7 Helpful Tips For the Child Who Made My Flight Hell (LOLOLOLOL)

[Are_grits_groceries]

Various religions, child protective agencies and a 1974 made-for-TV movie starring Linda Blair all contend that we are born innocent. This is false. We are actually born savages. Names like "preschooler" and "tot" do little to convey the viciousness that resides in the hearts of these tiny insane human beings.

During a recent New York to Los Angeles flight, I experienced the multifaceted wrath of one such little girl. Maybe it was the fluctuating cabin pressure or the veterinary pharmaceuticals I'd (inadvertently) taken in place of my usual preflight tranquilizers; but as I stepped off the flight, I knew what it was to have been emotionally raped by a toddler. My search for guidance concerning this troubling episode led me to consult the website of Dr. Phil McGraw--a rich bastion of insights. The following recounts my tormentor's behaviors with corresponding advice from the eminent television psychologist's site.

#7. Using Airplane Seating As A Repelling Site

Upon arriving at my assigned row, I found a woman on the brink of collapse as a curly-haired child -- let's call her Mothra -- bounded from the floor up to the middle seat, then back to the floor, then up to the window seat using the magazine pockets for footholds. As she attempted the maneuver again, I quickly slid by and took the window seat. I offered Mothra a friendly smile. She responded with the wide eyes of a mad scientist receiving an unexpected visit from a future test subject.

Disciplinary Advice from DrPhil.com:

"Dr. Phil says you're sending your child a mixed message. 'If you give in some of the time, you're tough some of the time, what you have is called the intermittent reinforcement schedule. It creates the most resistant maladapted behavior of all.'" Seriously.

How I Should Have Responded:

By smiling at her chimp-like seat gymnastics, I sent Mothra the first in a series of intermittent reinforcement signals. In retrospect, I should have snarled and/or growled.

http://www.cracked.com/article_17046_7-helpful-tips-child-who-made-my-flight-hell.html

I laughed so hard my neighbors beat on the wall. I am still laughing.

[TWiley]

1. Yesterday at the mall entrance

a youngster was getting a few swats on the butt from his mother. As K. and I passed by, she suddenly pointed her finger at him and started laughing. I couldn't help it so I started laughing myself.

The poor kid howled even louder.

[eilen]

2. I've had one

and I have to say, 3 year olds are little assholes. I could hardly wait for him to turn 5. Little girls are way worse because they have this screech/scream. I've made a resolution never to babysit them. In fact, I find I end up avoiding friends who have toddlers unless they can meet me for lunch without them.

[fishnfla]

4. We've had 3

Including 2 lil' girls. Never had much time, or money, for lunch with friends when they were that age. Especially if we had to find a babysitter just to grace the presence of someone who thought our daughters were little assholes. But why would we have friends like that in the first place?

[proud2BlibKansan]

16. Glad your kids were perfect as toddlers

You should write a book :hi:

[fishnfla]

20. did you mean to reply to me?

? where did i even imply our kids were such?

[proud2BlibKansan]

23. Yes

Read your post again.

[fishnfla]

36. show me where I said our kids our perfect, even implied it

and explain to me why you think they are little assholes

[eilen]

38. It depends, do your daughters behave like little assholes?

Well, maybe you might have had friends before you were parents who like you as people, not parents.

Even my niece (at 6), who came to visit at my home for a few weeks needed to learn the world did not revolve around her whims, she could wait her turn like everyone else and learn to do things by herself. Being the only girl in her family, she was quite spoiled.

I went to a friend's house (4 kids) and watched her 2 year old pulling her arm while the 3 three year old were pulling her hair in opposite directions and you would not believe the whining and screeching; could not understand why these kids weren't swatted, and put in their cribs. In addition, the kids are very rude. It is the fault of the parenting, she is overindulgent with their bad behavior and they hit her. The older ones are demanding and don't assist her with the younger ones except to hit them when they are being harassed by them. And the girl, she insists on trying to go through my purse and is in literal shock when I tell her no. One visit did it for me.

On the other hand, I have another friend with 5 kids and they are pretty well behaved and actually listen to their parents. Of course, the parents are pretty consistent disciplinarians and don't put up with much garbage. Their mother (my friend) actually looks forward to 90 minutes kid free to have adult conversation that does not revolve around someone's potty schedule.

It is rare to see a family who has children who have learned how to occupy themselves or behave independently for any length of time. If they are older, why not let them ride their bikes to the park? They are so afraid their children will be kidnapped. It is surreal (I feel like telling them that they didn't have enough money to pay someone to take their children). I don't understand these young mothers who bring their over indulged spoiled kids to shops and blandly let them scream. If the child is crying, take them out and bring them home, and put them down for a nap. They don't need to be in a bookstore or the library if they are that miserable. Similarly, they don't belong in a restaurant at 11 pm. Teach kids some dinner manners before you take them in public.

One family came into Joann's with 4 little girls (not all the same ages) the middle two stuck close to their mother (with occasional forays to the display of timers of which I think they wound every one so there were timers constantly going off to the chagrin of the counterperson), but in general, well behaved. The father had the youngest in a carriage who was singing goofy songs, very cute. The oldest helped the father and the mother between them. Once the mother got into line, the father rounded up all the girls and took them out to the van. No need for screaming or whining. They were taught to behave.

And, by the way, I am much more tolerant of overtired children and their exhausted parents than most--especially at the grocery store. I just prefer not to spend my free time dominated by them.

[fishnfla]

43. depends on your point of view I guess

our daughter was sick to the point of death at that age. doctors, hospitals, the whole 9 yards. Like I said not much time or money for much...she has been developmentally disabled ever since and is far from perfect. I would never call any child an asshole, is all.

