Cheney Dunk Tank Raises $800 Billion For Nation

[Emit]

WASHINGTON—Organizers reported Sunday that the 44th White House Carnival was a rousing success, raising a record $800,000,066,845 for the federal government—$800 billion of which came from a dunk tank featuring former vice president Dick Cheney.

According to Secretary of the Treasury and carnival volunteer Timothy Geithner, the 5-foot-deep tank has provided a much-needed boost to the nation's flagging economy.

"We expected a big turn out, but this is unbelievable," said Geithner, adding that it's tradition for the outgoing vice president to work the dunk tank. "More than half the country has already gone, and there's still about 20 million people stretching all the way to Maryland waiting for their chance to sink Cheney. We'll be leaving this booth open for as long as it takes for everyone to get a turn."


Cheney tells more than 200 million Americans to "throw or get the hell out of sight."

According to carnival sources, a visibly irritated Cheney, clad in sandals and a white cotton robe, arrived at the one-day event shortly before 10 a.m. After removing his robe to reveal a black, 1940s-style bathing suit, the vice president reportedly touched his hand to the water, muttered something to himself, and was then helped up the tank's ladder by several members of his Secret Service detail.


"All right, you candy arms, let's go," Cheney shouted at the line of people, which consisted of Americans, non-Americans, out-of-work autoworkers, teachers, luminaries from the science community, gays, lesbians, military personnel, members of Congress, children, and the entire Arab-American population. "Hey (former British prime minister Tony) Blair. I see you back there. Think you'll be able to stop crying long enough to throw the ball?"

~snip~

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/cheney_dunk_tank_raises_800

[Richardo]

1. I'm laughing my ass off

:rofl:

[pinto]

2. LOL. Good one Onion.

[liberal N proud]

3. Sounds like a real good way to raise some money

using the bastards who bled us dry.

[madokie]

4. I'd give a good chunk of my lifes savings to get to dunk that SOB

just to get a chance of doing it. I guarantee u they would have to fix the damn dunker when I finished hitting that machine too. dusting hands off and a smiling big i would be

[Richardo]

5. :kick: for satire done right - how about a 5th rec?

:kick:

[keepthemhonest]

6. wow they finally have a solution to save our economy nt

[tosh]

7. Rec #10.

:rofl:

[MrSlayer]

8. Never gets old.

It's been posted here 10 times and it's always funny.

Cheney Scarface is still my favorite though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=120NQ-27FdQ