Something bad happened today

[Changenow]

I volunteer to prepare meals and serve for between 100 and 200 homeless people in my community. We work from the upstairs of a very old church which has an unbelievably small kitchen for the job. There is no oven, so all hot food is cooked in ancient roasters. The doors to the facility are locked after we enter until it's time to serve the clients.

Today we were short volunteers, there were two of us working to get things ready in less than two and a half hours. At one point a small child entered the kitchen, since the doors from are supposed to be locked, my first thought was that she was the child of someone who worked at the church two floors below where we were. Because I was sure she was with someone who would look for her shortly, and there are so many dangerous possibilities around for a toddler to get into, I pulled up a chair next to me, gave her a doughnut and asked her to wait. When the woman who volunteered with me reentered the kitchen I asked her if she knew the baby, she said she thought the baby was the daughter of the girlfriend of a homeless man who works at the church. So, since the girl was safe for the moment, and I was so busy, I kept working.

She was the size of an 18 month old, but because she wasn't in diapers and could talk I guessed she was three. When I asked her age she held up three fingers. During the next 15-20 minutes she took small bites out of the doughnut, answered my questions, but never once moved from that chair. I marveled to myself that this is how kids without ADD behave, but then her mother walked in. She cussed at the child. The mother yelled "you were supposed to go to the bathroom and not lounge around" up here. The girl said she just wanted to stay, the mother asked why, and the baby said she just wanted to finish her doughnut. It was clear to me that the doughnut wasn't even a treat since the child hadn't finished it in all that time, so the kid was making an excuse. Mind you, the child's objection was muted, conversational, not rebellious. The mother then said, "Don't make me go get the belt" and the baby go up and walked to the bathroom.

Why didn't I call protective services? I'm sick now. It didn't even hit me until I finished working. Who sends a twenty pound child into a homeless facility unescorted? Who would take a belt to a beautiful baby?

[panader0]

1. You are doing a great service------thanks

I would hesitate to call CPS. There have been some huge mistakes by CPS around here. Remember the child, your protection has already started.

[proud2BlibKansan]

2. I am not sure you have a case to report to CPS

Doesn't really sound like neglect since she never left the building. And Mom just yelled at her, which is not considered abuse.

I think if I were you I would talk to whoever runs the homeless program there and let that person know cause this definitely has the potential for becoming an abuse case.

[Changenow]

4. The mother was not a church employee

I didn't make that clear. The doors weren't locked as I believed, the mother was a client.

The incident really haunts me.

[proud2BlibKansan]

9. Well you should still let the person in charge of the homeless program there know of your concerns

Then they can watch out for this child and her mother. I am willing to bet they are frequent customers there.

[Changenow]

10. Thanks, I will. nt

[H2O Man]

28. An important thing

to remember is that when you have a doubt, always call it in. It is an error to try to determine if it is a valid call or not. That is not your responsibility: the decision should be made by the person on the other end of the phone.

Alone, it is very possible that you would be told it is not going to be investigated. It may not be enough to go on. But in that case, you will feel better, knowing that you did your part.

However, the incident struck a cord with you. If you fail to call, you will continue to feel unsure of if you should have, because you know at a very conscious level that something was wrong here.

There is a chance -- perhaps a good chance -- that this is a family with an "open case." If so, then your call might not be considered another offense per say, but it could be considered evidence of an on-going situation involving a lack of parenting skills. There are many cases where the ability to document these things depends upon responsible community members who are willing to make that call. As a retired social worker with years of experience in the area of child neglect and abuse, I think you should make the call.

[BlooInBloo]

3. :(((((

[oldtime dfl_er]

5. This kind of thing breaks my heart

It's horible parenting but you can't at this time prove abuse. Doesn't your heart just go out to those little children, still innocent and precious?

I feel the same way when I see kids on a leash. It's one of my huge pet peeves and I consider it abusive but can't do anything about it.

[proud2BlibKansan]

15. My son was on a leash and it was a lifesaver

He was very hyper and just ran, especially in open spaces like malls and parking lots. He climbed out of shopping carts and ran away from me in the grocery store. When he was about 2 I found a leash that went from his wrist to mine and it worked wonders. It literally changed my life.

