The only gay marriage I oppose is one to an unsuspecting straight person.

[elehhhhna]

I think (hope) this was much more common back in the 80's, when I witnessed it -- and the ensuing chaos, drama, and pain inflicted on all parties -- several times.

[Veritas_et_Aequitas]

1. That happened to a family at my church when I was a kid.

I felt really bad for the kids, who were a little younger than me.

[notesdev]

2. Poor Mrs. McGreevey

She never saw it coming...

[Xipe Totec]

3. Very punny!

:rofl:

[JuniperLea]

4. I've known a few people who did this...

And I don't blame them so much as I blame their family and churches for trying to force them to "do the right thing."

One of my oldest friends was caught up in this... his wife left him for another woman, and it freaked him out so much he didn't even date for five years. He did, however, turn it into a totally hilarious stand up comedy routine. He was on the road with that one for several years!

BTW - it was all being funny on himself, not about anything bad on lesbians.

[stillcool]

5. I dated a man who had a hard time..

with the idea of being gay. He had such a rough going through his early years, not only because he was gay, but because of life, loss, and war. The last time I saw him he was in a VA hospital after trying once again to kill himself. I don't know of any person who finds it easy to accept who they are, when they grow up with a self-identity that is in conflict with that image. We don't make it easy for people to be who they are.

[deadmessengers]

6. It happened to my cousin

She was absolutely devastated when her husband came out to her about six months after they were married.

[fed_up_mother]

29. Yeah, I have a friend who was victimized by marrying someone in the closet

And there is no doubt that she was his victim. I realize he was victimized by society, but he was very cruel. He was unfaithful from their engagement onward, and was a real creep who tried to make her believe she was insane and imagining everything. Every time she tried to escape, he threatened to take their daughter. He victimized her just as any hetero husband could have. No, I don't feel any pity for him. Had he acted differently, I'd probably have some pity for him, but I have none.

[Karenina]

31. Here's my old lady's take, having in my near 6 decades

done most everything with most everybody...

There are 2 types of men, gay, straight, anywhere in between, of whatever geographical or biological origin: Those who LIKE WOMEN and those who DON'T. Now, there are gradations there too but for my point in this post I'll leave that be.

Men who DON'T LIKE WOMEN will use whatever means to exhibit their societally-granted but wholly-imagined superiority. Challenge them and you WILL be subject to some kind of violence if you stick around long enough.

For any teeniekins and beyond out there reading this, if a guy exhibits a rabid rage for his mother, generally speaking, that's a RED FLAG to urge you to exercise caution, critical thinking and then compassion, by which I mean not getting chewed up in things you're not in a position to change. Disclaimer: This advice is worth what you paid for it. ;-)

We might begin with the degradation of the female by those who hold her in contempt and fear those of their same sex THEY SEE as manifesting her qualities.

WHERE MISOGYNY REIGNS, SO DOES HOMOPHOBIA ...

I hope your friend has as much distance from this guy as a daughter will allow.

[fed_up_mother]

32. I agree. Good post

Of course she does now. Once he finally lost control of the situation, he disappeared.

No child support, as you might expect. :(

[Karenina]

33. Not worth the continued drama.

[fed_up_mother]

34. Definitely!

[JohnnieGordon]

7. Actually if the unsuspecting str8 person is a homophobe, it'd be poetic justice

But of course if children entered the picture, they'd be the innocent victims.

[elehhhhna]

9. uh, the gA person has some emotional problems with this type of arrangement, too...

Isn't every party a victim in this scenario?

[fed_up_mother]

35. I don't feel sorry for anyone who victimizes another person.

I don't make excuses for a man who abuses his wife because he was abused as a child. I might "understand" why he did it, but he's still an asshole for doing it.

And I don't care if you are afraid of the assholes in society and therefore use and destroy another person's life. In my book, that just makes you another asshole.

I grew up in a small town with two male friends who didn't come out until much, much older. They remained single, and didn't victimize other human beings in their quest to stay in the closet. They're two of the best human beings I know. This was a small town in the south, and I'm sure it had just as many homophobes as any other town in this country. They still didn't use that as an excuse to lie and cheat and wreak havoc with other people's lives.

Some people have honor.

And some people don't.

And it has nothing to do with being gay or straight.

[Karenina]

22. I find your remark mean-spirited and ignorant.

MY UTOPIA would allow everyone just to be accepted as who they are, therefore voiding the necessity of people who are perfect just as they are lying to an intimate partner. There's a whole lotta other really nasty shit that comes along with those lies. I enthusiastically played "the beard" several times in my younger years, DELIGHTED to be ABLE to protect MY loved-ones from ignorant assholes... but draw the line at deception NO MATTER WHO the parties are .

