If you were a freeper, what kinds of gifts would you want?

[devilgrrl]

I'm working on something that involves gifts for Freepers. What would they give to one another?

So far I've got 'Left Behind' books but I know there's much more but my mind is blanking at the moment...

Any ideas?

[amitten]

1. Donuts. n/t

[Morning Dew]

2. a sump pump. nm

[Idealism]

3. A pin-up poster of Palin with a 12-gauge and a 6-pack

[snowbear]

4. Let's see... Freepers?

.
.

Maybe lice shampoo?



Or a bright red "Freeper Chick" halloween costume?



Or maybe a date with someone besides their own cousin?



And if all else fails, just buy them Cheetos..




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[Clintonista2]

5. port-a-potty

[BirminghamExaminer]

6. A subscription to Rush Limbaugh's website

[Mind_your_head]

7. A book about how G-d still loves them even though they can't spell?

:shrug:

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

8. Cigars.

A lot of the guys I smoke with are Republicans.

David

[LeighAnn]

9. Money

All of the freepers I know have had staggering economic losses

[Hello_Kitty]

10. Ted Nugent and Kid Rock albums. eom

[cliffordu]

11. shit sammich????

[zagging]

12. A calendar

Bo Derek and Sarah Palin in appropriate positions, clad for the season.

[ColbertWatcher]

13. A Sarah Palin poster?

Ann Coulter books?

Reagan bed sheets?

[snowbear]

14. Inflatable Ann Coulter Doll

.
.




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[Sebastian Doyle]

15. A NEW FLOK OF VIRGEN SHEEP!!

BECUZ I DONE WORE OUT ALL THE OLD ONES!!!11!!1111! :crazy:

[babylonsister]

16. Colbert bobble-head? Or Limbaugh? Hannity? nt

[MrSlayer]

17. Bullets, new Klan robes, poly-grip, pork rinds, new cinder blocks for the trailer.

Stuff like that.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

18. A pound of raw liver at room temperature

With apologies to Philip Roth and Portnoy.

[LeftyMom]

19. Gift subscriptions to Guns and Ammo or Soldier of Fortune. Tickets to the Creation Museum.

[robinlynne]

20. my first reciton was what the hell kind of op title is that? But the answers are...

wonderful!

[devilgrrl]

22. Aren't they?

:7

Ooooh... this is fun :evilgrin:

[robinlynne]

54. You are gonna git yerself a DUZY award!!!!!

[underseasurveyor]

21. American flag bandanas what else.... oh yea

Beer

[zagging]

23. Beer?

Just what part of what blue state do you come from where democrats don't drink beer?

[zagging]

24. Forget it

I don't wanna know.

[underseasurveyor]

33. Where did I ever say Democrats don't drink beer?

:eyes:

Personally I like beer too but when it comes to gifts my standards and yes expectations are much higher than receiving just beer. Freepers on the other hand don't hold a high standard when it comes to just about anything... including themselves. In other words receiving a gift of beer IS something special for them.

geesh it takes all the fun out of it when one must spell-every-little-thing-out.

[LanternWaste]

69. Sometimes a post will strike me as odd, or off a bit...

Sometimes a post will strike me as odd, or off a bit and will raise some subtle red-flags in my mind's eye-- especially if it's a low-count poster, and tempts me to look at the post history.

Might I suggest using the search function for a sampling of your respondents posts... you may find out that it appears that it takes out all the fun from quite a few posts.

[underseasurveyor]

74. Yup

I've already noticed and I've looked into the history. Mmm pizza comes to mind.

[LanternWaste]

76. if your screen name indicates your profession

By the way... if your screen name indicates your profession, that's just too cool!

Although I'm imagining lengthy boat trips out to the wilds surrounding S. Georgia Island, massive amounts of electronic and navigation equipment, hulls filled to the breaking point with sonar, one man submarines capable of burrowing beneath the earth's crust and the eventual discovery of a lost land inhabited by dinosaurs and aliens.

