SENATE LEADERS REACH COMPROMISE ON BURRIS, FRANKEN

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

Newest Senators To Be Seated At ‘Kids Table’

After a whirlwind morning session on Capitol Hill, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Minority Leader Mitch McConnell jointly announced that a compromise agreement had been reached which would allow for both Roland Burris (D-IL) and Al Franken (D-MN) to be seated as early as tomorrow. According to McConnell, both will be seated “without prejudice”, a legal term signifying that the matter is not necessarily closed and could still be re-visited in the future should the Senate find circumstances warrant further action.

The agreement calls for a small table to be placed in the rear corner of the Democratic side of the Senate chamber where the two Junior Senators will remain seated until it is determined that the time is appropriate for either or both of them to join the full body. “We don’t know how long these legal processes may go on,” Senator Reid explained, “So we didn’t feel it would be fair on our part to ask Illinois and Minnesota to leave them at home. We felt this was the best way to accommodate everyone with the least possible distraction to the full body of the Senate.”

The Junior Senators will have, with one notable exception, the same rights and privileges as all the other Senators, including voting privileges on any matter not specifically pertaining to their being seated. “All we ask is that they not act unilaterally to address the Chamber," according to Senator McConnell. “They may only speak to the full body when first spoken to.” The Minority Leader added, “They may, of course talk quietly among themselves so long as they are not disruptive, but we will not tolerate any roughhousing or the two of them running around like a couple of banshees...

Rest of Story: http://thedesperateblogger.wordpress.com/2009/01/12/senate-leaders-reach-compromise-on-burris-franken/

[annabanana]

1. the kiddie table?

seriously?

The "august body" is a kindergarten...

[Junkdrawer]

3. “They may only speak to the full body when first spoken to.”

Old fashioned kiddie table.

[UnrepentantUnitarian]

9. My thoughts exactly!

They get to sit at the kiddie table, as long as they remain quiet and orderly. Remember, don't speak unless you're spoken to, you little trouble-makers!

[polichick]

15. That's the first thing I thought of - wonder if they'll get bibs.

[monmouth]

2. This sounds like something my 8th grade nun would say.

The Minority Leader added, “They may, of course talk quietly among themselves so long as they are not disruptive, but we will not tolerate any roughhousing or the two of them running around like a couple of banshees...

How insulting to two grown men. Gawd how he gets on my every last nerve. He's such a prissy wuss!

[DS1]

6. from the same blog

Paulson Approves Bailout for Adult Entertainment Industry


;)

[Occam Bandage]

4. Eh. 4/10. There's not much to laugh at,

the tone slips around a bit, and there isn't really any biting underlying point. I mean, it's a decent effort, but I didn't feel any desire to read through the rest of the author's work.

[Winterblues]

5. This Desperate Blogger is about the same as the Onion

It just ain't the whole story.

[NYCGirl]

8. It's like the Onion, except without the comedic talent. NT

[peekaloo]

7. If they're gonna chew gum bring enough for the entire chamber!

Absolutely NO note passing!

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

16. Is it just me

or are there a lot of guys sitting in there who should get 'detention'?

[Metta]

10. Rough housing and running around like banshees? McConnell is now the old guy who yells at the kids.

Way to go in representing the Senate and your constituents, you loser.

[asjr]

11. Will they have to sit in the corner before

they are actually seated?

[mountainvue]

12. So they're relegated to the kids table at Thanksgiving

dinner? Jesus. Is McConnell afraid that Al is going to bust into some standup? It would probably be pretty goddamn funny.

[OwnedByFerrets]

13. One never knows anymore whether something is from the Onion or not.

“They may, of course talk quietly among themselves so long as they are not disruptive, but we will not tolerate any roughhousing or the two of them running around like a couple of banshees...


My god man, did you really have to add that??

[madmom]

14. What does this man not understand about the word minority?

[Horse with no Name]

17. You know what I don't understand?

As the minority party, the Democrats had to meet in broom closets and suffered through having the lights cut off by the republicans--yet when the republicans are the minority party, they STILL dictate the agenda.
What a bunch of fucking bullshit.
Reid is about the most ineffective mother fucking piece of shit that ever graced the halls of the Senate. Someone send him a set of testicles please.

[Sabriel]

18. The adults will get wine, but they'll only get sparkling juice

And when the session is over, the adults have a DVD all ready to go in the family room....

Why don't they just wait a little longer instead of doing half-assed crap like this?

[MiniMe]

19. I call BS on this. Franken hasn't been certified yet.

They won't certify until the legal challenges have ended.

[backscatter712]

22. Yeah, it's snark. I give it a C+.

[cynatnite]

20. n/a

[Occam Bandage]

21. The majority of posts in this thread are embarrassing to DU.

cynatnite, MiniMe, Horse with no Name, Sabriel, madmom, mountainvue, asjr, Metta, monmouth, UnrepentantUnitarian, polichick, and annabanana, please turn in your internet licenses. You no longer deserve them.

[11 Bravo]

23. Astounding, isn't it?

[cynatnite]

24. Can I keep mine for realizing I was temporarily idiotic? n/t

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

26. Like your blog! n/t

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

25. A Clarification (Hopefully)

Here are the last two paragraphs of the story:

The agreement also allows for presumptive Senator-Elect Al Franken, in the unlikely event opponent Norm Coleman prevails in his legal battle to re-claim the Minnesota seat, to use the Chamber when the Senate is in recess to film what would be his next Hollywood feature film, ‘Stuart Saves the Senate’. “That project will only go forward if Norm Coleman were to somehow prevail,” Franken’s chief counsel Marc Elias told reporters. “In order for that to occur, he would have to beat a live opponent at least twice. For my money, I’d sooner bet on Bernie Madoff being elected Treasurer of the Palm Beach Country Club.”

In a related story, embattled-but-still Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich announced that a special election will be held on March 3rd in Illinois' 1st Congressional District (on Chicago’s South Side) to determine who will take the place of nine-term House of Representatives member Bobby Rush, who’s head tragically exploded when he heard Senate Minority Leader McConnell utter the words ‘Roland Burris’ and ‘without prejudice’ in the same sentence.

Will all those who still believe it's serious kindly raise their hands.

I am no fan of Reid or McConnell, but come on!

[Marr]

27. I'm sorry, but I can't fault anyone for not immediately recognizing this as humor.

The GOP has regularly shown itself to be just this petty and childish, and Harry Reid has proven himself to be just this weak.

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

28. Unfortunately, I couldn't agree more...

Will we ever have representation in Washington that it would be hard to imagine would say such preposterous shit?

While we're off to a great start, THAT is the real change we need.