The Cancer Scolds Explain It All For You

[waiting for hope]

I'm not surprised, but I'm still appalled at the number of people who feel compelled to tell Elizabeth and John Edwards what their priorities "should" be. One of the most common scolds is that they have very young children, and so John Edwards should quit running and devote all his attention to his family.

Well, excuse me. I don't see anyone telling Lynn Cheney to quit her job and take care of Dick, what with his serious cardiac conditions. Come to think of it, I don't hear anyone telling Dick to quit his job so he can stay alive long enough to know his daughter Mary's baby.

We have such a strange, conflicted attitude toward death in this country. And when someone is stricken with something like cancer, we (the societal we) rush to the barricades and insist on an all-out fight - well, to the death, which seems to me is only a form of denial. How dare we have rooms in our lives for anything else?

We are a generation of control freaks, convinced we can master anything with enough effort. We can fix it, or we can wish it away. And when you get cancer, people seem to expect that it should become a full-time job.

~Snip~

Life was funny that way, I said. No one really knows how long they have; I might leave the hospital that night and get hit by a bus, crossing the street on the way to the parking garage. "You can spend whatever time you have left resenting the fact that you don't have more time, or you can just live," I said. "You have a life ahead of you, whether it's a few hours, a few days or a couple of weeks. It's up to you what you want to do with it."

He nodded. The next morning, he died peacefully while they were doing a liver scan.

My point is, I guess, is that whatever Elizabeth Edwards and her husband decide to do with what time she has left is nobody's else's damned business.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-madrak/the-cancer-scolds-explain_b_44245.html

I didn't see the 60 Minutes segment last night - and frankly, I'm glad I didn't. I'm supporting John and Elizabeth Edwards all the way and I commend them more for wanting to live their life to the fullest.

[nancyr]

1. No-body's business!

People need to mind their own business and keep their opinions to themselves. It's a private matter and doesn't require endless nattering from people whose concern it isn't.

[northzax]

6. true, but then perhaps

people shouldn't hold press conferences about things that are no business of anyone else?

[cgrindley]

2. Life is way more complex than that

Say, for example, you have a colleague who is diagnosed with a cancer that has metastasized to the spine. That colleague continues to work and indeed creates several large, time-consuming and complex assignments that are tremendously specialized. Just consider that one month later, your colleague enters hospice and dies, leaving you as the only person qualified to continue those now-essential projects. Indeed, imagine that this doubles your workload--remember that these were projects that did not exist until your colleague created them. Where are you supposed to get those extra 400 or so hours over the three month duration of those projects? It's all fine and well having a positive attitude, but try not to affect others in your living life to the fullest.

[Demit]

7. Sounds like you need to go out & work for yourself, so that colleagues don't affect you.

That way you don't have to be worry about others living life to the fullest. BTW, I assume that if the shoe were on the other foot, you wouldn't continue to work and create projects and then enter hospice and die. It sounds like you would be more considerate.

[cgrindley]

9. If the shoe was on the other foot

I wouldn't start any new projects, I'll tell you that much for free.

[Buzz Clik]

8. So... all people who eventually will die should quit working?

[cgrindley]

10. No, I'm not saying that at all

I'm saying that people with stage 4 metastasized cancers should consider others when embarking on new projects.

[Buzz Clik]

11. Got it. That seems quite reasonable.

[PVnRT]

13. What if they're perfectly healthy and just up and quit?

Is there any difference? There are many other scenarios that would result in the same situation that you describe there. The correct answer is that a competent manager would find a way to redistribute the projects, adjust deadlines, assign priorities, etc.

[cgrindley]

14. Yeah, I'd be bent about that, too

If you start something, don't you dare and god damn quit or die.

Sometimes what you suggest is impossible. A position can be so highly specialized--say it requires a particular PhD and extremely technical expertise in a very narrow field--that a temporary replacement is simply unavailable, and co-workers are incapable of assuming any of the duties. Certain institutions can only hire people at really concrete moments in time following really exacting searches.

EG say I run the particle collider at a major research university. I start a sequence of experiments that must be completed in a given time frame to ensure funding for government reporting reasons. If I die midway through running these experiments, perhaps only one colleague would be qualified to complete my necessary research. The university couldn't hire a replacement because it would take 8 months to a year just to settle on the wording for the job ad, let alone go through the year long interview process.

[Lars39]

3. Some people try to box you in when they know you have cancer.

Some have you dead and buried at the slightest news.
Some want to limit what you can do, based on their pre-conceived notions of how you should behave.
Some see your cancer as a power grab that can be used to their advantage.
Elizabeth is to be commended for insisting that she is not just a breast cancer patient.
It's hard to buck against the nay-sayers.

[AnneD]

4. I didn't see the interview either...

based on what I know-the situatiion is grim for Elizabeth. But you know what, the choices are theirs to make and theirs alone. I support their decisions-what ever they are. They are a great couple with wonderful kids. All they need is love and support for them and their choices.

[havocmom]

5. The ONLY thing sure about Life is that it is a temporary state.

One would be wise to accept that fact and go on to live as meaningfully & mindfully as possible.

Do good every day. Rest when you need to. Play when you can. Never miss the chance to tell someone how they have made your life richer, fuller, more pleasant. Never miss the chance to mean it when you say 'I love you'. Eat some pudding. Play ball with a dog. Really FEEL the morning sun on your face.

Don't give up too early, but accept, with grace if possible, that you do have an expiration date.

Soak up every detail of life you can. Do as much good as you can. Be free, and that includes freedom from the fear of what is natural and certain.

Peace, Strength, and Time To Do Good Works.

hm

[OHdem10]

12. Betty Ford and Nancy Regan both had Cancer. We did not

tell Pres. Regan and Pres Ford --you had best resign
and go home to care for your family.

If the truth be know this junk advice is coming out
of Campaigns who fear Edwards might get a little
Media Coverage.

I have not selected a Candidate yet but if the
Media and both parties do not stop this
stupidty, I may not even vote.

We need some statesmanship and Common sense
and above all GOOD Manners in this Campaign,
Repubs as well as Dems.