There. Is. No. Hope.

[HughBeaumont]

Woe to those who squandered ALL of their time failing to plan.

Those who saw this debacle coming and starved themselves half to death to prepare for this, the new Dark Ages, should be lauded as the heroes in this new and painful millennium of darkness and horror.

I am about to break news to you that none of you will be wont to hear.

There is going to be NO RECOVERY. Do you all hear that? THERE. IS. GOING. TO. BE. NO. RECOVERY.

None.

Not only will there be no recovery, there will be no hope whatsoever for anything. No jobs, no businesses, no income, no savings, no possessions; nothing for anyone anymore. Shops will be vacated. Corporations and businesses worldwide will close their doors by the multiple thousands. Society will be a wrought desert dotted with abandoned homes, automobiles, weeded up parking lots, moldy malls and former megabox retail outlets used for spelunking and hunting.

Ready for “Dow < 100”? It’s coming. Oh mark my very words, my friends, it’s coming, and we’ll all be completely and utterly helpless as everything we’ve worked so hard for gets repossessed by various corporate minions and their jackbooted armies. Our homes. Your cars. Everything you owe any money on will be gone, gone GONE, and any possession you don’t owe on will have to be burned for heat when everyone who isn’t a multi-millionaire gets evicted from their homes. What we knew as a vastly available US dollar will now be a precious and rare commodity. Barter systems will be commonplace, as will robbery and execution-style murder.

These will be the darkest times in American . .. nay . . . WORLD civilization’s history. You will not survive an economic standstill. Odds are, and I hate to be the one to break this to you and yours, you will not. At least three people in everyone’s immediate family will die of starvation, as populations decrease in mass die-offs while no babies replace the dearly departed due to infertility and worse-than-Djibouti poverty.



Hunger (as in days upon DAYS with no food), thirst, famine, despair, cold, drought, heatstroke, unhappiness, spontaneous paralysis, non-comfort, pain, leprosy, rashes, tics, head lice, scabs, tertiary syphilis, flesh-eating viruses, Bobby Goldsboro played endlessly on loudspeakers, itching, child brothels, tin-pot dictatorships, blight, skyrocketing child mortality, Catabolysis, hysteria, Year-Zero killing fields, plagues, extreme fright, pneumonia, overflowing hospitals, mass graves; things you think only happen in African nations and third-world nations WILL HAPPEN HERE IN AMERICA AND SOON. FEAR IT!

Get ready for worse-than-Great Depression-levels of unemployment; we’re talking 75 to 80 percent, possibly MORE. Get ready for entire dilapidated cities, former streets now pocked with overgrowth, and sharing your alleys and with predatory animals. Get ready for your state to become a bleak-fly-over nation loaded with miles-apart house churches, suicide cults and Sao-Paulo shantytown hellholes run by various urban warlords and mean bastards. Towns will be long abandoned, as there will be no sense of community in the Gibsonian “everybody for their damned selves” existence. Caves will be the new mansions, if you’re able to secure one. GET READY.

This will be dystopia unlike anything you’ve ever seen in any movie in your entire lives. Oh, by the way, no movies, either. Music will be a thing of the past, as no one will have the hope or creativity left in them to make it again. Arts funding will completely dry to nothing. Sheet music, instruments and iPods will be burned in industrial barrels for heat. The World Wide Web will be World Wide DEAD, since no one will be able to afford ANYthing any more. No frivolity of any kind will be allowed in this new era we have all wrought for ourselves, for we don’t deserve it.



Happiness once experienced in a quaint sunrise will be replaced by heart-stabbing melancholy, tears of constant sorrow and the agonizing plea of death with each new day we’re going to be scrounging and foraging for crumbs.

There will be no bottom. You will keep falling and falling and falling fast into a deep abyss of snakes that use the hills of viscera as their labyrinths. The mountain of debt we’re all about to get crushed under will be insurmountable, and your organs better have the strength to hold its figurative weight.

Forget about the idea of prosperity. That notion is gone and never coming back. In fact, American society by and large fast ought to adopt the often painful and dreaded nomadic lifestyle of the gypsies and hobos of old. Fiscal recovery? Solvency? Gainful employment? Retirement? Comfort? HAH. You must be kidding. These ideas will be discarded, forever to reside on top of the Great Dustbin of Former Middle/Working Class/Common Good Goals. There will only be two classes: “The Chosen 4,000” families who will fly above us in planes and helicopters and the “Haven’t Any” class, who will be on the ground slaughtering each other for rotting seven-week-old bison.



