It has taken me over 6 months to get up the courage to post this.

[yy4me]

I want to tell all of you here at DU about an experience I went through. It is sad and I really don't know where to post it. It is not just for Seniors like me but my family experience could someday affect any of you.

Many of you know my husband died the end of June. It was sudden, unexpected and the most dreadful thing I will ever live through. What happened immediately after his death is the point I want to share. This is about one of those things like making a will, many of us never get around to it.

We had done all the things like wills, living wills, proxy's etc. What we never did was talk to a funeral home about the procedures and costs of the final arrangements. Big Mistake.

At the hospital at 2 in the morning, they disconnected my husband from all the machines that were keeping his heart beating and keeping him breathing. He had a massive stroke and had been gone for hours. The staff knew my daughter was flying in from the midwest and gave a little extra time for her to say good-by.

Someone had called the local funeral home to take him. All of us were in shock and never questioned the procedure. The representative came to my house the next morning with spiral bound notebook in hand. This funeral home is part of a nationwide chain of funeral homes and I guess they have a professional designer and create these huge, full color, impressive books.

As per my husbands wishes, there was to be no funeral. He wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread out to sea, then have a get-together somewhere where his friends and family would meet and hopefully remember the good times.

The Rep immediately pulled out his book and started to talk about the costs of preparing the body. He said they have to do this and that(What? we asked, he could not give us an answer), take him to a crematorium about 20 miles from here and pick up his ashes. He even told us on which day it was acceptable for them to do this. I was distraught and couldn't even gather the presents of mind to ask about the cost of all of this. Luckily, my children and a boyfriend got into the conversation once the costs started being discussed.

The Reps words were, "for pick-up of the body, transportation and return from the crematorium, it would be $5600.00, payable before the remaining service is rendered. He then said---all this without a pause, I'd have to choose one of his urns or boxes, then out comes another book with pictures. Also,a "by the way, the cost for cremation is $245.00, it is not included, neither is the box or urn.

My family had the presence of mind to ask him to justify these costs. Four miles from the hospital, no funeral, no wake, no coverage for cremation costs. This rep got a little flustered when asked how he could justify what he was charging.

My daughters told him this was unacceptable and went to another room and called another funeral home whose owner was known to her. It was a fair distance from us but the owner was gracious and said he would handle things. While she was doing this in the other room, the rep pushed some paperwork at me and- I promise you he said,- "Just sign here and we'll be all set". He wanted to make his deal while my family was out of the room. Advice, never do any of this alone.

Arrangements were made with the other funeral home. All charges, including his help in setting up a hall for the get-together were $2300.00. This included cremation charges, Death certificates, transportation, thank you notes, guest book and many other nice gestures.

He came right to our town and picked up my husbands body and conducted himself in a gracious and respectful manner.

We asked the first representative to please leave and that he will hear from this new home shortly, he said to me, " Thats OK, I have other customers", closed the door and that was it, I thought.

Not done yet. When the new funeral home came to get my husbands body, they would not release it without the new funeral director giving them a check for $600.00 for transporting him 4 miles from the hospital to their facilities.

All of this has been hard to cope with but the treatment by this first funeral home was beyond forgiveness.

Do your homework before the need arises and thank you all for reading this. I've been trying to do it for months but could not. With so much going on then at the same time, it is difficult to write it in the proper sequence. I hope you understand, I know it is lengthy but there is no way to shorten this sad tale.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. so sorry for your loss

Death of a spouse is the most stressful event that can happen to anyone. Thank you for these wise words. I will look into pre-payment and arrangements--that is what my mother has done, and it made the time of my step-father's passing a better one.

[mdmc]

66. me too

[Hello_Kitty]

2. I am so sorry you went through that and thanks for sharing your experience. eom

[Raven]

3. Thank you for posting this. I am sure it was very difficult but it is

really helpful information. :hug:

[T Wolf]

4. My thoughts go out to you. Having been through too many family deaths, your experience

is unfortunately, not uncommon.

Funeral "directors" are the lowest because they prey on us at our most vulnerable.

I hope that you have been able to find some peace, finally.

And thank you for posting this as we all need to be aware of what is waiting for every one of us.

[SharonAnn]

123. Some are wonderful and are "God's gift" in a time of overwhelming sorrow.

Let me tell you another tale, where we were luckier. And yes, we were lucky, not knowledgeable.

My parents moved to a new area for retirement, the Olympic Peninsula in Washington. They lived in one town there while building a home in another town 30 miles away. After the new house was finished, they moved in. My Dad took a two week job in Eastern Washington, filling in for a professional who was on vacation. My mother was driving out to join him for the weekend when she was killed in a car accident, hit by a semi who pulled into her lane and caused her car to flip.

We, the children, were scattered all over the country, my father was in Eastern Washingon and mother's body was in Yakima. The funeral home in Yakima was wonderful to him and even picked Dad up and took him to the airport to fly back home. We all managed to get back to their new home by evening of the next day, Friday. We didn't know anyone, Dad didn't know anyone except the priests at the Catholic Church, we called the rectory but there was only an answering machine. We slept, somewhat, that night and early the next morning I called the police department trying to find out how to get in touch with someone at the church. They got me in touch with the Fire Dept. chaplain who contacted the church secretary who gave us the name of the local funeral home director who was a member of the parish.

When he showed up, and we could finally start making arrangements, he was very low key but he took the weight of the world off our shoulders. As the oldest, and with Dad completely devastated, I had been feeling that I had to get things dealt with and didn't know what to do. Dad and I knew that our parents wanted to be cremated. Also, mother's injuries were so devastating that there was no way her body could be viewed. There was no sense of pressure with him, rather he was asking what we all wanted and helped us in every way I could imagine. And the funeral home in Yakima was also extremely helpful and very warm and responsive.

And I remember when helping Dad with the final bills, etc. that the charges were very reasonable. I and the rest of my family sincerely appreciate the funeral directors in the two cities were really "god sent" to us in a time of tragedy.

I know there are probably plenty of charlatans out there, but there are also wonderful people helping others at a very difficult time. And we appreciate them.

[GreenPartyVoter]

5. I am so sorry for your loss. The additional stress this funeral home business caused is just

beyond the pale. :hug:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

6. Do me a favor, please?

Do the world a favor and send your letter - which is perfect, by the way - to your local newspaper. Send it to your local TV stations. Send it everywhere you can think of, and educate the world in the terrible lessons you unfortunately had to learn the hard way.

I am sorry for your loss, and I share your outrage at the craven manner in which you and your family were treated. Sounds like you've got some great kids, which is a great big blessings.

But, that first funeral home needs to be unmasked and revealed for the opportunistic thieves and vampires that they are.

Thank you for a meaningful and significant post. I am grateful to you in many ways.

[yorgatron]

8. K&R

:-( :-( :-(

[SmileyRose]

16. kick recommend and hugs

I think maybe one of the best posts I've ever seen on the DU.

Sorry - meant for the OP.

[roguevalley]

39. call your state's attorney office and ask for advice. you got had at

a terribly vulnerable moment. I wish you love and peace. I am so very, very sorry.

[jberryhill]

85. Nothing illegal about it....

To put it another way, funeral sales aren't made at any other time than a terribly vulnerable moment.

They learn these pitches very well and craft them to make you feel as if you are cheap and disrespectful of the deceased if you don't go into total hock over funeral expenses.

[quiller4]

87. regulations vary from state to state

In some states the funeral industry is heavily regulated and these practices would be illegal. In other states vulnerable family members have almost no protections.

Funeral sales can be made far in advance. Almost all reputable establishments have prepaid packages available. Contracting in advance can be a way to save your spouse or children both pain and expense.

[jberryhill]

90. What practices?

Charging a lot of money? It's not illegal.

Yes, they can be arranged far in advance. For those that don't, when would you suggest they negotiate the best price? My point is that it happens, necessarily, when people are not in the best state of mind.

[FloridaJudy]

133. Yes. Definitely make arrangements in advance.

When my father unexpectedly died almost thirty years ago, a kind relative called several funeral parlors asking for estimates for a simple cremation.

To our shock, the next day, the hospital called asking for permission to release the body to "X" mortuary. We hadn't chosen one yet, and needless to say "X" did not get our business!

Some of these people are beneath contempt. "X" obviously figured we'd be too grief stricken to think clearly, and once they had the body we'd be at their mercy. If I could remember the name of the actual funeral parlor, I'd post it here. The public deserves to know just who uses these predatory tactics.

When my mother died, she'd made all the arrangements. We were treated with respect, and the cost was extremely reasonable. Of course, my crazy uncle's stealing the ashes later was out of their control. I'll give them points for calling us instead of the police when he tried to steal the body itself: people do nutty things when bereaved, and they had no way of knowing that my uncle's always like that.

[creeksneakers2]

145. How about demanding $600 before releasing the body?

It doesn't sound legal to hold a body hostage for a payment.

[jberryhill]

153. That depends on who authorized the release of the body to them in the first place...

...which is not clear from the original post. The hospital would not have authority to release the body to any funeral director, without consent.

What I'm curious about is who let the first funeral home have the body in the first place.

And, yes, I've been involved in a similar instance of competing funeral homes feuding over a body. It's a business full of sharp practices.

It's like trying to get your car out of a private storage lot after it's been towed away or repo'd.

[NikolaC]

56. Exactly!

That first funeral home was beyond reprehensible. I am so sorry to the OP for what she went through with that "moran". When my dad died my mother could not handle the arrangements so my sister, first husband and I took care of things. We were lucky enough to have been given a referral to a good funeral home who helped us through everything. When my first husband died, my mother went with me and it was a totally different experience. I was in shock already and thank goodness that the representative from the hospital was a good one. Nothing was forced on me. Losing a spouse is difficult enough, but to have some subhuman jerk trying to make a "sale" on the loss of a loved one is beyond comprehension and foul IMO.