Reminds me of a story I'll never forget. During the unending wait for hurricane frances, and after hurricane charley. The schools& work were closed for awhile. Everyone was edgy, I guess. So we are standing in a long line at blockbuster at the back, and up front there was a single mom I know& her daughter. The mom is having problems with her bill, and her child Faith is tearing up the candy display.
People in line are all *tsk, tsking* fucking busybodies. I turned to our daughter and laughed " omigosh its faith and her mom, go help her, courtney"
Guy in front of me goes: "if that was my daughter, I'd spank her right here and now" real mean edge to his voice. Heads nodding in the line.
Me "really, sir? Is your daughter autistic too?"

Just then faith turned and saw our daughter& ran to her you could see she was disabled.

* silence like a pin dropping * I think only grown-ups could be assholes

The guy, to his credit, went up and paid the ladies bill. Gave me a sheepish 'sorry' look

[seabeyond]

46. lack of empathy. generalyy when i hear a certain fussy, or cry, or out of control, i KNOW that baby

needs sleep. but people who havent been in that place just yell... out of control, bad parenting, baby an asshole. a young child cannot control, cannot do if tired, in need of nap or hunger. survival. they are out of control. the baby could be a dear, easy, good all the way around a nifty child, but those seconds, or fw minutes of misbehavor equates the child to an asshole or other rot. this is the THINKING adult? the one so superior to the little one. that has labeled the child and decided what is needed, a swat on ass, without any info or knowledge?

ya... i would be pointing finger at child. rolling eyes

[eilen]

65. I guess I should say 3 year olds act like assholes

They are controlling, bossy, throw tantrums, don't do as they're told, are narcissistic, are physically threatening when they don't get their way-- basically it is developmental.

There are two popular ways of dealing with them.

1. is to laugh every time they do something inappropriate, thus encouraging their aggressive behavior, succor them during tantrums and give in to their demands and then ignore their screaming, biting and throwing things.

2. is to give them limits, remove them from the stimulating environment and audience and put them to bed/in their room until they regain control and are ready to apologize to you for the absolutely disgraceful scene they made and institute time out (sitting facing the wall) and removal of everything until they behave. Keep them on a schedule with a consistent nap and bedtime and don't expect them to tolerate multi errand runs.

The parents who do number 1 most of the time--their children act the most outrageously, and progress to be a source of disruption and chaos on school buses and classrooms. No one likes to be around them.

If you have a child who tends to wander when you have to deal with stuff like bills, I suggest a wrist leash. My friend with the well behaved kids used hers with good effect at rest stops when she had two little energetic boys on her own traveling across the country in her car as well as at public events like fairs.

I have a nephew, who at 10, can't even be tolerated in a regular classroom because of the his heightened sense of preciousness.

I feel for the parents of autistic children. I don't think it is okay though for one to destroy a merchandise display in someone's business. Perhaps another adult who knew her could have taken her aside and entertained her.

[janx]

90. Yes, and the parents who choose #1 actually seem to wind up

being afraid of their own kids! It's an awful situation.

[fishnfla]

92. lol--thats just what I did

I sent our older daughter to help out. Who said Faith was destroying property? You just went out and assumed the worst, did you not? Just like those people in line.

Our daughter is learning disabled, but I swear she has better reading comprehension than you and your friend here.

[eilen]

101. I did not assume anything.

" and her child Faith is tearing up the candy display"-- You said this. This can mean the display is being torn up in which merchandise is placed. If you didn't know Faith, would you select a candy bar from the torn up display? I don't know how old Faith is, or if she is responsible about washing her hands.

No problem with my reading comprehension. Why do you assume I have no learning disability? I am actually a very good reader and have scored high marks for my comprehension.

My comment was for an adult to help supervise the child, who, due to distraction of her mother handling payment for a video, was "tearing up the candy display". It's unfortunate she has autism. I have a friend with a daughter who has autism. She tends to wander the moment one is not looking. Thus the advice of a wrist leash. Every adult has a moment when they get distracted, they cannot focus on their child 100% of the time.

[Zhade]

105. Yeah, but #2 means actual parenting - which is why #1 is so popular.

NT!

[pacalo]

103. The poster was referring to undisciplined toddlers *in general*.

Changing the focus from undisciplined toddlers to disabled children is an attempt to win an argument based on sympathy. Good grief.

I wouldn't have brought my autistic child into a video store when I knew there would be a long line. Knowing the child was disabled as she was "tearing up the candy disply" doesn't excuse the mother in my eyes.

[Zhade]

104. I'm a dad, and I think your post hits it.

Very good stuff.

[Submariner]

3. I seem to always be seated near the toddler from HELL

That story was a great laugh. They are indeed little out of control animals.

[ixion]

5. great sign

:rofl:

[elleng]

53. That sign is in one of our local bookstores

called Politics and Prose! (in DC)

[fishnfla]

6. there one like that at an outdoor seafood place here

unattended kids will end up as crab bait

[Posteritatis]

26. One kid I was next to on a flight...

...Woke up an hour after takeoff, looked out the window, and discovered he had a fear of heights.

I don't even remember being annoyed at the time or anything; just a "sigh; figures" sort of thing, and a new one on my list since I usually use ground-based transit for getting around. (Granted, the fact that the flight was two hours and not like twelve helped!)

[petronius]

89. That's both sad and funny - I don't think I'd be particularly annoyed either,

in that situation. If the kid was genuinely frightened it's reasonable for him to express it. Explanations of aeronautical engineering or recounting transportation safety statistics aren't going to help much when a five-year-old brain is contemplating 30,000' of empty air...

:)

[Missy Vixen]

62. I kept a framed photo of that sign

in my former yarn shop. The original is evidently still in another business in the Seattle area.