If I were you, I would expeditiously gather instructions from any not-yet-closed library on mud huts and log cabins . . . no . . . scratch that, log cabins will no longer be an option when the last wave of deforestation occurs. Agrarian societies will be a forced vogue and knowledge of makeshift greenhouses (made of various landfill materials) and climate patterns, especially those of you who live in areas of extreme cold, will be a necessity. Make bows and arrows and make time for target practice early and OFTEN. I would get educated fast on pickling, canning (although since you cannot BUY anything anymore and everything you own must be burned for heat, I don’t know how EITHER ONE will happen) and rot windows when roadkill can be stewed/consumed. Wilderness living will become our new way of life; only it will be worse than the pioneer days, as there will be no trees. Better hope for some stray tarp or ground covering to float by. Read up on which parts of human flesh roast well. For the uninitiated soon-to-be-former working and middle classers, grocery stores will be replaced by landfills and dumpsters during seasons of extreme cold when gardens cannot thrive. One should take great preparation to store great tubs of water for drinking and growing of your crops, as the soon-to-be-earth-ending climate change will not allow for much precipitation. When your tub runs out, God help you, because no one else is going to.

Also, grab any gun you can get your hands on, because when the thieves start ‘a knockin’ (and there will be hundreds, if not thousands), how will you prepare? How will you prepare when every worldly good you own gets plucked from your very hands? How will you prepare when your photo albums, your precious creature comforts, everything you ever created, get ripped from your blood-strewn hands and you’re left with absolutely nothing? How will you prepare when your children, pets and other assorted loved ones get kidnapped and sold into prostitution? How will you prepare???

Solutions? There are none. It is hopeless. Stock up on rope, cyanide and razors. Steal a copy of Gray’s Anatomy, learn where the largest arteries are located, and end it all as fast as humanly possible. The survivors will be the unlucky ones, and with any hope, will create a new society far less greedy and selfish as this one has collectively been. We ALL made this mess. We all dug this mass grave. And now, we will all lie in it while stewing in our pooled arterial spray.

While itching.

Painfully.

[Jim Sagle]

1. Bite me.

[HughBeaumont]

5. Er. . . .

satire . . .

[bird gerhl]

66. Nobody has a sense of humor anymore.

How could anybody NOT understand you were kidding? :shrug:

[HughBeaumont]

73. I don't get it either.

I mean . . . hellloooooooooo???

If the pics didn't do it, during one of the last paragraphs, I'm editing out loud to make the doom worse.

Maybe there are too many of the serious ones in GD to distinguish?

[Jim Sagle]

78. Yes, that's the problem. I'm deeply ashamed.

Well, maybe a little.

;)

It's just that some folks write this kind of stuff for real. Your writing skill worked against you here: it invoked an apocalytpic nightmare.

[HughBeaumont]

114. Don't I know?

That's what makes ME ashamed - we finally get what we want after 28 long years and still people have no reason to be happy or even a smidgen hopeful.

Sure, it's not going to take 12 weeks, but I refuse to believe it's beyond repair. At least we have a competent driver this time and not some Gumby-haired dildo who can't remember what year it is, an ex-CIA spook or his dry drunk dope-addled son.

[Number23]

119. I think when you foretold the kidnap and forced prostitution of pets, many became too blinded

with rage to see anything else. :)

[Baikonour]

171. This is DU.

A sense of humor isn't exactly required around here.

[rateyes]

7. I'm in line right behind you. You said exactly what I thought. nt

[Initech]

49. My thoughts exactly.

Oh how I hate the end of civilization alarmist part of DU with every fiber of my body. :eyes:

[Stephanie]

166. Jim!

You're back! :hi:

[WI_DEM]

2. I didn't know that Beaver's dad was such a downer.

[HughBeaumont]

9. I mean . . .

. . . did the "Bobby Goldsboro" and the overgoth imagery tip NO one off?

Sa.

[jayfish]

13. I Was About To End It All...

until I saw the Bobby Goldsboro reference. That's pretty bleak stuff for satire.

Jay

[WI_DEM]

14. my reply was tongue in cheek too.

[HughBeaumont]

20. Hugh Beaumont will always be upbeat.

He survived the Seabees, he can survive 28 years of two Bewshes and a Reagan.

It's just amazing the amount of people who think "IT'S BEYOND FIXIN'!!!"

[hyphenate]

63. Well

I was wondering why you chose Bobby Goldsboro to lay into, but I figured everyone has their own personal demons to quell. Mine would have been Terry Jacks, as it would have fit the melodrama in my mind. Or could have gone for gold and played 'In the Year 2525." Just think of Eddie-Albert-as-president in Dreamscape, and you have a ready made world of horror and devastation. Sans music.

[illuminaughty]

121. see the tree how big it's grown, my friend it hasn't been too long

it...was a twig.

Yep, I was on the ledge until I read about "Bobby on a loop" and it became "aw shucks, he's kidding."

