Rapture ready cautions you about "orange I-phones". You may see a black lady winding her hips.

[Bluebear]

(In a thread about a Fundie's 20 yr old son giving up his internet use to save himself from all the filth).....

"Be careful than your gift of a son does not have one of the orange I-phones. A darling lady in my prayer group has one, and those little boxes have the internet in them! She showed me a pop video of a black lady winding her hips and singing, which she caught her daughter watching. We prayed and prayed and the little girl has not done it again. Praise be!!!"

http://rr-bb.com/showthread.php?t=74212

[Renew Deal]

1. The internet is in the iPhone!!!

How did they get the internet in the iPhone? It must be an act of God!

[ColbertWatcher]

3. It's a trick from Satan! n/t

[MNDemNY]

18. How do they get all those tubes in that little thing?

[arcadian]

Your world frightens and confuses me!

Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder: "Did little demons get inside and type it?" I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts.

[Tesha]

43. Tubes.

There are magic tubes that connect your iPhone to the Interweb.

Tesha

[EOTE]

47. Ma'am, we've traced the internet, it's coming from inside your iPhone!

Now try to stay calm, authorities are on their way.

[Bluebear]

49. SCREEEAM!!!!1

[ZombieHorde]

2. Thanks for the heads up, I almost got one of those phones.

Thank God those people intervened in time!

[B o d i]

45. I accidentally the whole iPhone. Is that bad?

[LoZoccolo]

56. Then WHO WAS PHONE? n/t

[YOY]

4. Will god hurry up and rapture them all-fucking-ready.

Their stupid is really getting to me.

[MineralMan]

12. Shhhh....don't tell them I told you this, but

the Rapture already happened, and they didn't get taken. Instead, 144,000 souls from Mongolia were taken up. Nobody noticed. Let's just keep this between you and me, OK.

[YOY]

28. OK. Hush hush on operation code name Ghengis.

n.t.

[Ian David]

5. Wow. I thought that was going to be from Landover Baptist. n/t

[MineralMan]

6. Are you sure that's not a satire site?

If not...what a buncha morons they have posting there.

The stupid is strong in them.

[annabanana]

8. nope - it's the real deal

(amazing, isnt' it?)

[MineralMan]

11. Well, if they can get the internests out of

my cell phone, I'll be very grateful. The data charges are a plague from Hell. I will ask them to prey on me.

[Starry Messenger]

7. Where is this "internet" they speak of...

it calls to me.

[MineralMan]

9. No doubt you will want to

watch the winding of the hips and the singing. Go not there, my friend, for if hips are overwound, they may explode with the force of a thousand kittens. I will prey for you.

[Starry Messenger]

14. Oh noes!!

Not the kittehs!

[JuniperLea]

10. What a bunch of morans!!! I'm series!

The topper is: The Rapture is NOT biblical! There are zero scriptures to support this stupidity, and a ton of history showing how it was all made up! Even my Christian Missionary cousins are appalled by all the dogma!

[MineralMan]

16. You're right. The Rapture is not Biblical at all.

I got raptured once when I was 24. But I never saw the woman again, but I can guarantee that the Bible wasn't her book. Pity...

[JuniperLea]

19. Maybe it was her book!

Have you read Song of Solomon? Soft porn in a nice, gilded leather binding! The InterTubes are just nasty, but the Bible, in that impressive binding, is awesome! Praise him!

:rofl:

[MineralMan]

27. No, I saw her book. It was from India. It was a fun

do-it-yourself guide. The sad thing is that we only got a little ways into the book before she left. I was hoping for extended study sessions.

[Starry Messenger]

31. LOL.

There is a lot of juicy stuff in the bible. Reading the old testament as a young-un was a real eye-opener!

[MineralMan]

33. You bet! That deal with Lot's daughters was a hoot!

Then there was the money shot when old Onan finished up.

Lots and lots of "good parts," to be sure.

[dysfunctional press]

46. i was raised/educated in lutheran schools K-12, and 'the rapture' was NEVER mentioned.

i had never even heard of it until years later.

it's just plain goofy.

but then- so is EVERYTHING i WAS taught vis-a-vis religion, god, jesus, and the hereafter.

[LanternWaste]

53. Morans????

Morans???? You have but to visit out own humble 9-11 Forum to see that in constant and perpetual motion... :evilgrin:

That place puts the Rapture Ready crowd to shame.

