard to moderate that once a good med (or cocktail of meds) is found, i think it best not to try to fix something that isn't broken.

Sorry for this tragedy in your family, Skidmore.
GAC

[Frustratedlady]

19. My deepest sympathy to you all.

I guess for some, death is a friend. I know it is hard for those left behind to understand and, sadly and very frankly, they are the ones left to suffer. The victim has moved on.

These medications are scary. I truly believe that when a drug manufacturer has to warn people that their product COULD cause the patient to have suicidal thoughts, the FDA should not release it.

Last week, we had a 13-year old boy in a nearby town who got caught up in that ecstasy sex thing where they almost hang themselves to get a good "trip" -- putting it mildly -- but his mother found him when he didn't come down for breakfast. He had his belt around his neck. He didn't catch himself before he passed out. Those who promote this type of behavior should be punished, as well. This boy was from a good family, good athlete and loved by his peers.

I don't know the answer. Sometimes, things just look so bleak, they take the easy way out.

Bless you all.

[HCE SuiGeneris]

20. ...

:cry: :hug:

I am so sorry for such sadness in your life.

[cali]

21. I'm terribly sorry Skidmore. How heartbreaking.

:hug:

[williesgirl]

22. My heart goes out to you and your entire family. It's so sad to lose

a loved one for any reason, but suicide is the hardest. My own daughter attempted suicide 4 times over a period of 2 years. The last time almost worked. She's been seing a Psychiatrist twice weekly for almost 8 years. Thankfully, no attempts for the past 4 years.

Many of the antidepression drugs can make people psycotic. My daughter's doctor has tried everything, every combination (cocktails), and finally left her off all of it and stuck with psychotherapy alone.

I agree that when meds are changed, patients need to be monitored. In our age of insurance companies making these decisions, it never happens. The result is the tragedy hitting your family now. Mental health MUST be treated the same as any other illness.

Another huge concern with our financial troubles is that mental health organizations and programs are the first being cut, along with those for the elderly. Shame on us and our country. We have billions for corrupt corporations and illegal wars, and nothing for our most vulnerable citizens.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.

[BuelahWitch]

23. .

:hug:

[joeunderdog]

24. "De-institutionalization"

is what used to be a noble, liberal cause and what is now a right wing crusade by insurers (including Medicaid and Medicare) to deny sick people necessary care. It's a scam, and a dangerous one.

I've worked for Mental Health services for over 20 years and it's appauling what's going on.

Sorry that this selfish system has claimed another victim. I wish I could say that this is the only example I'm aware of. I would say more, but it's a time for grief.

Condolences.

[slipslidingaway]

25. ...

:cry: :hug:

[blueraven95]

26. I'm so sorry

:hug:

[demobabe]

27. This is so sad. I am so sorry.

SOMETHING has to be done about the health industry in this country.

So frequently these psychiatric drugs throw an emotional curveball when the person starts taking them - even if they do eventually help. I am so sorry you've lost so many relatives to suicide - there are just no words adequate enough to say.

A moment of silence and a prayer for you and your family, Skidmore.

[gratefultobelib]

28. I am so sorry. I know from personal experience the necessity of coming off a med gradually and

likewise beginning a new one equally gradually. It probably doesn't ease anyone's pain in your family, but obviously your cousin was dealing with forces beyond his control. My deepest sympathies.....

:hug:

[a la izquierda]

29. I'm very sorry for your family...

how awfully painful and sad. :(

[closeupready]

30. I'm so sorry - too much pain for one family to bear in so short of a time.

:hug:

[Melinda]

31. ...

:cry:

[Arugula Latte]

32. It's all too much.

No words ... :hug:

[Laelth]

33. Sitting. n/t

:(

-Laelth

[democrank]

34. I`m so very sorry, Skidmore.

Bless you and your family.

[liberalmuse]

35. I'm so sorry. That is so tragic. Suicide can run in families.

And it is a terrible thing, because how do you deal with someone you love choosing to end their life? You wonder if there is something you could have done that would have prevented it.

When one person in a family commits suicide, the odds are a lot higher than another one will follow, and the odds just keep getting higher. I hope your family members most affected by this seriously consider some kind of group therapy, such as meeting with other survivors of suicide.

Those poor little kids. They will need a lot of love right now. The older ones will blame themselves, even though there's no reason for it, so I hope they can get a lot of support from the rest of the family.

My dad committed suicide in '86, then my brother in '97. Both were great guys. The rest of us were despondent for months, but you never really get over something like that. It seems like a lot of really decent people chose to check out early. The world could really use these people alive.

[Fumesucker]

36. I'm bipolar and have had similar impulses..

Thankfully I have never gotten to the point of carrying out my impulses although it has been a close run thing a couple of times.

It's extremely difficult to understand this sort of mental illness until you have been there yourself.

My sympathies and condolences on your loss.

:hug: :grouphug:

:cry:

[panAmerican]

37. Oh Skidmore...I'm so sorry your family has suffered so much

What an awful way for them to die, and your pain must be compounded by the way they were failed by all actors in the system.

Sending you some hugs, love, prayer and my tears. I put a post-it note on my computer so I can pray for you and your family throughout the day. My heart breaks for you all.