Again, my condolences to the OP on your loss and I think that you and your family handled the situation very well. Peace to you and your family :hug:.

[barbtries]

when we had to bury our daughter,

my daughter-in-law's stepfather sat in on the arrangements. he was in the funeral business himself. no way to tell if his presence spared us any of the crap that man tried to put over on this grieving widow, but i'm sure it didn't hurt.

later, on more than one occasion, as i was mourning at bekah's grave, salespeople would approach me to try to sell me a plot. i was not shy about telling them how offensive that was to me.

[SoCalDem]

7. How awful for you and your family.. Those people were scum.

It may be time to file a complaint with the hospital, if you have not already done so.. They have obviously contracted with those scummy bastards..

Funereal "laws" & practices are really odd sometimes.. There used to be a law in Indiana that REQUIRED embalming AND a casket..even for cremation.. It may have changed, but a friend came up against this when her husband died suddenly .

:hug:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

13. It used to be the law in Virginia

It may still be, for all I know.

But I had an old client - broke, really broke - who came to me because his mother had died and he wanted to take her home to Ohio for burial. The funeral home wouldn't release the body unless he paid for the required embalming.

I told him I didn't know what he could do, but I also told him where he could get a lot of dry ice for a reasonable price.

What I heard later was that they somehow got her body and, in a van, drove like hell to Ohio where they buried his mother in a family plot.

These fucking funeral directors have a very powerful lobby in Washington, so they've managed to get away with murder.

I remember flipping out when I was handling a funeral for someone I loved. Thirty-five bucks for a fucking PILLOW? Another fifty for a blanket?

"What do you think?" I asked the asshole who hadn't counted on my sitting there, going over the items one by one. "Do you think he's taking a fucking NAP? Do you think he's going to get CHILLED?"

I tore that one up and we got it done at a much, much lower price. They still burned us.

[prolesunited]

9. I'm sorry for all that you went through

and I'm glad your family was there with a clear mind to help you. It's unconscionable for them to try to take advantage of you in your grief.

What was the name of the firm so we know to avoid it? Does it have a bad rating with the state or BBB?

[NYC_SKP]

10. Condolences, and thank you for sharing this important information.

Grieving families are well advised to ask family friends for assistance and advice.

Under the duress of grief and trauma, it can be hard to make the best choices and it's outrageous that businesses take advantage of the bereft.

:hug:

Thank you.

[madrchsod]

11. thanks for posting

a friend of ours went through similar situation. their mom died and they had no money for a burial or cremation. it took them a month to get enough money to cremate their mother. i think this is something many of us think about but these days there`s just so much money to go around. i hope you are doing ok and that everyday gets a little better .

[TheCowsCameHome]

12. I am going to print this out an distribute it to my family members

My wishes are similar - cremation, small gathering of family and friends, my ashes will be stored away and when my wife passes (or whomever dies last) then the ashes be mixed together and spread at sea.

Yours is a very powerful letter.

Thank you for writing it so that others may avoid a similar experience.

[KurtNYC]

52. You can pre-pay in many states

I learned after my friend's passing that honoring his wish to be cremated was very difficult because he did not have a current registered Will which stated his wish to be cremated. The explanantion I got was that the County could be sued if family members came forward after the cremation and wanted the body for burial in a family plot, etc. If they release for burial and other family wants the body to be buried elsewhere, it can be exhumed but cremation would prevent this.

In New York it is very difficult to get a body released for cremation if there is no Will but pre-paying for a cremation makes one's intentions clear and can save greiving family members from further emotional (and financial) hardship. Even if there is a Will which states cremation it is harder to get a body released for cremation than burial.

Pre-paid cremation is around $700 versus post-mortem cremation which costs $1,100 or more (and will certainly rise with time).

[KT2000]

81. With pre-payment

we need to remember to leave enough cash to transport the body if it is outside the participating funeral home's district. That is another situation where the body will not be transported unless they are paid first.

[Pharlo]

101. I apologize in advance,

I know you meant 'Pre-paid cremation is around $700 versus post-mortem paid cremation', but when I read your statement, my first response was "What the hell kind of monster cremates someone PRE post-mortem?" I actually had to read your statement a couple of times before I could get my mind to get beyond that to appreciate the information you were imparting.

And, I thank you for that information, because I was unaware of the difference in pre-paid vs necessity prices.

[petwlkr]

142. Sometimes even a will is worthless

My mother passed away roughly 10 years ago. She knew her time was nearing so she made every effort to see to it that her affairs were in order and that everybody was on the same page as to what her last wishes were. The most costly step she took towards that end was to go to a lawyer who supposedly specialized in the writing of airtight wills.

She wished to be cremated and had prepaid for that service and had that spelled out in no uncertain terms in more than one spot in the will. The lawyer even charged her extra for additional affidavits that would testify to her state of mind when she made those decisions, blah, blah, blah! After his fees and filing fees, etc. it cost my mom several thousands of dollars to have what was billed as an iron clad will.

So imagine my surprise when she finally did leave this earth to get a phone call from the crematorium asking for my permission as next of kin to proceed. When I commented that they didn't need my permission that her will had clearly stated what her wishes were they told me that the law in the state of Washington forbide them from cremating her without written permission from the next of kin. So in effect BOTH the lawyer and the crematorium had bilked my mom for services that could have been undone by me with a simple "NO" response.

What a racket!

[malaise]

14. Deepest sympathy for your loss

There are people in society whose only role is to rob us from teh cradle to the grave - literally and figuratively. Give thanks that you and your family were intelligent enough not to fall for it.

[BlooInBloo]

15. Thanks for sharing you experience in your time of loss.

[Dirty Hippie]

17. Please Read! People Should Check into Green Burials

There is a lot of misinformation out there. Here are some things I learned after a horrifying funeral home experience.

1. You do not have to have a funeral director, funeral home or anyone else involved if you do not want to.

2. The body of the deceased belongs to the family.

3. You do not have to be embalmed.

4. Most requirements regarding refrigeration of the deceased can be met with household/auto AC.

5. You can literally have anyone you designate back a van up to the morgue and pick up your loved one.

6. You can hire a funeral home simply to transport the body to a green cemetery.

I have so much more to say about this and references to add but I'm at lunch and I have to get back to work.

I will post more later (or PM me).

I actually facilitated a presentation given on this very subject to our local Hospice.

Funeral homes are a total scam.

The above point applies generally across all states although there are some slight differences according to state law.


More later...

DH

[KurtNYC]

55. I see you are involved with hospice so I want to ask

does what you are saying apply only if one passes at home? or is it the same for those who pass in a hospital?

I am under the impression that hospitals have more restrictions and will not release bodies except to licensed cremation or funeral parlors. Is that true?

[Dirty Hippie]

72. No No No

It is NOT true. It has been awhile since I looked into it but in my state (FL) ANYONE appointed by the family can act as Funeral director and assume custody of the remains no matter where they die. And I believe the law is similar in all states.

Here is the legal stuff:

http://www.glendalenaturepreserve.org/legal2_p.html


Excellent overall reference:

http://www.glendalenaturepreserve.org/

My partner (as in Gay) died a couple of years ago and I was treated so shabbily by the Funeral Director and staff that I resolved that never again would one penny of my money go to one of these *ssholes.

And it cost almost 10,000 dollars.

[proud patriot]

91. please do post more when you can

I know when my dad goes many years from now he'll
want a green option .

[sinkingfeeling]

161. I'm interested in these, but want to be cremated and have my ashes joined with those of my

many dogs (currently have 7 urns of ashes from beloved pets). They can burn me in a cardboard box. I want no service of any type. Just want a place for my ashes and my dogs to be together forever.

[Double T]

18. Extremely sorry for your loss.

The criminal funeral home should be reported to the Better Business Bureau for their attempt to price gouge you and your family in a time of duress and need. If they did this to you and your family, they have done it to others.

[cornermouse]

96. She shouldn't stop with the Better Business Bureau

She should also make a complaint about them to her State Attorney. It's possible that others have also complained and a possibility that something might be done to punish them. Also there is such a thing as a National Funeral Directors Association and (your state) Funeral Directors Association. If it was me, I would try to find out if I could file a complaint with them as well.

[Betsy Ross]

19. My parents both made preparations in advance with

the Neptune Society. When my father passed away last year, they picked up his body at the hospital, cremated him, and brought his ashes 200 miles to San Francisco. I and a few other members of my family met the Neptune Society boat at a pier. We took a short boat trip to the Golden Gate Bridge where I emptied the contents of the simple, functional urn into the water. It was a completely unexpected satisfying act.

I highly recommend the Neptune Society for anyone considering cremation.

[Kadie]

27. I would also recommend them.

My father passed away last year. The Neptune Society put extra effort into making sure every thing was the way the family wanted it.

[immoderate]

44. Neptune Society took good care of my mother.

You pay them in advance -- even years in advance. Then they take care of everything. This can save many thousands.

--imm

[classof56]

58. I appreciate knowing these postive experiences with Neptune Society

Several years ago my brother-in-law died unexpectedly at far too young an age, and the family had him cremated and buried his urn with my in-laws (bro-in-law was unmarried). Right after that, my spouse and I bought Neptune Society cremation policies with world-wide coverage (rather than the 75-mile limit, I think it was). Good to know it works so well, and will be much easier for us/our children to deal with final arrangements when the time comes. One thing that really bothers me is the price of caskets--outrageous! I know it's a business, but give me a break! A friend paid six grand for her husband's casket a few years back. I repeat--outrageous!

