Let's talk about something else: People who are habitually late

[Missy Vixen]

There's another thread currently going talking about inconvenience. Even more than that topic, the above works my last nerve.

I am not perfect. I freely admit that yeah, I've been late in my life more than once. At the same time, is there no respect for anyone else's time anymore?

We gave a house meeting yesterday. President Obama encouraged house meetings as a way of discussing the economic recovery legislation; the government's interested in hearing our stories. They also sent out a video discussing the issues surrounding the recovery for everyone to watch. Our meeting was scheduled to start at 1 p.m. We had 10 RSVP's.

Two people showed up promptly at 1 p.m. We had a nice chat, we got everyone some coffee, and I said I'd start the video at 1:15 for the stragglers. Two other people walked in at roughly 1:20.

Excuse me? What part of "we start at 1" for a one-hour meeting did these folks not understand? They disrupted the video. I wanted to hear the whole thing, and I'm sure the two attendees that showed up on time also wanted to as well. It's available online, so it's not a tragedy. At the same time, I have to ask: Does it bug you that there are so many people now who believe it's perfectly appropriate to disrupt someone else's event for their own purposes?

[Dennis Donovan]

1. Sorry... just got here...

...what did I miss?:D

[Missy Vixen]

2. LOL, Dennis

We drank all the free beer. ;-)

[Raven]

8. Ah, could you repeat all of that...I just got here. Seriously though,

people who are always late have no respect for others. I am chronically on time and I hate it when people are late. I have had these house meetings and the other things I hate are the folks who don't RSVP and/or who come without something to a pot luck and then eat everything in sight and people who show up with their dogs and want to have them in my house...inevitably, they pee on the rug!

[proud2BlibKansan]

3. Maybe they didn't get off work till 1:00. Maybe they had to wait for a sitter.

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I would also rather have a houseful of people at a meeting like this, even if some arrived late, than only a few who all arrived on time.

[asjr]

4. Most people do not do it on purpose.

Some are just naturally inclined to being late. I learned in middle age that if I were having something that started at 2 O'clock, I would tell the late people it started at 1 or 1:30. Several times it backfired though when they learned what I was actually doing. So, I've learned to adjust.

[midnight]

5. I know this will not help your emotions, but being from a large

family we had to adopt the better late than never idea.

[Missy Vixen]

12. I have a SIL whose greeting to me when I married her brother was

"You're going to have to stop being on time. After all, the _______ family is always late."

I've experienced the "better late than never" thing, too, but it's still a good thing to even try to be on time. It inconveniences everyone who is when one or two people aren't.

[rucky]

16. I think you're onto something with the large family thing.

I married into one, and I'll be damned if they can't be on time for anything. It bothered me at first, but I'm used to it, now.

[katanalori]

28. I am also from a large family

and this was pounded into our brains: "If you're not early, you're LATE!" I wait 7 minutes for people. If they do not show up or call, I LEAVE. I have a good friend who was habitually a half hour late - I began to do the 7 minute rule. After a few times, she GOT it. Sometimes we have to teach people to be respectful.
In OP's case, I would have locked doors at 1:10 p.m. and not answered the knocking.

[sandnsea]

6. I'm glad you had a House Meeting

You want to add to this thread so people can get an idea that we need to be pro-active on this. Our people were worried about jobs and education most of all. We just cut 15 teachers, the shop and art teacher among them. Crazy.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=132&topic_id=8179085&mesg_id=8179085

[Missy Vixen]

13. I enjoyed meeting everyone

They were nice, and I hope that some of the others in the local Obama group will show up next time as well.

One of our attendees is a teacher at a local elementary school; the other works for the local Head Start. We had a VERY productive conversation.

[tabatha]

7. Lateness bugs me. It is very inconsiderate.

[ThomWV]

64. I agree with you completely - it is lack of consideration and nothing more or less than that

Don't get me wrong, sometimes people are late for things simply because shit happens. But many people these days are late because they simply are not considerate enough to be on time. They have no respect for the time of other people - others can simply wait for them.

[tabatha]

68. I know of one person who did it as a rule.

It was an attention getter.

[shireen]

9. there are more important things to be annoyed about ....

There will always be people who show up late. Some are bad at estimating the amount of time it takes to travel from one place to another. Some take the wrong exit on the highway, or turn left instead of right, and get lost. Some have dependents with last-minute emergencies (maybe the babysitter was late?) Some get caught up in a prior activity and lose track of time. Some just don't care about being on-time.

