Stalking the Shadows: Faithless

[shadowknows69]

"I don't believe in destiny, or the guiding hand of fate. I don't believe in forever, or love as a mystical state. I don't believe in the stars or the planets, or angels watching from above, but I believe there's a ghost of a chance we can find someone to love, and make it last."
-Rush

Through tears of fear and despair do I now testify that I no longer care. I give up world, you've won. You broke whatever inadequate spirit I had left; whatever will I had left to even try to survive is overwhelmed. World's still at war and our race seems only good at killing each other. January 20th won't bring some of us hope. Things don't crumble on a Presidential schedule, they just go to shit whenever they want.

End of the rope with little left to tie into a knot to save us from slipping. I'll almost welcome the plummet. Lesson learned though, life apparently is meaningless and hopeless without money in this society. No help for those who truly need because of crooks gaming the systems from within and without.

Doesn't matter that you can't stand for more than thirty seconds without being in agonizing pain. Doesn't matter that your mind is so fractured that you may actually be a danger to yourself or others. Fuck you, you should be working at any one of the millions of jobs that won't hire you because you have bad teeth, are overweight, have a history of mental illness, or can't do any physical labor. They're out there. Ya just have to look. BULL SHIT.

Just come out and tell us the truth for a change. If you're not born with that silver spoon or get the right "breaks", (IE. Who you know or who you blow) then you're fucked. There is no more New Deal. It was executed some forty odd years ago.

Ok, I get it now. The unproductive and ill in this country and the world as a whole are simply supposed to die as quickly and efficiently as possible so the top five percent can live hassle free; never exposing their "beautiful minds" to such horror.

So maybe I'll be a good soldier and march over to that pill cabinet and consume the pathetic excuse for health care I'm allowed. That's really the plan isn't it. Don't actually treat the disenfranchised but make sure you provide them with enough pills to take themselves out when things get bad enough. Please at least get us to the system they had for euthanasia in "Soylent Green" or the suicide booths in "Futurama" so we can do it with some semblance of dignity. Dr. Kevorkian shouldn't just help the terminally ill but also the people who just can't stand getting raped any longer.

Is this little rant a cry for help in some way? I suppose subconsciously, generally though I've been contemplating suicide for about twenty years so It is likely I don't have the stones to go through with it anyway. Wouldn't matter anyway. Who is there to help? I'm going to call some stranger at the "Hotline" and they're gonna convince me life will get better? Come on! My friends can't even convince me of that and my wife knows as well as I do how fucked we are.

My spiritual beliefs tell me that I'll more than likely have to come back to this shit hole (reincarnation), particularly if I committed suicide, I do believe in some form of judgment/lesson teaching in the afterlife, but at least I'd be a new being with the smarts to either join the necessary social cliques to make my life a success or at least have the strength to fight the good fight against whatever tyranny still holds this world in its hand, because I don't think it's letting go by itself any time soon.

Faithless am I
No hope to tell
So hard to see Heaven
When your world feels like Hell
-S

[bigtree]

1. hey

:hug:

[madokie]

2. There ain't no heaven and there ain't no hell

so quit that kind of thinking :grouphug:

[shadowknows69]

3. Nothingness sounds pretty good right now too.

[Le Taz Hot]

4. So sorry you're feeling so down.

If I lived near I'd bring you a cookie.

:hug:

[shadowknows69]

5. Diet, can't eat cookies

But if it's a solid gold cookie by all means, please mail it to me.

[Le Taz Hot]

6. I'm dieting too.

Sorry, out of solid gold anything at my house, but I make a mean persimmon cookie -- won Second Place at the County Fair this year as a matter of fact. We can cheat. I won't tell. ;-)

[Fumesucker]

7. FROM HERE TO THERE EVENTUALLY

From the 1970 release "Monster"
Steppenwolf Cover


Words and music by John Kay, Jerry Edmonton and Goldie McJohn

You've filled his house with things of gold
While handing crumbs to the old and poor
And then you preach about being pure
And wonder why we're laughing
In your old way you're trying to find us
But we can't follow what's behind us
Too much blind faith, it will blind us
Though sometimes it's a blessing

But I remember when I still embraced you
A little prayer would ease my mind
'Til I saw that you hide from the misery outside so I left you behind
But all the other teachings
That I've tried were 'bout the same
One grain of truth mixed with confusion caused by man
But since you're around anyway
May as well get you back on your feet again
Get right back up on your feet
Don't ya know we need somebody to
Do some work down in the street
You might just touch somebody
Start to think about today
Throw your robe and staff away
And break away from yesterday
Ah, tell me can we reach you
I don't know, still we got to go
From here to there eventually

While others die up against the wall
You take the time to tell us all
'Bout how we're not supposed to ball
You really are a riot
It's got nothin' to do with heaven or hell
What I do in bed, I'm not gonna tell
What I'm talking about you know damn well
You really ought to try it

Repeat Chorus

[bunnies]

8. Its the pain.

Believe me, I totally feel for what you're going through. Being in pain all day every day really sucks the life from your soul. Little by little it eats you away until sometimes you think its all thats left. And you wonder... "how much more of this can I take?"

And without health care its like your doomed to suffer every damned day because you lack money. "If only I had money, I wouldnt have to always be in pain". I know the feeling all too well.

And I know its of little consequence for someone to tell you you're not alone. But you're not, shadow. :hug: :cry: :hug: Fuck 'em. WE win. Got it? :hug:

[mgc1961]

9. The sun is shinning.

I believe you know the response.

[shadowknows69]

13. And the wind blows cold for those unable to afford heat or home.

[sinkingfeeling]

10. I'm so sorry. Please don't give up hope. I know we'll never get all the things

we would like, such as world-wide peace and respect for all humankind, but each and every one of us must continue to change things in any way we can. Surely, there is some organization in NY that can get you the medical attention you need.

[Deep13]

11. Dude, go to an emergency room and tell them...

...you are contemplating suicide.

[shadowknows69]

12. So they can sit me in a room for two hours waiting for someone to see me?

That would certainly make me want to kill myself. I've had enough experience with the mental health care around here, or lack thereof, to know that's a losing battle. They lock me in a room and I will find a way to release myself.

[Deep13]

14. Go during the daytime or at 2:00 a.m. nt

[PassingFair]

15. From the inside of my scheduling binder...

"We are afraid of the known and afraid of the unknown. That is our daily life and in that there is no hope, and therefore every form of philosophy, every form of theological
concept, is merely an escape from the actual reality of what is. All outward forms of change brought about by wars, revolutions, reformations, laws and ideologies have failed completely to change the basic nature of man and therefore of society."

- Thomas Jefferson

:hug:

Acceptance helps.

We must make the best of it.

:hug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

16. You are a good person, Shadow

The world needs more good people, not fewer.