*** DUzy Awards for week ending February 27, 2009 ***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Feb-27-09 08:39 PM
Original message

Welcome to the signed, sealed, delivered DUzy Awards, recognizing exceptional snark, enlivening satire and epigrammatic sass from the past week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards might just be announced every Friday night. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

The DUzy Academy Executive Board: alittlelark, flvegan, Ghost in the Machine, Lucinda and QueenOfCalifornia.

They still haven't had anything much to do yet, because the Chairman is a disorganized horse's ass, but I think they knew that going in. New rules for DUzy nominations can be found .

Special thanks to WillYourVoteBCounted, Kurovski, DinahMoeHum, crikkett, merh, ColbertWatcher, Muttocracy, WilliamPitt, grantcart, babylonsister and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance with this edition.

OP by sister_rosa_refried: Hello Dears. Sister Rosa in the house!

Yes I know it's been a long time that I've dropped my Holy Ass in here, but I've been busy. More busy as a whore in church one might say. And trust me dears, Sister has seen her fair share of whores.

Well don't think that Sister hasn't forgot about you. She prays for you all every night right after cocktail hour .... uh MASS.

Things at the ol' Kneel and Pray are just lovely. This time of year the gals and I are buzzing with excitement. Why you ask? Well darling children, it's OSCAR time for the love of Mary.

We've been cooking, cleaning, putting champagne on ice and getting the joint all ready for our fiesta!

Sister I. Juana Enchilada is of course preparing her famous enchiladas. Sister Ava Coto is whipping up a ton a guacamole. Sister Karma Getcha is in charge of the rice. I of course will throw down a mean vat of refried beans. But poor Sister Clara Vision, she's on the mend right now. She finally got rid of those coke bottle glasses and had her eyes done. So she's in charge of the margarita's. Who cares if she pours a heavy bottle. It will make for a most festive night!!!

Father Palo and his "Friend" are in charge of the decorations. So I'm sure that the place will look like a disco tech when those two get done.

Now children Sister wants to know who are your favorites at the Oscars. We gals are cheering for the lovely Madam Streep to win. She's a big favorite of our. Father P and "Friend" are very much in the "MILK" camp. Camp being the operative word, if you know what Sister means.

It should be an interesting night. What with the attractive Mr. Jackman hosting. Will he be shirtless? We hope so!

Well, I must be off and help the other old buzzards "get this party started" as you young people say.

Take care.

All my holy love,

Sister Rosa Refried - Nun

      rug: This is as amusing as Giuliani in drag.

      sister_rosa_refried: Then it must be a scream, dear.

Sister thinks he looks lovely in a dress.

      Richardo: Ave Margarita!

:party:

The Lounge, February 21, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8541551

On a thread by Why Syzygy: Viagra helps to save endangered animals

http://www.independent.co.uk/environment/viagra-helps-to-save-endangered-animals-604618.html

"The anti-impotence drug Viagra has become an unexpected hero in the fight against the hunting of endangered animals for traditional Chinese medicine.

The global success of Viagra since it went on sale in 1998 has led to a decline in the trade of animal parts for their supposedly anti-impotence properties, scientists have found..."

http://www.alternet.org/story/67663/dick_cheney%27s_sadistic_passion_for_shooting_tame_animals

"When released for put and take hunters like Cheney, pen raised birds can barely walk or fly -- or see, thanks to the goggles. They don't know how to forage or hide in the wild and sometimes have to be kicked to 'fly' enough to be shot.

Some hunters say shooting the pellet-ready tame animals, which offer no resistance, is like having sex with a blow-up doll..."

      panader0: And the debut coincides with the rise in sales of blow up dolls.

      Why Syzygy: Maybe

if Cheney got an Rx, he would be less inclined to kill innocents.

      panader0: With his heart troubles, a dose of Viagra would kill him. Yes.

      uppityperson: I thought at first they were giving it to endangered animals, leading to all sorts of odd thoughts

what does a rhino do if its erection lasts longer than 4 hours?

I'd rather have people take lab produced chemicals than rhino horns.

      beam me up scottie: I thought they were going to give it to pandas.

Panda Porn just isn't enough.

      WillYourVoteBCounted: or it could mean that hunting has declined due to decline in blow up dolls

or that people previously using blow up dolls are now short of breath.

Health, February 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=222x54269

On a thread by Swagman: $1000 chance to hear Bush speak

"CELEBRITY agent Max Markson plans to bring former US president George Bush to Australia on a $1000-ahead speaking tour next year.

'I was on a cruise in the Caribbean the day after President Obama was sworn in and I received an email asking if I could arrange for president Bush to come out,' Mr Markson said.