[femrap]

38. I believe mental anguish to be as painful

as physical suffering...and our pathetic health care system should recognize it as such.

I'm so sorry for your lose. Take care.

[HillWilliam]

39. There are just too many of these

I'll be glad to hold your hand and hug your shoulders.

:cry: :hug: :cry: :hug:

[peace frog]

40. Horrifying and beyond saddening

Psychotropic drugs are not prescribed or monitored carefully enough in this country, to the detriment of many patients and their loved ones. My sincere condolences to you and your grieving family. Prayers that your healing will begin soon.

[tpsbmam]

41. I'm so sorry, Skidmore

Having lost my best friend to a sudden death and another very close friend to suicide, I know all too well the pain. May you find peace in the passage of time and the warmth of your family.

[AtomicKitten]

42. Truly tragic. My condolences to you and your family.

[Eurobabe]

43. Terribly sad...

Condolences. :grouphug:

[noiretextatique]

44. .....

i am weeping with you.

[Dangerously Amused]

45. So sorry for your pain and sadness.

Best to you and everyone affected by his loss.

[Fire1]

46. Thanks so much for the video, Dangerous. It's the one bright

spot in an otherwise, dreary 'holiday' for me.

[Dangerously Amused]

49. Aw, so sorry your holiday is sucky.

Take care friend, best to you always.

:hug:

[psychmommy]

47. i freakin hate our healthcare system.

i have hugs for you and your grieving family. these damn meds that cause suicidal ideation in depressed people should be more closely monitored or taken off the market. people should be able to get help when they know they aren't feeling right. this is a travesty.

[Fire1]

48. Skidmore, my heart goes out to you but rest in the knowledge

that they have GOT to be in a better place.

[SammyWinstonJack]

50. .

:hug:

[Wilber_Stool]

51. So sad.

So sorry.

[horseshoecrab]

52. oh Skidmore...

I'll sit with you too. I am so very sorry for your family's tragic loss.

:hug:

horseshoecrab

[foxfeet]

53. I'm with you, Skidmore.

Multiple suicides in my family, too. When you feel up to it, you might look into a "Survivors of Suicide" support group for yourself and any others in your family who could use it. Many find the groups very helpful.

[kenichol]

92. Yes, please consider looking for one of these support sites

When someone close to me committed suicide in 1998, I relied on "1,000 Deaths.org ?com?" but it appears to be closed down. It really helped me to share with others.
I hold you in my arms to comfort you.

[libodem]

54. My heart goes out to you

So sorry for the tragic loss. Better help should be available for these situations. A new acquaintance of mine recently related a story about her son. Luckily this young man is still with us. The 18y/o son, was despondent over the loss of a girlfriend. P and C came home to find him with a gun in his mouth. They called 911. The house was surrounded by every cop and swat guy they could find. They had the kid so scared it took 8 hours to talk him out. With the recent flood of suicide by police incidents it's a straight wonder this boy was not picked off by a sniper. He was handcuffed and taken to the police station. P said she thought they would be able to have him released back to them. He was remanded into custody. He was taken to a hospital for help but also punished to the full extent of the law with fines and probation. It just seems to me that there must be a better way to help.

[Peacetrain]

55. I am so sorry...

just so sorry

[Mari333]

56. Pm me if you need to,

I know what it is to have a son cross on. if you need to know anything, just let me know.
hugs

[yardwork]

57. I'm so sorry.

[malaise]

58. Deepest sympathy Skidmore

:cry:

[libnnc]

59. I'm so sorry for your loss...

My first cousin shot herself in 2005. She was only 36 years old. We weren't extremely close as adults but we had gone to the same schools and were in the same clubs and circle of friends growing up.

I thought she was doing fine when my mom called and told me the news. She had a stable job, had just bought a house etc.

She drove all night, 4 hours to our hometown with a loaded gun in her car. When she got to the town limits, she stopped in a motel parking lot at dawn and shot herself. I think she was trying to send some kind of message by coming home. She could have done it anywhere along the way, but she chose to come home to die.

She left a few notes for her sisters but nothing that explained why she did it. She wanted no funeral-her mother refused to even put a notice in the obituary.

I think about her every day. She was brilliant and wicked-funny.

I have no advice to give you.

It hurts and it never really goes away. I'll always wonder if there was something I could have done.

I grieve with you. :grouphug:

[condoleeza]

60. This is just so terribly sad.

I have lost a sister and brother to suicide, both had children. There is a history of suicide in the extended family, which seems to often be the case, as it is in yours. The mental health care system in this country is sorely lacking. Even if someone does seek help for mental illness, often the therapist just prescribes meds and hopes that takes care of it. There are often real reasons for depression that could be dealt with in talk therapy. The whole process is just so frustrating and difficult for someone who isn't functioning already. From what I have seen the drugs are of little help for most people. It might be a good idea for your whole family to get some group therapy, Skidmore. My best wishes to all of you, the pain never goes away completely when you lose someone this way.

[Solly Mack]

61. ...

