Malignant narcissism is so common and SO DAMAGING!

[Writer]

I'm not a psychologist, of course, but I have encountered several narcissists in my life (one of whom is my mother, and another is a professor with whom I've recently had a falling-out.)

How can this disorder be so rampant? How can it be so common that I can, in my short 33 years, count on two hands the number of people who have been damaging enough in my life that I notice the same list of personality traits that so closely fit that of the narcissist?

Is this a brain chemistry issue? Is there something in the water? Are their genetics sullied? What is it?

:shrug:

[MADem]

1. Some people are assholes. It happens.

Not everyone is an altruist. All you can do, is pick and choose the people with whom you associate to the extent you're able.

[Writer]

3. There are assholes, and then there are narcissists.

Everyone can be an asshole, but some people are wired in such a way that they cannot thrive without the full-control of others' feelings and senses of well-being. Narcissism is not just excessive vanity or assholery. It's a disease.

But what causes it? And why are those who exhibit signs of this disease similar enough that the DSM actually has NPD classified?

[MADem]

7. It may be a disease, but they're still assholes.

It could be "brain soup" that causes it, or it could be a mixture of environment and genetics. Regardless, people who have it are toxic. There's not much helping them, at least not yet...and they don't think they have a problem, in any event.

And they're quite good at dragging those around them down. Run, Forrest, run!

[BlooInBloo]

2. As opposed to benign narcissism?

[Writer]

4. Well... yes. Because everyone has hints of narcissism in them.

It's the only way most of us can operate in a world that demands that we perform. But malignant narcissism is a whole different animal.

For a reference, see: Bush, George W.

[BlooInBloo]

10. Sounds to me as though they differ, if at all, merely quantitatively, and not qualitatively...

but whatever. The taxonomy of mental states and statuses isn't really my thing.

[JeffR]

5. Please stop talking about me, Writer.

It's well-known how charmingly modest I am.

[Writer]

6. ...

:7

[JeffR]

11. And before edit,

how pathetically I type...

[corruptmewithpower]

8. Some think of themselves as Gods.

We who advise God just laugh at such posers.

[leftstreet]

9. If any of my posts led to your observation, I just want to say 'you're welcome'

:rofl:

[grasswire]

12. I was married to an NPD-er...

...and have seen others in my life as well. An employer, extended family members, etc. The only way I found out that my husband was NPD was because he was business partners with a psychologist (who also suffered mightily at his hands!) and when DH and I were splitting up, the Ph.D. said to me: "You know, he's a narcissist."

I started reading, and geezus everything that was so horrible in my marriage was explained. I had been emotionally battered, in a sick and twisted way, for years.

The explanation for narcissism is that an "injury" occurs in the first years of a child's life -- a "narcissistic wound" that often is rejection by the mother coupled with a state in which the child is considered "special." Mixed message, IOW.

Run away from NPD-ers. Run away. My ex is still ruining lives, many years later.

[murielm99]

13. I haven't run into that many of them.

If your mother is one, I am sorry. Mine is, too.

My brother was in therapy for fourteen years. Many of his problems went back to our mother. I have just begun counseling myself.

I have only known one other person like my mother. She was the mother of a couple of boys we grew up with. They were both close friends of my brother, and our fathers worked for the same company. I knew her for many years. She did a great deal of damage to her family.

Narcissism can come from lack of bonding with one's mother. I don't know what the other factors are, and no one else seems to know, either. It is a personality disorder, and there is little chance that the person will seek help, or that they can be helped. They will never change. All we can do is change the way we react to them.

I have three good books. One is "Toxic Parents." This is an older book for lay people, and it is very easy to read. Maybe you have read it. Another is "Will I ever be good enough: healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers." The third is a workbook: "Children of the self-absorbed: a grown-up's guide to getting over narcissistic parents." I have been through this book more than once, and I go back to repeat some of the exercises when necessary.

I am sure that you and I have some very similar stories we could share. After all, it is their world. They just allow us to live in it -- sometimes.

Some experts believe that the disorder is becoming more common because our society is becoming more narcissistic. Rampant consumerism and advertising don't help things. Maybe there is some truth in that.

[EFerrari]

14. Malignant narcissism isn't very common at all. The bad news is

if it runs in your family, you tend to gravitate to people that are "familiar" to you and will encounter more of these folks than someone in a different family.

The good news is, you don't have to stay locked into that orbit.