However, I concede that I may be off by just a wee bit... :rofl:

[underseasurveyor]

79. It's one of my part time professions

You might say I dabble a wee bit:-)

But most of the surveying is on a much smaller scale, though the guy I work for does do some larger, longer range things up to and including marine mammal monitoring say whenever someone wants to lay cable down on the ocean floor or if an oil platform offshore needs any construction/repair type stuff done. Marine mammals do have the right of way in such cases and all work must stop until they pass. He's an expert on the gray whale.

He does have tons of equipment mainly for mapping, GPS, sonar, underwater cameras, water quality monitoring, GOBS of scuba gear (wet and dry), underwater communications, etc. He doesn't have a submersible (yet) but he wants one really bad and recently he bought us a couple underwater scooters that we can buzz through the water and cover more ground.

It's totally cool work:thumbsup:

[LeftyMom]

25. Mass market "light" beer. In cans.

:puke:

[zagging]

27. I have a very good friend

Diehard Wiccan democrat. Coors light. Cans.

[cherish44]

26. A baby Jesus butt plug

http://www.divine-interventions.com/baby.php

[1oldlib]

28. Gifts for Freepers

A textbook on Proper Usage of the English Language, punctuation, spelling and grammar?

[devilgrrl]

29. I got loofahs, Falafel, an Ann Coulter doll, a beer bong, some Matt Sanchez porn

Oxy, coke, viagra, klan robes, a confederate flag...

Oh, a copy of Lynne Cheney's "Sisters"

Keep it coming!

[Historic NY]

30. guns, knive, bullets, MRE's....."tin foil hats"...........&

see sex toys.

[Raine]

31. Lifetime supply of Cheetos

got to have something tasty down in the parent's basement. :9

[RJ Connors]

32. That's easy, a new 40 ot 40. n/t

[Manifestor_of_Light]

35. Didja mean 40 ought 40? as in a gun?

[RJ Connors]

43. LOL Yeah actually I did. Looks like this is the brain fart of the morning.

[Mad_Cow_Disease]

46. Is ".40 ought 40" even real a caliber? I suspect a Freeper would be unhappy w/ a fake gun. (n/t)

[RJ Connors]

51. No, how does one real a caliber? n/t

[burning rain]

34. XXX DVD version of the Bible with Ann Coulter playing lots of parts.

Also an assault rifle and some Viagra.

[Kahuna]

36. Any book by ann coulter or sean hannity. nt Oh. and bullets. nt

[izquierdista]

37. I think the scarecrow said it best

The thoughts, I'd be thinkin'
I could be another Lincoln
If I only had a brain!

[TWiley]

38. An Assault Weapon

[Optical.Catalyst]

39. A hand gun

Something with a caliber that starts with a '4'

[Ganja Ninja]

40. If I was a freeper? Hmmm .. How about a rope to hang myself with.

Or maybe a gift certificate for some dental work.

[W_HAMILTON]

41. Truck nuts.

n/t

[tom_paine]

42. "Santa, I would like a large automatic rifle and a sheaf of old nazi "Jew" targets to shoot at."

But REMEMBER, todays Kinder and Gentler Nazis are (on the surface) the FRIENDS of Jews (yeah, right, as if the grandchildren of Hitler's greatest American Ally could be so).

So, just erase anything that identifies this "typical Liberal" as a Jew, but leave EVERYTHING ELSE THE SAME, including that big nose that so many "LIBERALS" seem to have, so people know it's a LIBERAL we're talking about.

I'd say :sarcasm:, but I think I have just, with quite a bit of brevity, shown how Freepers are actually marketed Nazisism under a different form by their Bushie Masters, without ever undrestanding what they are following.

Plausible Deniability, Bushies need more of it that the nazis, but if one looks at history Bushies and Nazis BOTH played the "Plausible Deniability" game.

The Bushies do it MUCH better than the Nazis, but only because the Central Myths of America and Hitler's discrediting of the Bushie Brand in the 1940s FORCES them to be more circumspect.

[lpbk2713]

44. Hankies

"WAAAH!! No fair!!"