[Name removed]

8. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[elehhhhna]

10. crist ona tortilla! please settle down.

Where did I say the gay person victimizes the straight one? Or vice-versa? It's hell on everyone involved.

btw, marrying (a straight person) is generally a desperate attempt to conform, and it can also lead to suicide.

[xchrom]

12. then you would not have written your OP -- seriously. nt

[elehhhhna]

14. why? seriously. n/t

[Name removed]

15. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[elehhhhna]

17. huh?

[Name removed]

18. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[lightningandsnow]

16. Hmm...you're making sense here.

:hug:

[Karenina]

27. Ya think?

[LWolf]

11. It certainly causes a lot of pain.

I've seen 2 of those situations in my lifetime. One resulted in a broken family and a son who, to this day, is 32 and has not forgiven his father, still has no contact, for abandoning and hurting his family when he came out 20 years ago.

The other resulted in suicide.

I don't know if I would say that I'm "against" it. I understand it. I empathize with all involved.

I would say that it grieves me, and I look forward to the time, in the evolution of our culture, that no one ever feels like they HAVE to be in the closet.

[Karenina]

20. Bingo!

I wouldn't say I was "against" it either, understanding the depth of "Existenz Angst" such sad situations produce on all sides. I have also encouraged more open an honest communication among friends as a stipulation for keeping my mouth shut and "being there" to help pick up the pieces.

[fed_up_mother]

36. You can be single and still be in the closet

I'm very much "against" using other people for cover.

[lightningandsnow]

13. ...

...apologies. I have a twisted sense of humor.

[xchrom]

19. ...

:spray:

[elehhhhna]

26. damn that's funny! lol

[shadowknows69]

21. My wife and I know a couple people who were in "appearance" marriages

It is the saddest thing in the world to have to hide who you really are.

[madamesilverspurs]

39. My eye-opener happened about 1967.

Having grown up in a very WASPy family and neighborhood before moving to LA after high school, the diversity was shocking to my parents; that same diversity was dazzling and delightful to my siblings and me. Anyway, among my college classmates was a married couple. Turns out that both were gay and had "married" so that she could have insurance coverage during her pregnancy, and the child would be raised by her and her partner. And he had a son that he was raising with his partner. The arrangement seemed to work for them, but I remember thinking that it was sad that they had to resort to such duplicity.

[Nikia]

23. Such situations are proof that RW Christian homophobes are so wrong

Some of these people marrying despite their sexuality want to be "good Christians" and have a successful straight relationship with marriage and children. Despite this strong desire, they are still gay and when they come to terms with that or get caught, they just cause hurt to those who love them, as well as themselves. The RW Christians say that homosexuailty is a sin, but how can't it be a sin to lie to oneself, loved ones, and hurt everyone in the process.

[Karenina]

24. Throw another shrimp on the barbie.

[knitter4democracy]

25. I've been through something like that. You're right.

It was during my frosh year at our evangelical Christian college. I fell for a senior who was nice to me, cute, and funny. We dated for a month before his best friend got back from her semester of study in Costa Rica, and then our relationship went downhill. He was controlling and mean, played cruel tricks on me and belittled me all the time, and I finally realized what was going on and dumped him.

I found out the next year that I wasn't the only woman he'd done that to, and I watched him do it to another freshman that year after trying to warn her off. He was angry and lashed out in really unhealthy ways and seemed to enjoy hurting his girlfriends. A mutual friend told me a couple of years after that about how he'd come out of the closet and was quite the swinging single guy now. It helped explain so very much.

I'm sure he knew who he was deep down, but we were in a church that taught that being gay is fine but acting on it is a sin. I'm sure he treated us girlfriends simply as cover and lashed out at us because we weren't who he really wanted. I'm glad that he finally was honest with himself, and I hope he's happy and healthy now.

[Karenina]

28. Sunday kick!

[treestar]

30. That would go to grounds for an annullment

It would easily fit into already existing statutes regarding annulments based on fraud.

One thing that would be in issue too would be intent - did the gay person really intend to commit the fraud or were they struggling with their identity? They could also argue they were bisexual. So it would be an issue in each case.

[Maru Kitteh]

37. "In and Out" - without the "out" - Yeah, I've seen this too. It's very hard on everyone

Actually this movie was full of every kind of trite stereotype you can think of but that's an entirely different subject altogether.

I think many people did this believing if they just tried a little harder they could become "normal." They often found people of the socially appropriate gender they really loved and cared for, hoping that would make the difference and hoping it would make the natural desires they had been taught to hate go away.

Very sad for everyone involved.

[EFerrari]

38. If it's not your marriage, why is it your business or your concern?

People enter into marriage for a lot of reasons and they lie their @sses off all the time. Why does this scenarios merit your attention?