When Rape Culture meets abstinence-only sex ed

[ccharles000]

http://community.feministing.com/2009/02/when-rape-culture-meets-abstin.html


I recently attended a book reading by some of the contributors of Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (including Jessica and Miriam). The book (which is wonderful and you should go buy ) deals with many subjects around “rape culture”, particularly the common practice of blaming the victim of rape if she has a “loose” or “slutty” reputation. Our society far too often holds up a pure and virginal ideal for women, and once this “seal” is broken or they display "unnaceptable" behaviors, they become “dirty” and “get what is coming to them”.

A few days after the reading, I came across an abstinence-only until marriage program in Ohio (yes, the same Ohio with Derek the Abstinence Clown ) that pretty much reinforced every crazy aspect of a rape culture that blames the victims of rape if they do not pass the “purity” test. It’s bad enough that abstinence-only programs like these withhold and distort vital information that young people need to protect their own sexual health, but adding this acceptance of rape culture is the icing on the Shit Cake.

The Ohio program is Abstinence ‘Till Marriage , which started receiving annual CBAE grants of $600,000 in 2006 (set to run until 2011). On their “Miss the Mess” website, you can enter the “Party Room ”, where you learn the story of Rochelle, Jason, Monica and Tanner. Each person tells their perspective about what happens during and after a party one night.

Rochelle tells how she drove her drunken friend Jason home after the party, and then is raped by him. Jason denies that the rape happened, saying their sex was consensual. Monica and Tanner observe that Jason was being a drunken idiot the entire night, with Monica (Jason’s ex) adding her opinion that Rochelle has a reputation for “putting out” and being a “slut”.

The site then asks the question: “Based on all accounts, whose story sounds the least credible?”

Guess who is the “correct” answer? Rochelle .

Why , you ask? Because she “made several questionable decisions”, “she had a motive to lie” and, lest we forget, “she’s been pinned reputation (sic) for being ‘loose’”

[NashVegas]

1. Couple of Things

1. I wish we could, but I expect the only way of making a rape-free world possible is by achieving a totalitarian state. Even then ... if someone wants to hurt another person badly enough, they will.

I feel the best answer is to prosecute when we can and give its victims all the emotional support and compassion we can muster.

2. Geez, what bullshit. What the Abstinence-only crowd ought to be doing is buying up copies of 'The Rules' and 'He's Just Not That Into You' and help young women learn to recognize an asshole when they see one, and run the other way.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

2. Abstinence only serves no purpose except to put the blame on women

Good article!

The only "abstinence only" I agree with was an "abstinence only" move a friend of mine was forced to resort to recently on a date with a club manager. After saying no to him several times in the car, he got into "position," so she "redid" his anatomy a bit, causing him to open the car door, roll out of the car onto the street, and wail incessantly while using the "F" word copious times. By that time she was out of the car and pointing pepper spray at his ear.

[MountainLaurel]

3. Just read the whole article

How heinous!

[liberalsince1968]

4. Men invented virginity so they would have something to violate.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

5. Please, people, K&R this. It's important. Thanks. nt

[closeupready]

16. Was too late to recommend, but I kicked it.

:)

[NYC_SKP]

6. I've been looking at the "miss the mess" site referenced in the article...

...because I'm curious about wtf is going on here, and I like to see the source rather than take someone else's editorial description as fact.

http://www.missthemess.com/party/index.php

First, what a shitty interface, no back button functionality, so I've had to start over and over to find the pertinent parts.

Also, I can't copy and paste the text into this message as I go through the slide show narrative...

I cannot find the section that says,
"The site then asks the question: “Based on all accounts, whose story sounds the least credible?”
Guess who is the “correct” answer? Rochelle .
Why , you ask? Because she “made several questionable decisions”, “she had a motive to lie” and, lest we forget, “she’s been pinned reputation (sic) for being ‘loose’”

What I see are stories from four points of view: the two kids involved and two friends. If the section above is there, I'm pretty sure that it would have been written from the point of view of one of the four fictitious teen characters.

I don't see conclusions drawn from the authors as to whether or not a rape occurred, I don't see them concluding anything except that a lot of bad decisions were made.