[DireStrike]

45. If I were a good freeper...

If you gave me a gift, I would throw a hissy-fit. Obviously everyone is supposed to succeed on their own. For you to give me a gift suggests that you think I can't make it on my own; I can't afford the things I want. Giving a gift to a freeper is an insult.

[slackmaster]

47. Boxes of ammunition

The White Box stuff from Wal-Mart is fine, if you can find any in stock.

[Earth_First]

48. The Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein

Confessions of an Economic Hitman by John Perkins

I find that these two books seem to resonate my viewpoint the most with conservatives. After reading one or both of these books I've found that it is alot easier to begin discussion of other topics related to the Democratic viewpoint.

This worked remarkably well with my father who has been a lifelong social conservative.

OR... (and I only recommend this one to someone with thick skin): The Lamb by Christopher Moore

Good luck!

[Mad_Cow_Disease]

49. A list :)

Sarah Palin blow-up doll.
A Red Tie.
A framed wall mount of the second ammendment.
A 1911 pistol, AR-15, or tactical looking 12ga shotgun.
Amunition
A subscription to Sky Mall.
Bush/Limbaugh/Colbert bobble-head dolls.
Any books written by Ann Coulter. (are there any?)
Gift cards to H&R Block (they're gonna need 'em this year).
A hankerchief - because your nose lieks to run when you cry alot.

... I'll try to think about some more.

[foxfeet]

50. A Snuggly. Hey, it's cold in mom's basement.

[Incitatus]

52. hmmmmmmmm

[tuckessee]

53. Heavy duty gloves, like those used by chain sawers.

Helps protect their knuckles as they drag them along.

Gloves may also inhibit pocket pool playing which I imagine freepers are quite fond of.

[callous taoboy]

55. Easy- An ice pick in the forehead.

[EstimatedProphet]

56. A full genetic complement would be best

You know, 46 chromosomes, preferably with no duplicates.

[Orsino]

57. Steel-jacketed is always in good taste...

...and the occasional tracer mixed in is great for those romantic night-fire exercises.

[GinaMaria]

58. antipsychotics antianxiety pills eom

[Ilsa]

59. How 'bout butt-ugly clothing? Freeper women should be thrilled with this:

[AlCzervik]

60. a Watch me grow Chastity belt.

[Ioo]

61. Pron, A Gun, and a I Miss "W" Sticker

[IDemo]

62. An inspirational poster

[Urban Prairie]

63. What would they give to one another?

Hopefully STDs

[Contrary1]

64. A case of Depends...

so there would never be a reason to go upstairs.

[11 Bravo]

65. A Sarah Palin poster, a rubber glove, and a jar of Vaseline.

[zappaman]

66. Teeth!

n/t

[snowbear]

77. LOL!

.
.

Too funny Zappa!

Freeper


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[Ezlivin]

67. Tax cuts

Repeal the Bill of Rights

Carve Reagan's face onto Mt. Rushmore

Make Christianity the official religion of the U.S.

[IDemo]

68. A box of Omaha Cheetohs

[skypilot]

70. Heart, brain, courage.

*

[LanternWaste]

71. A twelve pack of really cheap domestic beer

A twelve pack of really cheap domestic beer (how about Bud? It's the beer of choice for Freepers and recently bought out by a European company-- oh the delicious irony!), and a box of wine-- one wrapped in an American flag, the other wrapped in a confederate battle flag (I'd suggest wrapping the domestic in the battle flag-- it seems more fitting somehow :evilgrin:).

[Snotcicles]

72. An intervention. nt

[Robeson]

73. Pool table, canned goods, and a subscription to Guns and Ammo.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

75. A camouflage straight jacket with a flag pin.

[flvegan]

78. Nude pics of my sister.

DVDs of interspecies erotica.

[orleans]

80. autographed picture of ron silverman n/t

[NuttyFluffers]

81. power for themselves, abuse for others.

perhaps a single bang stick or ugly stick and a cruel ultimatum that they have to now fend for themselves? they get off on survivalist fantasies; make their wishes come true?
:shrug: