***DUzy Awards for week ending March 30, 2007***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Sat Mar-31-07 12:46 PM
Original message

Welcome to this week's DUzy Awards, honoring wild whimsy, winning wit and waggish weirdness from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The antidisestablishmentarian DUzies will be announced every Friday, except when they're not. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks this week to The Count, Kurovski, troubleinwinter, northofdenali, Lars39, helderheid and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

OP by NYCALIZ:

      Did Lieberman ever have a chin?

response #1 by PDJane:

      Facial hair.
he needs facial hair. Like ivy, it hides a multitude of architectural sins.

response #2 by NYCALIZ:

      a beard helps the chinless
I'm just wondering if he has a bacteria infection from some of the things he's been kissing lately.

GD, March 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x490477

OP Title by hiaasenrocks:

Bush, you hypocritical shitweasel...

GD, March 23, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x488654

OP by villager:

Nicknames for our time: Gonzorrhea
n/t

GD, March 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x490947

OP by MyPetRock:

What brand of food does Barney eat?
Whatever it is we should all switch, cause I can guarantee it is 100% safe.

response #5 by shain from kane:

Franks.

The Lounge (moved from GD), March 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6343022

On a thread by Swede:

      Is the Constitution written in stone?

response #4 by mmonk:

      Parchment I think.
;)

response #10 by Le Taz Hot:

      Not to be nit-picky
but it was actually written on hemp.

:hi:

response #16 by mmonk:

      That's better.

response #17 by driver8:

      I'm pretty sure it's not stone...
otherwise, Bush couldn't wipe his ass with it.

GD, March 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x492427

On a thread by The Count:

      Gregory omitted White House interview preconditions for a third time
"NBC News chief White House correspondent David Gregory -- for the third time in four days -- omitted the preconditions stipulated by the Bush administration for allowing White House senior adviser Karl Rove, former White House counsel Harriet Miers, and other current and former staff to be interviewed by congressional committees investigating the firing of eight U.S. attorneys.

* that interviews be conducted behind closed doors;

* that they not be televised or transcribed;

* that there be no "subsequent testimony";

* that no subpoenas be issued following the interviews;

* and that committee members ask no questions concerning internal White House communications..."

response #4 by radfringe:

      * additional conditions have been added
* Senators or Representatives have to stand on their heads while asking a question

* Questions must be in 128bit encryption format (with conversion equivalent in Morse code) and tapped out by head-banging against a brick wall

* Senators or Representatives are not allowed to listen to the answers, as they may possess keen memory retention abilities, and said keen memory retention would constitute a form of transcription

response #8 by tblue37:

      They also must hold their hands on their asses and
whistle "Dixie" while standing on their heads.

response #20 by Canuckistanian:

      And questions will be answered in charade form
However, questions about advising the president will be provided by interpretive dance alone.

GD, March 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x492247

On a thread by babylonsister:

The miltary regs forbid Bush using our troops as political props

response #14 by No Surrender:

Half-pint also desecrated Old Glory by autographing it.
This is basically an Eric Cartman presidency. He does what he wants, rules, regulations and decorum be damned.

GD, March 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x493927

OP by Bucky:

Ignore!
Shit, I meant to post this in DUL

Strong contender for funniest thread ever. I'm SERIES!!111 Dial-up warning. Click the link at your own risk...

The Lounge (moved from GD), March 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6345205

On a thread by ourbluenation:

      The pope would like our european friends to start pumping out more people.

response #1 by tblue:

      He wants them to have more sex?

response #4 by ourbluenation:

      oh god no - just children.
:rofl:

response #17 by tblue:

      Artificial insemination. Yep, that's the ticket.

response #18 by Taxloss:

      Nope.
I believe that requires someone to masturbate somewhere along the line.