[seabeyond]

64. my kids and i just a giggled when we read it in some shop in a little mountain town. n/t

[marshall]

117. I'm always seated next to somebody who needs at least one and a half seats for their girth

And they seem to have no qualm or even recognition that they are spilling over into my seat. It makes me feel like I'm in a trash compactor.

[a la izquierda]

7. I was on a flight once with the toddler from hell

and his mother was the Queen of the Damned. This kid ran up and down the aisles, barged in on people in the loo by kicking the door as hard as he could. The kid had tried to get in the bathroom on me, but I managed to scare him first. At one point, someone was leaning on their arm, sleeping, on the armrest and the kid pushed their arm out from under them. The Devil family was about three rows ahead of me and Queenie did nothing. Her other son, who was about 10 or 11, was responsible for reigning in the little hellion. The flight attendants were so furious that I was shocked we didn't land early.

When we finally did land, an elderly lady said "Oh thank GOD now I can get some rest!" The mother started screaming at the older lady and I completely lost it. I have a lot of nieces and nephews, who fly constantly on account that our families live spread out. They wouldn't dream of behaving like that child did. Well, I really read her the riot act about what kind of irresponsible person gets on a plane and essentially lets her kid run loose, expecting someone else to watch him. Her response? "I paid the same ticket price everyone else did." I thought I was going to get arrested; then I thought her husband was going to slug me. It was a horrible, horrible experience.

[acmavm]

11. "I paid the same ticket price everyone else did." Some fool with two kids

who kicked the back of my seat for four hours ended up trapped in a bathroom stall in Sacramento until I had to leave because of shit like that. When she (the 'mother') used that line on me I told her someone should get her worthless ass down and spay her. The fool flipped me some kind of smartass remark and I lost my mind.

If I could have gotten her ass out of that stall I don't know what the hell I would have done.

I'd never done anything like that before (or since). But then, I'd never been in that position before (or since). My ex still talks about it (at the time he agreed with me, that she did need an ass whuppin'. Now he just uses it as an example of my 'bad temper'.)

Whatever, to this day I wish I could have gotten my hands on her for just one minute.

[Lorien]

19. Unfortunately those kinds of "parents" just seem to be more and more

common these days. I was on a cross country flight once, and before we even took of two kids were causing trouble and out of control. They were older-about 7 and 9-one boy, one girl. A businessman and myself were seated in the center row of the jumbo jet, and when their parents said to them "hey kids, our seats are on the other side of the plane" the children came racing down our row, grabbed me BY THE HAIR and used my long locks to hoist themselves onto my lap (yep, they actually were standing on top of my legs for a second or two) then leap down and ran to the business man and did the same to him (only they used his jacket collar to pull themselves across his lap). The whole while I was saying "What the hell! You can't behave this way? What are you? Savages"?? I looked at the parents and said "what the hell was that?! That was completely outrageous and unacceptable behavior"! They just ignored me and the slack jawed business man who was too stunned to say anything at all. The kids continued to be disruptive during the entire flight. There is NO excuse for parents allowing kids of any age-let alone that old-get away with stuff like that!

[Political Heretic]

8. Holy shit some of the comments are funnier than the article:

"I find the best way to handle small children is to imitate their every move. If the child begins to remove your headphones from their socket you simply remove their arm from their socket, problem solved. The small child will most likely start crying and bleeding all over you, return in kind. If said child then soils itself in fear, also return in kind, thus ensuring a balanced society."

:rofl:

[Submariner]

12. I just LUV this comment

"Is it legal to kill babies under a certain age? I think it might be legal to kill babies under a certain age. Like, 10 months or something. With an ice pick."

"If it were I wouldn't have to read stupid little comments like this."

:rofl:

[Political Heretic]

9. LOL Part 2:

"This article has just made me even more determined to have my ovaries removed and fired into the sun."

[taterguy]

10. Oh great, another kid bashing thread

When you came out of the womb were you 21 years old?

[dsc]

14. No it is a parent bashing thread

I am sick to death of kids being let to run wild ruining things for everyone else. Every time I go to listen to a concert or play at the high schools where I work without fail some fool parent allows his or her child to talk, scream, run, and play while everyone around him or her misses the entire concert or play.

[proud2BlibKansan]

18. We have a clinic in our school

And at least weekly, some parent brings a toddler and they run up and down the hall screaming and yelling. While we are trying to teach. I am lucky enough to have a room right across from the clinic.

Last year a woman stood in the hall outside my room on a cell phone yelling at someone who was supposed to have come pick her up
"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? I HAVE BEEN FUCKING WAITING HERE FOR AN HOUR, YOU BITCH, GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THAT FUCKIN BED AND OVER HERE TO PICK ME UP!"

In the hallway of an elementary school. :crazy:

[dsc]

21. just shocking

You can't blame kids when the parents are that trashy.

[proud2BlibKansan]

25. LOL we went in the clinic and asked if it was a privacy violation to get the woman's address

We wanted to know if she lived in our attendance area. :)

She was so out of control we had to call the cops to get her out of our building. And when they came she kept cussing and yelling and asked them for a ride home. Cop said "Oh you're going to take a ride alright" :rofl:

[donco6]

47. Oh yeah. Been there, heard that.

And in our tile hallways, cell yell gets magnified 10X.

[Lady Effingbroke]

22. I attended my 6 y.o. niece's Christmas play last year.

The kids were better behaved by far than their obnoxious parents, to the point that the school principal got on the p.a. system and said that if the offending parents didn't be quiet, sit down, and keep the aisles of the auditorium clear the play would be stopped and everyone sent home - in effect, she talked to them like they were 6 years old!

When I was my niece's age, parents were well behaved at various school functions. Things sure have changed.