I realize you see it, and rightly so, as a lack of respect towards you, as well as a lack of appreciation for what you're trying to do and the amount of work you've done to prepare for it. If they had a good reason to be late and apologized for it, forgive them and move on. If they did not offer a good explanation or show any regret for their tardiness, don't invest anymore time involving them in future activities.

[Hello_Kitty]

10. It's disrespectful and often a ploy to get attention. eom

[Swede]

11. "If you're on time,your late!" Vince Lombardi.

Words to live by.

[ddeclue]

14. I'm sorry I'm late posting this but I only just saw the OP...

can you recap what's been said to date and get me up to speed?

:rofl:

[Missy Vixen]

15. LOL!

Of course we can!

:rofl:

[Midlodemocrat]

17. One of my SILs will be late to her own funeral.

I am extremely punctual, as are my brothers. It drives us batshit. She was late to my parents' wakes, funerals and burials. Seriously. She is the height of inconsiderate.

[Missy Vixen]

21. Midlo, seriously, I have one of those, too

She wears it as a badge of honor, but INSISTS that we conform to her painstaking "schedule".

The family holiday celebration was to start at 2 p.m. She arrived after 3, then told me that she had to leave by 5 for a previous engagement. After all, "we should have started at 2", even though she WASN'T EVEN THERE. :mad:

If you ever want to get together and talk about our SIL's, I'll bring the box of vino. :woohoo:

[mariema]

37. Another chronically late SIL tale

I, too, know the exasperation of always having to wait for that one SIL who is never on time. Not once in the almost 30 years I have been a part of this family has she been on time. I do not exaggerate. But what really gets me is that all her siblings, with the exception of my husband, insist on waiting for her. At Thanksgiving at the in-laws the turkey can dry up like an old boot and the gravy develop a skin 3 inches thick, but we will all wait with our stomachs growling, rooting around the dregs of the snacks, looking for one more piece of broken pretzel to stave off starvation. She will finally show up about 2 ½ hours late, with a chirpy “oh, I’m sorry, I lost track of time, you should’ve started without me.” No one ever says anything except my husband who is then given the cold shoulder by the rest of family for the remainder of the day.

Whenever there is a gathering at my home, it starts on time. I refuse to inconvenience the guests who were considerate enough to be punctual.

[The Straight Story]

18. You should have served alcohol instead of coffee and chilled out

:)

[Missy Vixen]

20. So, in other words,

it's okay for the two people who arrived on time and ready to participate to sit and wait while the others make up their minds whether or not they'll be there?

;-)

It was our house. We're happy to sit on the couch and watch TV while we wait. If I'd been one of the two waiting, I would have been pissed. It's their time, too.

[The Straight Story]

22. Yeah, it would be ok by me

I always leave lee way in having people over. Be here at 1 means, usually, be here before 1:30 as there are always people running late due to accidents, traffic in general, issues with kids, and so on.

If it was a daily thing, like work, one would assume that someone would be late on an infrequent basis as such things become routine and you are used to those issues cropping up.

You were not paying them to be there, they weren't going to lose a job by being there, and getting there exactly at 1 was probably not as high a priority as other things that are probably going on in their life.

So yeah, relax, smoke a bit, have a drink, hang out and chat with the people that made it ok, and maybe next time let folks know that instead of being there at one set time they should be there between X and Y time.

People, unlike many progressives I am finding of late, like choices.

[NV Whino]

19. Consistent lateness bugs the hell out of me, too

Yes, shit happens, and once in a while everyone will be late. But consistent lateness is disrespectful to the host/hostess, is a ploy for attention and is typical passive aggressive behavior. I have no tolerance for it.

[Spangle]

23. I found out that "historically"

When the owners of the home set down to dinner, that was it. If you arrived late, you couldn't be seated.

I found this out what visiting Mary Washington's home in Fredricksburg, VA. The owner might wait for their guests or any stragglers, but once they set, that was it. George would wait as long as 5 minutes if someone was late. Then he would set.

I think we no longer have expected rules that covers this sort of thing. We have learned that folks will wait for us. So there is really no incentive to be on time.

Folks that arrive late for an event, should be worried they will be locked out. By the end of the 'welcome' stage, put a sign on the door saying the event is in process, maybe they could come back another time....

[Missy Vixen]

30. I went to the opera the year before last in Seattle

The woman who was my guest insisted that there was "no problem" with tardiness, despite the fact that it's clearly stated on the website, on the tickets, and on a sign inside the opera house that once the first act curtain goes up, NOBODY is seated until the intermission. She screwed around enough that we made it with ten seconds to spare. I'm not kidding -- my butt hit the chair as the curtain was rising. I was furious. I almost missed an event I'd been eagerly anticipating because of her arrogance.

