Real life for women with children

[wellstone dem]

It was a hell of a week at work. Monday, a co-worker was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. On Wednesday, I learned that a major funding source was lost for one of the offices of the non-profit for whom I work. On Monday I will be telling the people who work in that office, all wonderful people dedicated to serving the poor, that come October they may not have a job.

But the real kicker was on Friday. In way of explanation, I'm a lawyer. A co-worker came to my office and said a good friend was there and she had just found out that her husband was physically abusing her children. So I went to talk with her. We talked through the options as my co-worker held her friend and as the woman sobbed. We talked through how to keep her kids safe, and to keep her safe. And then she said, "I feel so guilty, all I'm thinking about is what am I going to do with him not there to provide child care."

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST "What am I going to do with him not there to provide child care."

In a just world, I would have been able to say, "Here's the number of a sliding fee day care program." But I couldn't do that.

Now I'm crying, as I write this.

I told told her that she shouldn't feel guilty, she was trying to figure out how to keep her kids safe, and how to feed her kids too. I told her that we would work with her to find out if she could get child care help. I told her we would help her get any public assistance she qualified for. And that she could get child support. And I made sure she would be safe this weekend, and gave her a notepad, so that she could write down every question she had, and then speak with me on Monday. And I gave her my cell phone number. But I'm wondering too, how will she be able to afford child care.

There are no words.

[bobbolink]

1. No, there are no words. Women get hit so hard with this stuff.

And we are so very vulnerable.

This society really sux.

BUT.. the problem is that we complain about it, but we ACCEPT it.

Where is the ACTION??

And I don't mean some individual solution... this is too large for that.. I mean, where are all the "progressives" who want CHANGE????

[Tangerine LaBamba]

2. Bless you...........

Her response is part of her problem. Women like her feel locked in and give up. She found her way to you and found someone who can help, even though you think it's not enough, and I agree.

You did plenty. You opened the door for her, and showed her that it can be done. That's all you can do in this world.

I hope she does what you suggested, and I hope you hear from her on Monday. My experience with women in that situation was that they stayed where they were, either out of paralysis or fear or mental illness.

I wish you all much luck. We're all gonna need it.

But, in the meantime, you did the work of angels........................

[wellstone dem]

6. Thank you for these words

As I thought about your response and the others on this thread, I realized that, in fact, that I am grateful that after nearly 30 years of doing this work, that I can still be outraged and can still weep.

So next week I will testify in front of a legislative committee and tell this story.

[CitizenPatriot]

3. I'm so sorry

I've been supporting a friend who is also a single mom going through something horrific, on top of poverty. It's just not right.

If I think about it for very long, I won't be able to handle my outrage. I have to keep stepping forward and trying to help her cope.

My thoughts are with you as you help this woman...and have to deal with potential lay offs. hang in there...

[Jack Bone]

4. wishing you & the woman strength....

I'm saddened that you both have to deal w/ this. but, on the bright side, it is nice that you have each other.

I'd like to wish you a truly heartfelt "Thank you", Wellstone Dem for assisting this woman in her time of need!

Peace & Good Vibes 2 you both!

[janx]

5. I have often wondered why there couldn't be some organization

in place that would help people to organize locally when it comes to child care. A full-blown federal program never appealed to me, but if there some help for some local program...? I remember that terrible situation when I was a young mother, married and then single. I knew that I had to keep working and keep building some kind of a resume, but at the same time, I was working for almost nothing and had no family close by who would care for the kids when I was at work.

It seems to me that there could be some kind of local solution. Women in these situations are more than willing to work, to support their children, and to care dearly for their children. Some kind of federal day care program doesn't seem to be the answer, but if some support is given locally, think of what might happen.

[EFerrari]

7. If you need another pair of hands dialing on Monday, PM me.

:grr:

[wellstone dem]

8. Thank you

I work at the best place. And I have no doubt that I will have a line of people outside my office offering to help. And these people know public assistance, subsidized housing, and other programs inside out. So if there is a way to get help, she will get help.

But I cannot tell me how much your offer means to me.

[EFerrari]

9. That's just how we make it work, wellstone dem. Regardless, offer is on.

:hug:
:grouphug:

[4 t 4]

11. How about foster homes

for women and children. That is something that should be implemented right away. Why not ? This is a new time we need to take charge, we the people. Good luck with her and her children.

[wellstone dem]

13. One of the options we talked about was the shelter for battered women and their

children. They also have safe homes for these women. But for her it is a long-term issue. We can solve the problem for a month, but she's a good mom, and is looking to the long-term.

[4 t 4]

14. But a foster home

that would welcome her and her children could last for years. If it was a family in the position to foster they could all end up as one big family. Foster families should include the Mother if needed. Women And children taken in and paid for. I bet Obama would understand that.