[NOW tense]

13. Computers and iphones

the glowing boxes of Satan. :evilgrin:

[The_Casual_Observer]

15. Praise be what?

[MineralMan]

17. Praise be laudatory utterings made by followers of some

religion. It also be what your teacher tells you when your term paper is good.

Praise be many things.

[JackRiddler]

20. Bet you half those posts are hoaxers. The one you cite sounds like it.

[MineralMan]

22. Never underestimate the stupid of a

fundamentalcase. Their stupid transcends the understanding of a normal person.

[JackRiddler]

25. Sure. But now be honest:

You visit that site for the entertainment/shock value, as many no doubt do.

Have you ever posted there?

[MineralMan]

29. Actually, I don't go there. I did visit once,

but I simply don't have time for that right now. While it's amusing to twit such folks, doing it well would require more attention than I'm willing to pay.

[rateyes]

21. I wonder if it would be OK to have one of the

red i-phones?? :shrug:

On edit: I guess I showed my ignorance of the i-phone. Didn't know "Orange" was a brand name. :banghead:

[ronnykmarshall]

23. Here's another dilly ... with my sick comments.

Praise update with a request...Matt, had a fiance' with plans to marry as they became able to sustain themselves with income. He gave her an engagement ring at Christmas.

Some cheap shitty ring that turned her finger green.

Well, she just gave him his ring back and they have separated a few days ago.

and is suing him for the medical bills for her infected finger from the above mentioned shitty cheap ring

They have courted for years and as parents, we have come to know this young lady.

Courted? What the hell is this 1844?

She's impatient.... looking for riches and things, but.......it is far better for her do it now than later.

NO! She's looking for marry someone that acts like a fucking ADULT and doesn't run to mommy and daddy to stop the evil internet from making his pecker hard.

Yet, my wife and I are not as unhappy about it as our son.

That's because you hated her and want to keep him under lock and key.

He deserves better ....but he's greatly hurt.

Don't worry, Pop ol Matty will be a happy boy once he starts getting responses from his ManHunt ad.

We pray he will not make fall back into bad choices....and that Jesus will fill in the hole my son feels with a new growing relationship with Christ.

Sonny will be getting something to fill his hole REAL fast. I hear he's a power bottom with a big ol' schlong. His screen name is 'Tripod'.

[YOY]

30. Oh Ronny...that was great!

Rock on!

[the_chinuk]

34. Gah! TRIPOD!!!!111!!! LOLZOMG!!!! n/t

[Starry Messenger]

37. Nice.

Zing! :D

[cherish44]

I just wrecked my damn keyboard....

coffee everywhere! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Ignis]

42. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

:rofl:

[Bluebear]

50. Tripod!!!!!!!!

:spray:

[Matariki]

24. This is a joke, right?

In fact, maybe the whole Fundie thing is one big piece of performance art. That would explain a lot.

[BuelahWitch]

26. Bet sales of the orange I-phones went through the roof

from the Fundie crowd alone! :rofl:

[AndyA]

32. Oh my God! Not a black lady winding her hips and singing!!

What is this world coming to?

Praise be to Jesus, these people are just too stupid.

[the_chinuk]

36. That sh*t leads to sex, and sex leads to dancing. Can't end well! n/t

[ronnykmarshall]

48. At least he didn't say "colored woman".

[ima_sinnic]

35. ok, which one of you guys has been writing this stuff?

:rofl:

[cherish44]

38. OK the internet is evil yet they are posting on an online message board....

Hold me. I'm confoosed.

[pleah]

39. Can't stop laughing............

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[FSogol]

40. Praise Be!

:rofl:

[relayerbob]

41. Good thing we got a blue one

[proud2BlibKansan]

44. I am buying an orange cover for my iPhone ASAP

:evilgrin:

[NeedleCast]

51. Reapture Ready is easily my favorite site on the interwebs

Comedy gold.

The example in the OP is pretty mainstream by RR standards.

[MadHound]

52. But what about the pink and purple ones?

Do they have something as equally enticing in them, or is it just the orange ones?

[Warren DeMontague]

54. those little boxes have the internet in them, and the internets have the devil in them.

:crazy:

[LoZoccolo]

55. Orange is the name of a telecommunications company in Europe. n/t