The opera isn't the only performance that people actually have to be on time for. How about movies? Don't you love it when someone comes in ten minutes after the movie starts and crawls across you to get to their seat?

You know what? When someone else has forked out a LOT of money on tickets and invited you along, it's your responsibility to be on time. If you can't, decline the invitation. This was nothing more than passive-aggressive BS.

[Blue_In_AK]

24. This is so like my ex-inlaw family.

They're so bad that it finally got to the point that we would routinely say a time a couple of hours before when we really wanted to start something, then we could pretty much count on them being there at the later time. For instance, you want to have birthday cake at 2:00 p.m.? Tell them to show up at noon.

Seriously, this is no exaggeration. That's one of the many reasons why I'm glad they're EX.

[crispini]

25. I have one friend who is consistently late.

We just tell him to get somewhere half an hour earlier than us. Problem solved.

[kestrel91316]

26. This is disrespectful to the host, and in many cases is controlling

or attention-seeking behavior. Too many people out there think the world revolves (or should revolve) around them.

Their parents probably didn't say "no" to them enough or dole out consequences for rude behavior.

[emilyg]

34. My daughter used to be late - then

I set a new rule - after 20 minutes I leave. She's on time now.

[PassingFair]

35. That's fair. n/t

[Liberal_in_LA]

48. I did that to a friend. We were supposed to meet at 1pm. At 1:30pm I quickly walked out the

back door. I was just fed up with the game playing

[PassingFair]

27. The only people who get whacked out of shape by people being 5-10 minutes late...

are the type-A assholes who ALWAYS arrive
45 minutes early and then have to wait
an HOUR before anything begins.

Life happens...cars break down...
babysitters are late...husband's
decide to clean out under the beds
10 minutes before your family is
LATE for the wedding...

chronically late people NEVER CARE
if shit starts without them. I have
NEVER had a late family member or
co-worker ANGRY that they missed
dinner or whatever.

Unbending punctuality is for uptight
freaks.

[Missy Vixen]

32. Five or ten minutes, fine

Fifteen minutes is pushing it. Twenty minutes or more? No.

The best part: People who think they've done nothing wrong with this behavior. It's rude. There are always exceptions, and we're gracious and patient when they happen. There are people (namely, MOST of my husband's family,) who think that a start time is a "suggestion", and show up as much as an hour and a half after something is scheduled to start.

Again: Why do people who are chronically late believe that it is their perfect right to steal the time of everyone who actually showed up on time?

[LanternWaste]

44. Or for people who don't like to consistently

"Unbending punctuality is for uptight freaks."

Or for people who don't like to consistently do the work of others for them simply because someone hit the snooze button too many time. At work, I'm forced to place additional work on my co-workers desk when one is late. Who wants to do more work simply to accommodate the laziness of others...?

"Unbending punctuality is for uptight freaks."
"Consistent tardiness is for the self-centered sloth"

Six of one, half a dozen of the other...

[PassingFair]

49. OMG, you might be "forced" to put some papers on someone's desk?

The horror...the horror.

We have a large sales force in my office.
It is ridiculous to believe that among
60 people, no one will ever be a little late on
occasion.

Traffic happens.

Any competent management team will recognize
this and start the meeting at 5 or 10 after.

They need to allow people to get coffee, use
the bathroom, etc anyway.

[LanternWaste]

63. who wants to consistently do additional work during their day simply because...

As I asked, who wants to consistently do additional work during their day simply because someone is consistently slothful? It seems a bit self-centered and selfish (at best) to me.

Also as I mentioned, I was specifically referring to individuals who come in late on a consistent basis. Of course we allow latitude for the far and few between times it may happen to an individual. But when it happens consistently, it's a slap in the face to those who actually value having a job in this economy.


"Any competent management team will recognize..."
Any competent management team would allow our consistently tardy employee to find another place of employment that better suits their personal concept of time-management.

[riderinthestorm]

57. My husband is NEVER on time, and he could give a shit about what he's missed.

In my experience, chronically late people don't care at all if you've started without them. They completely get it. It's the crazy Type- A's who can't wrap their minds around anyone else's life being chaotic, unreliable or difficult to schedule. They are the ones who can't stand the oddballs who are completely comfortable existing with a changeable daily schedule.

I've got clients who are surgeons who can't predict how their day will play out, mom's with napping babies who are notoriously unreliable, construction engineers who are chronically late after waiting for inspectors, or other important meetings. There are hundreds of occupations where schedules are fluid, at best. Shit happens. The people who are in those occupations understand that. They never get bent out of shape if something's started without them. They lead unconventional lives that can't be dicated by a strict clock.

