Depression, a view from the inside and what can be done about it

[The Straight Story]

I talked to a psych dr at the hospital a few weeks back and she told me it is amazing that I am not in the hospital or in worse shape than I was. I suffer from PTSD, anxiety disorder, and panic attacks in general - not to mention depression.

I basically told her about the last 4 years of my life, everything from losing my mom, career, house, wife trying to kill herself and her sickness, that my wife is with someone else right now but also with me, my kids, and so on. And I didn't even get to all of it.

This time of year when I see so many people having joy I am glad for them, but it only makes my own pain even deeper. At one time in my life I was the guy helping people out during this season (and other times of the year at retirement homes). Now I am on the other end of it and wishing the pain in my heart would just stop.

Were it not for my little one I would probably end it all because each day is more and more pain than the one before. No job, still struggling with CA unemployment and not getting answers - so no income yet, have applied for jobs from Wendy's to computer management positions and hear little to nothing.

Hope is something I cling to like a life raft but each day it wears away more and more as the waters of despair fill the raft.

I have tried to be kind to others in my life, tried to do the right thing even when it hurt me personally, and yet it has not panned out.

Not much anyone can do for me I suppose at this point - but there is something we can all work for for the future and those who may go down the same road:

1. Health care for all
2. Mental Health care for all
3. Streamline aid for people - make it quick and easy to get help
4. More funding for social programs.
5. Centralize resources, like a common web page (apply for one and one click from there to apply for other forms of aid) - share data so people don't spend an assload of time replicating the same information over and over. Apply for food stamps, that data is filled in when you need HEAP or welfare, etc.
6. One click matching to local non-gov entities based on your local based on needs you check off (Salvation army helps out with some bills and food, as does angel food network, etc) - 1 stop shopping. I think our government could handle this project with it's vast resources and the help of volunteers (just need a good project management team)
7....Add your own ideas (from prescriptions to clinics etc)

I have been through a hell I have not totally shared here, and it is not always easy to stay focused and work on all this issues from 100 different angles and sources.

I will volunteer my own time to help a project like this happen because there are so many needing help - and I don't have the money to help but I have the technical know how to many a things (including extensive project management experience).

I may have lost almost all hope, but that does not mean I can't work to give others some hope.

And that was what this last election was about to me. Hope.

-TSS

PS - Thanks to my many friends who have been there for me during these last few years, I couldn't have made it without you.

[BrklynLiberal]

1. You are not alone.

Altho my situation is not as complicated as yours I do understand what you are going thru.
I am also unemployed, and on some meds for depression. I have no health care either. I get the meds because I volunteered for a study in a hospital.

The one thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that if I do end it all, that would leave no
possibility of things getting better.

I think that your working to help others is a wonderful way to deal with your own problems.
Perhaps while you are busy giving others hope, you will find that you have found some as well.

Try to stay strong. It does matter to many of us...and to your family.

:pals:

[marylanddem]

2. NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) is a great resource

Depression runs in my family & I have found NAMI (there are chapters in every state I believe) support & educational groups to be tremendously reassuring.

Though it may seem impossible now, chances are good that you will, eventually, feel better.

blessings to you for sharing what is a common story that needs to be told over and over again.

[blue neen]

3. I had many days during clinical depression when the thought of my young child

is what kept me going. Parental instinct can be a powerful force. Thank God, so I can still be here to tell the tale.

You have some great ideas as far as streamlining application processes for resources. I would add another...any pharmaceutical companies that are offering discounts, coupons, or free medications to those in need. I dislike Big Pharma as much as anyone else, but if you talk to the right person, sometimes you can obtain some help.

If it is any comfort, I am now healthy and strong...it can happen, and I hope it happens for you soon.

Good luck.

You can PM me if you want any more info about medications.