(((Skidmore)))

No words

[monmouth]

62. Dear Skidmore, my heart truly aches for you. Deepest sympathies...n/t

[AspenRose]

63. You are not alone

Ten years ago next month my brother attempted suicide the same way.


Amazingly he survived, which we are grateful for.

Our lives will never be the same, however.

I am truly sorry.

[DearAbby]

64. I am here.

:cry: :hug:

[Liberal_in_LA]

65. OMG. So sorry.

[VOX]

66. Dear Skidmore: I'm sitting with you.

I understand what you're going through. Without delving into my own loss, please know that I've been where you are right now. It is impossible to make any sense of it. The only balm is the passage of time, and the support of family and friends.

You and your family are in my thoughts. :hug:

[aikoaiko]

67. I'm sorry for your loss and your family's pain and suffering

[EFerrari]

68. These stories make me furious.

Families are in no position, when there is a crisis, to advocate for themselves in this predatory system.

I'm so sorry.

[unapatriciated]

158. I agree

during the first year and very critical stage of my son's illness, I spent more time fighting insurance companies and quite a few doctors. It left very little time for comforting him or care for my other children. I was lucky to have a supportive family with medical backgrounds and my own knowledge of the Insurance Industry that many others don't have.
We need not only universal health care but a better advocacy system for families in crisis, to insure they get the care they need.

[Hamlette]

69. how very sad. . . and a partial explanation?

We had a "bunch" of suicides many years ago. All were friends, not family but two of them almost killed me. One was a beautiful young man who was in his 20s. His mother had committed suicide 10 years earlier. In reading up on suicide (one of my coping mechanisms, "if I know more about how it works, maybe it will be easier") I read a surprising statistic. If a parent commits suicide, there is a 50% chance one of children will. You would think it would make it harder for a family member because they have seen how hard it is on those who are left behind but that fades and what is left is a sad form of permission.

Watch out over your cousin, she will have a very hard time. Marriages are vulnerable after suicides and murders. There are support groups (I'm sure you know about) that can be helpful.

[NikolaC]

70. .

I am so sorry for your terrible losses. :hug:

[Libby2]

71. I'm so sorry, I do weep with you.

[gorfle]

72. Sounds like a wrongful death lawsuit.

during the last two weeks, a new psychiatrist changed his medication and he had become despondent. She was so worried that she took him last week twice to the psychiatrist and once to the emergency room and asked that he be admitted. He was refused.

Someone needs to talk to a lawyer. These people sound directly responsible to me.

[1monster]

73. Make sure that any doctor/medical facility that treats any member of your family

knows about the history of suicide in your family.

Suicide does run in families, perhaps due to genetics or maybe because having a history of it in the family makes it more feasible to someone in dire pain.

In Florida, we have a law (Baker Act) which allows a person to be committed to a psych ward or facility for seventy-two hours for evaluation if they might be a danger to themselves or to the community. You might want to check and see if there is a similar law/program in your state.

It is not an answer, nor a cure for what are long term problems, but it can buy time enough to get help. And the evaluation may result in the help that is needed.

My deepest sympathies to you and your extended family.

[wellstone dem]

74. I have tears in my eyes, and I think of my daughter

who also suffers from depression. I have taken her calls, when she has told me she is going to end it, that she can't go on. And I talk, and I talk, and I call for help, and I wonder about our world that could do so much, but doesn't do enough for those who suffer. Bless you and your family.

[Seldona]

75. Sitting. Weeping.

My sincerest condolences.

[Mike 03]

76. There's nothing I can say but that my heart is at your mercy now.

Bipolar disorder is a cunning destroyer of lives that only very recently is being better understood and more properly diagnosed.

To have a family in which suicide is prominent is such a distressing situation; I have it as well.

My prayers go out to you, my heart goes out to you.

Yes, I am crying. Because your story just reminds me of things in my own family I have wished to forget. Hangings, overdoses, leaps from mineshafts... Things that scare the hell out of me and follow me too. Sometimes these things can eat away at you, and it helps to know others who know what it is like.

Please let us know how you triumph over this or deal/cope with it.

Hugs and Hearts to you.

[debbierlus]

77. That is awful - parent's please note that the earlier you get treatment for depressed teens

This is in no way a comment on your friend's family. I have bp disorder and I didn't get diagnosed until I was almost 29 and went into severe crisis.

The earlier a person is treated, the better chance that they will have less frequent and severe episodes in their adult years. The more episodes of crisis, the more likely the person will suffer from severe symptoms later on.

I am so sorry about your cousin. Mental illness takes so many lives. We have a big history of suicide on both sides of my family, and I know from personal experience that suicide takes lives the same way as cancer.

:cry:

[kestrel91316]

78. So sad. Two of my twenty cousins have committed suicide (both male).

And a third could easily have been a drug overdose or suicide in his younger years, but he lived into his 50s (heart damage from the drugs eventually killed him long after he straightened out). And one of my 5 uncles also committed suicide.

In our family's case, addictions appear to have been behind a lot of the psychological problems - I can't count all the alcoholics on my dad's side of the family........

[roguevalley]

79. I am so very sorry. What a sad and lonely thing this young man did.

This world is so harsh, so unforgiving. THe system failed him. I wish only love and peace for you, skidmore. Tell your kids strangers in Alaska love them too.