Our pediatrician knew about the leash and thought it was a great idea. It definitely kept my very hyperactive toddler safe in public.

[JerseygirlCT]

17. There are definitely situations where it's strictly about

the child's safety. It's easy to judge right away, but you make a very good point. We got through that stage quickly here, but I definitely remember considering it after a few terrifying houdini-like escapes in a public place.

[proud2BlibKansan]

24. My son was ADHD

They don't give kids meds until they are 5 or 6 so the toddler years are hell. But I knew he was ADHD when I was pregnant cause he was hyper in the womb. And we have a long family history. His older brother had already been diagnosed.

Today he is 25 and an absolutely wonderful young man. But I would put him on a leash again in a heartbeat if it meant he would be safe.

[oldtime dfl_er]

29. I'm sorry if I offended you

I know there are times when a leash is not a bad thing. I appreciate your situation, and I know that I can be quick to judge. But there are many many many many times when a child on a leash is merely a convenience for the parents. Like the OP's situation above, it can be impossible to tell for sure. Anway, I didn't mean to offend anyone, and I'm sorry if I offended you. But in the main, I don't like leashed children.

[rvablue]

32. But there is no child on a leash in the OP's post...

there was a child wandering aimlessly completely alone.

I think parents who put a harness on their kids are hoping to avoid this situation, rather than permitting/allowing it as the mother in the OP did.





ed:punc.

[rvablue]

33. Well, it's wonderful the caring and kindness you showed the little girl....I like

to think that moments like this can stay with a child forever despite what their conditions are like at home and positively affect them in the future.

That's my hope, anyway.

[Raine]

21. Yeah my mother used a child harness on my little brother

he liked to take off at a run, one time if hadn't had the harness on he would've fallen off the pier into the ocean. :scared: I don't consider a child harness or leash in an any way abusive, my parents were so lenient that not once were we ever hit or anything near that, ever. My brother and I had terrific parents. :loveya: :-)

[Changenow]

23. It's not

in fact it is the polar opposite of what concerned me today.

[Raine]

25. I know what you went thru is totally different

it's just that some people see a leash or harness and think the child is being treated like and animal when it's just to make them safe.

[Changenow]

26. We do not disagree. nt

[applegrove]

6. I once worked with the homeless and people with housing issues. A little girl

came in with her mother. She got attached to me and didn't want to go home with her mother. I felt like shit. There is no way I could be a social worker. I would have to kill myself if I saw what was really going on in some families and with some children.

[proud2BlibKansan]

13. If I was a social worker, I would probably kill someone

I don't know how they deal with it all.

[stillcool]

7. These parents need help...

people treat others the way they themselves were treated. If you grow up in a violent home, violence is a normal reaction, and a normal expectation. "If it was good enough for me, it's good enough for you". Taking the kid away does not stop the violence. Foster homes are havens for abuse, and you're taking the child away from the only connection it has in life.

[emilyg]

8. You can still call protective services.

[proud2BlibKansan]

11. I don't think she has a case to report

Yes she can call but it doesn't sound like a case they would take. I am not a social worker, just a teacher who has reported hundreds of cases over the years. So I do have experience reporting child abuse and neglect.

[Changenow]

12. Yes, but without more there

is nothing to investigate.

[remoulade]

14. Check your pm

...

[Changenow]

22. Thank you

Please check yours.

[Changenow]

27. You are very kind

I can't thank you enough.

[JerseygirlCT]

16. I cannot even begin to imagine

There are so many people out there who would do anything to parent a child like that - and the parent this little baby got wants to take a belt to her.

It's horrible.

[4 t 4]

18. Wow that sure is sad

maybe just ask around more about the Mother do a little PI work then decide ?

[santamargarita]

19. I give you a lot of credit for doing such good deeds.

I volunteered for the Chicago Coalition for the Homeless many years ago and always caught hell from my former right-wing in-laws.

[Bluenorthwest]

20. sad beyond words

[Art_from_Ark]

30. I think the little girl was nibbling on her doughnut

because she wanted to stay with you as long as possible.

[undergroundpanther]

31. beating kids with belts

is wrong.Domination through fear will come back in the form of hatred,depression,helplessness,bad relationships or anger in the child years later.Denial and repression can only last so long.