This is my weekly newspaper column, published today.
Also available online at:
http://cumberlink.com/articles/2008/12/18/opinion/columns/rich_lewis/doc494a5e104230a412297568.txt************
Not another Christmas carol
By Rich Lewis, Sentinel Columnist, December 18, 2008
It seems you can’t step into an office, store or elevator this time of year without being enveloped in a cloud of generic “Christmas music.”
Now I like “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” and “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” and all the other carols as much as anyone, but you can only take so much, especially of the watered-down, wallpaper versions with their angelic strings and eyes-to-heaven choruses.
That’s why I was pleased when Entertainment Weekly posted an article this week titled, “Bah, Humbug: The 100 Greatest Down-and-Out-on-Christmas Songs.” An antidote to holiday cheer, EW offered up “a playlist of holiday jeer.”
The magazine says the No. 1 bummer of a Christmas song is “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” sung by Judy Garland in the 1944 movie, “Meet Me in St. Louis.” Judy sings it to her little sister in a vain attempt to convince her “that it’s okay they’re about to move away from their beloved home and friends.” And, no, your doggy can’t come with us.
Next is Merle Haggard’s 1973 “If We Make It Through December” — about a laid-off dad wondering if he’ll be able to buy his kids Christmas presents. How timely!
Others on the list (www.ew.com) include John Prine’s “Christmas in Prison,” The Everly Brothers’ “Christmas Eve Will Kill You,” and the ever-uplifting “Please, Daddy, Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas” by Kelly Willis and Bruce Robison.
But perusing that inspiringly gloomy list reminded me that one of the best Web sites devoted exclusively to non-coma-inducing Christmas music originates right here in Carlisle.
Since 1997, my friend and Sentinel colleague Francis Volpe has maintained “Mistletunes” (
http://mistletunes.com) — “the ho-ho-home of a rock-n-roll Christmas” and dedicated to serving “all those folks out there who would like Christmas a lot more if it were a little less sappy.”
Count me in.
The goal of the Web site is to list and review all the Christmas songs that can plausibly be categorized as rock-n-roll. But the site also includes rock’s “cousin” genres like R&B, reggae and ska, plus some “novelty” songs (like “Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire” by Bob Rivers and “Hallemoojah Chorus” from “It’s a Cow Christmas”). It’s got a nice selection of Hanukkah and generic “holiday” tunes as well.
Although close to a thousand songs are listed, Francis acknowledges the site isn’t 100 percent complete, “but we’d sure like it to be that way when it grows up.”
Francis says he started Mistletunes in 1997 when the Internet was still a new phenomenon and people were rushing to put up these amazing things called “Web pages.” He wanted to do one, but needed a topic. With years of experience as a musician, DJ and record collector, he decided to focus on Christmas-themed rock songs.
He’s still at it 11 years later — and apparently a lot of people appreciate his efforts. A counter shows the Web site has been visited almost 265,000 times — although the counter was reset at one time so the number is actually higher.
“It’s attracted people who are far more obsessive about the topic than I am,” Francis says. “And a lot of people come to it who aren’t the obsessive hobbyists like myself but who are just Googling around to find out if somebody they like has done a Christmas song.”
Mistletunes has been selected as a Yahoo! “Pick of the Day,” and a USA Today “Hot Site.”
The Web site has no actual music on it, just lists of titles and detailed reviews, but each year Francis compiles a “mix CD” — 20 or so songs culled from his personal collection. He gives copies to friends. I have the last nine editions and don’t consider the holiday season under way until the new one arrives each year. The CDs come in plastic cases complete with humorous titles and artwork.
This year’s is called “YuleTube: Another Mistletunes Christmas? Yes. We Can.” Some of my earlier favorites were “Mistletunes Accomplished,” with a properly Photoshopped picture of George Bush’s infamous visit to the USS Abraham Lincoln, and “All About Christmas Eve,” with a shot of Joan Crawford from the movie parodied in the title.
And last year’s CD (“Wake me up before you ho-ho”) and this year’s “YuleTube” can be heard online for free (at www.coolstreams.com). It’s worth checking out.
Mistletunes’ is updated annually and now includes over 100 Christmas-themed singles and albums released in 2008 — rock, punk, R&B, hip-hop and other unclassifiable stuff, including “The Hives vs. Cyndi Lauper: A Christmas Duel”; “Takin’ Care of Christmas” by Randy Bachman; “A Boiling Vat of Adhesive Xmas” by Substance W; “A Tribute to Bad Santa” by Jim Jones & Skull Gang; and “The Archies Christmas Album Featuring Betty and Veronica” by The Archies.
So if you’ve heard just about enough about decked halls, holy nights and little drummer boys, put a little despair in your audio stocking with something off the EW list (maybe No. 74: “I Was Thinking I Could Clean Up for Christmas” by Aimee Mann) or get up and dance to a rocker from Mistletunes (maybe from “We Wish You a Hairy Christmas” by various hair-bands).
You know, stuff you don’t hear in the elevator.
Rich Lewis’ e-mail address is rlcolumn@comcast.net
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