Blessings to all.

[tblue37]

95. When our mother died, the funeral home tried to talk us into an

expensive casket that would be hermetically sealed so no moisture would get to her body, thus preventing decay. My siblings were all ready to spring for the most expensive casket, but I insisted on the least expensive one, telling them (and the funeral director) that I didn't want Mom's corpse to be hermetically sealed for the ages. I said I wanted her remains to eventually return to the cycle of life and mingle with everything else in the world.

Once I persuaded my 5 siblings, the funeral director didn't have a chance.

[classof56]

166. Yes, they really do make the heavy moves on people in a state of grief.

Before my mom died, we discussed cremation and she finally agreed to it. As a Baptist, she had an aversion to her body being reduced to ashes. She believed her body was destined to be resurrected and meet the Lord in the air at the last trump. Conversations with other Christians convinced her that cremation was acceptable, so I felt okay having that done. I worked it all out with the funeral home (she had one of those pre-paid polices that didn't include a casket). They took care of the cremation, urn, etc., and I had her urn buried with my dad. When a couple of people asked me why I had Mama cremated, I stammered and felt uncomfortable, just saying Mama was fine with it. But to be honest, caskets were so expensive, and I'd been through that with a couple of other family members, which is one of the reasons my spouse and I opted for Neptune Society. But when it came to cremating Mama, I confess I felt crass and mercenary admitting part of the reason was that caskets were so spendy and my mom had not left enough money to pay for a casket and frankly, I could not afford it. I no longer feel guilty and defensive about it. The Bible does talk about ashes to ashes, after all, and like you, I think it makes sense to mingle our earthly bodies with everything else when we're gone.

Incidentally, I like and have bookmarked your website. What a good writers resource it is, and I will tell the writers group I belong to about it, if you're okay with that. Also like the link to WhiteSmoke.

Blessings.

[tblue37]

179. Hi, classof56--

Thanks for your comments. I am not sure which of my sites you have bookmarked. I have ten public websites, and several of them are of use to writers.

My Grammar and Usage for the Non-Expert site (http://www.grammartips.homestead.com/index.html) provides targeted articles about issues of grammar and usage that give a lot of people trouble, and those articles are designed to be useful even if you don't know a lot of techncial terminolgy.

My For Poets--and Readers of Poetry site (http://www.tinablue.homestead.com/index.html) is for people who want to understand poetry, but who have little or no background in the technical elements of poetry. It is aimed both at those who just want to read and enjoy poetry and those who write (or want to write) poetry, but feel that they would benefit from more background in poetic techniques.

My Essay, I Say site (http://www.essayisay.homestead.com/index.html) is for those who write nonfiction, especially essays.

All of my witers' sites are focused on issues that are of use to my college students, so there is a strong "teacehrly" aspect to them, but I have heard from writers and teachers all over the country (and the world), and they always say they find my materials useful. (They also like that if they have questions on any of the subjects I write about, they can always email me and get a quick, authoritative response.)

I think the WhiteSmoke software is terrific. I like the professional editions, especially the templates they provide for the sorts of documents people in different professions--i.e., doctors, nurses, lawyers, paralegals, business people, etc.--have to write.

Please do tell your writers group about my sites. I am always glad to have more readers. I put my materials online to reach people that might benefit from what I know. I am all about sharing. Other people have certainly helped me, and most generously, with their special expertise, so I love the idea that my own skills can be shared far and wide.

[classof56]

180. Hi back!

Wow, you are a treasure trove of great information for those of us seeking resources to help us along our writers' journeys. Our group includes all genres, and we will all benefit immensely by what you have to offer. Thanks again and I shall look forward to your future posts on DU. I like to say, each of us has a story to share, and audiences are everywhere. (A purely unintentional poem, I just noticed!) :-)

Bless you!

[KansDem]

159. William Holden was interested in the Neptune Society...

I read his biography, Golden Boy, and discovered Holden had an interest in the NS. Although he could afford any funeral he desired, he was somewhat of a frugal man and liked the no-nonsense, inexpensive services offered by The Society.

Although the book didn't say whether or not he became a customer of the NS, biographical sources state that Holden was cremated and scattered in the Pacific Ocean, so I suppose we could draw our own conclusions.

I plan on becoming a member of the NS! Yeah, I know...Kansas is a long way from the Pacific Ocean but when I last checked, The Society had agreements with crematoriums around the US, so I suppose I could be cremated here, then shipped out to California to be "buried at sea."

If it's good enough for Bill, it's good enough for me!

[classof56]

163. Interesting about Bill Holden. Thanks for sharing that! Always liked him.

I share your desire to have my ashes spread over the ocean, which is not too far from me, and it's part of Neptune's services--going out past the three-mile limit since I think most coastal states have rules about doing it closer. I'm also considering the Oregon high desert or maybe a nearby mountain range. My spouse wants his shot into outer space, like Eugene Levy and Carl Sagan, but I'm guessing Neptune doesn't go that far! :-)

Incidentally, one of my favorite Bill Holden movies was "Picnic", which I think was filmed in Kansas--maybe around Wichita? Great actor, and easy on the eyes!

I recommend NS, but let's hope it's a long time for all of us before we need their good services. Still lots of work to do here on this earth, and Obama needs us!

Blessings!

[troubleinwinter]

110. Another thumbs up for NEPTUNE SOCIETY.

When my mother passed on, they were really great in all ways.

[Joe Bacon]

129. Another positive experience with the Neptune Society here!

My grandmother made her arrangements with them and seeing how wonderful they were, I did a pre-need arrangement with them too. Absolutely no pressure and I cannot praise them enough

[yy4me]

178. Thank you for your recommendation about the Neptune Society.

I went to their web site and -wouldn't you know it- they do not have facilities in Mass. I did ask that they send me their information. They may be here before I go.

[quiet.american]

20. Thank you so much for posting this, it's very valuable information. nt

[blueraven95]

21. I'm so sorry for both your loss and your ordeal

:hug:



I second the poster who said to send this to the newspapers and tv stations exactly as it is. It is perfect.

[DKRC]

22. Sorry for your loss

:hug:


Thanks for posting your experience for the rest of us. O8)

[Kadie]

23. So sorry for your loss.

Thank you for posting this very important information.

[Coyote_Bandit]

24. My condolences

I'm so sorry for your loss - and the disrespect with which you were treated.

:hug:

My family members who have recently passed all had pre-arrangements and so we have not had to deal with this kind of stuff. We did however have to deal with a lying b*stard at a rehab center. We had pulled all sorts of strings and made arrangements to transfer a family member to a highly rated long term care facility offering the same rehab services which was close to mom and would enable her and the rest of the family to visit more often and for longer periods of time. The a**hat tried to put a guilt trip on mom for making that already difficult decision and then lied through his teeth about the progress they were making with therapy. They told us that - even though our family member had been seriously injured in a fall - that he was able to do things he had not been capable of doing for many years. All a result of their therapy of course. A lie which qualified them to hold him for a longer period of time while receiving Medicare payments. We asked around to find out when the therapy sessions were and then showed up unexpected and unannounced to watch through a window. It was obvious that the a**hat had been lying through his teeth. We marched to his office and confronted him and, again, demanded that our family member be transferred. Again, he tried to guilt trip mom for making the transfer. Mom had full power of attorney and she showed up with an ambulance and a doctor and several family members including an attorney the next day and the transfer was made. About a month later our family member passed on his sleep. We were glad that everyone in the family had been able to spend as much time as possible with him during his final days. I will always resent that a**hat and the national company for which he works for the way he treated my mother during that difficult period.

[pnwmom]

25. I think you should call the hospital and complain, if they sent the body

to that funeral home without your permission.

Also call whatever agency in the state regulates this sort of thing.

I don't see why you should be out $600 dollars because the hospital released your husband's body to the wrong funeral home.

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this, on top of losing your husband. Thanks for sharing this.

[ohtransplant]

26. My sincere condolences for your loss.

We lost my mother under very similar medical circumstances last year too.

I'm also very sorry about your treatment by the first funeral director. Your treatment by the second funeral director shows they're not all mercenary predators. There are many good people who work in this industry.

Having worked in that industry for many years I second your suggestion to pre-interview your director if not pre-arrange your funeral. There are many benefits. Pre-payment is a different issue.

Your experience should be reported to the state board for funeral directors (a state agency) and the Federal Trade Commission.

Regards,

[TBF]

28. It was very kind of you to post this - many of us have no idea how

any of this works. I'm very sorry for your loss.

[Turn CO Blue]

29. Very similar story to tell.

I'm not sure I can drum up the umph to go into it today because even four years later it makes me sad and angry, but suffice it to say that a funeral home made mortal enemies of my family relations in Texas when my grandmother passed.

Had some similar issues but not quite as bad 6 months later when my mom passed. Everyone should learn about Neptune Society for more compassionate and economic dealings with remains/cremains.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[gratefultobelib]

30. I'm so sorry about your husband's death. You've done many of us a great service by sharing

your story.

[nonconformist]

31. I am so very sorry for your loss. nt

[ProgrezivIndie]

32. know your rights...

yy4me -- thank you for posting this, and may you and yours experience peace. I agree with others here, if you can bring yourself to do so... send this "letter" to your local newspapers and TV station "news" desks... your story needs to be heard, far-n-wide and loud-n-clear!

Here's a PUBLIC DOMAIN (not copyrighted) little something from the FTC which may help others to face those inevitable, but unwelcomed, moments... when dealing with the death of loved ones:

(please read the entire article at: http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/pubs/consumer/products/pro26.shtm)

The Funeral Rule gives you the right to:

* Buy only the funeral arrangements you want. You have the right to buy separate goods (such as caskets) and services (such as embalming or a memorial service). You do not have to accept a package that may include items you do not want.