GD, March 24, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x494346

On a thread by madfloridian:

      Tom DeLay compares liberals to Hitler in his new book.

response #1 by rockymountaindem:

      Well, I mean, if you're judging the state of your life on how much DeLay hates you
then I'd say you're doing pretty good at this point if he brings in Hitler.

response #5 by AJ9000:

      Well I compare Tom Delay to a steaming pile of crap in MY new book.

It's called: Tom Delay: A Steaming Pile of Crap. You can pre-order at Amazon.

GDP, March 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3181773

On a thread by sabra:

      Moore, Gore...and now Santorum?
"Michael Moore, look out. Rick Santorum is getting into the documentary filmmaking business and he's out to tell ''the other side of the story.'''

response #17 by Turbineguy:

      Mystery Science Theatre

response #28 by Dr Fate:

      Working title: "Triumph of the Shill" n/t

LBN, March 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2781796

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Santorum To Make Gore-Stye Documentaries — About "Radical Islam" And "Leftists"
"Michael Moore, look out. Rick Santorum is getting into the documentary filmmaking business and he's out to tell ''the other side of the story.'''

response #4 by blogslut:

      LOL! Ricky's Power Point Extravaganza!
I wonder if he can find just the right blood dripping font to go with his cool flame animations?

response #10 by Deep13:

      Well that ought to be unintentionally amusing.
If they want a feature commentary, I'll do it.

"Now, this is interesting. Here Santorum tries to explain how the powerless are destroying this country."

GD, March 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x504929

On a thread by Frustratedlady:

Breaking on Anna Nicole....Nine Prescription Drugs and...
CORONER: ANNA NICOLE HAD NINE PRESCRIPTION DRUGS IN HER SYSTEM AND AN INFECTION IN HER BUTTOCKS CONTRIBUTED TO HER DEATH

response #5 by shain from kane:

Nine perscription drugs, infection in buttocks. Sounds like Rush Limbaugh.

GDP, March 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3182130

OP by gatorboy:

The first million dollar laptop
Finally! Something to drop my $1,000 pizza on!

http://www.gizmag.com/go/7030/

"March 23, 2007 UK-based bespoke luxury goods creator Luvaglio has created the first million dollar laptop..."

response #10 by orwell:

And...
...it will still crash when you load Windows Vista...

GD, March 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x502925

OP by MN ChimpH8R:

Wow - KO just said that Pat Tillman
was a Chomsky-reading liberal who believed that the Iraq war was illegal and believed in neither God nor Chimpoleon.

Some great Chimpoleon visuals in the responses...

GD, March 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x502925

On a thread by blueinindiana:

      Lawmaker admits he was not Green Beret
MADISON, Wis. — After describing himself as a Green Beret for nearly two decades, state Rep. Terry Musser said he did not qualify for the U.S. Army Special Forces and apologized for misrepresenting his military service.
“It has never been my intent to mislead anyone about my military service,” said Musser, R-Black River Falls. “I apologize if anyone felt I misled them in any way.”

response #9 by lpbk2713:

      *It has never been my intent to mislead anyone ..... *
* .... it's just that I never had a chance to tell the truth at any time in the last 40 years.

response #18 by DefenseLawyer:

      No No I WORE a beret
and a jaunty beret at that, not as part of a military uniform, just around my apartment. Sorry for the mix-up.

response #22 by karlrschneider:

       NO! He actually said "I had a CLEAN beret"! It was all just a misunderstanding!
:eyes:

GD, March 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x506841

On a thread by NNN0LHI:

Is there a "Deep Throat" in the White House?

response #8 by NV Whino:

I don't know about deep throat
but there sure as hell is deep doo-doo in the White House.

GD, March 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x508180

OP by elehhhhna:

      So the EVIL BUSH ADMIN may fall apart because of a gal named MONICA?
You've GOT to be kidding me.