He had previously organised speaking trips for Mr Bush's father and Bill Clinton after their terms as US president...

He is also investigating bringing former US secretary of state Condoleezza Rice to Australia. 'I could arrange for them to come as a package, but I think Condoleezza is a star in her own right...'"

      sarge43: I might pay a thousand if they let me throw shoes at him. n/t

      beac: I think for a thousand, one should really get

the opportunity to kick him in the balls. If you have to listen to him speak, you should RECEIVE $1,000.... and a pony.

      graywarrior: When did he learn how to speak?

:shrug:

      Deja Q: My life's dream: To hear a man utter the words "Um", "uh", and "duh" every 2 seconds for $1000...

(not)

LBN, February 21, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3750553

On a thread by Blue_In_AK: Palin supporters asked to not use Google for searches.

http://theimmoralminority.blogspot.com/

"Use www.PalinIt.com as your main internet search! Its the same great search you're accustomed to using,only you will be supporting Conservative Republican Organizations that share your vision for America.

This is the free and easy way for people who share common values to raise money for a common cause..."

      BuyingThyme: What kind of two-bit website would use something like that?

      Jackpine Radical: No, wait, this alternative is super-fast! Like, SUPER-fast.

That's because it only searches Conservapedia, Drudge, and Limbaugh's blog.

      tanngrisnir3: If I searched for 'Moosecock husband business partner fucker'

What sort of results would I get?

      jmowreader: I tried it. You get ten returns

GD, February 22, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5110579

On a poll by MadBadger: Should the Drinking Age be Lowered to 18?

TahitiNut: I think it should be raised to 35.

:hide:

marksmithfield: As an old fart I vote hell no

When I go into a bar to sit and drink, I do not want to be disturbed by a bunch of amateur drunks.

GD, February 22, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5111232

On a thread by proud2BlibKansan: Shelby Doubts Obama Citizenship

"Said Shelby: 'Well his father was Kenyan and they said he was born in Hawaii, but I haven't seen any birth certificate. You have to be born in America to be president...'"

      hobbit709: I want Shelby to provide proof he is a member of the homo sapiens species.

      frazzled: I have not personally seen Senator Shelby's testicles

Perhaps he doesn't have any?

The logic here is penetrable (no pun intended) by a fourth-grader.

      MiniMe: I didn't realize that the President was required to show Shelby his birth certificate

Is that in the constitution? I think he wants it to steal Obama's identity.

      11 Bravo: I have seen Richard Shelby NOT having sex with both men and women.

That only leaves animals. Senator, can you prove that you're not hot for Bossie or any other barnyard creature?

      Nicholas D Wolfwood: If Bossie could talk, Sen. Shelby would be toast. (nt)

GDP, February 22, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8217280

On a thread by babylonsister: Nude Carnival Queen, Viviane Castro, Bodypaints Obama On Her Leg (NSFW PHOTO)

Kurt_and_Hunter: S�, se pudenda!

DUzy please.

:hi:

And a slew of info on the shaving preferences of some DUers.

GDP, February 22, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8217486

OP by Jackpine Radical: OK, so I actually went into a WalMart yesterday.

The dog was out of food, and I would have had to drive miles to the next nearest place.

Anyway, there I was, in the checkout lane with a big bag of dog food in my basket. The woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Well, I couldn't resist. I told her no, I don't have a dog. I said I'm starting the Purina diet again. I probably shouldn't, I said, because last time I ended up in the hospital, but since I lost 50 pounds before I ended up in the ICU with tubes and IV's sticking out all over me, I thought I'd give it another try.

I told her it was an amazing diet. You just carry a bunch of the little nuggets around in your pockets and eat a couple whenever you feel hungry. The dog food is a nutritionally balanced diet, so you don't get cravings and you don't have problems with dietary deficiencies.

By this time everybody in the line was sort of fascinated and listening to me, and some guy asked if I ended up in the hospital because the dog food poisoned me.

No, I told him. What happened was I stepped off the curb to sniff the butt of a Dalmatian and a car hit us both.

Wal Mart said they aren't going to let me shop there any more.

The Lounge (moved from GD), February 23, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8549571

On a thread by babylonsister: Obama's State of the Union Address: An Epitaph for the GOP

Xipe Totec: The conservative movement is finished

It went through the bowels of the Republican party.

It was a painfully slow movement that started with Reagan.

it was accompanied by the sonorous thunder of Buchanan, Limbaugh and Coulter,

and it ended appropriately with a perfect asswipe, George W. Bush.

GDP, February 24, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8222362

On a thread by WI_DEM: Breaking: Jennifer Aniston's first grey hair made her cry

Stevenmarc: She'll be suicidal

when the carpet starts to match the drapes.