* Get price information on the telephone. Funeral directors must give you price information on the telephone if you ask for it. You don’t have to give them your name, address or telephone number first. Although they are not required to do so, many funeral homes mail their price lists, and some post them online.

* Get a written, itemized price list when you visit a funeral home. The funeral home must give you a General Price List (GPL) that is yours to keep. It lists all the items and services the home offers, and the cost of each one.

* See a written casket price list before you see the actual caskets. Sometimes, detailed casket price information is included on the funeral home’s GPL. More often, though, it’s provided on a separate casket price list. Get the price information before you see the caskets, so that you can ask about lower-priced products that may not be on display.

* See a written outer burial container price list. Outer burial containers are not required by state law anywhere in the U.S., but many cemeteries require them to prevent the grave from caving in. If the funeral home sells containers, but doesn’t list their prices on the GPL, you have the right to look at a separate container price list before you see the containers. If you don’t see the lower-priced containers listed, ask about them.

* Receive a written statement after you decide what you want, and before you pay. It should show exactly what you are buying and the cost of each item. The funeral home must give you a statement listing every good and service you have selected, the price of each, and the total cost immediately after you make the arrangements.

* Get an explanation in the written statement you receive from the funeral home that identifies and describes any legal, cemetery or crematory requirement that compels the purchase of any funeral goods or services for which you are being charged.

* Use an “alternative container” instead of a casket for cremation. No state or local law requires the use of a casket for cremation. A funeral home that offers cremations must tell you that alternative containers are available, and must make them available. They might be made of unfinished wood, pressed wood, fiberboard, or cardboard.

* Provide the funeral home with a casket or urn you purchase elsewhere. The funeral provider cannot refuse to handle a casket or urn you bought online, at a local casket store, or somewhere else — or charge you a fee to do it. The funeral home cannot require you to be there when the casket or urn is delivered to them.

* Make funeral arrangements without embalming. No state law requires routine embalming for every death. Some states require embalming or refrigeration if the body is not buried or cremated within a certain time; some states don’t require it at all. In most cases, refrigeration is an acceptable alternative. In addition, you may choose services like direct cremation and immediate burial, which don’t require any form of preservation. Many funeral homes have a policy requiring embalming if the body is to be publicly viewed, but this is not required by law in most states. Ask if the funeral home offers private family viewing without embalming. If some form of preservation is a practical necessity, ask the funeral home if refrigeration is available.

[defendandprotect]

131. misplaced

[Vinca]

33. The funeral directors in our neck of the woods did all they could do

to run a guy out of business who was offering cremation services for a very low flat fee. It was ridiculous. Not everyone wants or needs a giant extravaganza when they die. The worst part is some take advantage of grief stricken, vulnerable people. Good advice from the OP to plan ahead.

[wundermaus]

34. Thank you for posting this

Important and useful information for those of us facing these issues soon. Your suffering and traumatic experiences did not go to waste by virtue of your generosity to share your horror story.

[monmouth]

35. I am so sorry for your loss but want to tell you that you have provided

a very informative service here. I have sent this onto my eldest son who would have to deal with this. I feel better already. I have heard other horror stories and am so sorry you went through this.

[nancyr]

36. My condolences to you..

This is why I have pre-paid arrangements in place. I have dealt with the deaths of two husbands; they were both cremated and in both cases the cost was well under $1,000. What part of the country are you in?

[Froward69]

37. I took my dad out to lunch and pushed him

Through the door, to arrange his services. I picked him up an hour later and wrote a check to solidify the costs and Full arrangement's. it was $1600 in 1995. He passed in 2006. Weld county tried and failed to hold his body captive until the remainder of his remaining debt of $40,000 was paid for hospice. his Body was transported 65 miles to the funeral home from Greeley Colorado to Denver. The funeral home here in Denver was aware of Weld county's shenanigans. So as it turned out the funeral home sent a Lawyer along to retrieve my dads remains, with no additional costs.

as distraught as I was it was a relief to have prearranged the service with the deceased. As Weld county (republican stronghold here in CO.) attempted to consume as much of his estate as possible. I learned with the death of my Mother and then again with my father that more than a few, prey upon persons in mourning.

BTW... a Get a WILL done too!!!

[babylonsister]

38. Thank you so much for educating those of us who haven't been

there yet. I agree with a poster above, I do wish there were some way for you to get the word out there; maybe an op ed in your local paper? More people need to be aware they have choices at this most difficult of times. Again, thank you. :hug:

[Froward69]

40. I meant to say ...

there is NOTHING here to be ashamed of. more than a few fully understand and sympathize with your Plight.

[Rabrrrrrr]

41. I disagree that anything is unforgivable, but I feel your pain - funeral homes can be awful

Most are good. Some are even really good - friendly, compassionate, professional, not out seeking a buck but actually trying to provide a special service.

That first one - cripes, what a shyster. I agree with others - tell the papers and other media outlets, and definitely let the hospital know, too.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that, and sorry for the death of your husband.

[Javaman]

42. " Thats OK, I have other customers"...

man, talk about heartless.

man, sorry you had to go through that.

luckily, my dad had the forethought to take care of this before he passed on.

Peace.

[Obamanaut]

43. A perfect letter for publication in the local LTTE when you can do

it. I went to our local funeral home and made arrangements, including prepayment, for my own cremation. All of that paperwork, plus information on burial at sea via the Navy, is in a safe place where wife/daughters can find it when they need to.

I've not experienced a loss such as yours, and I'm sorry for yours. My sincere condolences.

[Iggo]

45. I want to thank you for this, yy4me.

My Dad's 78 and, although he's healthy as an ox, 78 is 78, and it could come 20 yrs from now or it could come tomorrow.

Thanks for the jolt. Sorry for your loss.

[Gman]

46. You need to send this entire post as a LTTE in your local newspaper

so everyone in town can see what happened, who to avoid and who to do business with. People in your town and your area need to know this.

Thanks for sharing. IT's good information. I hope your loss has become easier to deal with and our prayers are with you.


G

[Blue_Tires]

47. thank you for your story

not enough attention is paid to their parasitic and extortionist business practices...

[a kennedy]

48. so sorry for your loss

:hug:

[TexasObserver]

49. Your state likely has a board that oversees funeral homes.

Search for such a group, and then contact them and file a complaint. Clearly, they're bribing someone at the hospital to send bodies to them, and using that to ambush unsuspecting families.

Your Attorney General will likely play some role, and you might check their Consumer Fraud section.

[emilyg]

50. k/r

[TrogL]

51. I had a similar experience with a funeral director

Would not listen to a word I said, would not accept the coffin I had picked out, questioned my choice of flowers wanted to bill for stuff he hadn't done.

He even wanted control over what went on the gravestone, insisting on poetry.

I told him, fine - this is what goes on it.

This is the way the world ends.
This is the way the world ends.
This is the way the world ends,
not with a bang, but a whimper.

When he turned white and balked, I fired him.

Another funeral director was fine.

[Ilsa]

53. I am so very sorry for your immeasureable loss.

I hope you will speak with someone at the hospital about them calling a funeral home:

Someone had called the local funeral home ...

They should have asked you first who to call. I wonder if someone there is getting a kickback.

The death industry has quite a racket going on, and they don't care how many good people they hurt.

I hope you can find peace. Those vultures didn't help.

[buzzycrumbhunger]

54. Please do send this to the media

Not just locally (with names), but national outlets. It's ridiculous that people are allowed to prey upon us this way, especially the elderly. I lost two babies halfway through pregnancy and got a small taste of this, though ultimately found a funeral home compassionate enough to offer us things at cost (I guess as a young, struggling family we were pathetic enough to merit special treatment--I seem to recall casket was $100 and plot was free, and we were allowed to put the second coffin in the same spot), but when initially looking at the price books, it was staggering. I vowed then that I would insist on skipping everything possible when I go. No need for my kids to bear the burden of misguided body worship when it only costs about $250 to cremate someone.

Thanks, yy4me, for finding the strength to share this. I hope this means you're coping well. :hug:

[GentryDixon]

57. This was probably the same funeral chain who

sold body parts without permission and caused my 84 year old mother to need HIV and Hepatitis testing because of a "donor" skin transplant. Dirty buggers.

[mamameow]

59. sorry

very sorry for your loss but the pain that these funeral directors and yes the hospital were unforgivable. now who authorized to call the first funeral home? what kick back does the hospital get for calling the funeral home they did? cremation should cost $1000 or less, complete. my husband died 7/22/06. it was 12:10 am. the hospital said they would hold the body, giving me the time to determine what funeral home. i went to the funeral home and they tried the same thing with me, the fancy books of caskets, fancy cremation urns, etc. i told them the cheapest, no casket, no urn. these were my husband's wishes. cost me total of 750.00.

i think i would get a very detailed itemized list of the costs and then see a lawyer, contact the better business bureau. funeral directors and their homes are scheisters.

[hedgehog]

78. I also question who the "someone" was. Maybe that's not what you meant, but it sounds like

"someone" at the hospital is making a little cash on the side calling in that funeral home.

[elizfeelinggreat]

60. Thank you for this

:hug:
Peace be with you.

[LiberalEsto]

61. MUST-READ Jessica Mitford

Jessica Mitford wrote an eye-opening book back in 1963 about the rotten practices of the funeral industry. It's called "The American Way of Death." A revised edition was published in 1998, two years after she died.

Every sleazy practice described by yy4me and other posters is outlined in Mitford's book. I highly recommend it.

Here's a link to "The American Way of Death, Revisited" at Amazon.
http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679450378

[DemReadingDU]

62. I am so sorry for your loss

Thank you for taking the time to write this. I feel much more educated.