[mindfulNJ]

80. My heart goes out to you and your family.

As someone who can identify...:cry:

[truedelphi]

81. I applaud your words: I can only answer that sometimes people hurt too much to seek help

Those with years of psychological training often tell us, the public, that people commit suicide to show their ANGER.

I'd like to ANGER some of those professional types.

We are now more than ever, a society without a safety net. And I cry as I type this.
I know the pain that you are describing. I have a close friend with a family member who is bi-polar. I have been in such physical pain at times I wonder if waiting till daybreak makes sense. (It took years to get a doctor to listen to me and prescribe pain meds, but even that was done as though the "Drug addict" can have her little ol' fix")

And if someone loses a child in this hard hearted society, should they bother to go on?

The lucky few with some money and the absolute LUCK to get the right docotr are spared this. A person in physical pain should be able to get a morphine pump, which directs the exact amount of the drug into the area of the body that hurts. But if you don't have money, or live in an area with a University connected hospital, you might not know abut it.

People sometimes commit suicide just to be able to relieve themselves from the stress and the pain. It is not anger, it is the type of decision that we make make every day when a pet is hurt beyond belief. But in the case of the human being, often their pain could be alleviated, IF THEY HAD THE MONEY, and/or had the luck to find the appriate doctor offering them the appropriate treatment.

[Rebubula]

82. My sympathies

To love is to feel pain..there is no way around it.

Peace to you and yours....and to anyone that is hurting.

[JuniperLea]

83. My step-brother committed suicide... I am familiar with this weeping

It's about as sad as it gets when a loved one can no longer cope with life.

There is a need to change the laws with regard to mental illness. I know from experience how hard it is to try to get help for someone. It is so frustrating, and so unfair.

My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

[pinstikfartherin]

84. I'm so sorry..

:cry:

[easttexaslefty]

85. I'm sitting with you, Skidmore

holding your hand and weeping with you. I am so very sorry.:cry:

[BrklynLiberal]

86. This is a tragedy..for you, for your son's family, and for our country.

:cry: :grouphug:

[Juan_de_la_Dem]

87. Condolences

[proud patriot]

88. sniff

:cry: :hug:

[Jamastiene]

89. I'm so sorry.

There are no words. :hug:

[Kajsa]

90. Skidmore, I am so sorry!

This makes me weep, especially when people who need
help don't get it.

:cry: :hug:

[dipsydoodle]

91. There are odd occasions

when I am stunned into being almost speechless. Please accept my deapest sympathy.

[lenegal]

93. So very sorry for the tragedies your family has had to endure

It is not fair. Life is simply not fair. And your extended family has had more than its share of grief.

I will keep you in my prayers, and will sit with you.

[Happyhippychick]

94. I'm so sorry for the tragic loss of your cousin.

:cry:

[NEOhiodemocrat]

95. So very sorry for your loss

[Beam Me Up]

96. You got it. I needed a good cry.

:cry:

This is so sad. I'm almost 61 now. I've had a good life and probably will live a lot longer. But when I hear about the deaths of young people -- for any reason -- it just upsets me so. Suicides are bad and the worst (for me) are those killed in war or who suicide as a result of their war experiences. It just seems so unnecessary. Our society is just SO single minded re financial and material success, SO competitive in spirit, I just can't understand it. What is wrong with community and family and sharing and working together to solve problems as values??

Anyway, it is useless to say too much. I went to the grocery a while ago and there just happened to be a bunch of firemen there. Not sure why. But they were all fine looking young men and I felt this 'sadness' -- in part, perhaps, because I am no longer young. In part, perhaps, because they all looked so healthy and earnest, men with their lives ahead of them. The thought of any one of them taking their own life when they could have been aided by a society with healthier values is just appalling.

Anyway, thanks for the cry. I need that sometimes.

[rosesaylavee]

97. ...

:hug:

[MasonJar]

98. I pray for you and your family. I have been very close to suicide and

know the pain and the guilt first hand. I commisserate with you and wish you all well.

[NanceGreggs]

99. Utterly out of words ...

... so sorry for your loss, Skidmore.

[yellerpup]

100. With you...

in deepest sympathy. :cry: :cry: :cry: And for all those left behind.

[Hekate]

101. Oh Skidmore, I am so sorry. May your loved ones find peace. May you find peace.

I'm so sorry. :cry: :grouphug:

What a terrible, terrible waste. :cry:

Hekate

[fedupinBushcountry]

102. My sympathies, Skidmore

Last year in November my son's best friend committed suicide, he was also bipolar and no matter what they did no one could stop him from doing what he did. I remember the night my son called me from NYC and told me he was devastated and felt like he could of done more, but he couldn't.

Now it has become a cause for my son and all of his friend's friends to do what they can to make people more aware of this illness. This past summer he walked 20 miles in the http://www.outofthedarkness.org/">Out of the Darkness walk which is put on by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. His group of 4 raised $4,000 and he is doing it again this year but will travel to D.C. for it.

[MarianJack]

103. Peace to you and your family and those 3 children.

My wife and I will say a prayer.