[hwmnbn]

3. On the bright side...

there's no shortage of doom and gloom anymore. We'll NEVER run out of that! :woohoo:

[arcadian]

4. Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

[katanalori]

6. yikes

My pooty will be sold into prostitution? oh noz! :tinfoilhat:

[EOTE]

8. You forgot Poland. NT

[HughBeaumont]

44. Poland will be the Mecca of sorrow once the alphabet is reversed.

:tinfoilhat:

[Truth2Tell]

10. Are you sure about the itching? nt

[HughBeaumont]

12. In arterial spray.

Really. It's coming. It's coming. IT'S COMING.

[damntexdem]

27. Oh, everything will be all right in the morning.

Just direct your feet to the sunny side of the street.

[Ghost in the Machine]

83. OH GOD! OH MY GOD!!!

Don't stop *now*!! It's coming!!!!

:smoke:

[Edweird]

11. I assume that is satire, and if so I share your sentiment.

'Cassandra' checks in quite often here. It's always 'the end of the world' on DU.

[HughBeaumont]

18. FINALLY.

Trust me, I'm no schadenfreudean "doom 'n' gloomer". In fact, I feel way the hell better with Obama at the helm than some idiot Republican who WOULD send us on a real fast track to the shitpile.

[dmr]

58. No, they'd sell us out to the shitpile - Anyway ....

Ohhhh Hugh .... :radio: :loveya:

Little things that I hear, the little things you whisper in my ear
I know there ain't nobody else like you
No one could do the little things you do-oo ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnPc3bovhVU

[leftchick]

71. well he is just taking us from 90 mph to the shitpile

to probably 45 mph. But it is still a shit pile that will be hit, a little later than sooner.

[JVS]

47. The problem is that Cassandra was right. The literary figure you should be citing is the infamous..

Chicken Little

[Edweird]

152. Duly noted. However, given that we have yet to experience

the much prophesied:
Suspension of elections;
Martial Law;
Internment at FEMA compounds;
$10.00/gal gas;
Bombing of Iran...
so on and so forth,
the use of 'Cassandra' was sarcasm. Much like a man nicknamed 'Curly' has a reasonable facsimile of a cue ball under his baseball cap.

[JackRiddler]

122. Cassandra was right.

Please get your mythical figures straight. Maybe you're looking for Chicken Little, or the boy who cried wolf...

[Edweird]

153. -----> 152 :)

[countingbluecars]

15. Will the "good" people be raptured? n/t

[HughBeaumont]

26. They have to stay down here . . .

. .. you know, to save the rest of us heath'ns.

[hlthe2b]

16. Ahh... more smoke from "Mr. Suzy Sunshine"

Should we all chip in to send you some hemlock?


Just what IS the point of this post? Satire, I suppose, but it misses, at least to me...

[HughBeaumont]

34. Yes. It's satire. I'm fucking SICK to death of doom and gloom posts.

We finally get what we wanted for 28 years, but it's apparently all for naught, as for some . . "It's BeyAWND repair!!"

I refuse to believe that.

It would be beyond repair if McCain/Palin stole it.

Seriously, what misses about it?

[hlthe2b]

38. I think it goes on too long....

I get the point and share the sentiment.... Carve out about a third and I think it would hit the mark..;)

[HughBeaumont]

41. It's the photos.

But yes, I get the "length" problem a lot, though. Brevity definitely ain't my soul of wit.

Some of the shit I'm making fun of goes overlong also.

[ProgressiveFool]

60. Too many notes /nt

[rrneck]

17. Shit. I had a

bottle of Tequila around here somewhere.

[Arugula Latte]

19. Stop sugar coating things.

Reading between the lines, it looks like you're slightly pessimistic about the future.


:D


:thumbsup:

[AndyA]

21. Thanks for your uplifting report into our near future.

Any suicides contributed to this bleakness are your sole responsibility.

You have been warned.

;)

[Deja Q]

167. Fine by me.

[damntexdem]

22. Woe to those who squandered all their time planning.

Their plans are now in the toilet.

[lpbk2713]

23. The end is nigh ...

I think I'll just get drunk.

[Uncle Joe]

24. Well at least we'll have Bobby Goldsboro,

so we have that going for us, and in Tennessee picking up road kill is legal now, so we should have warm meals at least for so long as the cars can run.

A warm roadkill meal and Bobby Goldsboro, what more can a person hope for?

I'm just trying to look at the glass as half full.:hi:

[dixiegrrrrl]

77. You can afford a glass?

We have to use our hands to drink...

woe is me.

[enigmatic]

25. and with "Metal Machine Music" as the soundtrack!

[HughBeaumont]

28. I was thinking stuff from Sunn o)))))'s "Black One" . .

Good music to sit in a dark desert under a dark blanket to.