:hug:

[southernyankeebelle]

63. what nonsense

I am so sorry for your lose. Funeral homes that are owned by these chains are not the one you want to handle your loved ones that is for sure. I told my husband I want the cheapest funeral I can have even if it is cremation. Why should the funeral home get the money when my family that is alive will need it more.

[OhioChick]

64. I'm sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[Greyhound]

65. Thanks for posting this, I know it was hard.

We went through a similar scam when my mom died in 2002.

Long story short, we got pissed off, check into the laws in the state she lived in and her remains are in a box among her beloved books. There is an organization, I can't remember the name but if anyone wants it I'll get it from my dad or sister, that will do the minimum required at a fairly reasonable cost.

We are not religious and hold no particular attachment to the meat that contains us. The alternative we used is probably not suitable for those that do have religious beliefs.

[tinkerbelle]

67. Thank you for having the courage to share this information ...

I can only imagine how many people have been taken advantage of while they are in such a vulnerable state. And, of course, so very sorry that you lost your husband ... a big hug to you for all you've done in spite of your grief.

[barbtries]

68. i'm sorry you had to go through that

during a time that was so hard for you anyway. :hug:

[JerseygirlCT]

69. What a dreadful experience for you!

Shameless. That funeral home and their employees are absolutely shameless. I don't understand people who could so gleefully take advantage of people at probably their most vulnerable. Glad your daughter acted and found someone else.

[Holly_Hobby]

70. I'm so sorry for your loss.....

I just pre-paid my mother's cremation. She doesn't want any services, just a simple cremation with ashes in a cardboard box. The cost was $1,075.00, which is STILL way too much. They even have their own crematorium, no transportation involved.

They will pick her up at the nursing home after she passes, put her in a cardboard box to cremate her and collect the ashes. Nothing else. I believe the mark-up to be over 500% of the actual costs.

I told the salesman at the funeral home that the funeral industry is a rip-off and they should be ashamed of themselves. I asked him what he did before he started selling cremations, he said he sold life insurance. Figures.

Oh, and pre-pay is actually an insurance policy. Whatever the current cost of the cremation at the time of the death is paid by the insurance company. The funeral home will still make even more money than what I paid.

[JustJeking]

71. Thank you for sharing your story with us

and I'm sorry for your loss.

Many of us here will benefit from your story. Again, thank you for taking the time to write and post it. I don't know about the others, but I'm not too familiar with the funeral business, and your post was an eye-opener.

[geckosfeet]

73. I am glad that you are able to write about this. It is important and most people

just do not plan that far ahead and there is a kind of fear of planning ones death. It is hard enough when you have time to prepare, when the death is unexpected it is a very difficult thing to do. You are fortunate your family was able to find the alternate funeral home.

When my wife was sick, we knew that she had only several months so we made those decisions and preparations together. But there were still a few details that got overlooked. The weather did not cooperate either. Major snowstorm on the day of the funeral - right around presidents day 2003.

It is never and enjoyable experience, but as you point out, distress can be eased by preparing for the inevitable.

[Missy Vixen]

74. I am so sorry for your loss

I am also grateful that you posted this information. For those who've gone through it, it's nice to know that the funeral industry sure hasn't changed their tactics. :sarcasm:

The only thing that saved our family from an unbelievably high bill when my mother died was the fact I was taking notes during the meeting with the funeral director. We also live in a state with remarkably strong protections for consumers.

[conscious evolution]

75. They held your Husbands body for ransom?

How fucking sick is that.

I think I would consider suing them for emotional distress.

[Control-Z]

76. I am so sorry for your loss

and for what they put you through.

I think these scam artists depend on people like you NOT talking about it. My sister and I went through the process when she was 18 and I was 17, for our father. I have never talked about how they pressured us, and I believe, ripped us off. It's not something that ever felt right to bring up. I always hear about a burial costing something like $6,00.00. My father's: $15,000.00. It was a private, no frills, burial. I always thought it was because of our age, and obvious emotional state.

I guess they do it to everyone, and it just seems so wrong given the circumstances.

I'm so, so sorry. I hope you are healing some, and comforted by your family and friends.

[mnhtnbb]

77. I am so sorry for your loss. What an ordeal for you to be treated this way.

Pre-arrangements really are one of the most thoughtful things people can do for their families.
People want different things and there are ways to make want they want affordable. You were clearly
being taken advantage of and I hope that you, or a family member, look into filing a complaint
with whatever agency in your state oversees funeral homes.

[Eyerish]

79. Thank you and peace to you & your family.....

My father passed away in 2002 and after my father's cremation, my mother was looking over the invoice from the home. In a moment of comic relief she blurted out, "$250 to transport him 5 miles?! I would of strapped him to the top of the car if I would of known they'd charge that much!" She obviously wasn't serious, but there was truth in her comment. These big chains have built a business out of taking advantage of people during one of the most difficult periods in one's life.

Thank you again for opening many eyes to what is usually an uncomfortable topic...

[hedgehog]

80. Just a wild ass guess, but I'm betting this is a real problem for families where Mom and Dad

have moved to a retirement home out-of-state and the kids are scattered. You hit town not knowing anybody and the funeral home has nothing to lose because it's unlikely you'll be providing repeat business in any case.

[supernova]

82. Sounds like someone at that hosp has a deal w/ that FD

That's really awful yy4me.

I'm so sorry they put you through that at your most vulnerable.

:hug:

I agree w/ the others. You would be performing a public service if you announced this in the local media. It would shut up this sleazy FD.

Much healing to you. :hug:

[Bluenorthwest]

83. Oh. I know having been there

When my Dad died. Thanks for posting this difficult truth. We need to plan in advance.
And you wrote this very well, with a directness that could not have been easy for you. Peace to you and your whole family.

[jberryhill]

84. No need to be embarassed about it - People don't know what you learned

...and it is because the funeral business relies on the very types of feelings that have kept you from posting your story here.

You may have spared others a lot of heartache and financial loss by sharing this story.

[George_Bailey]

86. I am so sorry

...for both your loss and for these vultures trying to take advantage of a new widow.

This was a very good post for you to make. Hopefully, it'll educate others when the time comes for one of their loved ones.

George Bailey
http://welcomebacktopottersville.blogspot.com

[progdonkey]

88. that $600 thing sounds like those corrupt moving companies...

Sometimes, less-than-reputable moving companies will do everything perfectly, but then when it comes time to deliver and unload the shipment at your new house/storage/etc., they say, "Oh, you'll need to pay an extra $500 because of XYZ," and refuse to turn your stuff over to you until you pay them. They effectively hold your property hostage, and I think legally there's usually little you can do, because it'll be somewhere in the fine print about "possible extra costs"--and you usually just want your stuff, so you pay it.

Your story sounds like that, with the exception that they're holding a family member's body hostage and not just some couches!

As some others here have said, definitely send this story to a local paper/call the local TV stations. Where in Mass are you? If you're in/near Boston, I'm sure the city stations have "scam watch" programs and the reporters there would love this sort of story. (I went to college there ending five years ago, but I forget what channels were there or what programs they had.) Especially since you were "lucky" in that your husband had decided to be cremated, since when it comes time to bury the deceased, the companies (primarily those national ones) play the whole guilt trip with coffins. "Oh, you just want your husband to rest for eternity in our plywood "econo-box"? Are you sure you wouldn't like to check out our $7000 silk- and velvet-lined Elysian Rest(r) Special with our Italian goose-down pillow?" I could see the reporter using your story as an example of "even if you're just cremating, you can still be targeted by these people."

[Fire1]

89. I'm so sorry for what you had to endure, but you got me to

thinking and that's a good thing. Thank you

[Brucie Kibbutz]

92. Bless your heart

and the hearts of your loved ones. Thank you for sharing your story.

[XOKCowboy]

93. Funeral Homes are a scam that feeds on grieving people

My dad wanted to be buried on our ranch, unembalmed and in a pine box. He was a man of the land and he'd lived on that land all of his life. Luckily we knew a couple of funeral home directors. The local one said that we couldn't bury him on our ranch and that he'd have to be embalmed, have a casket and a concrete liner, etc, etc. The other funeral director was from a neighboring town whom we'd had more than a few drinks with discussing the subject and he said to make them prove their legal claims (all bullshit) and that all we needed them for was to store the body until we picked it up and to issue a burial certificate.

We ended up paying for their lowest cost wood casket to appease the funeral home. The owner was not at all happy but their employee who showed up to witness the burial and issue the certificate was an old friend of the family. We took Dad's old feed truck down to the funeral home and 8 of our friends loaded him on the bed, put an indian blanket over the casket and off we went through town. By the time we drove the 10 miles home we had 20 cars following us. 300 people showed up for the funeral. The grave was dug by two friends with backhoes and he was lowered into the ground by 8 of his closest friends.

The casket cost us $5000 and during the funeral we had several people say they'd have built him a pine box if they'd known. All in all we still had to pay the funeral home almost $6000 for doing mostly nothing. My dad was so upset at the funeral home charges for his own mother's funeral (paid for by insurance but almost $60K) that he'd have been plenty upset about the casket. :)

[maddezmom]

94. I'm so sorry for your loss

And appreciate you posting this for others. :hug:

[ejbr]

97. Thank you for sharing n/t

[sweetroxie]

98. Here is another possibility

First of all, I'm very sorry for your loss. My husband died 9 years ago and I miss him every day. My husband died after a long bout with leukemia and chemo, etc;. etc.., so he wasn't a candidate for organ donation. But he was a candidate to donate his body to a local teaching hospital. That was his decision, and I think I would choose similarly. Everything was taken care of by the hospital. A year after his death I received an invitation to a graveside service with all the other families of donors. It was very gracious and respectful and non-denominational. Soon after that I received a letter thanking me and my husband for our generous donation, signed by all the medical students who had learned from his body. I was very touched by their letter.

