DUzy 2.0 - The New Version - Inauguration Release!

[Hawkeye-X]

Welcome to the Inauguration DUzy 2.0 Special. I guess out with the old, in with the new. As tonight's Chimpy McCokespoon's last night of fuckery goes on, so does DUzy. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards will be announced every Saturday night, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in JeffR's journal and my journal as well.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD. Also, the DU admins has decided to make this DUzy a feature as well as long as it's updated.

Special thanks to ColbertWatcher, havocmom, hootinholler, AzDemDist6, awoke_in_2003, WakeMeUp, wryter2000, krispos42, intheflow, SharonRB, CrispyQGirl, BlancheSplanchnik, uppityperson, conscious evolution, MPK, pc1971, Peake, JeffR and dixiegrrrrl for their invaluable assistance with this edition.

OP by Debi:

      What the hell is wrong with the folks at Nabisco???

ROUND NUTTER BUTTERS???

The DU Lounge, Jan 27, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=8390080&mesg_id=8390080

On a thread by madinmaryland:

      Only on Freerepublic..."Smoking Rooms Eliminated Following Erection"

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2159134/posts

Only two months after smoking areas were erected at two hospitals, the desire to go smoke-free on the premises will eliminate the smoking rooms entirely and replace them with smoking shelters.

NHS Lothian (Scottland) will eliminate smoking rooms at Royal Edinburgh as well as at Astley Ainslie. The will then provide smoking shelters in it's phased shut down of the indoor smoking areas. The Health Board claims the action will assist smokers in quitting.

The Health Board states, "These shelters will act as a platform to promote our stop smoking services, to encourage people to seek help to give up smoking from one of our dedicated smoking cessation nurses."

GD, Jan 5, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=132&topic_id=8037515&mesg_id=8037515

On a thread by 48percenter:

      End of an ERROR: 1-20-09, do WE get NAME CHANGE AMNESTY?

response #5 by MiniMe:

      I believe that should be amnety
:rofl:

GD, Jan 14, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=132&topic_id=8037515&mesg_id=8037515

On a thread by GoddessofGuiness:

      I bought my mom one of those "Bush countdown" clocks a few years ago...

What's it going to do when it strikes 0?

(Lots of good responses here)

The DU Lounge, Jan 14, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=8414623&mesg_id=8414623

OP by dbaker41:

      Anybody tried the "Angry Whopper?"

I did. It was barely miffed. One good tasty bite, in the center, where they put all the jalapenos.

Otherwise, I was underwhelmed. The Angry Sauce was more like Sweet Sauce.

response #1 by MrCoffee:

      I don't want my burger to have a mood.

The Lounge, December 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=8415646&mesg_id=8415646

OP by The System Stinks:

      BUSH ORDERS AIR STRIKES AGAINST CANADA


Declares ‘War on Avian Terror’

President Bush, citing intelligence reports linking al Qaeda to a vast Canadian ‘suicide bird’ training network, today ordered air strikes against 6-8 suspected aviaries and wildlife preserves in Canada as retaliation for the apparent suicide geese attack against U.S. Airways flight 1549 this afternoon. “I know nobody was killed, thank God,” the visibly angry lame-duck told a hastily convened White House press conference, “but that was due to the heroic efforts of the pilot and crew. It’s obvious that the intention of these foul fowl was to kill Americans. Besides, do you have any idea of the impact on rush hour traffic?”

The President also had a stern warning for Canada as well as any other countries that might harbor what he referred to as “extremist terror nests”: “Our actions will be swift, and they will be severe,” he emphasized, “and your birds and larger flying insects are either with us or they are against us. But let me be perfectly clear about one thing – and you can mark my words on this — we will exterminate them over there so we won’t have to exterminate them over here.”

The President then outlined intelligence reports indicating that in recent months, suspected al Qaeda operatives had approached both government officials and black market sources in Canada, Greenland, and several Central and South American countries “in an effort to procure large numbers of dangerous birds which they would use to bring American air traffic to a standstill.” He also added, “And I think anybody who’s seen that Hitchcock movie knows their long-term agenda is probably even more sinister.”

Rest of Story at: http://thedesperateblogger.wordpress.com/2009/01/15/bush-orders-air-strikes-against-canada/

(Ed note: This will be the only time I'll be awarding The System Stinks a DUzy because his writing is actually satire, and I will not accept any other noms with him - have too many! This one is too good to let go!)

GDP, Jan 15, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=132&topic_id=8092184&mesg_id=8092184

On a thread by Cat Woman:

      UPS delivers $10,000 of weed

response #1 by Teh_Rabble_Rouser:

      What can you do for brown?

