Hah! Bush Can't Get an Agent

[Stephanie]

So much for replenishing the old coffers.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/180029

THE MONEY CULTURE | Daniel Gross
Won’t Anyone Give Bush a Job?
Book publishers and speaking agents express little interest in what Bush has to say—and not just for political reasons.

==snip==

An ex-president's first move is usually a book deal—Bill Clinton got an estimated $10 million to $12 million for his memoirs. But with sales down, and Borders and Barnes & Noble contracting, "there's likely to be a buyer's strike in the book business for up to six months," says one former head of a well-known imprint. Moreover, the industry just isn't that interested in what the Bush inner circle is peddling. Agents are dining out—mostly at Subway—on tales of turning down meetings with Condi Rice. Laura Bush is believed to have received an advance of about $2 million for her memoirs, about one quarter Hillary Clinton's haul.

Several publishers I spoke to believe a Bush memoir wouldn't command much in the way of foreign-rights payments. And given Bush's professed lack of interest in reflection, what could he offer to American audiences? "Right now, his presidency is seen as such a cascade of mistakes that it's hard to know what he could say that would be compelling," says Geoff Shandler, executive editor at Little, Brown. Bush's best option may be to cut a deal with a Christian publisher like Thomas Nelson, which pays smaller advances than the New York houses. "Somebody out there will be willing to make a bet that he can reach his political constituency," says Peter Osnos, founder of the politico-friendly publisher PublicAffairs. The consensus for a Bush advance: $1.5–$2.5 million.

Bush has been mum about book plans, but he's been more forthright about his desire to joint the lucrative yakkers' circuit. "I'll give some speeches, to replenish the ol' coffers," he said in September 2007. Ronald Reagan flew off to Japan to make $2 million for a few speeches soon after leaving office. Clinton, to no one's surprise, has been a prolific speaker. But speaking agents I talked with expressed little interest in Bush—and not, they say, just for political reasons. "I'm in business to make money, and I don't think I'd make money doing it," says Bill Leigh, chairman of the Leigh Bureau speaking agency.

The biggest spenders for the high-profile speakers have traditionally been investment banks and asset-management companies, like Merrill Lynch and Citigroup. But many firms have disappeared, and those that remain are wards of the state. Bush could, however, count on a few trade associations and friendly defense and energy companies to generate a handful of gigs at $125,000 a pop (plus private plane travel).

==more at link==

Don't let the door hit ya.

[dysfunctional press]

1. now that his family is out of power, the saudi's probably won't even pay to hear him ramble on...

except maybe the guy who bought his harken enregy shares.

[Donnachaidh]

2. there's always the comedy club circuit -- or trade shows

He can wear a bathing suit and model in front of those great big SUV's they sell at the auto show. :rofl:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

3. He's walking death

I asked my literary agent - a kneejerk liberal, bless her heart - if she'd represent him for a book.

When her laughter died down, she managed to say, "You've been smoking shit again, haven't you?"

He's an untouchable. The probable outcome is that he'll get something published by Regnery. That's the only house who will touch him.

I just wonder when Karen Hughes is gonna find the time to write it for him.

[jmowreader]

39. Your probable outcome is probably wrong

The last time this came up, they spoke to the head of Regnery. She suggested that Bush wait a "long, long time" before trying to publish his memoirs.

About six months from now, the GreenFiber company--they make cellulose insulation--will have to put a sticker on the bags of that shit that says "does not contain George W. Bush's memoirs." Bush's words will be so toxic, you won't even want them pulverized and blown into your attic.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

41. Don't toy with me, jmowreader..........

I'm fragile right now, since I haven't exhaled for some weeks, waiting for Fuckface to pull something before he leaves office.

Regnery won't touch him?

That's a whole new level of untouchability. How reassuring.

Thank you.

[jmowreader]

42. They figure anti-Obama books will make money for them...

and pro-Bush books...well, let's just say that at this point in time the Conservative Book Club wouldn't put them in their "get seven RW screeds for a dollar when you join our club" list.

[EFerrari]

4. I would purely love to be W's booker.

:)

[Donnachaidh]

5. just for the fun of blowing him off, right? n/t

[EFerrari]

9. I know a bunch of audiences that would appreciate him.

:hi:

[eppur_se_muova]

45. Hmmm ... with the "corrections industry" ?

That would be the audience I would choose for him.

[EFerrari]

46. I was thinking more of vigorous young people with good throwing arms.

:)

[eppur_se_muova]

52. I hope we can compromise and let him have both. nt

:)

[Stephanie]

6. Book him at the Holiday Inn off the Jersey Turnpike

Book him at car lot openings and cattle auctions.

[EFerrari]

11. I'd love to get him on the college circuit.

:rofl:

[Stephanie]

16. Oh yes!

Start him off at Cal

[EFerrari]

18. If dear Kurt Vonnegut was still with us, he'd be writing the novel.

Killgore Trout Opens for Bush!

:hi:

[Stephanie]

23. You know I met him in 2006

I was out petitioning on the Upper East Side and he signed my petition. I honestly didn't want to turn it in.

[MilesColtrane]

7. Wow...even Hitler got published.

[Mz Pip]

8. Can't he use Ann Coulter's?

:evilgrin:

[Stephanie]

15. Hm - AMU, handles Dear Abby

The only other names I recognize are some cartoonists. He could give it a shot.

http://www.amuniversal.com/ups/speakers/coulter/index.htm

[jtrockville]

10. Who would pay to hear this man slaughter the language?

[johnnie]

12. Maybe they can have him opening for Foghat...

....at local county fairs.

