The Onion headlines are no longer satire

[Bucky]

I was just reading a Slate article (the one about the Bushies all turning on each other--hardly a story since Republicans always turn on each other when the fanblades get shitful) when I noticed a sidebar ad for The Onion. It took me a second to realize it was advertising The Onion because the headlines were, quite frankly, not all that goofy sounding. It read:

Tony Snow Deftly Sidesteps Topic Of Own Sanity

Edwards Discourages Sympathy Vote

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Confesses To Confessing Under Torture

Um, two of those stories are real headlines right now, and the first one is certainly something that could happen at any time. I can't tell you what a relief it was to follow the links and see the headline: Anna Nicole Smith Finally Reaches Target Weight

Ahhh, we're back to satire at last.

[htuttle]

1. Didn't the Onion switch to hard news at least two years ago?

I thought they did. :shrug:

[EstimatedProphet]

2. Comedy is no longer comedy

Look for a live version of the Aristocrats joke to be shown on the daytime talkshows soon.

[DCKit]

4. As long as it's not on The View

Ick!!!!!

Neither TDS or Colbert would be on the air if we didn't have the current administration.

[Phoebe Loosinhouse]

3. Well known satirist retired when Kissinger received the Peace Prize because satire no longer existed

At least so I have heard and I can well believe it. Can't name which satirist but I can totally understand the mindset.

[DCKit]

5. Hey Phoebe

Did you hear that Uruguay wants to extradite his nasty ass for war crimes?

[juno jones]

14. Tom Lehrer (sp?)

His songs of political satire are 'must' listening even today. I'm sure you could find his stuff in a library or on Amazon...it's priceless and you'll hum the tumes for weeks and years to come!!! He lived in Boston and had a portable piano that he would drag out into the street and busk...I'm told he was (is?) quite a character...

[Kelly Rupert]

6. None of those are "not satire."

The first is obviously satire. The second is part of their "What do you think?"/"American Voices" series, which run every day, in which a top headline is presented, and satirical man-on-the-street responses are given. The final is obviously satire as well. "Confesses to confessing?" Come on.

[Bucky]

8. You, ma'am, are a party pooper

:P

[Kelly Rupert]

10. *sigh*

...yeah, I know. ;)

[uppityperson]

7. Real life often imitates The Onion. Here's another article

Edited to add this article:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/heroic_secret_service_agent_takes

Agent Anthony Panucci dives in between the president and a hostile reporter.


Heroic Secret Service Agent Takes Question Intended For Bush

March 28, 2007 | Issue 43•13
Heroic Secret Service Agent Takes Question Intended For Bush

WASHINGTON, DC—White House Secret Service Agent Anthony Panucci is being called a hero after intercepting what could have been a critically damaging question aimed directly at President Bush during a press conference in the Rose Garden Tuesday.

According to eyewitnesses, the press conference began with Bush fielding routine questions about March Madness and the dedication of a World War II memorial near his home in Crawford, TX. However, approximately seven minutes into the event, a lone reporter somehow managed to maneuver to the front of the press corps group and fire off a loaded, highly charged question concerning Bush's role in the controversial dismissal of eight federal attorneys last year.

"I just followed my training and did what I was supposed to do—put myself between the president and irreparable harm," said Panucci, who is credited with safely deflecting the attack away from Bush, as well as acting before the reporter had a chance to get off a follow-up question at close range. "And let's not forget my colleagues who rushed the president from the scene."...(more)

[Bucky]

11. Heh. I thought your "another article" was gonna be their prescient January 2001 article about Bush

The one that goes...

Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'

WASHINGTON, DC–Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

Bush swore to do "everything in power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.

During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"

On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.

Usually at this point I quit reading and start crying.

[BillE]

12. I wonder if these guys can collect

the Million dollars from James Randi. Because they are definitely psychic.

[uppityperson]

13. That was a very good article, damnit all.

[ClusterFreak]

9. The Onion isn't alone on this....LOL...

Let's start at the beginning...

"High Court selects alcoholic, petulant frat boy from well known crime family to be 43rd President..."

"Boy King pResident Blows Off Intelligence Memo Titled 'Bin Ladin Determined To Strike In U.S.', Clears Brush Instead..."

"Terrorists Pull Off Spectacular Multi-Airplane Hijack/Suicide Attacks Upon American Financial and Military Nerve Centers....while pResident Reads Children's Book About a Goat".


...I got the ball rolling...little help?