[enigmatic]

32. I'll give you that

:D

[Sugar Smack]

29. 0 Gawd- It's like I'm 20 again and reading the Book of the Subgenius!

:rofl: I love you!

[HughBeaumont]

31. And I love you for . . .

a) getting it.

b) The SubGenius!!! I have all three books! :fistbump:

[Sugar Smack]

42. I ate those books up like candy.

Why am I not surprised you have them too, with that sense of humor? I rec'ced (sp?) your essay. Good stuff.:D

[JVS]

48. Take back your slack!

[Sugar Smack]

59. And run like hell-!

[sufrommich]

30. Drama. Queen. nt

[La Lioness Priyanka]

33. satire, no longer approved at du. nt

[HughBeaumont]

37. I guess not.

Holeeeee shit.

Trust me, I'm about as sick to death of the doom and gloom posts as anyone else is.

[sandyj999]

35. No More American Idol?????? n/t

[HughBeaumont]

39. Think "In the Year 2525" . . .

:rofl:

[pleah]

36. Well, I guess it would be the right time to stock up on my favorite rum.

:beer:

[rtassi]

40. Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, How did you like the play?

[EstimatedProphet]

43. WOE! WOE! We are destruct'd!

'Twas but just the hour of our vainglory,
and doom doth descend! We are wrack'd with ruin!
The sun shall shine ne'er again on our fair dignity!
We have done, and in doing overdone, now we are undone!
Woe be unto us as far as the gods on high! WOE!

[HughBeaumont]

127. "Destruct'd"

:rofl:

That's the smarter cousin of "screwn".

[Mari333]

45. sometimes when life is at its bleakest

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOU8GIRUd_g

[GoddessOfGuinness]

87. S.H.I.T.

That is all. :rofl:

[HughBeaumont]

94. You know, at least this whole accidental phenomenon is that . . .

. . . and not THIS:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbYtqAWDF2U

[jmg257]

46. Must. Get. More. Ammo.

[Arugula Latte]

50. When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble--give a whistle!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo

[GaYellowDawg]

51. MELODRAMA!!!

Picture the worst thing you can picture!! It will be worse!!



No jobs! Overflowing hospitals! Wait a minute, that would mean doctors and nurses have jobs... um... No money! Snakes wallowing in viscera! Ants! Fire! Fear! Death! Destruction!!

SMOG!!!

Your pets will be prostitutes! "Bitch slap" will be a literal term!! Bugs! Vermin! Cannibalism!! The sky will literally fall!! The clouds will make spikes, and after the wind knocks you down, you will get huge cloud enemas! You won't be on cloud nine, cloud nine will be on YOU!! Armageddon!! Other bad Bruce Willis movies!!1!!11!11!!



On edit: You got me... I actually thought you meant it. Nicely done! :rofl:

[Sugar Smack]

55. Oh, I'm *there*, YellaDawg-

[BlancheSplanchnik]

124. huge cloud enemas!

:spray:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[leftofthedial]

52. who wants to go have a beer?

[HughBeaumont]

107. You drink, I'll listen.

:toast:

[leftofthedial]

120. a wee touch does seem to loosen the gift of gab...

:toast:

[Liberal_in_LA]

53. lol n/t

[EmilyAnne]

54. This sounds like something out of the Bible.

Especially the part about my pets being kidnapped and sold into prostitution.
Poor Lucy and Sebastian.
At least they have been spayed and neutered.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

56. Feh. Optimist.

Dow < 100? The Dow will be a negative, nay, IMAGINARY number!

The Universe will be turned over to a computer entity that'll make the one from "I Have No Mouth And I have To Scream" look like Gandhi.

[librechik]

57. and the bad news is...?

[hyphenate]

61. A little melodramatic

if you ask me. Soylent Green is still a ways off, as is Blade Runner, Max Headroom or any other of a thousand, nay millions, of scenarios.

It can still happen, and I don't doubt it will, but my ashes, and likely yours, will be long swept away by the winds of change before it comes.

[leftstreet]

62. Well...but we'll still be able to log on to DU, right?

wait, what?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

64. And a pleasant evening to you, too.

[NutmegYankee]

65. I'm not going to Starve!

Mr. Swift showed me the way to avoid starvation:

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.

Fine recipes and more in the greatest work of SATIRE ever - A Modest Proposal
http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html


BTW - Nice job on the satire.

[HughBeaumont]

129. Ah, one of my favorites from English class.

Believe it or not, I wanted to work that into the satire somehow, but decided not to, as I haven't read "Modest Proposal" in 15 years.

[CTLawGuy]

67. bzzzzz

what is... melodrama?


I'll take Potent Potables for 300, Alex.