GD, February 24, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5124206

On a thread by pnwmom: Freepers are so dumb they're actually criticizing Obama

for not looking directly at the camera when he gave his speech. And applauding Jindal for doing so...

leftstreet: Jindal seemed like he was making one of those Living Will Videos

Brother Buzz: While hooked up to the morphine drip

GDP, February 24, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8225335

On a thread by greenbriar: Just now watching the address. Justice Thomas is an ASS

Cronus Protagonist: He is to justice as a broom handle up the ass is to medicine

I'm just sayin'

GD, February 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5135191

On a thread by Smith_3: omg, Jindal is such a cartoon.

HiFructosePronSyrup: He's the worst new character debut since Jar Jar Binks.

GD, February 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5134385

On a thread by PretzelWarrior: Mt. Hood and Mt. St. Helens are right near Portland, Oregon

Mt. Ranier is right near Seattle. Maybe Bobby Jindal needs to shut the fuck up about volcano monitoring being wasteful spending.

      firedupdem: But they don't believe in things like this...they don't believe in

science. Give the volcano a tax cut and it will behave.

      fujiyama: Better yet...

Maybe Bobby can just exorcise the volcano!

Demons be gone!

      busybl: here in the pacific northwest we live in

what is called the Ring of Fire. Do we have enough virgins to leave off monitoring volcanoes?

      PretzelWarrior: we better start importing virgins from the abstinence-only states.

like Utah and such.

      Ikonoklast: I hate to be the one to tell you this, but if your plan is to find a virgin

in an abstinence-only state to throw into the volcano, you're gonna die.

      hedgehog: I say we need to understand and forgive Gov. Jindal his

ignorance regarding volcanoes. Back in the 60's, the science text books told us that all the volcanoes in the US were extinct except for Hawaii. Undoubtedly, Louisiana is still using those text books.

http://www.epodunk.com/top10/per_pupil/index.html

GDP, February 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8225981

On a thread by npincus: *MSNBC Breaking** The Obama girls have picked their (puppy's) breed!

Drumroll, please.... it's the Portuguese Water Dog! They will adopt it from a shelter...

Occam Bandage: Pfft. A dark, curly-haired terrier? That's just keeping the Bushlike status quo.

Where's the change we can believe in?

GD, February 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5131827

Poll question by rurallib: Just what furrin land WAS Obama born in?

:bluebox: Hawai'i

:bluebox: Krypton

:bluebox: Kenya

:bluebox: All of the above

:bluebox: none of the above

:bluebox: other

:bluebox: Born?

old mark: OBAMA? I thought he was Japanese......nt

whistler162: You forgot Ireland.

At press time, "Krypton" was winning with 41% of the votes.

The Lounge, February 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8560785

On a thread by Bluebear: 'Does Jindal have a volcano in his backyard?'; Jindal "stands by his statement"

"Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal has drawn criticism for his performance in delivering the Republican Party's response to President Barack Obama's speech on the flagging economy, with some even upset with his questioning spending on monitoring volcanos that he knows little about..."

EFerrari: This is what happens when you leave Republicans alone with

the English language and a microphone...

GD, February 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5138155

OP by H2O Man: Jindal Spokesman Fires Back (AP)

Jindal Spokesman Fires Back

(AP) A spokesman for Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal fired back at critics during a Thursday morning press conference. Hector Peabody, who is identified as the senior partner at WABAC, a Louisiana think-tank, charged that political opponents of "the rising Republican star" were engaged "in a coordinated ethical disturbance aimed at his response to Mr. Obama�s dangerous plans."

"We need look no further than MSNBC�s Christopher Matthews coverage for evidence," Mr. Peabody told reporters. "He said � and I quote � �Oh, God� when Governor Jindal approached the microphone on our carefully prepared set. The liberal news media is involved in an under-handed, left-wing attack upon the religious institutions our country was founded on."��

When asked about Jindal�s voting record, which was reportedly 100% in support of President George W. Bush while Jindal served as a US Representative from his state�s 1st Congressional District, Peabody replied, "You are purposely looking to the past. There are no �time machines� that can change what previously may or may not have occurred. Governor Jindal�s vision is one of the future. The republican party is proud to have a hero who risked his life in a bipartisan effort to save human lives during Katrina. The media avoids the obvious comparisons between this and John Kennedy PT 109." ��

"Those democrats in the belt way are preoccupied with volcanoes," Peabody answered. "The federal government is not supposed to spy on any citizen�s religion. Governor Jindal has requested time on The O�Reilly Factor to detail this phase of the war on Christianity. He notes that in Exodus 19: 16 and 18, we read, �So it came about on the third day, when it was morning, that there were thunder and lightning flashes and a thick cloud upon the mountain and a very loud trumpet sound, so that all the people who were in the camp trembled. �Now Mount Sinai was completely in smoke, because the Lord descended upon it in fire. Its smoke ascended like the smoke of a furnace, and the whole mountain quaked greatly.� Surely, the American public needs a leader like Governor Jindal to protect our rights." ��

more at:
jindalspokesmanspeaksout/2.26.09/AP.com

GDP, February 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8231005

On a thread by catgirl: Chick-Fil-A Mascot Attacked In Fredericksburg, VA (with eye-popping video)

"A man working as the Chick-fil-A 'cow' at a local outpost of the restaurant chain was attacked during his shift, making him the victim of, as the report put it, 'a bovine beat-down.'

The victim, dressed as a cow, was standing outside the restaurant when he was approached by a man who yelled at him and pushed him to the ground, according to a release by Fredericksburg Police Department spokeswoman Natatia Bledsoe.

She said when another man intervened, the assailant ran away.

The victim could not give a description of the attacker, Bledsoe said..."

      mitchum: That goddamn Hamburglar has now graduated to violent crimes

      MrCoffee: He got cow-tipped?

Damn...that's hardcore.

      Warren DeMontague: After seeing the description of what happened, you know, that's probably what this was about.

"Dude. Let's cow tip the Chick-Fil-A guy!

Duuuuuuuude! No WAY. I TOTALLY FUCKING dare you!"

      Kermitt Gribble: It'd be really funny if it was a guy in a chicken suit that attacked him...

      KonaKane: The assailant has been linked to Perdue Chickens

developing....

      chollybocker: In India, this would be considered a hate crime.

'The dying mascot managed to spell 'PETA' on the street with his bloodied rubber teets.'

GD, February 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5142833

Poll question by Ken Burch: Who would McCain have given the Gershwin to?

We can assume it wouldn't have been Stevie, or anyone at all listenable for that matter. Make your guesses here:

:bluebox: Bocephus (who'd have shown up drunk for the event)

:bluebox: Daddy "Let's beat up that girl on the dance floor" Yankee

:bluebox: Gloria "My father-in-law was a thug for Batista" Estefan

:bluebox: Pat "I've drunk so much milk I've grown an exoskeleton" Boone

:bluebox: Ted "crazed hunter guy" Nugent

:bluebox: Lee "serial killer stubble" Greenwood

:bluebox: Anybody who hasn't had a hit single since 1966

Nicholas D Wolfwood: Mozart, because that was the last concert he attended. (nt)

At press time, there was a tie between "Anybody who hasn't had a hit single since 1966" and "Pat 'I've drunk so much milk I've grown an exoskeleton' Boone". Boone's last hit single "Wish You Were Here, Buddy" was released in... wait for it... 1966.

GDP, February 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8232398

On a thread by Kadie: Famed Etch A Sketch(R) Artist Unveils Barack Obama Masterpiece Honoring Black History Month - pic

"The Ohio Art Company, creators of the world famous Etch A Sketch, today unveiled an awe-inspiring sketch of President Barack Obama in celebration of Black History Month. Created to honor the country's first African American commander in chief, the masterpiece was sketched by famed artist George Vlosich III and features Obama's face alongside the presidential seal with a vision of the American flag and Abraham Lincoln in the background..."

jpgray: Blows away my "Squiggle Descending a Staircase"

Click the link to the original thread. The pic is amazing.

GD, February 26, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5140258

OP by Botany: Wiki's new Jindal posting.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bobby_Jindal

On February 27, 2009, a spokesman for Jindal clarified the timing of a story Jindal told
during the speech concerning Sheriff Harry Lee.

***********

And I would like to say that one time after I won the Heisman Trophy @ Ohio University and I was playing safety / linebacker for the Cleveland Browns in the Super Bowl

I picked off a pass and ran for 135 yards as time expired for a touch down that won the game for my team ..... the story about the 3 super models in the hot tub w/ me is blown way out of perspective too.

Bonus: visual aids.

GD, February 27, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5151156

OP by SoCalDem: Breaking: Jindal rushed to Port of New Orleans

response #4 by Kittycat

response #29 by sce56

response #28 by SalmonChantedEvening

GD, February 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5129495

OP by progressoid: Reactions to Jindal's speech (in pictures)

response #1 by TheTimmer

response #6 by Arugula Latte

responses #7 & #16 by SoxFan

response #10 by Bobbie Jo

response #11 by Sultana

response #12 by sufrommich

responses #13, #14 & #15 by PBS Poll-435

response #17 by Urban Prairie

response #18 by xenussister

response #20 by KathieG

response #27 by backscatter712

GDP, February 25, 2009: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x8227284