As for my husband, for several decades he was the boss of a large organization that operated 365 days/year from 7 AM - 10 PM. Any number of things would/could cause him to be late - and he notoriously was chronically late. Now he runs our farm with 40 horses and the vet, the farrier, clients, staff absences - whatever - anything makes him late. It's just our life.

He's not trying to be rude. He's just in an occupation where it's incredibly difficult to adhere to a strict schedule cuz it's large livestock, and freaky clients, and field vets who are called on emergencies that make THEM late etc. etc.. My husband could care less if the event has started without him if he's late. And every other person I know who also is chronically late feels the same.

[PVnRT]

65. Not giving a shit about others is for lazy, selfish assholes

[Journeyman]

29. I'd have been more upset with the 6 who didn't show than the two who came late. . .

easy enough to restart a video that's only been on 5 minutes. Agreed, it's always disturbing when people are late, but there can be legitimate reasons for it -- traffic, late sitters, unclear directions. But to make a commitment and then not bother to show? Somehow, that would bother me more. But then, that's me.

[Jane Austin]

31. Sometimes I'm late because I am responding to something on DU.

Like a DU'er the other night who sounded like he was seriously depressed and I was afraid for him.

[Missy Vixen]

33. It was kind of you to take the time to respond to that person

I'm still in love with the dog in your avatar, too. ;-)

[Jane Austin]

36. Thanks - You should see him now!

He's a Big Boy. :)

Seriously, though, there are people for whom time seems to telescope or disappear entirely.

Sometimes for me, I lose 20 minutes between the time I pick up my stuff to go out to the car, and the time my car clock registers as I leave the driveway.

I also dread meetings, so sometimes drag my feet getting to them.

[FirstLight]

38. One of my biggest pet peeves...Is when I AM the one who is late!

I Always come either ontime or early. BUT since I have 3 kids (2 early school age) I find I am more late than not. And though it doesn't happen often, anything more than 5 minutes feels realy awful. I try to give people a heads up BEFORE the event in question. Let them know I am dealing with 2 little monkeys and that sometimes I can run about 5 min late, otherwis, don't wait for me.

NOW that being said...
I live in a VERY laid back Mountain town. We run on "Tahoe time", even city council meetings don't start on time !!
But I still try to hold to my conformity even so, and though I sometimes find it annoying, I try to expect it to some degree. I have even been known to tell certain people that an event is a half hour earlier so they will show up!
The ONLY time it REALLY steams me is when we have play-dates and the parents just drop their kids and go to the store or something. I don't put up with that at all. I either get to chat with the parent, or we don't do play dates at my house....too bad! I hate babysitting! lol

I am sorry your event was disrupted...thanks for having a house party though! I wish I could find one closer to my house! most are over 60 miles away..

[Missy Vixen]

39. If someone calls me to say they're late

it goes a long way to "oh, gosh, is there something wrong?", rather than "where have you been?" ;-) The people that showed up late yesterday -- she has a nineteen-year-old. Sometimes, parents of young kids just can't help it.

FirstLight, next time, sign up for a house party. It was fun! I think you'll enjoy meeting the new people. Plus, it was only an hour, which is a good time. If it had been longer, it might have been tough, but it was just enough time for a nice discussion, coffee and cookies.

[earthboundmisfit]

40. What cured me of being habitually late

was dating (if you could call it that) someone who was not minutes nor half an hour late, but at LEAST an hour late for every date - always with a dramatic excuse. Forgiving, pushover person I was, I put up with it and gave him the benefit of the doubt every time - till he called me from a strip club, three hours late, claiming it was the only phone he could find to use (this was in pre-cellphone days). Nothing says "there was something more important than seeing you" - whatever the relationship - than not being on time.

[pipi_k]

41. When the problem is chronic...

it does become a major hassle for everyone, and is disrespectful.

And sometimes it's not just a minor thing, especially when there are other issues to deal with, like people who might need to eat at regular times because of diabetes or they're taking meds that have to be timed with food.

If events are held up for chronically late people, that means the people who were on time may be late for something later on that they want/have to do because they planned for X amount of time which has now been extended due to someone else's rude behavior.

I don't have a problem with people who are only occasionally late.

It happens. It's unavoidable.

But the people who are chronically late are either inconsiderate, or poor planners. And their problems with planning or rudeness affect others.

[alcibiades_mystery]

42. "anymore" "now"

Get off it. Same as it ever was.