[HughBeaumont]

69. "Oh, I'll play your game, you rogue!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SK1jpywBQLM

:rofl:

[CTLawGuy]

106. that's

famous TITLES, Mr. Connery...

[Name removed]

68. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[graywarrior]

70. So in other words

we're doomed.

God send us the Rapture, or is it Rupture...whatever.

[HughBeaumont]

75. I hope they rupture AS they get raptured.

'Twill make the floatation funnier. :rofl:

[graywarrior]

76. We just don't want to be beneath them when they rupture

:wow:

[HughBeaumont]

109. I might catch "teh 'publican"

:puke:

[HughBeaumont]

72. Note: when reading this essay, put this on. Mood music, and all . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIR1KfKXH6s

[Gold Metal Flake]

74. And Honey, I miss you.

And I'm being good.

And I long to be with you.

If only I could.

I did that from memory. Kill me now.

[MazeRat7]

79. Yup, dogs and cats sleeping together... we are screwn......

:sarcasm:

Enjoyed the post however...

Peace,
MZr7

[buzzycrumbhunger]

80. ZOMG--I heart you

Is it wrong that I LOLed? O8)

It's like watching Esoteric Agenda without having to sit here for two hours. (Hint: If you just jump to the last five minutes you see there's no point in sweating any of it because we'll survive the doomage in the end regardless. At least those of us who are smart enough to retreat to our happy place through the crap parts.)

[Zhade]

81. Well, at least then it'll be open season on CEOs and the greedy rich.

NT!

[AwakeAtLast]

82. If this happens to come true, I am so sending Skittles to KICK YOUR A$$!!!

:D

[HughBeaumont]

93. Trust me. Not even the CORPORATISTS want things to get this bad.

They'll be the first for lunch. Or target practice. Whoever runs the slowest.

[Occam Bandage]

84. You're such a Pollyanna.

[Initech]

85. Ah I get it now.

Very clever. I generally hate the end-of-civilization alarmist end of DU but this was a great satire of them.

[Thickasabrick]

86. How would someone turn my pets into prostitutes? Seriously - this

is not even close to funny.

[SidneyCarton]

88. My friend, if this is true, then why are you here.

Would your time not be better spent elsewhere? I will not make my customary joke about hemlock here, because I fear you might take me more seriously than usual. That said, if there is no hope, would not your time be better spent stockpiling ammunition and canned food in a bunker somewhere in the hills?

Seriously friend, stay away from gas stoves, second story windows or higher, razorblades and ropes. I see in the tone of your post the very terror which would have my heart and has already seized the hearts of many in this nation, who in fits of dispair and narcissism have slaughtered their families and then taken their own lives as well. I am not yet prepared to give in to the permanent solution for all problems, and am not yet so eaten up by panic to seek to slaughter those most dear to me to protect them from what are still phantom dangers. Actions such as the ones you suggest are not the actions of the clear-eyed prophet, but those of men and women (but mostly men) who have become so deluded by fear and despair that they mistake darkness for light, death for life and panic and terror for action.

There have been worse times than today, and as bad as it will likely get, it would have to reach the levels of the Bubonic Plague to even approach the levels of hopelessness to which you now prophesy. It will not be so.

Come back to the light my friend, we are not yet in the showers the barbarians, while visible in the distance, are not yet at the gates, and we have expelled the lunatics from ruling the asylum. There is still time, so long as there are some who will keep the flame of freedom and civilization burning bright and are willing to shed not only their life's blood for it, but their daily sweat as well. We will yet endure and see the days renewed.

[SidneyCarton]

89. Dude, sorry, didn't get the satire...

That said, may I say that you have a morbid gift for the dystopian.

[Orwellian_Ghost]

90. Hope is for the weak

I don't need or want hope.

Hope is a cheap political slogan.

Hope is the most wicked of demons from Pandora's box. Not even Zeus would let that out.

Fuck hope and gain your personal agency.

Hope is an illusion.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

91. Well I WAS planning to make extra cash by writing satirical essays

Until YOU came along to show me how it's done. :yourock::toast:

[Avalux]

92. Thank heavens - I was getting bored with my suburban life.

At least every day will be an adventure! :yoiks:

[xenussister]

95. Dead Can Dance! I love that album

Within The Realm of a Dying Sun
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Within_the_Realm_of_a_Dying_Sun

I like the Lisa Gerrard side best. (side? yes, I originally bought the LP. ONe side was Brendan singing and the other side was Lisa singing.)




Oooh, thanks to this great thread, I found the video to Frontier on YouTube! Thanks!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FY2s6dbpZ0U

OH OH! And De Profundis!!! (not an official video, but still nice)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8FvOuM1FbY&feature=related

[HughBeaumont]

97. I used to have that album cover on a T-Shirt.

Still do. Can't wear it anymore.