[Mira]

104. So much grief. I'm glad you shared it so we can weep with you. I am so very sorry for your pain.

[FLyellowdog]

105. ....

[Mnemosyne]

106. May your family, and other loved ones, find peace and comfort during

such a traumatic time. I am so sorry. :hug:

His poor children. :cry:

My daughter's father committed suicide when she was 6; he was 28. I couldn't tell her details, so I told her he was sick and it killed him. When she was around 8 she asked again and told her more of the truth.

She is almost thirty and it still troubles her.

There is a book for those left behind, that could maybe help down the road a bit, "Silent Grief". It helped me tremendously with the sorrow and guilt.

I weep with you, Skidmore. :cry::hug:

Namaste,

V

[1776Forever]

107. Constant Pain - Mental or Physical - can bleed one's will to live dry - Personal experience......

My 38-year-old son came down with chronic MS 4 years ago and with no health care we had to try and find a clinic that would help him until we got his Medicaid through. These clinics are no place for chronically ill people. They are for someone with issues that can be taken care of with antibiotics or other one time medication. When someone like my son goes to one of the places he is treated worse then an animal! We would take him to the ER's and they would say, this isn't a good place for this type of problem. Duh! What the H are people like this supposed to do then? And Medicaid Dr's weren't any better. I thought finally he would get the help he needed - Was I wrong!

Our answer came right after my son almost ended his life and it was from one of the University Medical Centers. Within minutes he was diagnosed and given the medication he needed. He has since become worse but still goes there for his med's and without this care he would have been long gone. His brain and other organs have started to atrophy and he is trying his best to stay alive until hopefully there will be a cure.

Pain is a terrible thing that strangles a person mentally and physically! Without quality health care in this country FOR EVERYONE we will never be the 1st rate country that the MSM says the rich Sultan's and others come here for. Our own people are denied this care! Let us hope and pray for new day with President Obama at the Helm!

Blessings!

[lonestarnot]

108. I am sorry Skidmore.

:hug:

[shaniqua6392]

109. I am so sorry for your loss.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[shadowknows69]

110. I'm so sorry Skidmore

[smoogatz]

111. Very sorry your family is going through this dark time.

My sincere condolences.

[Sunnyshine]

112. Weeping with you and so many others who know this unimaginable pain.

I too, had a cousin who simply could not take it anymore. I wish they knew that they truly are not all alone as they may feel they are in the struggle to make sense of things. I know it's hard for them to understand, but pain and fear is a common denominator for everyone. Coping with those emotions comes from learning to lean on each other and find strength in being together.:grouphug:

[Libertyfirst]

113. I am sitting with you and weeping. n/y

[Waiting For Everyman]

114. I am so sorry, Skidmore. Sitting with you for sure.

My sympathies to your cousin, the boy's mother too. I know what it's like to try to get medical or psych help for someone who is denied by every public or private source. I spent several years doing nothing but looking for someone who would, and could, treat my husband, a Vietnam vet (in his 30s at that time). Six years later, he was designated 100% disabled from PTSD. But during those six years, he was called a faker, a liar, every name in the book, and DENIED any kind of treatment or help everywhere, always. It was way more than a nightmare. Very scary.

He was suicidal during that time too. One day I came home from work, and just as I walked into the bedroom, I saw him sitting on the bed but didn't realize much more until I heard a "click". Then I realized that he had a handgun in his mouth - but he was so calm and didn't react to my entering the room. I started freaking out, but he didn't seem to notice me. He just continued in that calm, or more accurately distracted way, staring at the gun in his hand and turning it slightly, with a quizzical, confused look. Just staring at it.

It was loaded and the safety was off. It just didn't fire. A long time later, after thousands of hours of talking through all kinds of things - I had kind of forgotten about it, there were so many crises that it faded away - he told me that that incident had left him completely baffled, and after that, he put aside any thought of suicide. Something "clicked" in his mind too. It had made a deeper impression on him than he had ever let on, he never referred back to it after that until he told me this. I'm not sure that I really understand WHY this stopped him from focusing on suicide. It just did.

So much of these things don't make sense to us, who aren't going through it ourselves. I know I felt that way most of the time, even though I was so "close" to it, and we talked about his thoughts and feelings a lot, I really couldn't grasp what was going on inside his skin. All I could do is try to help, try to let him know that somebody wanted to know what he was going through, even though that wouldn't make it stop.

He had terrifying nightmares from 1969 until his death in 2007. They weren't fantasies, they were about real things that had happened. That's a long time to suffer, and his physical pain was as bad if not worse... dozens of back surgeries, failing organs, eventual paralysis... all from VN.

Why he lived so long after that day (24 years), I don't know. He never did recover, it never did get any better, it was the same pain the whole time. Would he have been better off if it had ended that day? It would seem so. There was really no useful purpose, even to him, for the years of suffering afterward. But this I do know. He ended his life as a person who was determined to survive every day he could - valuing every single day of life, and he was not late in arriving at that pov. He had it fairly soon after that event. I wish I knew what thought process he went through in that time, to arrive where he did - feeling that every day was worth struggling for.