[wellstone dem]

16. Thank you for helping me to look beyond the usual solutions

yet another reminder, that we all need a village to flourish.

[Maru Kitteh]

29. What a wonderful and creative idea you have there!

How innovative!

[Control-Z]

25. Isn't it a long term issue

for every battered child/woman? If a woman succeeds in getting away from the abuser, hopefully it is forever. I'm sure there are some women who are in the position to find and pay for a new home, to work while paying for childcare, and to arrange everything else that is involved including retaining an attorney, but it would certainly not be the norm.

I went to a battered women's shelter when my alcoholic, abusive husband accidentally hit our little baby while trying to hit me. This was quite a while ago, but here in California where I live, they give you 2 weeks in the shelter to find a job and a place to live. They watch your children while you go out looking. I was forced to go back. There wasn't enough time.

I did finally leave him within that year, but I lost everything. It was a nightmare. His daddy paid for the best lawyers money could buy. I got dropped by my attorney when I ran out of money.

[Coexist]

10. I wish I knew what to say

but thanks for being there for her as best you can be.

[Mike 03]

12. What can anyone say to a magnificent post like this except Kick and Rec. Speechless.

You are an angel to be so involved and compassionate, and passionate, about this case. It demonstrates the awesome morality of your character. It is inspiring. It just saddens me that all I can do is "feel" for you and this family. Is there anything we can do?

Bless you.

[OneBlueSky]

15. there is help available . . .

I don't know where you live, but most communities have some kind of organization or program to assist women who experience domestic violence in their lives . . . often including temporary housing for women and their children who are abused . . . if you can't find one near you, call . . .

National Domestic Violence Hotline

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

good luck! . . .

[Carni]

17. Thank God she has you as a legal sounding board

Many do not have any kind of help and it sounds like at least she has friends at work that can give her good advice and counsel of some sort.

I am glad that there are decent people such as yourself who actually care about helping others!

[EFerrari]

18. Seconded.

[wellstone dem]

22. It's just what Legal Aid lawyers do every day, except for the

people we have to turn away because we don't have enough staff. But what I did, except for the tears today, is unfortunately just routine. Different only in that she reached out to us first, so she was still so much in shock.

[dflprincess]

19. Not in a just world - we don't have to ask for the world, only a just country

you would have been able to help her with childcare and many other services she might need. If only we had a "we society".

[EFerrari]

20. When we put our skills together, we are that society.

We are the people we've been waiting for, I'm sure of it.

There are things I can do and things I can't do. I can dial a phone and ask strangers about resources. I excel at that. If you wanted me to rewire your hot water heater, I can't do that and might wind up electrocuting everybody. But if we pool what we can do, no woman would be in the position of staying in an abusive relationship because she doesn't have day care. I firmly believe that.

Time to kick in what we have, isn't it? None of it is more than all of us can do.

:grouphug:

[dflprincess]

21. Yes, we have to do it together

and many times we can help one another one on one but some services like shelters and day care centers can reach more people if they're funded by taxes, not just private donations. I'd have no problem paying the kind of taxes paid in Scandanavia or France if society benefited from those taxes. I have a big problem paying taxes that go to war or to bail out Wall Street welfare Kings.

I had hoped once the Democrats were back in control we'd see more spending on social welfare programs, not just the military.

[EFerrari]

27. I couldn't agree more. n/t

[maryf]

23. Its a human rights thing...

We shouldn't even have to consider having to scramble for care for anyone in abusive relationships, children, women, anyone, the options should be right there, and justice immediately for the perpetrators too. The UN declaration of Human Rights addresses mothers and children in the second part of Article 25, I include the entire article as its so critical:

* (1) Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control.
* (2) Motherhood and childhood are entitled to special care and assistance. All children, whether born in or out of wedlock, shall enjoy the same social protection.

Of course K & R Wellstone Dem, thank you for sharing, our hearts will be with you!!
:grouphug:

[laundry_queen]

24. Women always seem

to get the short end of the stick in these types of situations.

Not too long ago I was watching a program about divorcing amicably with kids. In every situation, in the end, the woman was the one left struggling. A great part of the problem was affordable, dependable child care.

I've often wondered what I would do. I have 4 kids. I stay at home with them at the moment but things are getting extremely tight and I was looking at going back to work. Childcare pretty much makes it not even worth it. I could never make it alone as a single parent. My heart aches for this poor woman - what she must be going through. This just shouldn't happen in this day and age.

[wellstone dem]

26. thank you all

I am energized by your support. Somehow, somehow, how will be well.

[maryf]

28. Its hearts like yours that give me hope...

thanks for caring so much!

[Two Americas]

30. kicking

Thanks for this post, wellstone dem.

[wellstone dem]

31. thanks for kicking.