[proud2BlibKansan]

27. We had a DARE graduation one year at 10 am and one parent was so drunk she couldn't stand up

She kept yelling and couldn't even carry on a conversation. Completely out of control. One of the other parents just happened to be a security guard in our district and was in uniform. He was on a break from work so he could watch his kid graduate. He went over to the drunk lady and tried to get her out. She started screaming. He called security for help. We ended up having to stop the graduation to get the kids out of the room while 4 security guards carried the drunk woman out of the school.

At 10 am at a 5th grade DARE graduation. :crazy:

I felt so sorry for the kid who belonged to that drunk lady.

[dsc]

32. that lady should lose her kids

until she is sober for a year.

[proud2BlibKansan]

34. I hope someone called and turned her in for neglect

I don't remember, it was so long ago.

[seabeyond]

31. the op, it seems to be the mother that is the problem. another post on the threadm is another ADULT

that is the problem pinching kids behind parents back. geezus fuckin christ, what some people admire as they point the finger and scorn at a child

[Lady Effingbroke]

54. Yes, the parents are the cause of the problem.

They are the ones supposed to be in control of the kids and demonstrating appropriate behavior.

Sadly, these days, too often the parents are more immature than their kids.

[seabeyond]

56. or maybe there are issues with adults along with children seeing how one lady pinches children

behind parents back.

not to mention all the misbehavior we encounter thru out our days with adults.

my point is, we (on this board) continually go after children for poor behavior when i see more misbehavior from adults on regular basis but we dont have a theme on du about all the adults that lack in so many ways.

[eilen]

115. Parents feel like they are in a catch-22 when their kids act up in public

because the kids are in control in that situation. Until the kids are old enough to connect their behavior with the hell their parents let loose on them when they get home, it is really impossible to deal with them if they are so behaviorally inclined which is why so many parents of toddlers don't go anywhere. If they yell at their kids, they are considered to be abusive, if they physically attempt to subdue them, they get arrested. Either way they are judged to be horrible parents, or just judged. I suspect that is why some posters here feel so insulted and offended about people complaining about kids.

Most kids 4 and older know the difference between right and wrong. The problem is that in many cases both parents, working full time are stressed enough and don't want to deal with it at home so they don't follow through on discipline when they get home. If they ground the kids off the video games and tv, then they have to deal with the kid whining and complaining all night. The kids know they can get away with it and sometimes the parent just withdraws so the kid gets more outrageous to get a response. I think that these are learned behavior dynamics and it is difficult to change because as we all know, the people we love most know just what buttons to push and kids, they have time on their hands and are very observant.

I don't really believe all kids are horrible or assholes but some are really antisocial terrors. I figured people who actually have a 3 year old would laugh at my statement that they act like assholes because they really do-- they are like little Napoleans but they are cute and you love them and so you put up with their crap. Badly behaved children are due to poor parenting, you ever watched "The Nanny"? A lot of people never learned to be parents as their own parents were MIA.

I actually really like kids, I just don't like to be around brats. I am not a hardcore disciplinarian because I have not needed to-- my son is well behaved and we have a good relationship, so I can afford to be laid back. We raise him to be independent. Although he has what I call "stupid attacks" where he does something totally off the wall like write on his walls or secretly gets his tongue pierced.

I don't have any funny airline stories to tell as we hardly ever fly. But I have been known to exit shops when a child/baby starts wailing and screaming. It goes through my head like an ice pick so I leave.

[seabeyond]

116. this takes me to story of youngest. in the mall, walking thru as he yells....

cries, throws a tantrum

my oldest was easy and i could just talk to him

the youngest, not so much. when he was little, like two, we went to the mall. that was a place oldest and i would go to be out, see people and just wander. youngest threw a fit. i knew i couldnt reason like my oldest. and i wasnt going to let him have his way. the deal was, if he couldnt behave, we wouldnt do. same as grocery store.

so he throws a fit

i carry him, not in cuddle, but to walk ALL the way thru mall to store letting me out to car. and he screamed all the way. i know there were people deciding i was bad, not dealing with child, but public was NOT the place to deal with baby cause he would use it.

got to car, buckled him in and told him, no more. we dont go until he could behave.

but no one saw, or knew, or understood what i was doing as a parent, why and who my child was, what he needed. all they saw was an out of control and a parent not doing anything.

i never had the experience with that kid again. he wasnt allowed to go to store two or three times and then it was conditioned on his behavior. i made them small periods in store to make easy for him, and he was praised/rewarded for good behavior, reinforced.

worked for us. but did take steps and time.

that exhibition was after already having situations where the kid went into public and used it, and i used that situation to deal with it.

that is why i say, at a moment in time, we cannot necessarily decide who all the parent is or who all the child is. just a flash for us. we dont know.

[JerseygirlCT]

78. Yup, that too.

Probably the same parents who never taught *their* kids how to behave.

[taterguy]

24. Sorry, I didn't realize I was dealing with someone who's perfect

:eyes:

[proud2BlibKansan]

29. I was far from perfect when my kids were that age

But I had enough sense to know when they should attend events and when they should stay home. And if I took them they sat in my lap while I held them firmly. And BOTH of my kids were ADD. If they can be made to behave appropriately in public, any kid can.

My mother in law used to say there's a reason mommies and daddies are bigger than little girls and little boys. :)

[shrike]

58. My step-daughter, mother extraordinaire, says if you want to be a good parent

you have to be smarter than your kid. "You have to out-think them," she said. She has two very smart, well-adjusted boys (I'm prejudiced, of course.)

[JerseygirlCT]

79. I would spend a fair amount of time preparing for such an outing

bringing a small pad and crayons, or a game to pass the time before the event began.