They are warning readers of what a huge mess occurs when kids party too much and lay out a number of the potential consequences, including STDs, more material on the STD part in fact than on the rape part.

Thus the name, "Miss the Mess": miss the rape, miss the accusation of rape, miss the cops and parents, miss the diseases.

I'm not defending the site or the program, but I'm not sure the feministing article has it right.

Happy to be corrected on this, but it's hard to snag links or text from the java or flash website.

:patriot:

(edited to add link)

[Luminous Animal]

8. If you read the feministing discussion

about this, you will see that the text was changed in the "Miss the Mess" story.

[Hello_Kitty]

10. Even with the changes, it's still 10 kinds of fucked up.

Still blaming the victim.

Fuck abstinence only.

[Hello_Kitty]

7. Because rape never happens in places where women are severely restricted

Like Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan.

[seabeyond]

9. it isn't all or nothing. that will never work. the nothing, abstinence programs

dont work. the all.... 15 yr old fucking with 6 different very young boys and who the hell is the father???

cause after all our teens need to be sexually free, giving, anything goes

there is a middle of the road... healthy way for our teens to walk this journey.

but seems in this society, we allow, insist on just two options. the all or nothing.

[ccharles000]

11. kick

[Chulanowa]

12. Society always wants to blame the victim...

You see, with the ascendancy of the Right came the mainstreaming of the notion "there are no victims". Nothing that someone does to you is that person's fault, according to this line of thinking. If they beat you, it's because you said something. If htey rape you, it's because you dressed too provocatively. If they torture you, it's because you know something that you should spill. If they kill you, well, you probably weren't a very nice person anyway.

By disempowering the victims, the right maneuvers towards empowering itself as abuser.

The image arises from the idea that the victim is somehow weak or incapable, unable or unwilling to defend themselves, and in the fascist mindset of the right and their throngs, weakness is a crime that needs to be punished.

[Control-Z]

13. It was such a cock

when "there are no victims" became the popular way of thinking. I remember when I was a victim, and was told that I "allowed it". I knew it was BS then. Nothing they said to me made could make me believe I wanted to be a victim or that I brought it on myself. The problem was the way I was treated for not admitting to the fault.

"There are no victims, only volunteers" may be the single most damaging campaign ever to women. Abusers got a license to remain abusers, while all responsibility fell onto the victims, who had to add shame for their role in being victimized, for not being strong enough, for wanting to be a victim.

Unfortunately this type of thinking is difficult to change once it reaches the height of popularity that is has.

[Chulanowa]

14. And that's WHY it's popular

It absolves the abuser. It gives them justification. And quite honestly most people are abusive to each other in some way - certainly not to the degree of rape or assaults, but lies, insults, and all sorts of bullying and generally asshole behavior, too. it gives us all a nice comfortable little "reason" to be like that - "they brought it on themselves."

Ultimately it's the same thing that lets Americans not mind too terribly when we hear about "terrorists" being tortured or slaughtered. They "deserve it"

[closeupready]

15. Kicked, but can't recommend as it's over 24 hours.

But I tried. Good article. "Rape culture" is a very astute and accurate observation of much of our 'civilization'.

[closeupready]

17. And I hope this doesn't get me flamed, because it is an honest observation of mine, but

I noticed many years ago that, it seems to me, one of the most popular sex fantasies among men is about raping or being raped, rather than loving or being loved, and it seems so perverted to me, that way of thinking. How is it that we raise our boys to worship interpersonal violence? Is it any wonder 1/2 of marriages end up in divorce?

[ColbertWatcher]

18. Good information; thank you for posting this. k+r, n/t

[ismnotwasm]

19. Take that kind of thinking just a bit further

And you have happens in Saudi Arabia when a woman is raped.


http://abcnews.go.com/International/story?id=3899920&page=1

Far fetched? Not when you play blame the victim.




Then of course then there are these types of idiots.

The Abstinence only idiots


Bill Limiting Contraceptive Access to Minors Introduced in Maine
http://www.feminist.org/news/newsbyte/uswirestory.asp?id=11521