[InkAddict]

96. Mom and Dad have the inside-track on sacrifice and planning

for THEIR OWN survival as well as that of the boy-man behind their rice bowl and a "special" grandchild - I so hope they make it just as you've described.

In other news, I'm just going to keep trying to do what's right and good regardless of the well-meaning advice to the heathen to prepare, repent and assume one's God-given guilt, the consequences of which will undoubtedly make me free at last and immune from the terrors of the day. - No good deed goes unpunished.

[cliffordu]

98. Here ya go - the reader's digest version:

http://www.roadkillbill.com/XTimeline.html

[Name removed]

99. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Vattel]

101. was that satire too?

I just can't tell anymore.

[Bluebear]

102. 'I hope you get mouth and ass cancer at same time' - what a lovely wish

What is wrong with you?

[yodermon]

103. good one!

[BlooInBloo]

100. HAHAAHAH!!!

Sweet jeebus that was good!

:rofl:

[HughBeaumont]

105. Hey! I was waiting for you to come by.

Personally, I thought the Seventh Seal art was a nice touch . . . :)

[BlooInBloo]

108. Yupyup. This woulda been good too....

EDIT: Shamelessly copped from Wil Pitt: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=389&topic_id=5072920#5073031

[Sugar Smack]

110. Or this:

[BlooInBloo]

111. Heh. Looks like a Divine Comedy rendering.

[marions ghost]

175. riiight

good analogy ...

[foxfeet]

104. Well, shucks. Who pissed in your Soylent Green?

[last_texas_dem]

112. Now, now...

Goldsboro's not all bad. "Summer (The First Time"'s kinda hot...

:hide:

[JackDragna]

113. What a gorgeous Dystopian screen.

You, sir, are a ray of black sunshine.

[FarLeftRage]

115. Gee Hugh....

You were a little rough on the beaver last night to post this... weren't you?

:rofl:

[NM Independent]

116. You are actually being optimistic. It will be WAY WORSE!!

The world just can't support this many people. Once infrastructure and logistical support collapses there will be no food. Billions upon billions will die, and in the end humans will be back at balance with the Earth. That's when the aliens will finally come and visit.












:sarcasm:

[asthmaticeog]

117. *pfffft* LUXURY!

[HughBeaumont]

128. For those of us who live in the Cleveland area, that's not too far off.

:)

[Phoonzang]

118. I wonder how many DUers you just set to salivating with that.... nt

[HughBeaumont]

125. I'm surprised they aren't invading this thing defending their weird downer predictions.

Really . . . what I wrote up there, besides the 75 to 80% unemployment prediction, is not that far off from what I read in those "end times" essays people link to or write themselves.

This isn't even the worst off America has ever been. I can't believe people as strong as we're supposed to be would let themselves get defeated by three economic dumbshits like Reagan and the two Bewshes. Nobody is saying it's going to be easy, but please don't say it's beyond hope either. We got someone at the helm who knows what he's doing. Just think (shuddder) if that Half Baked Alaskan and McClown won. Then we'd TRULY be screwn.

[Phoonzang]

154. I know.....things are going to get bad. The worse they've been since

the Depression, but it's not the end. This..like all things, shall pass. If not, we can always take your "advice", get a copy of Grey's Anatomy, and cut our arteries. :D

The sick thing is how so many people here (especially peak oilers) want this shit to happen. I don't understand that....it's like they won't suffer with the rest of us.

[Imagevision]

123. Memo: unemployment figures quoted 'DO-NOT' include those whose unemployment benefits have expired

the government simply does not keep figures for those who were collecting benefits but no longer on on this list. if they had the unemployment figures would already be past 16-17% - Something the Bush gang started and Obama's crew doesn't need to bring up at this particular. (no need to increase the panic now)

[HughBeaumont]

126. Oh, I know they've always been worse than actually reported.

Put it this way:

I track unemployement figures monthly at my job, which I've done since 2001. Discounting the true unemployment figures, Bewsh officially has the worst job creation record on his watch in the private sector since those statistics have been tracked. On his watch, Manufacturing, prior to 2008, had streaks of 39 and 27 months of no jobs gained. Absolutely ridiculous.

So I cannot even imagine how bad those underreported figures already are. Hopefully new small business ideas will emerge from this, as corporations all seem to have their heads up their collective asses, thinking mass fire-a-thons are going to improve their position anytime soon. I think they're all waiting for US to make the first move without realization it has to be THEM that does.

[JVS]

130. Worse than Djibouti?

:scared:

[HughBeaumont]

141. The Onion book "Our Dumb World" says something along these lines when introducing Djibouti:

"Congratulations. You just Laughed at Thousands of Starving People."