If all else fails, sit on an ailse, and be ready to slide out quietly if the little one can't be quiet and still. BTDT, too.

[dsc]

30. I never said I was prefect

but I do respect the work other people put into their programs. If you have a kid, and the kid either won't or can't sit still long enough for such a program, then the kid needs to stay at home and if that means you do as well then too bad.

[proud2BlibKansan]

37. Many schools offer child care during programs

We have neighborhood teenagers who volunteer to come in and take care of the toddlers while their parents watch the program. Works well :)

[dsc]

41. I am not sure why we don't offer similar service

but we don't.

[proud2BlibKansan]

42. It was the teenagers' idea

They have to do community service in a lot of high schools and they came to us with this plan.

You should look into it. :)

[dsc]

45. that might be a good idea

I know that at least some students need community hours.

[donco6]

66. Our groups use it as fundraisers.

They have games and stuff. It works great.

[cherish44]

87. That is a GREAT idea

I think a lot of people don't realize that young kids do not have the ability to reason like adults (well that's giving some adults too much credit) But just because your kid can't sit still doesn't necessarily make the kid a brat or you a bad parent. It's developmental and they eventually do get the ability to sit still and reasoning ability (again, not ALL but most)!

[seabeyond]

33. confused

[JerseygirlCT]

77. You know, most of the bad behavior I've seen at those has been

teens. Who obviously have never been taught how one behaves in an audience. Talking on their phones, getting up and sliding across the whole ailse three or four times... talking loudly to each other while the performance is going on. Makes me wonder where the parents were when it was time for them to learn.

I think it's fine to expect a bit of noise and wiggling from small ones at an event that really is a family event. But I've never been interrupted like that with a young one - only the older kids who ought to know better.

[1Hippiechick]

109. Surely you're not talking about parents who are Generation X!?!? You know, the ones who were reared

by us Baby Boomers who get trashed all the time?!? Our sons were born in 1972 and 1975. Until they were more 'controllable' we didn't take them to public restaurants. If we couldn't afford a sitter, we stayed home. We had more respect for other diners. Why engage in a battle of wills unnecessarily in public and put yourselves, your children, and others through that ordeal? Order take out, for Chrissake.

I work with an airhead who had to be asked by the priest on TWO separate occasions to remove her disruptive one and two-year-old children from the service.

Why do parents not understand that their obnoxious children are not cute to everyone else?

Thank GOD most restaurants are now smoke-free. However, we still ask to be seated in a KID-FREE area. I get some quizical looks sometimes, but I say "I am absolutely serious. Please do not seat us near small children." I'm also seriously thinking about asking to be seated in a PREACHER-FREE area. They and their entourage seem to be the most raucous in the restaurant--the entourage hanging on every word, and the preacher using his loudest preacher-speak language and tone. Drives me straight up the wall.

[fishnfla]

61. didnt think so at first

then i see people calling 3-5 year-old kids assholes

whatever

[seabeyond]

63. the article may be funny, and i can go with the humor. it is posters that inevitably start yakking

about horrors of kids, shoot them all, shouldn't exists, interfere with their lives and how dare the kids.

makes me want to take kids out to walk on someones lawn, wink.

now, these pathetic adults with assault on ALL children, really.... who is the issue.

[fishnfla]

93. see post 6

I can handle the funny parts. The ugliness though, not much.
It seems like a certain segment of Duers feel every living child is a failed chance at an abortion, and every parent makes bad choices starting with the birth of their child

[seabeyond]

94. yes. surprised the hell out of me

i was single tons of years before marrying and having kids. i didnt have any of these issues when i was childless adn certainly not as a parent. imagine my surprise when i read just how much contempt there was for children for the mere fact they exist. lol. i didnt have a clue. especially how i KNOW each one of these grown ups were kids once too. lol. made no sense to me at all. still doesnt. but i accept that there just are people that dont like kids

probably dont have much patience with adults either. the ones that decide how all should live.

what i did start doing a year or so ago was let my boys read these threads so they could see what so outrages adults and maybe do better to help those adults out in empathy but also let them see the hypocrisy as they go out and about and watch adults literally cut in line in front of them and do all the very things they bitch about kids. has been good lesson for my boys.

[Missy Vixen]

70. No. I wasn't.

My parents were in their twenties, though, when they had me. I might also mention that there were consequences in that time if you acted up while you were out in public. It wasn't just your parents, either. ANY adult was free to speak to you or chastise for bad behavior.
God help you now if you tell someone else's child that they should not be a) running in the store, b) climbing in the freezer case, let alone with muddy shoes, c) air-raid-siren quality screaming inside, etcetera.

If I'm standing in Chuck E. Cheese or the McDonald's play area, I deserve whatever I get. When I'm in a restaurant without kiddie menu or high chairs, if I'm on a flight, if I'm at a concert that the tickets cost a fortune, bla bla bla, those kids had better behave, or I'm taking it up with their parents. Period.

MV

p.s. I was recently at a social gathering during which I listened to a woman brag incessantly about taking her four-year-old to a Celine Dion concert. Ms. Dion is not my favorite performer. I do know, however, that it is not cheap to attend one of her shows, and I can't even IMAGINE what the people around them were thinking. Surely little Brittany or Caleigh's enjoyment was more important than theirs, wasn't it?

[seabeyond]

71. i remember more than four decades ago, when i was 4/5, my mother took me to a ballet

production. was expensive and they were poor, but it was one of the very few special my mom gave me to instill an appreciation for arts. she was like that. special things for us children. it was a very adult night for her and i. she made it special in many ways and i will value and cherish and remember it always.

so much so

i took my little niece at the same age to an outdoor performance, just her and i. a special moment of bonding.

