Excerpts from a Dog' s Diary...

[SIMPLYB1980]

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing !
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing !
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing !
10: 30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing !
12: 00 PM - Lunch ! My favorite thing !
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing !
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing !
5:00 PM - Milk bones ! My favorite thing !
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing !
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing !
11: 00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing !

Excerpts from a Cat' s Daily Diary . ..

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture…Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors,I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this On their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was… Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still LODGED between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event, however, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer.” More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my activities. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…


:rofl:

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. My cat's diary

6:20 am--Ah, my servant is finally up. I will deign to allow her to use the restroom before she comes to give me my breakfast.
6:30 am--The other servant has come, and I have ordered my salmon and tuna--fresh, and flaked please. Hmmm...still getting that canned stuff from him. Must have sharp mew with his partner.
6:50 am--Ah, she is dressed and finally coming out. I register my complaint and she simply gives me more of the same! He tells her, "I've already fed the cat." Stupid servants just don't understand.
I keep looking up at her, certain she is getting fresh flaked tuna from the cupboard--and she shows me round capsules instead! Yuck! They don't even smell like fresh tuna!
7:00 am--in disgust, I go to the door. At least she knows that that means I wish to go outside. Perhaps I will be lucky today in my quest for a stream teeming with fish. Or I can play with the frogs in the lily pad pond again.

[SIMPLYB1980]

3. LoL! I to am a servant to my pet. He's a cold blooded task master.

[kayakjohnny]

2. Pretty dang funny. Hadn't seen that one yet. TY.

[SIMPLYB1980]

4. NP. This place needs as much funny as it can get.

:hi:

[kayakjohnny]

5. No kidding. I'm all for some lightness and silliness right about now.

It's the Holidays fer Chri....er... for crying out loud.