The Lounge, Jan 15, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?z=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4836596&mesg_id=4836596

OP by Bucky:

      Good God, everybody, just stop!
Now start back up again.

response #1 by Techbear_Seattle:

      Why? Is it Hammer Time?

GDP, Jan 15, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=132&topic_id=8092053&mesg_id=8092053

On a thread by EconomicLiberal:

      **************'s Final Address Thread #1*************
Get ready to puke :puke: :puke:

response #79 by peekaloo:

       he still can't give a book report without tripping over his tongue

GD, Jan 15, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4837395&mesg_id=4837395

OP by scheming daemons:

      So when does Air Force 1 take off with * on his last ride on the damn thing.
And could that be visible from the Mall? That would be a could be a good condition, for maybe the most participants in a "Moon," in the history of the universe.

response #17 by jberryhill:

      As a tribute, they are releasing a flock of geese ahead the plane /nt

GDP, Jan 15, 2009:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=132&topic_id=8093264&mesg_id=8093264

OP by proud2Blib:

      Man offended by Buddha statue at zoo - but it isn't Buddha
The statues of “Buddha” at the Kansas City Zoo that offended an Overland Park man are not images of Buddha at all, according to a local lama.

“I have seen them,” said Lama Chuck Stanford, executive and spiritual director of the Rime Buddhist Center. “They are statues of Ho Tai, the patron saint of children in China and Japan. He is closer to Santa Claus.”

The Overland Park man, whose family are Christians, complained to a zoo employee after he saw people rubbing the bellies and heads of the statues at the entrance to the Tiger Trail area of the zoo.

http://www.kansascity.com/637/story/981921.html?commentSort=TimeStampAscending&pageNum=1

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

response #30 by kenny blankenship:

      He's raisin' the roof
clearly an invitation to "burn the muthafucka down". Why should good Christian children be exposed to that?

GD, Jan 15, 2009:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4833487&mesg_id=4833487

OP by kentuck :

      Please have pity on me and show a little sympathy.


Never mind that I screwed you and your country for eight years. I did whatever I wanted. I tortured prisoners. I sent them to other countries to be tortured. I lied to the American people so I could invade Iraq and get rid of that tyrant, Saddam. I spied on whomever I wanted to. I ignored the Constitution. After all, it is nothing but a piece of paper. I used Karl Rove and my propaganda machine to the fullest extent. I destroyed the American economy and free markets will never be the same again. I turned the whole world against America. I flew onto the deck of an aircraft and declared that the Mission was Accomplished. Just when the entire country of Iraq was about to collapse, I decided to bribe our enemies, the Sunnis, with American tax dollars by the billions. We called it the "surge" but it was nothing more than an outright bribe. Please have pity on me and show a little sympathy. Please?

response #3 by ColbertWatcher:

      He wants sympathy from me?? He can look it up in my dictionary. . .
It's between the words shit and syphilis.

GD, Jan 16, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4842144&mesg_id=4842144

OP title by Are_grits_groceries :

      Krispy Kreme To Celebrate Inauguration With Donut Giveaway

Hey there true American, Krispy Kreme wants to help celebrate the inauguration of your new President by giving you a free donut. Or as Krispy Kreme, defender of America as the land of the obese would probably prefer to rebrand them, freedom bagels. Here's how it works: Obama is inaugurated and you get a donut.

The Inauguration Day promotional offer is good for one doughnut of choice per customer on Jan. 20. No purchase is necessary. To find a participating store near you, visit Krispy Kreme's Store Locator:

http://www.krispykreme.com/storelocator.html

http://consumerist.com

Yum!! A great day gets better..........

response #5 by Warren Stupidity:

GD, Jan 16, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4840723&mesg_id=4840723

OP question bydevilgrrl:

      Will Bush staffers trash the offices like Clinton's staffers were accused of?
I'm guessing that they actually will.

response #11 by devilgrrl:

      They'll carve backwards Bs on the desks
:)

GD, Jan 16, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4844037&mesg_id=4844037

OP by anigbrowl:

      Abortion Donuts
http://blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/2009/01/pro-life_group_up_in_arms_over.php
Has to be read to be believed. this is what happens when money and mental illness coincide.



GD, Jan 16, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8368441

Poll question by lynyrd_skynyrd:

      When you were between the ages of 7 and 18, did you EVER steal ANYTHING?

It's the Internet. Try to be honest.

In other words, I expect zero "No" answers.

:bluebox: Yes

:bluebox: No (And I'm a liar)

response #7 by callchet:

      I voted no and I don't lie .

(Ed note: the series of responses after that is funny as hell! And JeffR personally nominated this!)
GD, Jan 16, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4844025&mesg_id=4844025

OP by undeterred:

      Rep. King: Obama should skip middle name in oath
When I got to work today, that's what the guys were talking about... the facility manager asked for a recommendation.