[taterguy]

99. People who give money to Celine Dion deserve to suffer

Obviously

[izzie]

13. I knew a lady who owned a gift shop and always pinched the kids

Smile at the mother and say what a sweet kid and in back of mother pinch the kids, hard. It worked will for the shop lady as the kids kept their hands off the gifts and they could not wait to get out.

[seabeyond]

28. so she, the adult, is a bitch and the kid is not the problem. somewhere along the way

i hope this woman got hers some way. that is just a horrible story.

[proud2BlibKansan]

39. My thoughts exactly

I would never ever pinch someone else's child. I didn't even want my parents to spank my kids. That was MY job, not theirs. Fortunately, my parents agreed.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

15. Hilarious

thanks for sharing!

[jazzjunkysue]

17. Destined to become an epic. Good catch. The photos are brilliant.

Just once, I'd like to see the 20 surrounding people on a plane all stand up and scream back at a spoiled toddler on a plane. Guaranteed to work for the remainder of the flight.

This is why I always take ear plane ear plugs on a flight and either sleep or read a book. It give me some space.

[TlalocW]

35. I've had my share of bratty kids acting up around me

I find that being larger than the parents helps when you eventually shame them into doing their jobs.

Case in point: During a college break, I was back home, and Mom needed me to drive her into the city to get new glasses. She told me it would take a while so if I wanted to go do something I could so I chose to visit an arcade a friend and I used to frequent in high school. For whatever reason, a five-year-old child decided to start following me around from game to game, asking me stupid questions, giving me stupid advice, and once or twice even trying to wrest the controls from me. After two games of this, I walked out to the center of the arcade floor (with the kid right behind me) and yelled over all the noise, "WHO DOES THIS CHILD BELONG TO AND WHY HASN'T HE BEEN TAUGHT TO NOT TALK TO STRANGERS???" Mom and dad suddenly appeared from nowhere giving me the evil eye, which I gladly returned while they collected their kid and left.

TlalocW

[proud2BlibKansan]

40. A couple times I have found kids - 5 years old and younger - wandering grocery stores

One of them was in the parking lot.

I took them to store security. But I like your idea too. :)

[ProdigalJunkMail]

44. Just did 15 hours from ATL to ICN

and behind us was a 2 year old girl and perhaps 4 year old boy and they were a disaster. the boy kept kicking my seat despite my begging him and his mother to stop (or stop him) and the 2 year old...well, she was just exhausted and couldn't sleep so the screaming would start about every fifteen minutes. i felt sorry for her...but the boy? i could have cared less if he fell out an open door from 37,000ft...

this article was great!

sP

[izzybeans]

48. Oh no the horror!!!! I'm series call your congress person right fucking now.

boo freaking hoo.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

51. oh noes...

there is someone seriesly lacking in a sense of humor...

sP

[izzybeans]

55. Nah... I just no longer find this tired line of comedy funny.

It's a "purple veined dick-joke" for sanctimonious assholes. All that is required is ignorance and/or arrogance to call up a belly laugh.

Of all the things wrong in this world, DU always seems to come through with pulling this "Ahh a child annoyed me" grievance out of the bag.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

60. i am neither ignorant nor arrogant in this area

i travel for a living and have experienced this sort of behaviour and i have three little ones at home myself. the children are almost never at fault in situations like this and in many cases the parent is just plain outmatched by the power these little ones possess. but the article is very funny and pretty well written. it calls to mind things that really DO happen and puts them in a funny light. maybe i missed it, but i didn't see anywhere in the article where the writer was trashing kids...just making fun of their behaviour and his own reactions to it.

i was just on 15 hours from ATL to ICN and had a couple of terrors behind me that made this article ring very true and i got a belly-laugh out of it. does that make me an asshole in your book?

sP

[ddeclue]

49. Never had a bad flight experience because of this

but I frequently have had this problem in upscale restaurants.

If the kid is too young or too ill behaved to dine politely, then please take your little terror(s) to Chuckee Cheese or the McArches so that I can enjoy my meal in peace.

Thanks, your fellow diner...

Doug D.

[shrike]

59. Doug, I can relate

I can remember two couple who brought their kids into a local restaurant. And the louder the kids screamed, the louder the adults talked.

The thing is, there were several families in there, and it ruined everybody's meal. The kids at neighboring tables looked very unhappy and uncomfortable; no one has fun dining when there's that kind of noise.

[donco6]

68. I had strange kids playing with toy cars under my table once.

I think one might have gotten kicked accidentally. It's all a blur.

And this was a nice restaurant with cloth napkins and everything.

[smoogatz]

50. As a parent of small kids

I would actually welcome a "baby section" on commercial flights, like the old smoking sections, back in the day. Put all the families with small children in the back of the plane, and don't force those flying without kids to sit next to them. Maybe even assign a specially trained FA to that section--someone who actually liked to work with kids and was paid to help parents who were having trouble keeping their kids happy and distracted on a long flight. The major airlines in this country do less than nothing for families flying together: on Northworst you can't even book seats together in advance, for any price--we've ended up with seats all over the cabin and been told to "work it out with the other passengers" by Northworst gate attendants. Some airlines don't even preboard for people traveling with small kids anymore, which really, really sucks.

[seabeyond]

52. i have automatically rearranged my own family to accomodate families with smaller kids

i could not believe times seeing little ones seperated from their parent. made no sense. my kids are old, will put nose in book and leave all alone, so i could sit them in those seats.

the few times i flew without hubby to help, i worked hard at creating our own little space telling little one, must be quiet at all cost, DO NOT interact with others, look at or speak to cause many adults dont like children. lol lol

then adults would invade and bring out my kids after i had worked so hard to keep out of THEIR way.

but i agree, that sounds good

when mine were little they did section little ones up front in bench seats and seemed to work well but notice last decade they dont do it any more.