In all, the experience was as good as it could have been-- under the circumstances. It cost me nothing and I had a good feeling that we had performed a valuable service. Don't dismiss it as an option.

[ellaydubya]

99. You deserve a heart and a lot more!

And as soon as I figure out how to do give a heart you have another one coming from me.

To take advantage of people in their time of need.....well, I have no kind words.

Take care!

[Zoigal]

100. Definitely recommend checking out the Neptune Society for pre planning

burial information. Also, some states have groups that one can belong to that have reasonable
costs for funeral expenses. For instance, the Oregon Memorial Association took care of both of my
inlaws very reasonably. z

[leftyladyfrommo]

104. I think that is who took care of my mothers' funeral.

They handled everything.

I think my brother had a policy with them or my mother did. And after she died they just called and Neptune took care of all the details.

[madamesilverspurs]

102. Shabby.

Wonder if they're affiliated with the mortuary who sent me a pre-planning letter right after my cancer surgery. And, no, they will not get my "business."

[Veritas_et_Aequitas]

103. Thank you for sharing that.

My uncle will likely soon die, and I will likely be dealing with these matters along with my father. I appreciate your sharing your story. Thanks again.

[rateyes]

105. I used to work for a funeral home, on call to pick up those who

had passed away. I can assure you that what you experienced is not the norm for every funeral home. Everyone should know that all funeral homes are obligated by law to give a price list to anyone who requests it for any reason.

There are many former independent funeral homes that have been bought up by two big companies. The funeral home I worked for was one of them. Whenever I went on a call, I had to ask whether or not the family wanted the body embalmed. While embalming is NOT a requirement, some cemeteries do require embalming if a body is going to be laid to rest there. If the family didn't know, that was OK.

Like your husband, I prefer a direct cremation...no embalming...no open caskets beforehand that would require embalming. Just a few minutes for all the family to say their good-byes, and then cremation, with my ashes scattered on the Chesapeake Bay. Then, I want family and friends, if they wish, to go to a banquet hall and have a party in my remembrance.

In Georgia, I know that a person can purchase a casket from ANY company...a wholesaler...etc. if they wish. Vaults are also very expensive.

You should not have been treated the way you were treated by the funeral home, and I urge you to call the large company that owns them...you can find them online, and make a formal complaint. The company I worked for does NOT tolerate such behavior when they find out about it.

I'm sorry this happened to you, and am sorry for your loss. And, you have given good advice to people to make their arrangements beforehand...and, go ahead and pay for it, if you can...that way, at the time of death, everything is taken care of, there are no questions, and it makes it a lot easier on the family.

[BlueIris]

106. Oh, I'm so sorry you had to go through all that.

That is terrible. But glad you had a reasonably good exprience with the second funeral home.

[Maru Kitteh]

107. Thanks for posting this - I have a question. You say "someone" called the funeral home

It sounds to me like "someone" needs to pay the $600 they charged to drive your husbands body 4 miles.

I agree with all of the posters here who have said that the first funeral deserves deep shame. A letter to the editor and/or a web page describing your experience are both good ideas, and NAME NAMES. They deserve it.

I'm deeply sorry for your loss. It's one of the many burdens of being a woman that we usually are the ones faced with burying our partners. I hope time brings you peace, and justice.

[freemarketer6]

108. I'm sorry for your loss and sorry and disgusted with your story. I

will discuss these things with my wife this weekend. We are getting older, and maybe now is the time. Thank you.

[robinlynne]

109. so sorry you ahd to go through this. in a year, or whenever you feel ready, please file complaints

with the better business bureau and your local authorities to try and save others from this awful place. They should be shut down.

[FourScore]

111. Wow. What an unbelievable story.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I heard a similar story from a friend of mine whose mother-in-law passed away. Perhaps it was the same nationwide chain. She also didn't sign the papers, but was appalled at the audacity of those people.

I am so glad you were not alone during this ordeal; and that your daughter was able to say her last goodbyes.

This is a very personal and important story. Thank you so much for sharing it. And I am so sorry for your loss, yy4me.

It does remind me of something: I read a Newsweek article (a "My Turn" essay) a couple of years ago in which the author described the greatest gift her mother gave to her and her siblings. Before her death (the father had died years before) the mother had written out in complete detail her wishes for her funeral. She had pre-arranged everything -- funeral home, which coffin model, which pastor, final resting place, even which hymns to sing at the service. Contracts with those providing the services had been pre-arranged and money was set aside for all costs. All the family had to do was make phone calls (from a list provided by the deceased mother). All the information and instructions were in a sealed envelope set aside to be opened upon the mother's death. The family was so grateful that they did not have to make any decisions at all. I think it is the ultimate gift in a long and giving life.

I wish you and your loved ones all the best, and thank you again for sharing your story.

[MissDeeds]

112. I am so sorry for your loss, yy4me

Not only did you lose your life mate, but you were subjected to added pain and suffering through the greed of others. My father owned and operated a funeral home for many years. He considered it a sacred trust to meet the needs of families in a time of crisis and grief.

A cousin of mine, however (no relationship to my dad), is not so ethical. She owns a couple of funeral homes and seems to prey on the pain of others. She has recently become 'active' in the local hospice and has joined a church in which she serves as a greeter on many Sundays. This cousin has no religious inclination, but has spread her tentacles into the church community with no other purpose than to rein in families in grief through her association via church membership. She is a human vulture with whom I have severed all contact.

It is beyond me that people would exploit others when they are most vulnerable and at the depth of pain and suffering. Sadly, human greed, in some, knows no bounds.

Thank you for your post. I hope you find comfort in the knowledge that others will be spared similar grief by your willingness to share your experience. :hug:

[Sherman A1]

113. Thank You Very Much for posting

If even one person benefits from this information (and I am certain many will do so), then a good thing has happened.

[Downwinder]

114. When I go,

take what spare parts that are usable. No funeral or service. Go down to your favorite watering hole and hoist a few. Let tho County take care of the rest, let it be my last statement of socialism.

[lenegal]

115. My heart breaks for your loss, and I am furious regarding the unethical manner in which the 1st

funeral home treated you.

Please by all means, contact your state attorney's office.

No one should have to deal with underhanded greedy thugs during the loss of a loved one.

[femrap]

116. Thank you for sharing your

story....this will help many people. The Greed is everywhere. I'm so glad you found a funeral director with a heart.

My best to you...Good luck and take care.

[WatchWhatISay]

117. Your story points out another important point

Don't go it alone. Thankfully, you had someone there to keep you from being exploited by this man, at least, any worse than you were. We should all think about one or two people we could lean on when needed.

[Trocadero]

119. and write to the director of the hospital and demand they cease the business relationship

with that poor/crooked service provider

[WatchWhatISay]

124. Excellent point

[Trocadero]

118. Report them to your state Attorney General, the BBB and your state and federal reps

[windbreeze]

120. Thank you...and wishing you comfort....n/t

[NoSheep]

121. Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

My thoughts are with you.

[SammyWinstonJack]

122. So sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing very valuable info.

[AZBlue]

125. I'm sorry you went through that - but thank you for sharing your story!

As an only child of two senior parents who want to be cremated but have done none of the legwork ahead of time, you've helped me out a lot - and I'm sure I'm not the only one who benefited from your post.

I'm SO SORRY for your loss!! :hug:

[handmade34]

126. I am so sorry you had to go through that...

Funeral homes exploit people terribly. In the past few years, my husband (Vermont), step-father (Michigan) and my oldest daughter's father (Montana) passed. As far as I can tell, it's important to know the laws of the state where the death takes place. We were aware that my husband didn't have long to live and planned everything down to the last detail (after learning that the funeral home bill would be $1500. just to start the process). The laws are pretty lax in Vermont and from finding a doctor to sign the death certificate(we were home)-to the cremation, the cost was less than $500.00, but the good thing was that since everything was planned, I could just go through the motions and knew it was all ok. After that experience I encouraged my mother and step-father(late 70s) to pre-plan. Within a few weeks of signing onto a plan with a company that transports and cremates, my step-father went into the hospital and died within 3 days of cancer. The entire cost was $1000 and again the good thing is that it was planned and we didn't have to worry. I have donated my body to a University for research and the only money will be getting my body to the facility and the cost is minimal in Vermont if my kids are willing to put me in the back of the truck and get me there (need a permit from the town clerk). I implore everyone to plan ahead, it makes a signifigant difference.

[BrklynLiberal]

127. This is a tragedy compounded by thievery...taking advantage of people at a moment of weakness.

I hope that someday you will be able to report this funeral home to as many of the appropriate authorities as possible so that this will not happen again.
I would suggest you copy this post into a letter to the editor of a local paper..with the name of the Funeral home in large letters.
These people are barely one step above graverobbers, and deserve to be treated as such.

I am so sorry for your loss....

[Juan_de_la_Dem]

128. K&R - deepest condolences

[BigBearJohn]

130. Something similar happened to me. My new funeral director gave me

a name to write to and I did.

Here's something for you:

National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) operates a consumer helpline – 800-662-7666. This number is provided in many places, but specifically in a consumer brochure, which is distributed by the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), and invites consumers to contact us with issues and concerns related to funeral service. NFDA also provides valuable consumer information on its website www.nfda.org.

Also see: http://www.nfda.org/aboutnfda.php?PHPSESSID=d081cb2275334a27f7424fceb1fbf580

[defendandprotect]

132. Thank you for you thoughtfulness in giving us this information . . .

Many of us are thinking about these things but not really getting around to doing

anything about it. Thank you again for your kindness in thinking of all of us at

such a difficult time for you .