:hurts:

response #39 by pipi_k:

      Peter Fuckin' King....???
wow...

Fuckin'...that's a hell of a middle name he's got there...I guess his parents didn't like him much

response #40 by annabanana:

      (It's honorary)
He earned it.

Latest Breaking News, Jan 17, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3694646

Poll question by bridgit:

       Are DU 'picture threads' relevant to your interests?

:bluebox: Extremely Relvevant

:bluebox: Somewhat Relvevant

:bluebox: Relevant

:bluebox: Neutral

:bluebox: Irrelevant

:bluebox: Somewhat Irrelevant

:bluebox: Extremely Irrelevant

:bluebox: No Opinion

:bluebox: Other

:bluebox: Other: verbatim response requested less than 25 words

response #1 by petronius:

      Absolutely! Whenever I see a new pic thread I cover the windows with tin foil,
put on my spiderman costume and bunny ears, turn on the ceiling-mounted disco ball, and pleasure myself until I bleed... :7

(Think about that image, people, next time you start a pic thread!)


The Lounge, Jan 17, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=8422311&mesg_id=8422311

OP by BlooInBloo:

      FREE THE DUCK!!!!!
graywarrior promised the duck would be freed on the 20th!

Hold her to that!!!!

That's right, I said another DUers name.

:P

(Lots of funny responses here!)

The Lounge, Jan 17, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=8423486&mesg_id=8423486

OP by RamboLiberal:

      Sully's next flight could be to the inauguration

Source: NY Daily News

AND NOW...he rescues the economy?

Not likely - but heroic US Airways Capt. Chesley Sullenberger may add Washington to his itinerary, attending the Tuesday inauguration of President Obama.

"We'd love to go," his wife, Lorrie, said yesterday on CBS' "The Early Show." "It's in the works, I believe."

The President-elect made a congratulatory phone call Friday to the fearless flier, the latest in a continuing string of tributes for Sullenberger.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2009/01/18/2009-01-18_sullys_next_flight_could_be_to_the_inaug-1.html

-----

While meeting the new President would be thrilling, Lorrie Sullenberger said her two teen daughters had different motives for an inaugural trip. "Our daughters would love to go see the Jonas Brothers," she said.

response #3 by Tangerine LaBamba:

      Is he bringing the giant talking testicle with legs?


response #4 by Goat or Panic:

      What does Cheney have to do with it?
When was the last time one exploded in the microwave?
:)

Latest Breaking News, Jan 18, 2009:http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=102&topic_id=3696489&mesg_id=3696489

OP by glinda:

      Labradoodle is NOT a dog Breed but a continuing experiment with bad results

I am shocked that Obama would even consider allowing his daughter to have her way to get a "Designer" dog instead of teaching her to be responsible. Wiki the Labradoodle and you will see the genetic issues involved with this breed as well as the unpredictability of temperament. To breed a dog to help the blind originally now suffers from loosing it's sight! After having two pure-bred rescued Wheaten Terriers with un-docked tails, both calm and smart, why can't they just get a Wheaten? They look almost near identical to a Labradoodle. Geeeze. I thought he was smarter than that.

response #119 by jmowreader:

      Or a cocky, shitty rotten poo

Cross a shih-tzu with a cocker to get a cock-a-shit, then cross a Rottweiler with a standard Poodle to get a rotten-poo. Finally, cross the offspring of these two atrocities to get a cocky, shitty, rotten poo.

If you can think of a worse combination I'd like to hear it. This mutt would not only be meaner than Barbara Bush, he'd be strong enough to kill the person who pissed him off.

General Discussion, Jan 12, 2009, 2009:http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=102&topic_id=3696489&mesg_id=3696489

OP by EarlG:
      ONLY YOU CAN STOP GEORGE W. BUSH!

General Discussion, Jan 13, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4821199&mesg_id=4821199


OP by krispos:

      The temp outside is "fuuuuuuuuuuck"

The Lounge, Jan 5, 2009http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=8383727&mesg_id=8383727



OP by redqueen:

      I just accidentally a coca cola bottle is this bad?


GD, Jan 13, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4821365&mesg_id=4821365

On a thread by firedupdem:

      Meet Baby Tripp

response #1 by DJ13

GDP, December 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8043644

[Dennis Donovan]

1. Woohoo!

Recommended - thanks HawkeyeX!:thumbsup:

[azmouse]

2. Yeah! The DUzys are back!

Good job!! and thank you!

[grantcart]

3. tks for doing this

[flvegan]

4. Thanks for picking this back up!

[TahitiNut]

5. Ooopsie .... the links are wrapped .. need to be unwrapped.

:dunce:

[Poiuyt]

6. Thanks - but I'm having trouble with the links

They keep opening up to the Latest Threads page

[panader0]

7. Cool! The passing of the torch

The transmission of the lamp. Thanks HawkeyeX! If I had known there be DUzy's again, I would have tried to be more witty (if I could). K&R!

