Satire from http://www.TheDesperateBlogger.comO’Reilly to Replace Steele as GOP ChairmanPrompted by a report from Media Matters for America (
http://mediamatters.org/items/200902100019) suggesting that Fox News represented a release from the Senate Republican Communications Center (
http://republican.senate.gov) as its own research, Fox News and GOP officials confirmed today that they have agreed to terms on a merger. Fox’s ‘research’ in question mirrored the release posted today in the section of the GOP website with the astonishingly outdated title “The Leader Board” down to a typographical error.
“We were hoping to withhold announcing the deal until after we’ve cleared a couple of regulatory hurdles,” said a red-faced Fox News CEO and Chairman Roger Ailes. “With the liberal elite now controlling Washington almost to the extent they control the rest of the media, we didn’t want the whole thing to be sabotaged by a bunch of overblown, cry-baby socialist ‘equal-time’ and ‘fair and unbiased’ sorts of questions before we even had a chance to state our case behind closed doors. Thanks to the communist supported ‘ethics in journalism police’ I guess we can kiss that goodbye now.” He then added that he believes government regulators will eventually approve the deal because, “the relevant agencies still have enough holdovers from the Rove/Cheney/Bush administration”.
“This is a deal that makes sense,” according to New York based political media analyst Tony Vita. “While we shouldn’t expect to see any perceptible change in Fox’s coverage of social, religious, or political issues, both sides have a lot to gain by officially joining forces. The Republican Party will acquire a significant number of shares in Fox News parent company, giving them much needed financial clout going into a new election cycle. And by becoming a full-fledged partner, Fox News now not only puts to rest accusations that they only exist to ‘carry the GOP’s water’, but also acquire a vested interest in a significant number of elected offices nationwide.”
Bill O’Reilly, host of Fox News The O’Reilly Factor, refused to comment about rumors that as part of the deal he will replace the recently elected Michael Steele as Chairman of the Republican National Committee. O’Reilly, who media analysts have dubbed ‘the Norm Coleman of talk radio’ due to the fact that his afternoon ‘call-in’ time slot will be taken over by entertainment personality and forcibly retired politician Fred Thompson, sought refuge in a studio lavatory. His strategy apparently backfired, however, when he inadvertently revealed that besides the fact that all news research as well as some writing are now provided by the Party, other elements of the merger have apparently already been put into place. Shortly after yelling, “I have a right to privacy, you f*****g paparazzi,” he threw several men’s room items at reporters, striking one with what was later discovered to be official GOP-issued ‘Constitution’ toilet paper.
Conservative radio pundit and neo-Nazi icon Rush Limbaugh could hardly contain his enthusiasm when learning that O’Reilly would be taking over Steele’s post. In a moment reminiscent of his thoughtful and sensitive commentary regarding Colin Powell’s endorsement of Barack Obama, the hefty pill-popper showed his disdain for the former Maryland Lieutenant Governor’s election by screaming as if in the throes of withdrawal, “it was entirely about race!”
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