[ChromeFoundry]

134. Your story is so very sad...

:cry:
I am very sorry for your loss.

Thank you so very much for posting this. My wife an I had decided long ago that when either of us goes that are wishes are to be cremated. I never even thought that transportation of the remains would be so expensive.

hang in there
:hug:

[Iwillnevergiveup]

135. How very thoughtful of you

to think of us at such a difficult time.:hug:

I too, echo the positive comments about the Neptune Society. My best friend's mother passed away right after a doctor's visit. An ambulance had been called and she was taken into the hospital. My friend was with her and said the Neptune people arrived within 45 minutes and took her remains away for cremation. Both his folks had pre-arranged this years before.

Another option mentioned - donating your body to a university hospital is also excellent. I carry a card in my wallet and have one on file at home to be taken to USC Medical School when I die. It is absolutely free.

One of my neighbors who is single has an entire folder of people to call and what to do when she dies, but she took it one step further. Since her executor lives a distance away, she has a hand-written sign scotch taped to a wall with instructions on where to find the folder. Her closest neighbors know about it and also have keys to her home, so they know if they don't see her for a few days, to look in on her. Good planning I'd say.

K&R and thank you again for opening many, many eyes today. Peace to you and your family along with my deepest sympathy on the passing of your beloved husband.

[bluedawg12]

136. I am so sorry for your loss.

My sympathy to your and your family.

I am really sorry you had the added burden at such a sorrowful time.

[Dem2theMax]

137. I am so sorry for your loss, and for what you and your family had to go through.

And I thank you for getting out the word on being prepared.

My family lives in California. My parents, both in their 90's, have a plan with the Trident Society, which is much like The Neptune Society. They paid about $1,000 each for their plans. They will be cremated, we already have the urns here at the house, we carry cards with us at all times. Everything is done. The folks from Trident sent a woman out to our home and she went over everything with us, answered all of our questions, put up with our very dark, sick, sense of humor, and did all the work for us. (Having me ask Mom if she wanted to be regular or extra-crispy just about put my Dad and I under the kitchen table. I thought the woman from Trident was going to faint. LMAO! But she hung in there.)

Folks, listen to the OP and do what you have to do NOW. Today. You never know what life has planned for you. So plan ahead so you and your loved ones are taken care of in the manner YOU want, not some company out to get your money.

[Hekate]

138. So very sorry for your loss, & thank you for sharing. For those writing about caskets, Costco...

... sells beautiful metal caskets for around $800 and has for several years now. You can buy them pre-need but then you have to store them someplace.

For those who prefer a plain pine casket for returning to the earth, look into Orthodox Jewish funeral suppliers. It's what was used for my FIL and will be used for my MIL because of their religious beliefs -- however, I read several years ago in the LAT that Hmong immigrants in California's Central Valley were also using them, and simply thought the Star of David on the pine was some kind of trademark.

Mr. H was looking into pre-need arrangements last year for his mother after her big stroke, but as she continued to live, he let it slide. (Bad idea, imho, but this is a case of accepting that which I cannot change.) But while he was doing all that he discovered that there was a local burial society that we could join for something like $35, and that they would help families with arrangements for cremation or burial for a greatly reduced price. The more Buddhist Mr. H becomes, the more he wants to be cremated.

Once again, yy4me :hug: May every day be better. Thanks to all here who shared their experiences :grouphug:

Hekate

[fortyfeetunder]

139. Some of "nationwide chains" aren't worth it.

Thank you so much for sharing your tragic story. I am sorry for your husband's passing and sorry you had to experience the worst in the funeral business.

I'll definitely consider Neptune Society or use my family's funeral service as a contact.

Best yet, make a biz-card with that information, in case I am deceased, call _________ Funeral Home at XXX-XXX-XXXX

[truthrocks]

140. Thank you

so much for telling this story. The information is invaluable. I wish you future smiles.:)

[scrinmaster]

141. When I die, I want my ashes loaded into ammunition, fired from a cannon, or launched into space.

[PatSeg]

143. Thank you for sharing your experience with us

I am going to bookmark your post. I had no idea how cut throat some funeral homes could be. What a horrible way to treat people in their time of grief. I'm glad you had family members with you at the time. Your story is absolutely chilling.

Thank you again. It couldn't have been easy to discuss this after such a tremendous loss.

[Tab]

144. I am sorry for your loss. We had something similar happen

When my dad passed away, somehow this funeral home was contacted and received his body. The representative wanted to come to our home to discuss everything. I was a little uneasy by how pushy he seemed.

I do know that the laws in that state (Vermont) require that funeral homes detail costs and not "package" them for you. You are, effectively, allowed to pick and choose.

My brother and I and our mother went to the funeral home (instead of having the guy come to us) and when I started questioning him on some things (like $80 for a limousine to transport "papers" or somthing stupid like that) he got very offended. What transpired after that, I won't go into, but let's just say that the guy inherited the funeral home from his (respected) father and had some issues of his own.

Anyway, we made arrangements elsewhere, at a place that was very gracious, charged only for the services we wanted, and in the end it was a nice occasion (as nice as a funeral can be, I guess).

Point being - I agree with you. Don't get bullied into something and, in fact, many states have rules expressly forbidding packaging. You often ARE allowed to pick and choose the features you want, and to see the individual prices.

Best

- Tab

[tom_paine]

146. I am so sorry to hear you had to go through all that at such a devastating time.

Thank you for sharing your experience with all of us.

:grouphug:

[ColesCountyDem]

147. I'm sorry for your loss. My experiences with funeral homes have been good, fortunately.

I've had to deal with 3 deaths in 10 years-- my Mom, my Dad and my bachelor brother. While I've heard horror stories similar to yours, I've been fortunate enough to have dealt with a small, family-owned firm rather than some 'chain' franchise.

Each time I have needed her services, the owner has been a model of courtesy, promptness and professionalism. Not only were her charges far more reasonable than the first firm you had to deal with, but she provided me with an extensive and detailed, printed sheet explaining all costs, which were mandatory, which were optional, which were 'cash advance' and which were chargeable (at no interest, shockingly), etc. .

All 3 funerals were different: Dad wanted a 'traditional funeral' with casket, vault, visitation, church funeral, etc., Mom wanted to be cremated with services at the church and burial of the urn afterward and my brother requested a direct cremation with a brief graveside service and burial of the urn. The cost of Dad's funeral was about $8600, Mom's was $2200 and my brother's was $1600.

I have since recommended this funeral home to others (and will continue to do so, if asked) and have also made my own pre-arrangements through her.

[rambler_american]

148. Death always attracts vultures n/t

[Highway61]

149. So sorry for your loss

When my daughter passed suddenly, the pain was so overwhelming and they came in swarming like vultures. She was cremated as well and we spread her ashes at sea....I don't remember all the details, however the cost was around 3K.
Again, so sorry for you loss and thank you for have the courage to post this. It is indeed very informative.

[Papagoose]

150. My family went through this a few years ago

when my father died. We didn't have much money and my dad had only a $5000 life insurance policy that we weren't even sure if it was in force at the time (it turned out to be good). My father died in prison, and given the way most people treated us when they learned of this, we weren't sure how much sympathy we'd get from the funeral home. We lucked out when we called the funeral home closest to our home in that they were very kind and understanding of the situation, but certainly not cheap. The total was a little over $7000, they took the $5000 policy and let us pay the $2000 off over the next two years.

We blew it two years later - well, my mom blew it, when my grandmom died. The cost for a direct cremation (no embalming, no viewing, no funeral, inexpensive container, all grandmom's choices) was $5000.

My wife and I are making our arrangements in advance and planning on paying for all of our after death expenses in the next few years. Hopefully long before they are needed (and if we can find the money).

[AllyCat]

151. I'm sorry. And thank you

How wonderful for you to put this out there to help someone else potentially facing the same situation. I had no idea. Really.

I'm so sorry you've lost your life's partner. Hugs to you.

[glowing]

152. My grandmother died of cancer.. so, my aunt and my mom had time to

arrange what they needed to and time to find a place that would cremate and do it for a budget price. if you let the hospital take care of the arrangements or suggest, they often go with some national chain, may be receiving a kick-back, and you may not get the best treatment.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

154. Your thread has become a clearing house of important information

What a beautiful thing to do for us here....



Wishing you every comfort and great great love......


:hug:

:grouphug:

[Hamlette]

155. What an awful thing to happen to you. Others should consider donating body to science

That's what we did with our dad. They picked him up, used what they could from his body, used the body to train medical students, returned the ashes to us. They would have done it for free but ask a $600 donation. They have a memorial at the cemetery where they put his name and would put his ashes if we wanted.

[frogbison]

156. I am sorry.

As many have said, it is best to be prepared. I am not sure that prepaying is a good idea. Also, funeral directors are required to give you a price list. Shop around before you need them. Below see a brief description of a book I HIGHLY recommend:


Buy this book
Upper Access, Inc.
Amazon.com
Barnes&Noble.com
Books-A-Million
Borders
IndieBound
Google Product Search

Borrow this book
Find this book in a library
A complete guide for those making funeral arrangements with or without a funeral director. Families, friends, and support groups who want to say goodbye in a meaningful waynot just write a big check to a funeral directorwill find detailed and practical legal information in this unique guide. By taking an active role in funeral and memorial arrangements, families can save thousands of dollars while better serving the emotional needs of loved ones. Caring for The Dead gives the legal requirements of each state, how to obtain and file permits and death certificates, explanations of cremation and embalming, burial procedures, and other necessary information. Readers learn how to shop for the best services at the most reasonable prices, while avoiding fraudulent and deceptive mortuary practices. This landmark book helps readers take control of one of life's most intimate experiencesthe final act of love for a friend or relative.