[stillcool]

4. I think...that a lot of mental/emotional illness..

can be alleviated by having a living wage. If families could be families, instead of being so stressed out and exhausted, then their kids would have a much better start in life, and the impact of neglect or abandonment could be negated. Education would be wonderful too. Especially if young girls learned about their bodies and had access to birth control. And maybe if young people had the means to explore their talents, they would be more whole and make better choices. The impact of war on our collective consciousness I don't think can be ascertained, but I know that generations of men/woman coming home from war zones does not bode well for a families mental health. Therefore...I'd like to put the whole country in therapy.

[bkkyosemite]

5. You are not alone! Believe when I say you are not. But a hug to you and the knowledge that those who

love you would be put into depression just knowing how you felt.

And if anyone on this forum can offer a job to this person or knows someone who is in their area that can offer a job please follow through.

A much happier New Year to you.......positive thoughts going your way from one who knows it hurts.

[undergroundpanther]

6. Find a Psych survivor group or drop in

Nami takes alot of money from pharmaceutical companies,They have some policy positions I disagree with strongly.I don't trust Nami.Some do, I don't.

Check out any drop in centers run by ex patients, they are a great place to get support without alot of crap and control games.

Here are some resources.What state are you in?
http://www.ncmhcso.org/
http://www.mhselfhelp.org/

If you are in Maryland...
http://www.onourownmd.org/
PM me if you need info or contacts in Maryland.
I can get you numbers to call and stuff.

I have PSTD too and depression dissociation,adhd. You are not alone.
There are lots of people that have issues who are not ashamed to say so. Also on DU there is a mental health support group too,check it out.There's some good people over there.

[bkkyosemite]

8. They are in CA.

[The Straight Story]

9. In Ohio now

:)

[Behind the Aegis]

13. Here is one place to contact.

National Alliance on Mental Illness Ohio

Though I have never seen you say or even imply this, also keep this info on hand: suicide prevention resource center Ohio

One of the most difficult things to do is reach out to others. Often people feel they are "wearing on" others with their problems, so they keep things to themselves, which would be better shared.

I wish you well.

[Tigress DEM]

7. There is a good peer support board DBSAlliance - has good forums too.

I found a lot of cheer and acceptance in the Depression forum. I haven't been there in awhile, but some of the names are still familiar and I remember it as a community that really reached out to people. So you helped me already. I was thinking of going back and now I had to so I could remember how to get there to show you!

Also there are people there familiar with PTSD too.

I am on my last RX and hesitation about filling it has me taking St John's Wort. It helps mood but the physical tiredness just won't go away.


Main Page
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home

Forum Page
http://dbsa.invisionzone.com

Need to make up a screen name

[Mnemosyne]

10. I seldom speak up these days, TSS, but you are so not alone, in spirit at the least.

The last 8 years, especially the last four, have been almost unbearable to me many times. I came to DU and would read and learn, still do. The caring here is wonderful, most times. The information is phenomenal! It has made me feel much less alone.

One thing after another. I hear you. :hug:

I have taught myself to 'control' my depressions fairly well with breathing, an antidepressant and self-reassurance (keep telling myself, "It's chemicals fucking with your brain, wait it out, ride it out", when it hits or tries to slip into my life again.

420 therapy is the best med I've ever used for the pain, but poverty and ignorant drug laws keep it out of reach most of the time. I need to move to a better state!

The manic part I enjoy and will not give it up. Only time I get much done! I have a much better handle on it than in my younger years. :evilgrin:

Between PTSD, my own and my daughter's, asshole * voting and 'born-again' relatives, suicide attempts of a close family member suffering post-partum psychosis, cancer, deaths, ankle broken and non-joined for six or seven years...

Enough already!

I strongly believe that much of the stigma associated with "mental" illness is due to so few understanding that the "mental" IS a fucking PHYSICAL illness. The brain as a physical organ just does not compute with them.

It has been 'branded' as "mental" for so long and to many it means you don't "control" yourself, your 'thinking'. It is the illness where people are chided for not "brushing it off" or "pulling themselves together". Do they do this to diabetics? To cancer sufferers? Hell no! I now refer to it as a brain illness, the truth.