:rofl:

[Political Heretic]

131. Oh noes!!!1!1 The end of the world is nigh!!!11!!!!!!1

:eyes:

The only people who think the world is ending because of a collapsing economy are over-privileged pampered white people. To them, yes.... it looks like life is over.

[HughBeaumont]

132. And for those who think even this extreme is hyperbolic . . .

I used EOTW crap such as this for inspiration . . .

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5088480

:eyes: :eyes:

[Vattel]

133. the purty pictures make me feel good

[OneBlueSky]

134. you really MUST stop trying to cheer us up . . .

of course there's hope! . . . there's always hope . . . and there's always human creativity which, when combined with hope, makes us all co-creators with the Universe/Creation/God/Buddha/ Whatever You Choose to Believe In . . . that's pretty powerful stuff, the ability to create, to be creative, to co-create with God (or whom/whatever) . . .

yeah, the odds are against us right now, particularly if we are tied to trying to rescue existing (and failed) systems . . . the time has come for completely new systems, some of which we haven't even dreamed of yet . . . a time when all of us will be asked to make our own individual contributions for the greater good of all . . . that's pretty powerful and exciting stuff . . .

all hope is lost? . . . only if you believe it to be so . . .
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Reporter (to Pete Seeger): "So, Mr. Seeger, are you optimistic about the future?"
Pete: "Nope . . . but I AM hopeful."

(source: I was standing next to him when he said it) . . .

[JCMach1]

135. Dude

[Control-Z]

136. That really sucked

Satire or not.

[HughBeaumont]

139. "A Clockwork Orange" is at your local library.

This is a DU post goofing on doomsayers that took a half hour to come up with.

Maybe you can be so kind as to edumucate me; give me some pointers, if you will, on how great prose should really look.

[Control-Z]

142. I can't help you. Sorry. n/t

[LeftHander]

137. Awesome...

Azreal approves. We will meet up later at HotTopic and discuss over a orange julius in the food court.

[HughBeaumont]

140. I'll bring the cornstarch and mascara.

:)

[undeterred]

138. No American Idol?

I can't go on.

[raccoon]

143. The worse thing about this apocalyptic satire future,

"Bobby Goldsboro played endlessly on loudspeakers"


:rofl: I can't stand him either.

[snooper2]

144. I guess I'll have to become a criminal- Mad Max Style Bitches..

Guess I should start hopping up the Yamaha 650- It's great on gas which will be black gold...Spinners that pop out from the both sides of the back tire to shred your ride :evilgrin:

I could put a ramp in the back of my S-10 for easy access to pillage and plunder...


Who want's to be part of my Texas Gang? I figure we will take over Waco first, that should be a cake walk. Lots of elderly there....

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Scatterheart]

145. You're all gonna die.

The only question is how and when you check out. Do you want it on your feet, or on your f**kin' knees, begging? I ain't much for begging--nobody ever gave me nothin'! So I say f**k this coming global finacial apocalypse, let's FIGHT IT!

:P

[HughBeaumont]

147. I would like to think we're too strong a lot to get defeated . . .

. . . by the idiotic decisions of two Bewshes and a Reagan (and some short-sightedness by Clinton too. He gets no free pass with NAFTA and Gramm/Leach/Biley).

[L0oniX]

146. Bobby Goldsboro played endlessly on loudspeakers is the worst thing out of it all.

[NuttyFluffers]

148. i must remember to invite you to birthday parties.

:toast: :bounce:

[stuntcat]

149. all I know for sure about this is it'll be blamed on Barack Obama

That's one thing I'm 99% sure of.. many of my fellow Americans will blame the rest of this pathetic century on Obama instead of the rich old assholes who sold out the entire world.

[HughBeaumont]

150. Anyone who blames this on Obama is an instant lobotomy patient who needs kicked in the teeth.

This is 28 years of Republican "overseeing" similar to what was done in the 20s. And by "Overseeing", I mean "bowing to the needs of Big Business/Big Wealth/The Pentasewer no matter what the cost to everything and anyone else".

[Kurovski]

151. It's the itching that will be unbearable.

K&R

[alcibiades_mystery]

155. Hugh Beaumont, everybody...the ten o'clock show is always different from the 8 o'clock show

Don't forget to tip your waitress!

:rofl:

[HughBeaumont]

156. Even George Soros is inspired by "There. Is. No. Hope."!!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3749463

Yes, let's all be defeated by a bunch of rich white guys (instead of dragging them out of their mansions and through the streets), accept our fate of eviction and destitution and move to the forests and deserts where we can eat various grubs and leaves for sustenance. We'll all make giant box communities and learn to love regression.

[JVS]

161. I was just about to post that in here. Holy Shit! You called it!

:toast:

Party of Lenin, lead us to victory!

