This afternoon I discovered that the love of my life died two years ago.

[Mike 03]

I apologize for posting this here, but I have no one else to share this with, at least at the moment. For a few years I have been trying to find some way to contact someone I loved a long time ago. I would Google her name but never find anything, so I eventually gave up trying. (We had been friends in high school, and college, and after that, and one of my sisters had been her best friend in high school. We all grew up in the same town.) We eventually fell in love during a very difficult time for both of us. It ended, not so well.

Last night I finally found her online, and a way to contact her too. I wrote her a message and I was so happy.

Today I found her facebook page, and all of the messages were memorial messages: Saying how much they miss her, and one gave the place and time for her memorial service. They were dated January 2007. And since then, some of her friends marked her birthday.

I'm inconsolable. Hysterical beyond words.

I just had to say something about this. I just joined Facebook and have contacted her most recent friends to try to find out what happened. I searched Google high and low for the past few hours but I can't find anything about her, or an obituary or anything.

I can't express my sorrow.

I'll try to call my sister tomorrow and tell her. But I'm just too shaken and devastated to talk to anyone.

[pUNk Limited]

1. wat

wat

[undeterred]

2. I'm sorry.

Life is too short. :hug:

[aikoaiko]

3. I'm sorry for you loss. I use pipl.com to look up internet references to people I've lost track of.

[TomInTib]

4. Oh, Mike, I am so sorry.

What a tough way to find out.

Sit still and quiet, let it wave, wash over you.

Tom

[JoDog]

5. I'm so sorry

While there is nothing I can say to stop the pain, I can offer some advice on finding some more information. Have you checked the website of the newspaper that covers the area where she lived? Many smaller papers do not submit all of their material to google, so it may not have come up in a search. If nothing else, if you can find a phone number for the newspaper's offices, call them up. Ask to be transfered to whomever handles the obit. When you get there, explain the situation and ask them if the published obit says what happened.

I know that sometimes finding out what happened is an important step in mourning. Give it a shot.

[Desertrose]

6. Dang...that is rough.

I've lost a few few friends and it hurts to find out that way...but to finally find your love and come so close....sigh...that's even worse.I'm sorry for your loss....

(Maybe it's not true.........)

FWIW :hug:

DR

[ogneopasno]

7. I'm sorry.

[BrklynLiberal]

8. That is so sad.

Time can be so cruel when we lose track of the years....
:grouphug:

[G_j]

9. so very sad, yet your love still connects you

that is obvious.

my condolences and hugs..

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

10. So sad

and so painful--you have my condolences.

[LWolf]

11. I'm so sorry. nt

[malaise]

12. Too sad

I've been trying to find an old boyfriend in New York as well. I hope he's still alive.

[TripleKatPad]

13. So very sorry, Mike

I did something like this several years ago. Long story short: I tracked him down 25 years later. We rekindled our romance and met in NYC. It was sweet, full of nostalgia and a ton of fun. After a year, though, we both realized there was no future to it. Too much time, too much distance, too much change. At least I was able to put an end to my "what if" wonderings.

I sincerely wish you had had the opportunity for yourself. I feel your sorrow. Many hugs from Michigan.

[Greyhound]

14. My sympathies to you, I know just what you're feeling. n/t

[Mari333]

15. sorry hon.

have you ever had someone in your life pass over before? i know how hard this is. hugs.

[housewolf]

16. I'm so sorry, Mike03

What a sad thing to find out today.

You'll feel your loss mightily, grieve, come to terms with what was left unsaid and undone, and someday her memory will be sweet. I promise it's so.

[Stinky The Clown]

17. mike ......

..... :hug:

[kayakjohnny]

18. I would not know where to begin offering some condolence. I'm sorry to hear this.

Many people will be moved and touched and saddened by this. It's how you're feeling right now, and each coming day and month will be slightly different than now. I could only imagine what's in your mind and heart at the moment. Contact with people who know the story is probably good. It seems you have a huge heart that can know a huge pain. I have nothing but the best wishes for you in coping with this loss. This, to me is possibly the deepest expression of the human experience.

[ngant17]

19. each year that goes by, the more I become a survivor

An old high school friend(middle school and high school, actually) of mine, I learned from my older brother that he died 5 years previous. From melanoma (skin cancer). A lot of memories seem to have been lost forever between us.

My younger brother died last year. Quite unexpectedly. Heart attack or cardiac arrest.

Friends, relatives, this list keeps getting longer every year that I get older.

My mother has some bad days, and she will talk about that "she's on her way down". But then she comes back up again. I tell her, she could be saying this for the next 20 years, so why be so negative? Oh, but she refuses to believe she has so much time left to enjoy in her life.

It's not fun being a survivor, with everyone around you going down and gone, but I was an introvert as a child, and the ability to withdraw into a psychological coccoon, or to find refuge in an internal self-defense mechanism, this is practically natural for me, and it all becomes somewhat manageable.

It's nice to have a dog around, I suppose.

[Mike 03]

20. I just found out. She died of pancreatic cancer. My sister knew but was trying

to protect me. Apparently once she was diagnosed she refused to talk to even her closest friends. She just withdrew. So my sister made the decision not to tell me.

We had a good talk. I cried and cried.

It's incredible how your whole life and your hopes for the future can crumble in the space of one second.

[asjr]

21. I call that a hard hurt. It will only soften

with time. I had two classmates who found each other after 50 years. I was thrilled for them because both had been through divorces and finally found "true love." Unfortunately they only had 3 years together before he passed away last month. But I do know they made those years the best of their lives. She is managing but still will miss him.

[MadrasT]

22. Oh my dear Mike 03

I am so sorry. I have experienced a similar loss, my heart is with you.

:hug:

[texastoast]

23. I'm so sorry

Just grieve every time you need to. That's a terrible way to find out. Peace.

[foxfeet]

24. I'm so sorry for your loss and pain, Mike 03

May you find peace and healing.

[Ilsa]

25. I'm so sorry. Even though you haven't seen her in a long time, I know it hurts.

I hope someone can help you through your grief.

[W_HAMILTON]

26. How old was she?

I'm sort of in the same sort of situation, although I haven't spent much time looking for the person. I always figured I'd meet up again with them one day, but just like you, I'd be crushed if I found out they had passed.

I'm so sorry.

[riqster]

27. I live with the loss of my love every day, and have for a long time

It never stops hurting, but the hurt has become something that, in an odd sort of way, sustains me: she is with me always.

Hang in there.

[aquart]

28. The internet is an awful way to find out...but it's better than never knowing.

I know you will always regret not getting in touch sooner, how can you not? But you know now she had friends, and they cared deeply. So she wasn't alone and desperate. She was among friends. And that's a very good thing to know about someone you loved so much.