A tale of secrets, lies & love.

[LiberalHeart]

I grew up in a Leave it to Beaver household, but even so this confessional article resonated with me -- and I couldn't figure out why.

Then it hit me: uh, no, it's wasn't all that Leave it to Beaver-ish. There were secrets: things we were never allowed to talk about back then, and still don't. One was my grandfather's suicide, the other a destructive mentally-ill sister. We all just managed to skirt around those topics, never quite touching them. Sometimes they hung heavy in the room and everyone pretended not to notice.

http://newsgrinder.blogspot.com/2007/03/tale-of-secrets-lies-love.html

[LiberalHeart]

1. Forgot to ask....

any of you guys have similar experiences?

[hippiechick]

3. My parents tolerated each other for 35 years ...

... we never saw/heard them fight, but we knew dad was a vicious drunk & philanderer from a long line of vicious drunks & philanderers, and mom was a passive-aggressive Catholic with Martyr syndrome.

We thought we were a normal family but now, in retrospect - us all in middle age and both parents passed on - we can see that their addiction/control issues and relationship dysfunction is deeply embedded in all of us.

:(

[LiberalHeart]

5. One of the big surprises to come out just last year...

...was that at the time of my grandfather's suicide, my grandmother had been married three times. And she was just 18 years old. I could barely believe it, but it turned up in an ancient newspaper article one of my sisters dug up when doing a family history. Grandmas went only to marry two more times.

The paper had done a story on the suicide because it was kind of dramatic. Grandpa shot himself in front of my dad when he was just two years old.

[jwirr]

6. I was in a similar situation but we handled it a bit different. The 1950s

were portrayed as a great era. NON. I also hand family that were mentally ill and in institutions. Most of the family ignored them but my father believed in taking care of your own so he made sure that we visited my mother's sister and great aunt regularly. We did not however, talk about them to anyone outside our family. When my mother and then later brother also became mentally ill, my father took care of them at home and it was not a secret to anyone anymore. I love him for his insight, he gave us the real foundation for being Democratic - take care of your neighbor. I should say though that is real foundation for this attitude was Christianity. I know many on this board see no good in religion but I would not be who I am today if not for my father's faith.

[LiberalHeart]

7. At my house, Sunday was the day the parents sent the kids to church so they could be, um, alone.

[jwirr]

8. For us it was not so much going to church, it was my fathers rock

solid faith which could clearly be seen in his actions. I and my siblings were so blessed to have him. One of the secrets that did come out after I was an adult was that this wonderful man had been beaten (often with a tire iron) by his mother when she needed someone to take her anger out on.

[proud2BlibKansan]

2. What a neat story!

Sad but also kind of inspiring.

[LiberalHeart]

4. That's what I thought, too ... in the note at the end it says she's a journalism student.

I predict a fine future for her.

[SoCalDem]

9. Some do break the cycle.. I did it too.

I was abused from the time I was about 6 (maybe even before, but I can't really remember).. My skull has many dents in it from being whacked on the head with belt buckles, the butt end of a table knife, the bottom of a glass. you name it.

My mother stood meekly by and did nothing..perhaps he hit her too..I never knew.

When I got up the nerve to tell her about the sexual abuse too (I was 13), she slapped my face and accused me of stealing her husband.(go figure)..

I gave myself permission to excise them from my heart. I managed to get out of that house at 18, and never looked back..

Also made up my mind to NOT make my kids pay. I made sure I protected them and the chain was broken..in one generation.. I made sure i found a husband who was everything my own father was NOT.. My husband is kind, gentle, caring, and an excellent father (37 years March 1st)

It can be done.

[LiberalHeart]

10. So glad you made it through all that to something positive.