[donco6]

69. When a parent TRIES, I can put up with anything.

And I've seen that - a harried parent who just has tried everything and nothing works . . . I get it. But when they just let the kid run wild and expect everyone to take care of the kid, that's when I draw the line.

[seabeyond]

73. how many adults i have had to stand up to that cuts in front of a child,

how many adults stand at an entrance to chat and doesnt allow others thru, how many adults get in the way at store without consideration of others.

my greatest bother on the airplane, before married was fat middle aged men taking my space and spending the flight hittin on me while i put a book up over my face.

i would take a kid any day...

my point is

we have a love to go after kids on du when really, as people, there are the considerate and inconsiderate and it is not just about kids, but society as a whole.

just much easier to attack little ones in scorn

[donco6]

80. True.

It's easy to start a story swap. I hope it's mostly just wry humor, but sometimes it gets uglier than that.

[AlCzervik]

100. i've been on flights with asshole adults and i've been on flights with screaming kids

that's why i wear my sound deadening headphones and i take nyquil before the flight.

[Missy Vixen]

76. donco, I'm with you

If they're even trying, I appreciate it. We also make a point to compliment parents whose kids are in an area kids typically aren't, and behave nicely. After all, it seems to me that positive reinforcement is always a good thing.

We're still talking about going to a local restaurant years ago (Maltby Cafe, for those who live in the area,) and watching four kids walk in with their parents. They sat down at the table and played a card game till the food got there. When breakfast was over, the kids were dispatched to give the server her tip, and some hugs. They were charming. WE'D take them out to breakfast. Anytime! ;-)

[JerseygirlCT]

81. Absolutely. I'm almost always ready to step in an help however

they need it.

It's the ones who think that it's just fine that their young kids are running around without any supervision that make me crazy, too.

I was in a restaurant once, and apparently the parents had decided that this was their night out, and it would be everyone else's responsiblity to keep an eye on their kids. The little one (couldn't be more than 2) was running around the place. The staff had to watch where they walked, so as not to trip on her. Wonder what would have happened had they tripped and spilled a hot meal all over that child?

[seabeyond]

82. i can "eye" the little ones, and it shuts them up fast. my kids giggle

the mama look. lol.

i was on the plane late one night for an hour flight. the mama was very young, with a baby and little 3 or 4 yr old girl. they were all exhausted and right in front of me. i spent that time entertaining the girl so mom could focus on the baby. was not what i wanted to do, but really it wasn't what the three in front of me wanted to do either. helped the "girl" lol, mama all the way thru to baggage.

sometimes life interferes with what a child needs.

[JerseygirlCT]

86. Yup, absolutely

I actually have fun with that. At one point in the service at church the little ones all come up from the nursery. I purposefully still sit in the section they'll all be in. And the parents with a baby and a 3-4 year old usually need the most help. Sometimes it's the mama look, sometimes it's just the right smile, or handing over a kiddie book or a piece of paper. I appreciated those who did that when mine were young, so now it's my turn to return the favor.

[seabeyond]

88. ya

i am with you. lol. see, not so hard, or end of world. really is, ... takes a village. thanks.

[Zhade]

106. You're proof that parents can avoid becoming selfish assholes who think their kids rule the world.

Wild applause for you, my friend.

[TahitiNut]

57. "two throaty grumbles, four loud squawks and a fart noise."???

My ex-wife said that was an orgasm. :dunce:

[ProdigalJunkMail]

67. now THAT got a belly-laugh! n/t

[Missy Vixen]

72. Now THIS is funny!

I'm laughing! :woohoo:

[nichomachus]

74. My worst experience

was the flight where I got on and had the window seat in a three-across. When I got there, there were a man and woman with a small child for whom they apparently hadn't bought a ticket and were going to hold in their lap -- except that the kid was currently in my seat, looking out the window.

I said "Excuse me, I believe that's my seat." So, the mother turns to the little girl and says, "You have to move because this man is going to take YOUR SEAT."

You don't need to be Dr. Fucking Phil to know what effect it has on a little kid to be told that someone is taking "your" anything. The kid sat on the lap next to me and proceeded to shriek and kick and wail -- until finally an FA took pity on me and put me up in first class (God bless here wherever she is.)

The FA in first asked me if she could get me anything. I said, please send that kid back there (still wailing BTW) a double martini. She said, don't think we wouldn't like to.

[JerseygirlCT]

75. Why blame the child?

If a young one is misbehaving and inconveniencing others (I'm not talking about those who find it inconvient that the child even exists), then a parent isn't doing his or her job.

And, I know this was supposed to be a joke, but would anyone in their right mind take advice from the likes of Dr. Phil? Seriously?

[cherish44]

83. I'm so glad to be past the toddler stage with mine

Let's just say, I didn't go out much during those years. My daughter was a big time tantrum thrower and yes it was embarrassing. Unfortunately all the evil looks and growling in the world wouldn't have worked (believe me I would have been a happy mommy if they had). Now she's 12 so it's raging hormones and mood swings. They're a cake walk compared to toddler tantrums.

[seabeyond]

85. my oldest was so easy, we could go anywhere. and we did without issues.

my youngest though.... lol lol. kept us home for two, three years, lol. wasnt nearly as easy and public didnt stop him. so we didnt go. until he was able to understand that until HE behaved, we wouldnt do.