More details
Caring for the Dead: Your Final Act of Love
By Lisa Carlson
Edition: illustrated
Published by Upper Access Books, 1998
ISBN 0942679210, 9780942679212

[Duval]

157. Thank you for a necessary reminder.

And my heart felt condolences. We, too, have our wills, Power of Atty, wish to be cremated, but have not contacted a funeral home. We are going to have to discuss this and better sooner than later. Your tale is full of courage (yours)in the worst of times.

[parkerll]

158. The cheap way

Like others, I am sorry for your loss and your experience.

My husband died in August 2003. We had both made the decision to donate our bodies to the medical college nearby. They were called, arrived to pick up the body, and that was it. One year later I picked up his cremains. It cost me nothing and for one year after his life, he was instrumental in educating future medical professionals.

[sinkingfeeling]

160. I'm very sorry for your loss. Thank you for this warning.

[deadmessengers]

162. My condolences, and my story

First, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I did want to share a similar experience that my family had after my mother passed away last year. There was some confusion on the afternoon my mother passed, as TWO funeral home trucks showed up to the hospital at the same time to collect her body. One funeral home was the one that my father and uncle had already made arrangements with (my mother's death was not unexpected), the other was from another funeral home in the area. We're still not quite sure how this second funeral home knew to come, but apparently there was an argument in the hospital morgue between the two drivers - an argument that was resolved only when someone there called my father to figure out which funeral home was the right one.

My suspicion is that someone in the hospital morgue had a little "arrangement" with the other funeral home.

[derby378]

164. The behavior of that predatory funeral home was inexcusable

That said, I am truly sorry for your loss. :hug:

[Catbird]

165. Funeral Consumers Alliance -- Check It Out

From their web site: http://www.funerals.org/

"Funeral Consumers Alliance is a nonprofit organization dedicated to protecting a consumer's right to choose a meaningful, dignified, affordable funeral. Think of us as if we were the "Consumer Reports" of the funeral business."

FCA is a national organization with state affiliates. I joined the state organization when I realized that I would be needing to deal with my husband's death in the near future. They provided me with lots of information and a comparative price list. By calling around, I was able to locate a funeral home that was not pushy and that would provide cremation at a reasonable price. They were very professional and polite; they mentioned additional services but were not pushy about them. Since state laws differ you need to check out both the national organization and any state organizations.

By the way, when I asked my husband how he wanted his body handled, he replied "That's your problem."

[msanthrope]

167. I'm sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your experience. n/t

[Renew Deal]

168. Thanks for taking the time to share this.

:pals:

[onetiredmom]

169. PBS documentary

I wish I could find the link for a documentary I saw on PBS a couple of years ago. It showed a woman who was near her end and how she prepared for it. She had a cardboard box, and after she passed, her friends took paints, beads, etc., whatever they wanted to use for crafting and decorated her box. They put their personal mementos in the box with her. When it was time for burial, her friends carried her to the burial spot and had their time together.

This worked because she knew she was dying and had time to plan things. It would be hard to do this on short notice, but if you and your family discussed this now, a plan could be in place. That means you have to discuss death and that's not always a comfortable subject, but boy, would it save alot of heartache on the other end.

My father died very suddenly and I know we were just in a daze as we went through the preparations. One good thing was that it was a small town, we had known the people who owned the funeral home for years, and we felt good about dealing with them. Nevertheless, it was expensive.

Did you know you can order your casket from anywhere and the funeral home has to use it? At least it's that way in Texas.

Take care.

edited to add PS: One of my friends has her mom and dad in cigar boxes in her dresser. She likes having them close....

[wryter2000]

170. I hope you informed the hospital of all this

When my husband died, the hospital gave me a list of their approved funeral homes. I selected one about two blocks away. I had much the same experience as you did with the second, good home. If the hospital learns of the "ethics" of the first one, they'll not allow them in the hospital. I'd call their social services department, because they'll be the ones most involved in this sort of thing.

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you had to go through this.

[Enthusiast]

171. Sorry for the loss of your husband.

I'm also sorry that you had to suffer the indignities at the hands of an insensitive funeral director.

I believe I will go see my local funeral director so this kind of thing won't happen when my wife or I pass. When he asks me what my religion is I'm going to say "Hippy".

[jobycom]

172. Thanks for this, and condolences. Any chance the funeral company was connected to SCI?

http://www.sci-corp.com/SCICORP/SCIBrands.aspx?alias=0202

Not trying to turn your misfortune into a political issue, but SCI is the company that the Bush brothers while governors broke so many laws to protect. Some of the complaints lodged against them have been horrendous.

[yy4me]

177. Guess what, their name is on the list of partnerships. (sigh) n/t

[jobycom]

181. George Bush fired the state board investigating complaints against them.

There were a lot of complaints against them in Texas, and the board investigating them was considering stiff penalties. Bush tried to pressure the board into abandoning the investigation, and when they refused, he had the board disbanded and all but one state investigator fired. He was sued over it, denied a bunch of stuff in a sworn deposition. Those depositions were due to be filed in court, and many people thought Bush might face perjury charges when the evidence proving he was lying was presented. The case was due the week of 9-11-01, but after the attacks it was postponed, and finally the plaintiffs were bought off.

JEB ran similar interference in Florida, where SCI was caught digging up graves and dumping their contents in a field so they could reuse the plots. A key figure in that case committed suicide, and nothing ever happened with the allegations.

All during Bush's term in the White House, SCI was awarded government contracts, from Katrina to Iraq, and SCI was a major financial donor to Bush and the Republican Party.

Google "funeralgate" one day if you want. I warn you, some of the details are a bit disturbing on a personal level. These people are heartless animals.

[DesertFlower]

173. my mom passed away in december.

she wanted to be cremated. i used National Cremation Society. the cost was $795. that included picking up the body, cremation, death certificates, etc. the only extra cost was $55.00 to ship the ashes to my sister and $10 for each additional death certificate. i made only one trip to their office to sign papers. so for under $900 everything was taken care of. i was treated with dignity and respect.

arrangements can be made in advance which is a smart thing to do.

[Wizard777]

174. Vultures and Jackles. The funeral director must be confused.

In some traditions it's the deceased that has their bones picked clean by Vultures and Jackles. NOT the surviving family members.

[Piewhacket]

175. Unfortunate. Sorry for your loss. Some perspective...

You said "my husband". You are next of kin to your husband.

In CA (and probably everywhere else) Mortuarys and Hospitals are
licensed and regulated. Bad conduct is not usually tolerated.

A hospital will not release the body to a mortuary without a
release signed by the next of kin. It just isn't done.
If that was done it would be a very serious matter.
Yet someone apparently authorized the mortuary to remove the body.
You were the proper person. The hospital must have known that.
Did you sign anything? Was it a mortuary release?
If so did you understand what you were signing?

No need to answer, just review in your mind and ask yourself
those questions.

In signing a release requesting the mortuary remove the body, which
the hospital would probably want done within 48 hours, the person
agrees to reasonable mortuary charges for that service. Here in CA
removal is about $350 and cold storage (until embalming or cremation)
is about $250 , total about $600. It may seem a lot but those appear
customary charges and are probably reasonable. Those charges are due
even if the mortuary does not do anything else.

However... it is one thing to owe a mortuary money, but i doubt they
may refuse (or threaten to refuse) to return the body until the bill is
paid. Do you see that? That wouldn't be right. It would also be upsetting.
Yet I have no doubt the mortuary may be inclined to allow you
think you have to pay before they will return the body, but not say it.
Was that what you experienced?

Here in CA a no frills pick up / embalming / cremation here runs
$2300 (I just got a quote). That includes everything, but is no frills.
It appears you paid $2300, a reasonable amount, and were satisfied with the
services. In addition you (I presume) owed the first mortuary $600.

So your complaint appears to be (1) somebody pushed a document under your
nose to sign when you were (understandably) upset, and (I presume) you
signed it. If you didn't sign, you may not owe the $600, but see a
lawyer if you are concerned about that. (2) the first mortuary attempted
to push unwanted and unnecessary and expensive services, without proper
explanation of options. That could be improper, but may just be an
inexperienced sales person (still not excusable). Things were handled somewhat
better by the second mortuary. (3) the first mortuary refused or implied a
refusal to release the body until they were paid. That could be illegal.

You may wish to (a) consult a lawyer (b) write a complaint to your state
attorney general giving the specifics. If there are other similar complaints
the first mortuary may find it has to explain its practices.

Others who must respond to the death of a loved one (I'm one who has) should
try to gather themselves to negotiate (or have a relative negotiate) with a
mortuary for the full services needed. Next of kin will still need to agree, in writing,
to any arrangement. Any discomfort from pushy salesmen or high pressure tactics
should be cause to find another mortuary. This is all difficult to do. It can be
crushing. Yet must be done.

It appears you did finally successfully navigated this problem. Sometimes we just
gratefully accept that. I hope this information helps bring some closure to your
experience.

[SubOdeon]

176. The funeral "industry" is a racket IMHO

Why does it cost thousands, or even tens of thousands of dollars, to bury a love one?

The body is merely a shell for the soul (spirit? mind?) that resides within.

Families should not be burdened with such gargantuan costs when they lose a loved one.

I understand that there are a lot of thoughtful, caring people who work in the mortuary business.

But at some point, the highway robbery has got to stop.

Me? I'd like to be sent out like the Vikings: put on a wooden raft, set ablaze, and pushed out to sea.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. My family deserves to keep their inheritance far more than some death salesman in a suit with a shiny, plastic haircut.