[Deja Q]

13. These are not typical circumstances...

Yet I still cannot find a place to laugh.

At least he's got plenty to retire on. Until those stocks go under too.

[Happyhippychick]

14. If he titles his book "Why I'm the Biggest Fuckup in the Entire History of the World" he might get

a few bites.

It's worth a try :shrug:

[Virginia Dare]

47. DU could pitch in and ghost write it for him....n/t

[nichomachus]

17. I'd love to hear him speak

We all know he can't speak without sic weeks intense prepping by his handlers who hover around him constantly.

We also know that he likes the sound of his own voice -- and, like some precocious 10-year-old -- he likes to impress you with what he knows.

He has a habit of hearing stuff in meetings, not knowing exactly what it means, and then blurting it out to sound smart. Remember the "We need to catapult the propaganda" remark? I'm convinced one of his handlers said that in a meeting, Bush had no idea what it really meant, and just spouted it out, because it sounded cool.

I'm guessing that he would start telling all sort of tales out of school just to impress the crowd. We could find out some interesting shit.

[Stephanie]

20. How will he do it without his earbud?

He'll have to bring Rove with him to whisper the cues into his ear.

[nichomachus]

24. That's just it -- he won't have it

And he'll have to wing it -- when he wings it, he says the most outrageous things

[Poiuyt]

19. I think we should hire him for a DU meetup!

Of course, we wouldn't want to pay him the $125,000.

[onethatcares]

34. I found three cents on the street today, I'll toss that in to the pot

but no more, ever.

[eppur_se_muova]

43. Pay him in monopoly money. Karma demands it. nt

[Nickster]

21. I'm sure his ole buddies at Regenery Press will print his memoirs.

[kestrel91316]

22. It's gonna be a long, lonely road between now and when Dubya

finally meets his maker.

SO MOTE IT BE.

[Arkana]

25. Hey Dubya--I hear Burger King's looking for fry cooks.

Hope you can take orders from a greasy, acne-scarred 18-year-old.

[Stephanie]

26. You know, Carlyle's in trouble too

So who knows if he can count on Poppy's money.

[Stinky The Clown]

27. This isn't funny. This is poetic justice

Repudiation of a rat.

[EFerrari]

48. Justice doesn't have to be humorless.

Humor is a good way to deal with the worst of the worst.

[BrotherBuzz]

28. No profit in 'remainders, I gather

Cause you know that's where his book will be a week after it's released. There will be no bulk buys, either, I guarantee it.

:rofl:

[yowzayowzayowza]

29. Evil Yowza thinkz we oughta collect a few coins...

to employ * for a speech in which his only audience is a video screen documenting his crimes. :evilgrin:

[FatDave]

30. "Punch me in the face for $100"

He'd make a good living at that.

[Stephanie]

33. Dunk the Freak

He could get a buck a ball.

[hvn_nbr_2]

31. Maybe he should just put out a "greatest hits" CD.

What would he title it? "Misunderestimated"? "Our childrens is learning"? Or what?

[Stephanie]

32. I think he shd be a war correspondent, like Joe whatzisname

[Octafish]

35. ''The Coward from Crawford - Me and My Pet Goat''

"I'll give some speeches, to replenish the ol' coffers." - Warmonkey

[peekaloo]

36. Hard to find translators with Asshole to English skills.

[lonestarnot]

37. OMG funny! And so true!

[Virginia Dare]

49. Perhaps Karen Hughes will come out of retirement...

or has she tapped the well one too many times. I think her last book about dubya epically tanked.

[nc4bo]

38. When I screwed up as a teen, my folks told me "You made your bed, now lay in it".

I'd like to offer President Asshat the same advice, for free!!

Good-bye and good fucking riddance President Assclown.

[argyl]

40. Maybe Jack Chick will devote a couple of tracts to him.

[bullwinkle428]

44. How do you feel about your precious free market now, MonkeyBoy?

:rofl:

[Virginia Dare]

50. Gosh, you mean nobody wants to pay to listen to a drunk idiot..

ramble incoherently in between lies?

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

51. Not even any new strip malls needing openers these days.

- He's driven all the stores outta bidness. Georgie Boy appears to be shit outta luck.

Perhaps Paraguay? :shrug:

[Marr]

53. Aren't those books just cash giveaways to the authors? I mean-- does anyone actually READ those crap

books politicians write? I tried to get through a couple and found them to be dull collections of politically convenient pablum.

[Xithras]

54. Seriously, anyone would be a fool to hire him to speak.

If there's one thing that cannot be questioned, it's that Bush would draw a massive crowd wherever he went. A massive crowd of protesters demanding his arrest. A massive crowd of would-be terrorists hoping for revenge now that his security detail has been scaled back. A massive crowd of gawkers just hoping to get a glimpse of the worst president in American history.

Aside from his speaking fee, the organizational costs of securing an event like that and mitigating its impact on the surrounding community would be immense. It would be impossible for anyone to book him without incurring huge financial losses, so nobody is going to bother.

As for the book, I'm sure he will get his deal and it will be quite lucrative. There are still tens of millions of people in this country that worship the ground he walks on (even if hundreds of millions hate his guts) and a potential buyers pool of that size will not be ignored for long. The question, of course, is what kind of information he could possibly put in the book. Bush is known for his secrets, and it's improbable that he'll write a tell-all at this point. Fawning adoration or not, no idiot is going to pay for "Tah presidensy is hard. Tah TV people were mean to me when I just wanted to kill Al Kayda." When he releases more info on what he'll be writing about, he'll find his publisher.