I guess once he decided he wasn't going to end his life himself, he became determined that nothing else was going to easily end it either. What I can say is, during those "extra" 24 years he accomplished a lot of work within his own being. All I can think, is that that's what those 24 years were for. He didn't get any happiness out of them, he didn't get any fun times, but he did travel a long way within himself.

Strangely enough, after all the war he went through (and you wouldn't believe the accounts of what he survived - at one base camp, just one incident, he was one of only two survivors the morning after an all-night hand-to-hand combat with machetes), and all the medical emergencies and diabetic comas, and near-ODs on pain killers, etc.... he died in his sleep in his wheelchair, leaving this world about as gently as that can be. I marveled at that when I found him, I never expected that. I always assumed it would happen in a hospital ER (extreme stress was the constant theme of his life).

I don't know if I'm describing this at all well or not, or if it'll help in any way. Just my thoughts.

Peace and strength to you (((Skidmore))). :hug: And peace and love to your children. Talk to them. Make sure they know they can bring it up later if they want to. I'm so sorry for your loss. Every life ended leaves such an unnatural hole, in the place where it once was.

[Double T]

115. Skidmore, I am sorry for your family's pain.

I hope the great spirit will lift your family's burden.

[SpookyCat]

116. Skidmore....I wish I could be with you.

I just don't have any words. Please be well and know that we are all grieving with you. Comrade Snarky and I will keep you in our thoughts.

:hug:

[JerseygirlCT]

117. I'm so sorry, Skidmore

We've had situations like that in our community and the dearth of mental health care, especially residential care, is a horrible shame. It too often amounts to a death sentence.

If someone walked into that ER with an infected appendix, they'd be taken care of, no questions. Why in the world this sort of critical, emergency situation is pooh-poohed all too often is just lost on me.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

[Shardik]

118. My kindest thoughts and wishes to you and yours.

Tragedies like this are hard to overcome. But hey can be overcome. Give it time.

[AwakeAtLast]

119. All I can do is give you (internet) hugs

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug::hug: :hug:

So, so sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[MsLeopard]

120. Deepest Sympathy to you

I'm very sorry for your family's hardship during the holidays....

[Chemical Bill]

121. So sorry for your family's loss.

:cry::hug:

[Dystopian]

122. Dearest Skidmore, sitting with you, weeping, feeling your pain...

I'm so very sorry...I lost my brother to suicide, I know the extreme anguish, the questions with no answers...
Sending my heartfelt condolences...

You and your family are in my thoughts...

peace~

[Maru Kitteh]

123. Educate and talk to your kids about suicide, how horrible it is for the living, how no situation

is truly hopeless if you GET HELP - GET HELP - GET HELP - and keep trying until you GET HELP. Talk about symptoms. Talk about everything.

This American culture teaches us that we should just tough it out. We shouldn't ask for help. We shouldn't burden anyone. We shouldn't be too pushy when we need something, just suck it up and stand in line.

Treat this NO DIFFERENTLY than if you were a family with a high incidence of cancer or heart disease. If your family had a high incidence of diabetes you would talk to your kids about prevention, management, and how to avoid with the deadly consequences.

DEPRESSION IS NO DIFFERENT.

:cry: :cry: :grouphug:

We have dealt with this too. I actually DO know how you feel.

[Pharaoh]

124. Man................

Sorry....

[applegrove]

125. Very sorry.

[pacalo]

126. So sorry, Skidmore.

:hug:

[zanne]

127. Skidmore, you've been through two lifetimes' worth of family tragedy.

Yes, I'm weeping for you and your family. I weep for all the people who show up at emergency rooms across this country who are suicidal, despondent and turned away. I suppose I must sound like a heartless bitch to say this to you right now, but I think a good way of channeling some of your grief and anger is to join a group that is fighting for better health care in this country and keeping tabs on politicians who get into office by promising to change the health care system. My state has a group called "NH for Healthcare". I'm sure your state has something similar.

Skidmore, I'd rather see you get mad instead of brokenhearted. Maybe, given time, you will be. For right now, we'll all cry for those who've been turned away and marginalized.

[wolfgangmo]

128. I can relate. Too much.

Although I am now doing somewhat better, I too was injured, turned down for medical help. had coverage declined by insurance, and am in constant physical pain. Being disabled I lost my job. But of course I am not disabled enough to get SSI.

I just received a letter yesterday that says that the pain meds that didn't work too well and made me feel sick when I took them have been recalled. The pain has screwed up lots of things and the paralysis makes it impossible for me to do anything around the house to help out. I feel useless and hopeless a lot. When I take the meds I feel sick and can't make love to my wife. When I don't I hurt too much to make love. My marriage is on the rocks. I don't know if we will survive as a couple.

I too think about eating a lead sandwich. Some days are better than others. Some days are worse. I really feel for you and your family.

Insurance companies are the devil in the flesh. The next insurance adjuster I meet had better start walking in another direction.

Oh, and to add insult to injury my insurance company says that although I applied and was denied SSI, I should be eligible so they want their money back and have sent me what little they paid me to collections.

I just want it to end.

[emilyg]

129. I weep with you.

[MadMaddie]

130. I am so sorry Skidmore

It is heartbreaking to hear this....