[omega minimo]

157. Bobby Goldsboro's fine but PLEEEEEEEEASE............

NO JOURNEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :freak:

:yoiks: :wtf:











"We all dug this mass grave."

Nope, not me.


"as there will be no sense of community in the Gibsonian “everybody for their damned selves” existence."

You mean Reaganian “everybody for their damned selves” existence"?

[HughBeaumont]

160. Again . . .

. . . phrases inspired by other D&Gers.

The "We ALL did this" comes from here. Uh, I didn't vote for corruption and theft. I protested against war and billionaire greed. I canvassed for better officials.

[krabigirl]

158. lol, ok. Sorry, I disagree.

[lumberjack_jeff]

159. "The deep abyss of snakes that use the hills of viscera as their labyrinths"

There you go! That's the phrase I was looking for! "Sucks" just wasn't cutting it anymore. :applause:

[whopis01]

162. You are deluding yourself if you things are going to be that easy. n/t

[HughBeaumont]

164. Um, yeah. Did I SAY things are going to be easy?

OF COURSE things aren't going to be easy. 28 years of Republican/Moderate funny money bullshit economics will do that to a country.

But it's also not going to be the apocalypse-level dystopia some people are calling for (and seem to be amused with themselves while doing so).

It's going to be a test of our collective character; whether we're going to be part of the problem (like for instance, the Fire-a-thon corporatist who thinks unemployed people not buying stuff should make the first move, and not him) or we're going to be the solution.

Maybe this will make America take their elections more seriously. Maybe this will wake a ton of people up to the fact that having faith in a so-called "Free Market" that Friedmanite Repukes and Dems embrace isn't the best strategy. Maybe this will open those Horatio-Alger addled eyes to the fact that greed kills everything it touches. Maybe people will be a bit WISER for the ware.

All doom-and-gloom posts do is make people more stressed out and feel worse than they already are feeling. They DO NOT HELP. I mean, is there seriously anyone left out there who thinks things are going to be easy? EVERYONE is worried, myself included. Why do I need to come to this damned website and have the grim-reaper alarmists tell me something I don't already know, only beefing it up with steroids?

You just get SICK of it after a while. We'll get THROUGH this. It's not going to be like Mad Max.

[whopis01]

173. You missed my joke....

It wasn't a very good one... I'll give you that...

I was saying that you were deluding yourself if you thought it was going to be as easy as your apocalyptic scenario described... I was trying to be more pessimistic than your post.

[HughBeaumont]

174. Ah. Sorry.

See, I could have read it either way and as usual, I jumped the gun. :cry: :blush:

There was a panic-post in GD the other day . . . . I mean, you gotta wonder . . . is my satire THAT far off of people's beliefs? Just weird.

[OmahaBlueDog]

163. I kept waiting for the part about The Rapture, the 4 Horsemen, and the 7th Seal

[HughBeaumont]

168. Well, the movie "Seventh Seal" is represented in one of the graphics . . .

The Rapture and 4 Horsemen would have given it away completely. :)

[Deja Q]

165. Then buy a gun and start shooting someone if you're this fucking depressed.

Start with me or yourself.

[HughBeaumont]

169. Read it again, Hypno.

[chrisa]

170. Zombies?

Why would I want to kill myself when I could be conducting the world's biggest slaughter of the undead?

Actually, if I had to read Gray's Anatomy, suicide would be certain.

[bridgit]

172. It's worse than that...in America there never was a 'we the people'; France/England maybe...

But they've been bombed, burned out and occupied by Nazi's FOR REAL!! Chinese power elites are scared shit-less of their citizenry but not America. The American power elite doesn't give two figs *or* a tinker's damn for 'we the people' but we take both offerings of nothing in return in either event always have; so for the rest that are only used to sitting on their ass wringing their hands, gnashing their teeth and alternately tearing their garments while knitting hair shirts and wearing ashes well...there remains an option but it takes balls so shutdown the puters and get busy ~*

[Javaman]

176. How about that A-Rod, huh? Steroids...

thanks for the post, mr. happy.

Sheesh.

[HughBeaumont]

177. Once again, it's satirical.

I mean, I don't get why people thought this was serious. I'm no doom and gloomer, trust me on that one. Is this everyone's first recession? This is my third and probably the fourth or fifth for many on here. Yeah, all those recessions . .. sure speaks VOLUMES for Friedman economics and it's success, doesn't it? :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes: :eyes:

We're not going to be eating insects or out of dumpsters. We're not going to be building mud huts or using bridges for shelter. This isn't going to be like Reign of Fire or Children of Men.

What's even more telling is that not ONE "doom and gloomer" has even commented. No "mock all you want . .. you will see, oh YOU WILL ALL SEEE!!!", none of that.