[WolverineDG]

84. Yeah, but did the kiddo use the seat as a toilet?

Gatwick to Houston, a few years ago. Brat right behind me "forgot" to tell daddy he needed to go potty, so right in the seat he went. Numbers 1 AND 2. That was joyful.

dg

[mnhtnbb]

91. It's the parents. I was on a flight one time, put my book on my seat

after boarding and went to the bathroom in the back. Came back to find a woman had taken
my seat and put her kid in the vacant middle seat. I told her she was in my seat. She just
looked at me and told me to take her seat--which was an aisle seat next to someone occupying a middle
seat. I said , why don't you go back to your seat. She told me she couldn't do that, because
her child was seated elsewhere and they just HAD to be together. This was not an infant, or a toddler.

And this was not a Southwest flight, it was assigned seats. The kid was seated within sight, two rows ahead of the mother.

Not only that, but she was nasty. Entitled to sit together. I should move, gringa.

[krabigirl]

95. Um, that's horrible IMO. I'd have given up my seat so she could sit near her kid.

[mnhtnbb]

102. Maybe if she'd asked. She didn't. Just took the seat and told me to move.

Why not trade with the person sitting next to her daughter?

[TahitiNut]

98. I'd be inclined to hook a finger in her left nostril and drag her out of my seat.

:grr: :grr:

[1Hippiechick]

111. Now THAT caused a belly laugh! LOL

:rofl:

Visual imagery and all that stuff! :)

[retread]

96. What a gorgeous little angel! This MUST be satire! n/t

[dickthegrouch]

97. They used to ask if you wanted smoking or non

These days I ask for the no-child section
When they laugh - I ask in my most serious and confused tone "Why are you laughing? I detest children and need to get some sleep. I want no child near me"
At least United is beginning to get the message.

[MadBadger]

107. Make the kids sleep with the luggage

Kiiiddding

Or am I?

[Tutonic]

108. This is classic. Too funny. Crying at the keboard--oh Lord!

[Skittles]

110. on a trans-Atlantic flight, I was awakened by a cheese cube thrown in my face

by the three year old seated in front of me - his parents were asleep too. We spent the next hour throwing cheese cubes at each other. :D

[Initech]

112. Is Dr. Phil giving advice on child rearing or hostage negotiation?

[silverojo]

113. Here's why I wasn't an asshole when I was 3

1) My family members simply wouldn't tolerate that sort of behavior

2) Because I knew I'd get my butt smacked if I even tried to act like a chimpanzee in public

3) Because I liked it when people told me what a well-behaved little girl I was.

Was I perfect? Hell, no--I stubbornly refused to eat lima beans, and typical childhood crap like that.

But when it comes to behavior in public, it's all about how the family sets limits. Unless you're dealing with a child with a severe mental/emotional problem, bad behavior = bad parenting.

[eilen]

114. That is why we fear our full first and middle names spoken out loud

I think my mother used that in addition to "the Look" when we (as siblings) would start to bicker or goof off somewhere.

When I was 4 I pitched a fit in Woolworths because I wanted something (a Disney record album with story book attached) that my mother was not willing to purchase. The store was located in a mall. My mother grabbed my hand and took me outside the store and told me to sit there (outside the door) until she was done. I sat there and bawled. But I knew I was in for it. There was a coffee/donut place across the mall, and the lady working there was feeling sorry for me and offered me a donut to make me feel better. I stopped crying (suddenly ashamed for bawling like that) but didn't take it because I knew I didn't deserve it and if my mother found out I took a donut from a stranger (and did not have one for my brother either) I surely take a spanking, maybe with the wooden spoon. My mother often employed the wooden spoon (mostly on the furniture for good effect)--she broke many and probably single handedly kept the wooden spoon factory in business. We were not perfect children but learned quickly -- I never pitched a fit in Woolworths or any other store ever again.

I got a full hand slap in the face when I said the N-word out loud, I think it was in 1969. I didn't know what it meant, I heard other kids using it who probably heard it from their parents. I never said it again.

I as a shy kid though and would never think of behaving like some of the children I see in public.

[tomreedtoon]

118. Bribe TSA to let you bring along THIS child-quieter...

A baby bottle full of full-strength Nyquil. I know, it violates the liquid rules...but if the baby is crying in the TSA inspector's ear in the queue right before you, she may let you take it on if you explain its intended use.

Let the little noise machine suck on this for a while, and you and everyone on the plane will have a quiet, restful flight.

[ecstatic]

119. A friend's toddler tore up my commemorative Michelle Obama magazine

this past weekend. :mad: I was probably too nice as well.

I love this line: "By smiling at her chimp-like seat gymnastics, I sent Mothra the first in a series of intermittent reinforcement signals. In retrospect, I should have snarled and/or growled."

She was so cute though :loveya:

[seabeyond]

120. She was so cute though

lol lol. that is funny

the thing, .... a little one LOVES tearing up books, mag and other. take it away if you dont want it torn up. lol. and replace it with something you dont care about

ya

been there done that.

[dugaresa]

121. In reality...we all wish we were toddlers...we just know better

you have a cute bundle of all out cuteness...the kind of kid whose best moments bring forth smiles to the hardest hearts..

however when they are unhappy, scared, or just not in the mood, they can be terrors and you can have the best parents in the world but they are tired from taking care of a ball of constant energy and even they can't subdue it all....it is their cuteness that keeps them from being harmed by most folks..except those who now sit in maximum security prisons.

You know...the boyfriend who was left with his girlfriends toddler and shakes the kid to death or the mother who suffocates the kid because she can't find a man who wants her and a toddler as part of the deal...those folks you might be able to have a nap next to on a plane but they are the dregs of society, the kind of people who kill children because they can't handle the energy and emotions of a little human still discovering the world around them.

My kids are much older now, but when I travel I take stuff that can cajole a child in my giant purse. I am one of those crazies that can empathize with the mothers. Last flight I watched a young mother try to calm a child whose ears were hurting while her husband napped the entire time. Myself and the stewardess tried our best to help that poor mom out...