[foxfeet]

131. Here's a helpful link, Skidmore.

Please see my post 53, above.
http://www.suicidology.org/displaycommon.cfm?an=1&subarticlenbr=55

[nc4bo]

132. {{hug}}

:cry:

[racaulk]

133. ((Skidmore))

I cannot begin to imagine the pain you and your loved ones must be going through, and I cannot comprehend why this tragedy has befallen your family. I'm just so sorry for your loss. If I were with you in person, I would give you a hug and offer you a shoulder to cry upon.

I'm so sorry. :cry:

:hug:

[webDude]

134. Hang in there, Skidmore, my prayers are with you.

[Danascot]

135. Please know that if we could take on

some of your pain from you and your family, we surely would.

[lightningandsnow]

136. I'm so sorry.

:hug:

[Cetacea]

137. ...

:hug:

[spanone]

138. ...

[ClayZ]

139. .

:cry:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

140. I will stay with you for as long as you need

My life has been defined by suicides, as has my mother's side of the family. I know the pain far too well.

So do you. I am so sorry, but I know all the words in the world don't change the cold, hard reality.

One thing I did learn from this is never to shut up about it. It's good you can talk with your kids about it - that's so important. It's also good that you can come here, where you have friends, and tell us about it. Talking about it is the only way that I know of to work with it. Keep talking until there is nothing left to say; it's how you save yourself. That's what I believe.

I am named after someone who committed suicide. When the three closest people in my life committed suicide within a twelve-month period, I thought I would simply die of grief. But I didn't. I ended up writing a novel somewhat about one of the suicides, and that opened a door for me to become a full-time published author.

One other thing I know is that people who tell you that "it'll be all right" are completely wrong. It'll never be "all right" again, not as you knew "all right." It will be a new kind of "all right," one in which you have made your peace with these tragic deaths, but, really, it's never all right again.

You are not alone, Skidmore. My heart goes out to you.

[jhrobbins]

141. Twenty five years ago, my best friend since we were 6 years old, took

his life, also with a gun. He was 25 and he was staying at his parents lake house. I had spoken to him several days earlier and he seemed OK - he had been down for a while, but not, it seemed, to a significant degree. How wrong we must have been. It has been 25 years and I still grieve for him-not daily like it used to be, but always. I wish I could tell you it gets better. It does not get better, it just gets further away. I used to wonder how bad things could have been to have done such a thing, but as I have gotten older and gone through the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, I sorta get it. I just can't help but think that just around the corner, things will get better.
My thoughts are with you and all that suffer from this.

[Divine Discontent]

142. I cry for you in my soul, bless you during this long suffering...

what a sad story. I have to say, it seems like suicide is a much bigger issue than people really admit - the whole issue of not being paid attention to in our pains/health probs is a major crisis in America.

I pray to God for us all.

:cry:

[Historic NY]

143. I won't say I know how you feel, but I do know the pain & its not easy...

no one can blame themselves. Please accept my condolences for you & your family.

[dajoki]

144. You and your family are in my prayers

[Tigress DEM]

145. It all goes back to Reagan's assault on the poor and disenfranchised.

His way of saving money was to dump the poor off welfare and the mentally ill out of the hospitals.

I WISH I could say this is the first I've heard of something like this, but sadly having volunteered in a mental health peer & family support group setting I've heard this and lived on the edge of it myself and prayed hard when my loved ones didn't get admitted.

I've stood my own son down when he wanted to end it many a time, but I'm sure he wanted to be talked out of it because otherwise he would have just done it.

I've yelled and screamed at the insanity of admitting rooms that every 90 days switch policies. First if you don't agree to being admitted you can't be held against your will, then 90 days later you have to be so out of it that if you know you need help, you're not sick enough to be admitted.

They should call it what it is, "Mental Health Russian Roulette - NEXT!"


GRRR..

Sorry. Was just supposed to sit with you and weep.

Owwie. :cry: :hug: Hugs!

[caseymoz]

146. I'm so sorry Skidmore,

As a Bipolar who was suicidal, I'm sorry that this has hit your family so many times. It was the illness doing it, and a careless psychiatrist. My condolences.

[norepubsin08]

147. Wow there is not much one can say

except that you have my support and prayers!!!!!

[bjobotts]

148. Sorry. We can never experience others as they experience themselves.

[bjobotts]

149. Here's hoping we all find a way to help each other find a way to cope, brother

[defendandprotect]

150. Many more people better understand these issues today --

And your story will help even more people to understand these problems --

I wish I knew words/thoughts that would bring comfort to you and your family --

May the future be happier for you all.

[donheld]

151. This is so very sad

I'm so very sorry :cry:

[cboy4]

152. Devastating.

There are no words.

:(

[lady raven]

153. I am so sorry.

I don't know what I could say to comfort you, so I'll just say that you'll be on my mind tonight and I'll say a prayer for your family.

What an awful thing to happen. I'm so sorry.

[lady raven]

154. I am so sorry.

I don't know what I could say to comfort you, so I'll just say that you'll be on my mind tonight and I'll say a prayer for your family.