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

8. Errrrr... all the links are FUBAR. -nt

[malaise]

9. Bravo

Thanks HawkeyeX et al. I'm glad the DUzys are back. :D

[Tindalos]

10. Yay, the DUzys are back!

This must be a huge undertaking. Thanks for bringing them back.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

11. As it was, and as it ever shall be...

I kicked the bastard, even though I didn't make the cut...because this is a "big picture" thang.

:toast:

:rofl:

[Hawkeye-X]

12. LINKS ARE FIXED!!

Thanks to TahitiNut!!!!!!

:woohoo:

[WilliamPitt]

13. YAAAAAY!

Thanks HawkeyeX for picking up the dutu, and thanks JeffR for having done such a fantastic job.

:toast

[The Doctor.]

14. HawkeyeX

:yourock:

[Starry Messenger]

15. Yay!!!

:bounce:

[nc4bo]

16. :D nt

[scarletwoman]

17. Bravo! Thank you HawkeyeX!

Now I'll have to try to say something funny once in awhile again.

Thanks so much for picking up the DUzy torch! :applause:

sw

[Born_A_Truman]

18. You know, she might have gotten away with it...

OP question bydevilgrrl:

Will Bush staffers trash the offices like Clinton's staffers were accused of?
I'm guessing that they actually will.

response #11 by devilgrrl:

They'll carve backwards Bs on the desks

~~~~~~
If she had gone for the "O" instead of the "B".

[Stinky The Clown]

19. YaYa .... DUzey!!

[Mabus]

20. Great job HawkeyeX

:thumbsup:

[Spazito]

21. Great job, Hawkeye!

Thanks for doing this, it is much appreciated!

Recommended.

[PBS Poll-435]

22. K&R! Long live DUzy.

[SeattleGirl]

23. Thank you, HawkeyeX!!!!!

I was so sad when JeffR said he was going to discontinue them (though I can't say I blame him; I know they take a lot of work to put together).

I was so happy to know you had decided to step in and take over, and here you are!

:toast: :yourock: :toast:

[xiamiam]

24. thanks...good job...thanks to you and to Jeff for a smooth transition...appreciate..nt

[SalmonChantedEvening]

25. Bravo Haweye-X!! DUzilicious!!

A great collection!!

"between shit and syphillis."

Hell yeah :evilgrin:

:yourock:

[pacalo]

26. That last one by DJ13 was the du-ziest!

Thanks for bringing back JeffR's classic, Hawkeye. Great job!

[emilyg]

27. Thanks.

[rateyes]

28. My favorite DUzy this week:

The temp outside is fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

29. Toe-tal Awesomeness!

Thanks for taking this project on, HawkeyeX!

:yourock:

[Starry Messenger]

30. kickkety.

[eridani]

31. Awsum!

Thanks so much for continuing this delightful tradition.

[DinahMoeHum]

32. WOW, I DON'T GET ANY RESPECT, DO I ????????????

Please re-read the OP thread by "kentuck":
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4842144&mesg_id=4842144

Now, who gave "response #3" ????? Was it "ColbertWatcher" ????
Hmmmmmm, didn't think so.

HawkeyeX, you need a little improvement in giving credit where credit is due.

Other than that, thanks for continuing the DUzy Awards.

:P:P:P

[Hawkeye-X]

36. Hey, it's my first release..

I'll do better next time!

[Canuckistanian]

33. Hallelujah! It's the second coming!

Praise DUzy!

[AwakeAtLast]

34. Great DUzys!!!!

:applause:

Thanks for continuing these - so funny!

:applause:

[JeffR]

35. I can't tell you how great it is to K & R this.

:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:

[NanceGreggs]

37. JUST BRILLIANT!!!

Thanks so much for taking this on - the transition was seamless!!!

:yourock:

[krispos42]

38. Another notch in the belt!

Signed,
krispos42

[beac]

39. Obama sworn in AND the "NU"zys all in one day??

I may faint!

:patriot:

Thank you, HawkeyeX! You are a worthy successor to JeffR. Bravo!
(Yup, a little new teacher suck-uppery just for you!) ;)


Funny stuff, especially the "moody" burger and "Hammer Time" :rofl:.

[MilesColtrane]

40. I thank God that I live in a great nation in which there is continuity...

...in the peaceful transfer of power of the DUzys from one to another.

[ElboRuum]

41. Clicked on the front page link... Error... Invalid Entry...

Just goes to show you that the old IT adage is true:

Never trust an even numbered release until the first patch comes out.