All Right...If You Really Want To Know Where All The Money Goes...

THUNDER HANDS

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Mon Feb-16-09 04:40 PM
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All Right...If You Really Want To Know Where All The Money Goes...

I became a mod about a month ago. I had no idea what it really entailed when I signed up for it. I was expecting to just have access to some private forum or something where we go over different posts and toss around ideas as to what should stay and what should go, so on and so forth.

Man, did I have it wrong!

You see, a few days after we got a PM saying we were picked to be mods we had a conference. All the new mods got together with the admins and we went on a retreat.

I was told to drive to JFK airport, where there was a luxury private plane waiting to take me to some undisclosed location. I quickly snapped a shot of it before boarding....

Yeah, I have no idea who the chick with the dog is. I assumed it was Skinner's wife.

About six hours later all our planes landed at some island. Did I mention we each got separate planes? Anyway, we arrived and checked into the hotel.

Here's a picture of the hotel we stayed at....

We were told to check into our rooms and wait for a phone call from the admins, who were arriving separately by a golden tugboat being pulled by trained dolphins on loan of SeaWorld. Sorry I never got a photo of that, I must have been in the bathroom. Anyway, before I got the call I snapped a quick shot of the room, which I found out through research after the trip was the cheapest room in the hotel....

so yeah, frugality, thy name is DU.

Anyway, we were told to go to the conference room on the 120th floor, which is only accessible via hot air balloon, so I met up with some of the other mods and up we went...

We finally reached the 120th floor, parked the balloon on the helipad -- or baloonipad, I'm not sure what they call it -- and entered the conference room.

Elad was the first person to greet us...

and then Skinner and EarlG...

EarlG asked that his face not be shown. I said okay and he handed me a quarter million in 20s.

Then it was down to business.

"Greetings!" Skinner said as we all sat down to what could be only described as the most decadent meal I've ever seen.

"I didn't even know bald eagle could be eaten," I said, trying to cut through the white scalp with my diamond-encrusted gold butter knife.

"Well, it's not on the menu, but I put in a special request," said Elad, as he unfolded a stack of 50s from his breast pocket and tossed them in the fireplace. "Oooooh, a bit nippy in here," he joked, as Skinner and EarlG winked to themselves.

"I'd like to welcome all of you into the DU family," Skinner said, standing up from his seat. "As many of you know, DU was started in 2001 after the election of Bush. The site wasn't much at the time, but over the yeas, thanks to the many donations of people such as yourself, we've grown into one of the most sucessful Internet forums on the web today."

We all stood and cheered. The applause lasting for what seemed like hours.

"Today you embark upon your journey as moderators," Skinner began. "Over the years we've had dozens, if not hundreds of DUers just like yourselves serve as moderators of our fine forums. We'd like to think of you as the backbone of the site. In a little while, after dessert, the private screening of Avatar, and the elephant polo match, you'll all be given a guide book that will help explain moderating in fuller detail. You'll also be given Swiss bank accounts and your choice of any two congressmen you'd like to purchase, or one senator. I have eight, personally."

Our jaws dropped collectively as Skinner listed the items that DU donations had bought him over the years. The sheer volume of wealth collected made it seem as if he was speaking of the bastard child of Oprah and Bill Gates.

I would describe the conference in greater detail, but I was made to sign a confidentiality agreement. One that I'm very close to breaking now.

Just know this. Not one cent of your donations is unaccounted for. Check the pockets of any admin or mod and you'll find it. I'd like to think that what I and others receive is adequate compensation for the hours we spend moderating and adminerating around here.

It is indeed a thankless job. If, by thankless, you mean very very lucrative.

Well, sorry to cut this short, Sen. Dodd is calling....

Yes, Mr. Hands, right away, sir.

tootles!