I see more and more around me slipping into depression these days. Mostly because so many have to spend too many hours/minutes worried if they will be able to afford food on their families, their meds (if any), a home, utilities, etc..., most with little to no health care.

My daughter's live-in 'boyfriend' is an Iraq Navy vet. He was a fireman/bio-hazard cleanup, as I understand it. Something is seriously wrong with him and because he lost some paper claims he can't get any help for depression and has no insurance. Refuses to even try to seek help found for him. Keeps my daughter upset 70% of the time.

He has a violent temper, no hitting, yet, but throws things and hits walls. He acts worse than my grandson, pouts, sulks, silent treatment. My kid will kick his ass if he ever thinks of hitting her. I will if he does.

He is a completely arrogant, willfully ignorant asshole fundy combined with PTSD. :scared:

And now my daughter tells me they are having a baby in August. She is a full-time student (grads in May 2009), mother of a 7yo son and a part-time caretaker of my mom next door and she has suffered from compound PTSD for 13 years.

Sorry for the short rant, TSS. Long week already. Thanks for 'listening'. :)

Hang in there baby, better times a coming! Sooner or later. We help hold each other up here.

Sometimes it is all there is to hold on to in this freaky world. :hug:

Namaste,

V

[northofdenali]

11. You'd have to put up with oil company crap and

red state politics, but 420 meds for personal use are LEGAL in Alaska and the feds haven't fucked with us about it at all.

The repukes do, but get shot down due to our terrifically written state constitution.

[Mnemosyne]

17. How far north do I need to go to see the Aurora? Is there less

oil company bs in the nether regions? :hi:

[northofdenali]

18. I can see the aurora from my back porch!

But I can't see Russia, dammit...........

The oil company bs is statewide, you cannot get away from it. However, it is ignorable until you hit the gas pumps - we're about $1/gal. higher than anywhere else in the nation except Hawaii. Go figure :hi:

We're slowly but surely going bluer - got a new US Senator by the name of Mark Begich whose daddy was a great Democratic pol here for years, and Mark is going to be better.....

So we're a little more purple nowadays than straight red, regardless of how the MSM paints us. And Sarah is having a few - ahem - popularity/ethical/legal problems already. Sigh. How they forget! :rofl:

And I meant to say that 420 is legal EVEN WITHOUT A MEDICAL NEED. Possession of up to 1 ounce for use in your own home has been upheld by our State Supreme Court on 4 occasions, beginning in the early 80's. The last was a few years ago when a "referendum" passed illegalizing the substance again. The law was immediately taken to court, and damn quickly shot down. Again. Pukes will NEVER learn that there is a big difference between them and the many, many Libertarians who live here!

[northofdenali]

12. All the good karma I can send is headed toward you right now.

You WILL make it, simply because you are an intelligent, compassionate parent and getting over the worst is what a parent does.

:loveya::hug::loveya:

[Hekate]

14. Just about to call it a night when I saw your post. Glad to see you here TSS. Will PM later, okay?

:pals: :hug:

Hekate

[The Straight Story]

16. Look forward to it

:hug:

[davidpdx]

15. I've dealt with depression for a long time as well

but I can't imagine what having PTSD would be like. In terms of looking for work and dealing with depression, I've dealt with that before as well. No one will hire a person who looks like they've been run over by a Mac truck. You have to be proactive about getting the help you need, whatever it takes. Only you can change your situation through taking action. Do what you have to take care of yourself so you can live a happy life and see your children grow up, get married and have children. I know it's not as simple as that, but one step at a time, one day at a time.

[Cetacea]

19. Sometimes music can cut through the worst of it

and provide some healing like nothing else, if only temporarily. Oddly enough, sad or intense music seems work better than upbeat music. Often avoiding major media is helpful, especially during the Christmas season.
As others have suggested, you should check out Survival groups.

[deaniac21]

20. I promise you that you aren't alone. I am having almost

identical problems. It's hard to go on but things have to change, right?