Can somebody offer me a little opinion and alternate perspective here?

[TheWraith]

This is mostly a question about people's attitudes, and a situation with a couple of people I know through local politics.

The guy is a very mature, somewhat reserved and shy 24 year old professional. The girl is a very intelligent, sweet, slightly socially awkward 17 year old, prepping for college in the fall. They met some time last summer through the girl's older brother. Both are single, and have been pretty unlucky in finding romance. I know he has invited her to at least one group social event, which she seemed genuinely regretful about not being able to take him up on it.

Today he told me that was thinking about trying to ask her out a little bit more directly, for a real date without the "cover" of it being a group event.

Now, I know this guy well enough to say categorically that he would never manipulate or intentionally hurt this young lady. However, my first instinct is to tell him to forget about any kind of romantic relationship with her. The fact that *I* know that about him doesn't mean other people would necessarily know that, and even though she's above the age of consent in this state, he could still get in an embarassing and/or unpleasant situation. Add to that the fact that her parents don't know him from the man in the moon.

Still, I'm a little hesitant to just drop that on him, both because he does seem to like her, and because I know that my knowledge isn't universal. Can anyone else offer some advice or an opinion on the prevailing attitudes? My biggest fear is that people would end up reacting badly, which I suspect would be extremely hurtful to both of them.

[Suich]

1. My 2 cents:

He's too old for her.

[ezgoingrl]

2. If that was my daughter

and I found out that she was being pursued by a 24 year old man, I'd nail his butt to the wall. Then I'd ground my daughter for oh...the rest of her life.

Edited to appreciate the irony of my opinion on this matter and my DU username, Ezgoingrl. I think that's what happens when mama bear comes out.

[MissB]

3. He'd be better off waiting until she is 18

Or finding someone his own age. At that age, the 7 years is pretty substantial in terms of maturity.

[TheWraith]

8. I hear you, but it's not quite that simple.

Otherwise the question would never have come up. But they're both abnormally mature for their ages, and it's the fact that she's not normal that appeals to him. (To which I can testify firsthand: she's currently VERY excited to be reading "We Can Have Peace in the Holy Land" by Jimmy Carter.)

[McCamy Taylor]

4. Just tell him to use condoms. Or stick to kissing and heavy petting.

Women mature faster than men. However, he must ensure that she does not get pregnant and no one wants to get VD.

Speaking from the female point of view, I really do not see what the problem is. If she does not want to date him, she will say "no".

[FLAprogressive]

5. go with your gut -- FWIW the age of consent in NY is 17....

[TheWraith]

6. I know, and so does he.

I wasn't worried about legal problems, but rather that he's be walking into a thicket of public opinion. For that matter, I wouldn't even be worried about them having sex right away--she's Catholic (at least nominally) and he's not the type to hump anything that moves. Doesn't change the possible perception by others that something inappropriate was going on. I like them both and I'd rather not see either one hurt.

[FLAprogressive]

7. I'd just watch them closely....if your descriptions of him are accurate he seems to be an upstanding

person....

is it any worse than the Anna Nicole Smith / 80-year-old oil billionaire relationship?

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

9. Wait till she's 18

Age differences aren't a big deal to me. My wife is 18 years older than me, but we're both adults out of school.

There is a huge difference between a HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT and a 24-year-old. Honestly, as nice as the guy seems, I think there's something weird about a 24-year-old wanting to date a high school student.

[Warpy]

10. 7 years is a huge difference when one is 17 and the other 24

I think I'd tell him group events only because she needs to concentrate on her college prep right now. I'd say no single dating until she is 18 (or 21?).

That doesn't slam the door completely, but it does defuse the situation somewhat. It relieves any necessity for the herbal romance of sneaking around and the allure of forbidden fruit.

This sort of age spread was common when girls married in puberty and boys didn't marry until they had become established in their work. However, girls are now encouraged to be educated and have their own place in the world and that sort of age spread is no longer useful.

(My first reaction, of course, would be to tell him to pick on somebody his own age. That doesn't usually work very well, though, so I reconsidered and realized the group events were probably the best compromise)

[TheWraith]

11. Just to clarify about someone his age

This is a rural area, and because he is educated and didn't go to school around here he's pretty alienated from most people his age, most of whom are married and/or have kids. She's kind of similar, smart and a social outsider, which was why she interested him. Still, the reactions in this thread have pretty much convinced me that my inital guess about how people would react was right on, and that I should warn him off.

[annabanana]

12. They should confine themselves to seeing each other on casual

social occasions until she reaches 18. (And who the heck "dates" anymore?)

[skids]

13. At 17...

...most people have not made a decision what they want to do with their life. Now some never do, but very few have at 17 or even 21. Aside from the various social awkwardness factors, he should be emotionally prepared for her to do a dramatic course correction that doesn't involve him a year or two into the relationship.

I'm not going into how I learned that the hard way :evilgrin: