The Rude Pundit: End of the Year Haiku, 2008

[meegbear]

12/30/08: (Part 1: The Election)
Horror Movie Campaign
1. Sarah Palin sucked
the life out of John McCain
like a vampire moose.

2. Prez Bill Clinton was
a hungry, running zombie
with gore in his teeth.

3. Did Giuliani
really think America
needs Nosferatu?

4. Hillary Clinton
was as tough to defeat as
Jason on crack rock.

5. McCain sold his soul
to Karl Rove, who crushed it like
a frightened hawk’s heart.

A Bad Year for Fox “News”
Bill Ayers, Rev. Wright,
madrassas, Muslims, and more:
flea farts in the wind.

Happy Endings
Obama said, “Yes,
we can.” And we finally
believed that we could.

12/31/08: Part 2 (Rude Readers Get Poetical)
Before we close out this bipolar year of Obama rushes and economic crashes and a solid level of violence and horror, let's look back in poetry, or at least a bastardized version of poetry, as the Rude Pundit and his readers tap some haiku into the ether where 2008 is about to reside.

A few more from the Rude Pundit:

A Moral Quandary
Hmm, is it torture?
Ask the jailed nude man shaking
In pools of his piss.

You Get What You Ask For
The NSA cringed
when they saw Cheney jacks it
to burn victim porn.

The Night of January 19
Bush stared at the wall,
fingered his asshole, and thought,
“I did a great job.”

The Rude Pundit put out the call for haiku, and, damn, motherfuckers, you flooded him with well over 100 of the things in a little over a day. Here's a sample of the best (with minor edits, if needed, and no vouching for proper syllable count). If yours didn't make it, thanks for sending it, and, for fuck's sake, get over it.

From J. Jackson:
Ostrich-like humans
Our heads buried in the ice
Drowning as it melts

From Mike A.:
Look back at Iraq
With a post-coital tristesse
Quiet, you'll wake her

From Foamboy:
If a thing is deemed
"Too Big To Fail," then please don't
Put fucktards in charge.

From John H.:
Bush, the decider,
will be gone not soon enough
to bring back the dead

From Tangerine L.:
If I live too long
Spring will bring another Bush.
I hope I die first.

From Chuck D. (no, not that one):
Farewell, W.
Please accept this flying shoe
As your good-bye gift.

From Pete K.:
False prosperity
Thin as simple rice paper
Flutters in the wind

From Jeanette D.:
I once had a job
I could almost pay my bills
Job gone, bills still here

From Jennie B.:
For sale: tulip garden
Dutch cultivars blooming with
attached foreclosed house

From Broadway Carl:
One day soon Limbaugh
Will clutch his chest and collapse
I will dance a jig

From Jim:
Sleek blond imbecile
Like Ann Coulter posits a
Terrorist Fist Jab

From Tom M. (a Dead Kennedys reference always warms the Rude Pundit's heart):
O' California
Uber alles, votes hatred
Proposition 8

From Phil D.:
Barack Obama
Is Chicago’s face. It’s ass:
Rod Blagojevich

From Dan G.:
Two-thousand and eight
America finally stops
Sucking its own dick?

From Sheldon D.:
Obama said yes
the sun will shine yet again
here comes the shitstorm

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