[IDemo]

43. Classic passive-aggressive behavior

Yes, it's an irritating thing to have your weekly meeting interrupted at the same time, by the same person, and have the boss
say or do nothing to the offender.

[Fire1]

45. This sounds like a 'lounge' thread.

[AlCzervik]

46. they like to make an entrance.

my sister is one of those, we started telling her dinner was a half an hour before it really was so she'd show up on time, when that didn't work we started without her, too bad.

[Critters2]

51. I have a colleague who's always 15 minutes late to everything--and not quietly.

When I'm late, I'm embarrassed. So, I sneak into the back of the room, hoping no one will notice.

Not this woman! She's always late, and she always makes an entrance...coming through the front door as loudly as possible, chatting with her friends, ignoring the fact that there's a meeting going on!!! She's NEVER been on time to anything I've been at with her, and this behavioral pattern is always the same.

It pisses me off...as you may have noticed.

[AlCzervik]

52. yup, that is my sister, she thinks the world revolves around her.

she talks about herself incessantly.

[baldguy]

47. Maybe I'm always late because my time is really more important than everyone else's.

Ever think of that, you selfish bastard? Hm?

[Raine]

50. Lateness is a real sore point with me

anyone can be late now and then but those who are habitually late are nothing but thieves stealing time from you. :argh: :mad:

[InvisibleTouch]

53. Oh, you would HATE me. ;)

However, all my friends and acquaintances know by now not to expect me earlier than half an hour late (which is "on time" for me), so it works out well. No matter how frantically I try, I simply cannot be punctual.

At the same time, I don't mind at all if someone is late to come see me. I always have something to do or to read with which I could fill the time. A crime, in my book, is showing up early.

[PassingFair]

54. OMG! You're spending THEIR TIME!!! You and I would get along famously...meet you around 8...

ish!

:hi:

[InvisibleTouch]

60. Indeed, I'm always careful to say I will be there AROUND...

...7 or 8 or what-have-you. Because half an hour later, to me, is still "around." :)

That said, I also don't mind a bit if others start on dinner or whatever without me. I don't think it's the end of civilization as we know it if not everyone dives into a Thanksgiving turkey, say, at the same exact moment.

[Missy Vixen]

62. If you told the host or hostess that you didn't mind leftovers, it's cool

You seem like someone that would not mind if the food started before you got there.

We had sixteen at the holiday dinner this year. I asked people to be there at 2-ish for appetizers, etcetera. I knew they'd be late. We had family members walking through the front door at 3:30 p.m., angry that the table had to be rearranged to accommodate people I didn't know were coming, etcetera.

If we start (roughly) on time and someone's late, we're digging in when the food's hot from the oven and good. If the person that's late doesn't care, that's fine. If they do, I'm not sure how much more leeway anyone who's cooking for over a few people can give anyone before dinner is ruined for everyone.

Mostly, I'm wondering if this is something taught in earlier life. My parents were very big on punctuality. My husband's family (for the most part) do not seem to care.

[Skittles]

55. people who are late without profuse apologies are fucking assholes

self-centered pieces of shit

[AlCzervik]

56. what you said.

:thumbsup:

[PVnRT]

66. +1

[AngryAmish]

58. Maybe they knew your meetings were boring and wanted to miss part

One never knows.

[readmoreoften]

59. A "house meeting' has no fixed etiquette. It's neither a meeting nor a house party.

Arriving late for a meeting is bad form. Arriving on time for a house party is unusual because it is a less formal occasion. If you want to be clear, give a schedule, stick to it, and stop being hard on other people for how they donate their time to a cause. Maybe they don't care about your "opening chat" and just came to see the video.

Part of being a leader is LISTENING TO CRITICISM. If a lot of people are late to your gatherings maybe they're not that interested in being there.

[Missy Vixen]

61. There was a schedule and "talking points" from the Obama folk

I think fifteen minutes of stalling to let the latecomers finally arrive is plenty, especially on a weekend.

"Fixed etiquette" or not, if we know we're going to be late for ANYTHING, we call to let our host or hostess know that we are delayed. It's only good manners.

>Part of being a leader is LISTENING TO CRITICISM. If a lot of people are late to your gatherings maybe they're not that interested in being there.<

Considering the fact I signed up for the first and only event we've given in our house for Obama last week, I don't think this is the problem. Thanks for your concern, though.

[Pakhet]

67. oh, hell yes!

my mothers' chronic lateness is the reason I'm always a 1/2 hour early where ever I go. my daughter picked up my habit rather than my mom