The irony.

response #6 by ejbr:

      The difference?
This Monica is keeping her mouth closed! :evilgrin:

response #24 by npincus:

      Let's hope she doesn't blow it!
:rofl:

GD, March 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x508234

On a thread by Rabrrrrrr:

      Wow - another Republican caught lying about military service. Musser not a Green Beret.

response #1 by Deep13:

      Fearless men who jump and lie...
...men who fib about what they say,
the shameless men of the fake berets.

response #4 by Giant Robot:

      While I agree he is a jackass for this
Can someone help me understand the distinction he is trying to make cause I don't get it. He "wore a green beret" but was not part of Special Forces? So he had a fabulous fashion sense?

response #5 by Rabrrrrrr:

      Why do you hate America so much you have to pick on a veteran?
:grr:

The Lounge, March 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6351975

On a thread by sabra:

U.S. commander: No civil war in Iraq
"BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- Iraq isn't engulfed in a civil war, and there are signs of hope outside strife-torn Baghdad, the new leader of U.S. Central Command says.
...
He says there are places in Iraq that aren't besieged by violence and are, in contrast to Baghdad, booming and prosperous -- such as Irbil in the Kurdish region in northern Iraq -- and there are other areas that are relatively quiet..."

response #1 by Orrex:

I understand that Maine was pretty quiet between 1861 and 1865
I guess that there was no civil war in the US then, either.

LBN, March 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2783177

On a thread by NightWatcher:

Is Baghdad safer? CNN's Michael Ware to John McCain's comment
MW: sorry if I cant hear you Wolfe, it's because of the helicopter and the gunfight going on behind me
(skip)

MW: So no, Wolfe. John McCain is wrong if he thinks that Baghdad is any safer.

response #10 by AndyA:

Gosh. Guess I'd better cancel my reservations at the
Hyatt Regency Baghdad Grande Resort and Spa.

Darn. And they had such great rates, too...

:rofl:

GD, March 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x517129

On a thread by Philosoraptor:

      Pope says Hell is Real

response #11 by Roland99:

      There has to be a portal somewhere near Crawford, TX.

response #40 by Red Zelda:

      Obviously, he's been to Central Pa.

response #47 by sshan2525:

      Well there you go.....
Santa, the Easter Bunny, Honest Republicans....now I can believe in them too!

response #50 by ToeBot:

      And religion was invented by rich people...
so the poor wouldn't steal all their cool stuff. Next!

GD, March 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x521799

On a thread by 48percenter:

****Official House Oversight Comm Thread TWO - GSA Administrator****

response #75 by AValdoux:

Her demeanor changes with each questioner
She is an articulate sharp business woman when she is led through her talking points by GOP lackeys. When a democrat questions her, she is a poor persecuted mother who is being victimized by the mean ol congressmen. The democrats are going after law breaking activities by her and her office. Why can't the republicans get it through their heads she broke the law when she held this metting with Rove's lackey.

SHE BROKE THE LAW AND CAN'T REMEMBER IT NOW. SHE BROKE THE LAW!!!!!! It is not a witch hunt if she is flying around on a broom turning people into toads.

GD, March 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x522607

OP by npincus:

      Contest: Rename John Mccain's campaign bus:
The "Straight Talk Express" seems a bit passe, McCain needs a new name for that bus. DUers, name that bus.

Contest winner gets an all-expense paid 2 week vacation at the Baghdad Marriot-- BYOB (Bring Your Own Bullets). Don't worry, Americans are SAFE in many Baghdad neighborhoods! The 'surge' is WORKING! McCain said so!

Vote McCain in 2008!