What an awful thing to happen. I'm so so sorry.

[klebean]

155. I wept. You nailed it. "Undying" and "forever" pain. More can be done to alleviate it.

"But then I must sit here for a while and weep for the undying pain of the young man who ended his life on Saturday night. For the undying pain in a father's grief and the forever pain of a rejected life. I miss my cousins. Good men all.

Please sit with me a while and weep."

[RFKHumphreyObama]

156. Words are never adequate at this time I know

Nevertheless rest assured that you and all your immediate and extended family have my deepest, sincerest and most heartfelt thoughts, prayers, sympathies and condolences.

I'm so very, very sorry beyond what words could adequately convey:hug: :hug:

[unapatriciated]

157. .

:hug: :cry:

[The Doctor.]

159. There is so much pain these days.

I can't help but think it is by design.

I have been weeping regularly for a while now. Today my tears, and my prayers, are for you and your family.

May you know peace.

:hug:

[Ganja Ninja]

160. I' m so sorry.

[Christa]

161. My deepest sympathy

:cry:

[Mad_Dem_X]

162. Please accept my deepest condolences.

:cry: :hug:

[Bluenorthwest]

163. So sorry

So much pain around these days, and precious little understanding.

[Granny M]

164. Sincere condolences to you and the family.

Very sorry to hear of your pain.

[nradisic]

165. That is horrible...

Our neighbors son took his own life this past St. Patrick's Day. We are just left to wonder why and pray....

[mecherosegarden]

166. My deepest sympathies are with you

[Maestro]

167. So sorry for your loss

My sincere condolences.

[TheCowsCameHome]

168. We all weep for you and your family, Skidmore.

Your family has endured more than they should ever have.

[lisa58]

169. and when the tears are dried, there is a lot of work to be done to our healthcare system

I'm so sorry for your loss and share your grief.

[PolyD]

170. Tears are shedding here in Indiana

Thank you for sharing this in all of it's unbelievable, heartbreaking reality.

Sadly, these stories are not exclusive to you and yours.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks.

(((( you and me ))))

[AllyCat]

171. Oh dear, Skidmore. I'm so sorry

My sincere condolences to you and your family. An embrace to his young children who must miss their wonderful father terribly.

[Xenotime]

172. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss..

Gun fundies will stick to their "Guns don't kill people, people kill people," argument unfortunately.

[BonnieJW]

173. I am truly sorry for your loss.

My oldest daughter suffers from bi-polar disease and I know how frustrating it can be to obtain good medical help. Until we had her, I thought of depression as not having a date on Saturday night. One of her doctors told me that if clinical depression could be felt as physical pain, its victims would be in the emergency room.

I am ever hopeful that in an Obama administration, mental health care will become as plentiful as universal health care. I wish you peace and grief that is gentled by memories of your sweet cousins.

[Joanne98]

174. I'm so sorry.

[navarth]

175. may you find comfort.

sorry. life can really suck.

[question everything]

176. My heart aches just reading these words

Sadly, we are moving slowly in recognizing psychological pain as we have physical one.

Sadly, we are moving slowly in offering counseling in addition to medications.

My deepest condolences.

[Ken Burch]

177. Though we're separated by a great physical distance

I will sit with you in spirit.

This society doesn't do a good job with those who are suffering. It's probably down to the whole "suck it up, we've gotta load the wagons and head West" mentality.

Your family and your young cousin deserved far better.

[mnhtnbb]

178. Oh, Skidmore, I am so very sorry. Hubby has been a psychiatrist for

35 years and he's lost patients to suicide twice--once over 15 years ago and then just in the last few weeks. Sometimes, people are just determined to give up. There is just too much pain.

My oldest son lost one of his best friends to suicide right before Christmas 2003. It just seems so
difficult to accept that someone so young--19--can't find the hope to keep going.

I am so sorry for all your losses. It's just so sad. We can only hope that your cousins are in a better place--free from all their pain.

:cry:

[Dinger]

179. I Will

My sincere condolences skidmore, and a hug too:grouphug:

[madrchsod]

180. that`s why we are here....to hold one`s hand in need

[Dappleganger]

181. I am so sorry--suicide is generational for our family, unfortunately.

My great-grandfather, grandfather and an uncle all took their own lives. A number of others have tried, unsuccessfully. I worry that my father will do the same (he's bipolar, PTSD and stage 3 ALZ)--we just lost my mother in August and he's come off all of his meds and refuses to see his psychotherapist or family doctor any longer. Legally, unless he threatens to do something we cannot do anything with him. POA in VA is very weak in regards to medical issues. We have pleaded with him ourselves, as have my sister's husband, his pastor, his friends (what is left of them). Nothing can get through to him as he is too sick to listen. We are just waiting for the other shoe to fall.

[madmunchie]

182. My heart and soul weep with you, my thoughts cannot fathom this loss

There are no answers, only questions. There are no lasting solutions, but many hugs and lots of love is all that we really have to give.

[bunkerbuster1]

183. Life is so freakin' unfair sometimes.

I'm so sorry to hear of your family tragedy. May you find comfort where you can.

[populistdriven]

184. I am sorry skidmore :(