another victim for the crashing real estate market: the easy divorce.

[dkf]

When Marci Needle and her husband began to contemplate divorce in June, they thought they had enough money to go their separate ways. They owned a million-dollar home near Atlanta and another in Jacksonville, Fla., as well as investment properties.

Now the market for both houses has crashed, and the couple are left arguing about whether the homes are worth what they owe on them, and whether there are any assets left to divide, Ms. Needle said.

“We’re really trying very hard to be amicable, but it puts a strain on us,” said Ms. Needle, the friction audible in her voice. “I want him to buy me out. It’s in everybody’s interest to settle quickly. That would be my only income. It’s been incredibly stressful.”

Chalk up another victim for the crashing real estate market: the easy divorce.

----

For other couples it does not have to end. Lisa Decker, a certified divorce financial analyst in Atlanta, said she was seeing couples who were determined to stay together even after divorce because they could not sell their home, a phenomenon rarely seen before outside Manhattan.

“We’re finding the husband on one floor, the wife on the other,” Ms. Decker said. “Now one is coming home with a new boyfriend or girlfriend, and it’s creating a layer to relationships that we haven’t seen before. Unfortunately, we’re seeing ‘The War of the Roses’ for real, not just in a Hollywood movie.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/30/us/30divorce.html?_r=2

[MsTryska]

1. or it could get very "French"

it just depends on people's mental attitudes.

That is an interesting dynamic that I haven't considered.

I wonder if divorces getting more difficult is a good or bad thing.

[Ilsa]

2. We had couples who divorced so one could try to shelter

more assets, once upon a time when I worked for a workout bank. I think the point was to protect half of the marital assets when only one of them had guaranteed business loans.

[crim son]

3. "Easy"? That'd be super.

But the point is a good one and I've been living the endless divorce scenario for just about three years. It's taken ten off my life in misery, stress, guilt, hate, you name it. If I could go back I'd prefer being verbally abused and occasionally knocked around to the shit I've endured since we agreed to "part."

One thing is for certain: I won't be marrying again.

[Warpy]

5. I hear that

I was lucky in that there was equity in the house and I dug my heels in until I got my half of it. Other than that, I took my clothes and a few pots and pans and that was about it. He kept the furniture and everything else.

I'd have left with nothing but the clothes on my back if that was how it had to be.

It's been 23 years and there is no way I'd ever marry again.

It must've been a better deal for him, though. He's on number four.

[crim son]

8. It sounds like you got the better deal.

He was, apparently, no catch. And if I didn't have three kids, I would be a thousand miles from here. :hug: Thank you for your response, Warpy! :hug:

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

10. I'm on #0.

I have seen enough of what married people do to each other on the road to becoming unmarried people, and I have seen enough of what my generation considers marraige, to know that I'll just pass.

Like Sam Kinneson said: I'll just find a woman that hates me and buy her a house. It's simpler and cheaper.

[Warpy]

18. I have a few friends with good marriages

and I don't think there's anything better. I've seen them go through periods when the last person on earth they wanted to see was each other, but they've always come through them stronger. The good times vastly outnumber the bad and the support they get from each other is fantastic.

Living within a marriage is like living within the family you were born into. We just put too many expectations on it most of the time and when it falls short of "happy ever after," we throw in the towel.

Then there are the ones like I found myself in, mired in some sort of insanity. When that happens, we become distinctly risk aversive.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

21. That's part of it for me.

Last woman I shared a living space with, I was not romantically involved with. She was the landlord's "jizz jar". Sorry, but there is no nicer way to put their relationship. He would stop by at his leisure, they would repair to chambers, he would dump the apparently poisonous substance that was apparently backing up in him, to his throat, then split. She thought she was due to become Mrs. Landlord, marry into his wealth and all would be fuzzy bunnies. While she became a powerful sorceress. Really. All the while, was ripping me off for cash and chattels and accusing me of anything and everything that came into her fevered brain, because I had become, in her mind, The Source of All That was Bad in Her Life. She had people who were that regularly and I just became one of them.

I have since come to understand that she was BPD. No matter. THAT will make you risk averse. It was hell on earth with her and her demon spawn and her lies. It still makes me shudder.

[deadmessengers]

4. People have stayed married for financial reasons for years

This isn't all that new - people jhave been staying married for financial reasons for many years, although this is a slightly different financial reason.

Case in point - My parents stayed married for 18 years after they separated, because if they divorced, my mother would have lost her health insurance (she was covered under my father's government pension), which would have left her well and truly screwed (she had some fairly serious health problems). Although he and my mother didn't want to be together (no judgments from me as to the reasons why), he couldn't live with himself with that outcome, so they stayed married until my mother's death early this year.

[fed_up_mother]

6. Well, they could do like the Cubans do

Due to severe housing shortages in Cuba, it's not unusual to divorce but remain in the same house for years afterwards.

[Idealism]

7. People need all the help they can get to stay married these days

[jazzjunkysue]

9. I know a few people who are remaining under one roof because of the crash.

Really confusing for the kids. It's actually better for everyone if you can move on and get it all past you.

So, anyone who's rushing to the altar right now: Slow down. Really. Just ride it out. The stress is going to be heavy in the next couple years.

[SoCalDem]

11. My best friend is going through this very thing..only she moved out

her crazy husband still wants her to sign "the papers" to try and re-fi that stupid house yet again.. Neither can afford a lawyer, and the upcoming foreclosure will stick to both of them, but at least she's now realized that a re-fi on a house with a negative equity and an adjusting variable rate is not in her best interest..

He still thinks he can "rent it out", but no one's gonna rent that place for what the new payment will be

[dkf]

12. wow. Your friends plight reallly brings this home for me.

That really sucks.

[SoCalDem]

13. They owe $365K on a house that "might" sell now for $180K

and their current payment is $2200 a month without tax & insurance..and it's going up again in March..

Houses like theirs now rent for about $1500..

[dkf]

14. Relationships are hard enough as it is without

throwing in crazy upside down mortgages.

Regarding the refi, I'm surprised she can get one.

[SoCalDem]

15. That;s the thing.. they CAN'T, but goofball THINKS they can

and keeps calling & bugging her to HELP him..she changed her phone number last week :thumbsup:

[dkf]

17. He sounds desperate...

Again...that hits home. So sad.

I think your friend is right to just get out of the situation. Having a good fico score is the luck of the draw nowadays.

[Warpy]

19. Let him refinance

and let her sign the house completely over to him as part of the deal.

Revenge is sweet.

[SoCalDem]

20. He can't without counting her income..and he cannot afford to keep it

and she's got no "extra" money to help him out..

[Warpy]

22. She needs to talk to a lawyer ASAP

to try to extricate her financially from this mess. Giving him the house as the divorce settlement sounds ideal.

Digging herself in deeper with this guy is just plain nuts and you can tell her I said so.

[no_hypocrisy]

16. Two friends walked away from EVERYTHING -- that's how bad they wanted out.

They signed away their rights to their homes, support, etc.

As Janis Joplin/Kris Kristoferson intoned, freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. Their sanity was more important than waiting for their lawyers to do their jobs.

Yeah, they could have been ahead had they waited. But their ex-husbands were pure toxin. Both never regretted their decisions. And btw, one of the exes is a well known radio talk show host out of Las Vegas. She could try for a post-judgment motion for support but would rather cut all ties permanently.

[crispini]

23. Wow, this is SO not my world:

"Josh Kaufman and his wife bought a new 6,500-square-foot house outside Cleveland on five and a half acres, with four bedrooms and two three-car garages, that was worth $1.5 million at the height of the market."

I am SO SO glad when I bought, I bought something I would hopefully always be able to afford.