Mine: "The Talk Shit Express"

response #1 by hatrack:

      Waffle Wagon 2008
:evilgrin:

response #2 by matt007:

      The Straight to Hell Express
which is exactly where we will be under another repub. pres

response #3 by ComerPerro:

      Someone here, maybe Horse With No Name?, came up with "Bullshit Bus"
:evilgrin:

response #21 by Horse with no Name:

      Thanks!
That was mine. :)

response #27 by ComerPerro:

      thought I remembered your rant... LOL

response #34 by Horse with no Name:

      I have so many
:D Good of you to keep them straight. :thumbsup:

response #9 by Windy:

      The BI-Polar express! n/t

response #11 by Jacobin:

      The Baghdad Bandwagon

response #18 by sutz12:

      The Spin-mobile.....only right turns allowed. nt

response #38 by 11 Bravo:

      The "Whatever it Takes" Local (McCain no longer has an "Express")

response #44 by RedStateShame:

      The Spirit of Bob Dole

response #45 by subliminable:

      The Flip-Flop Flyer

And an honorable mention to all the other responses in the thread.

GD, March 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x523172

On a thread by CatWoman:

Bush to Hold Democrats `Responsible' on Iraq Pullout (Update4)
"'The clock is ticking for our troops in the field,' Bush said in a speech this morning in Washington. 'If Congress fails to pass a bill to fund our troops on the front lines, the American people will know who to hold responsible.'"

response #1 by TayTay:

Bush can say 'responsible'?
Wow! I was not aware of that. He has, to my knowledge, never used it in relation to his conduct in this War or in his oversight of agencies dealing with Katrina, or on the USA firings, or, pretty much anything else.

Wow, Bush said, 'responsible.' Maybe next week he buys a dictionary and finds out what it means, this strange new word.

GD, March 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x523998

On a thread by Omaha Steve:

Publisher Steve Forbes Endorses Giuliani

response #2 by WI_DEM:

that will sway about two people.

LBN, March 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2785367

On a thread by Adenoid_Hynkel:

Insight Mag: Gore mulling third party run in '08

response #7 by Telly Savalas:

Sam Brownback is going to switch to the Democrats and try to get the nomination.
Also, Denver is going to trade Allen Iverson to Houston for draft picks, and John Grisham is working on a novel that doesn't have any characters who are lawyers.

GD, March 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x528126

On a thread by ck4829:

Conn. Cops shock guy who claims he's Cheney
"A man claiming to be Vice President Dick Cheney led authorities on a high-speed chase through town Monday night, colliding with a patrol car before he was shocked with a stun gun and arrested, police said.

John Spernak, 42, of Meadow Street, claimed during his arrest to be the vice president as well as the husband of Nicky Hilton, sister of pop celebrity Paris Hilton, police said. He was charged with attempted first-degree assault, engaging police in a pursuit, reckless driving, criminal mischief, interfering with police and being in a town park after dark..."

response #2 by EstimatedProphet:

Are they sure he wasn't Cheney?
Sounds a lot like him.

GD, March 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x527446

OP by Jackpine Radical:

Fellow Madrassa student claims Obama was seen
using wrong fork for salad in third-grade etiquette class!

(How do you link to Matt Drudge's revolving light?)

(First person to ask for a link gets flogged with a wet noodle.)

response #1 by underpants:

Link?
:shrug:

GD, March 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x525577

On a thread by dajoki:

Mueller: "mistakes, carelessness, confusion, lack of training, lack of guidance and lack of oversight"

response #6 by Forkboy:

But enough about Bush's parents....

GDP, March 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3186315

On a thread by Omaha Steve:

      Analysis: Republicans Worry Firings Flap Is Distracting From Their Message, Hurting Bush

response #21 by richabk:

      Hurting Bush?
Isn't that like vandalizing a junk yard?

:shrug:

response #50 by Orsino:

      Automobiles are hurting buggy sales, too. n/t

LBN, March 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2785199

OP by LSK:

      I'm Kyle Sampson, ask me anything!!!

response #1 by AllegroRondo:

      how many times have you said "I cannot recall" today?

response #2 by LSK:

      I don't remember!

response #3 by ohiosmith:

      Are you wearing a bra?

response #4 by LSK:

      I don't remember!

response #7 by TommyO:

      What can I do to get better Sirius Satellite Radio reception?

response #9 by LSK:

      I do not recall the details of the situation.

The Lounge, March 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6362317

On a thread by Kadie:

      I wonder what Speaker Pelosi said to * - ROFL pics

response #3 by graywarrior:

      She told him My Pet Goat was made up...like his reasons for bombing Iraq.

response #12 by dotcosm:

      "You're MY bitch now" -- said very politely, of course n/t

response #29 by Gregorian:

      "It's on the table."
Oh, and your fly is undone.

Tons of great responses in the thread. These pics are viral. If you haven't seen them, click the link. You'll be glad you did.

GD, March 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x529459

Another excellent threads on the pics is here: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x531810

OP by sinkingfeeling:

The GOP really needs to replace their elephant with a bat or something, since none of them 'Can
remember' a damn thing. They can't remember they told the Congress, the citizens, and the world that they had to invade Iraq because of all those tons of WMDs. They can't remember they promised to rebuild New Orleans. They can't remember they outed a covert CIA agent and front company. They can't remember what they did last night!

GD, March 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x534194

On a thread by Quixote1818:

What happened to the Baker/Hamilton report?

response #21 by DeSwiss:

I believe...
:evilgrin: :7 O8) :9 :evilgrin: :7 O8) :9 :evilgrin: :7 O8) :9 :evilgrin: :7 O8) :9 :evilgrin: :7 O8) :9 :evilgrin: :7 O8) :9

...they were all inadvertently bundled-up along with stacks of billions of dollars in US currency that were on pallets headed to Iraq. The accountability for the currency is now lost. No one's asked about the reports, but last that was heard, they were being used for material in Iraqi comedy clubs. The rest of them now adorn bathrooms outside the Green Zone.

:evilgrin: :7 O8) :9 :evilgrin: :7 O8) :9 :evilgrin: :7 O8) :9 :evilgrin: :7 O8) :9 :evilgrin: :7 O8) :9 :evilgrin: :7 O8) :9

GD, March 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x538122

On a thread by Laura PackYourBags:

Oh gag, I think Junior's about to cry
At Walter Reed - speaking now....

response #1 by edbermac:

I hope a rat runs up his pants leg and bites his nuts off.
:grr:

GD, March 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x541304

On a thread by WillYourVoteBCounted:

      Edible Chocolate Jesus Exhibit Cancelled
Anatomically correct, too.

I was eating a Hersheys candy bar when I saw this headline:

"Gallery cancels naked chocolate Jesus exhibit
Reuters | Saturday, 31 March 2007
NEW YORK: A Manhattan art gallery cancelled its Easter-season
exhibit of a life-size chocolate sculpture of a naked Jesus
after an outcry by Roman Catholics.

The gallery's artistic director tendered his resignation to
protest the cancellation.

The sculpture My Sweet Lord by Cosimo Cavallaro was to be exhibited
for two hours each day next week in a street-level window of the
Roger Smith Lab Gallery in Midtown Manhattan..."

response #2 by ocelot:

      Isn't Jesus supposed to be edible?
I mean, the wine and wafers and all?

Is it sinful for him to be chocolate instead of cheap, icky wine and wafers that taste like cardboard?

And am I going to Hell...?

response #12 by gatorboy:

      "HEEEY! You got Jesus on my Peanut Butter!"
"Hey, you got peanut butter on my-" Oh, you know the rest!

response #17 by richabk:

      Sweet Jesus! (n/t)

response #42 by hootinholler:

      Was it because he was nekkid or because he was brown?
Which one?

response #58 by me b zola:

      It's because chocolate Jesus has a penis, or at least that's what Donahue said
Maybe chocolate Jesus is better endowed than Donahue and that is what set him off on his latest fatwah. You know, some white men really do get irrational over chocolate penis envy.

response #64 by WilliamPitt:

      Imagine if they'd put it near a window...and the sun came beaming in...
Mmmmmm...forbidden chocolate Jesus puddle....lllaaaaggghhhlll...

Plenty of other, um... tasty responses in the thread.

GD, March 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x544867