Gay man says he was forced out of partner's hospital room

[Liberal_in_LA]

Gay man says he was forced out of partner's room at OHSU

12:03 PM PDT on Thursday, April 23, 2009

By TERESA YUAN, KGW Staff

PORTLAND -- A visit to Oregon Health and Science University hospital turned into a frustrating situation for a gay couple who said their rights as domestic partners were not honored until a lawyer got involved.

The domestic partner of a man who appeared to be near death was reportedly ordered to leave the room when it was time to make some major decisions about the patient.

-------------------------------

"The nurse said, 'Christopher is very ill. There are some life and death decisions that have to be made and now is not the time for friends to be in the room.' I'm like, 'we don't have any friends in the room,'" recalled Patrick.

Under Oregon law, Patrick had the right to stay in the room because the pair had been legal domestic partners for nine months. Patrick found a lawyer who made a call to the hospital and after two and a half hours, he was allowed back inside.

http://www.kgw.com/news-local/stories/kgw_042309_news_ohsu_gay_couple.10244ed9a.html

[aquart]

1. Nurse needs re-education.

[IntravenousDemilo]

6. Nurse needs a good beatdown. n/m

[Jawja]

7. I betcha this nurse clearly understood the

situation and deliberately chose to deny this man's rights under the law because SHE didn't agree with it. Sort of like Pharmacists who use their religious beliefs to deny legal prescriptions?

The fact that it took a lawyer and 2 hours to clear the matter up with hospital management is troubling.

[Blue_Tires]

57. +1

I am reminded of a case where a nurse actually refused to work with an HIV positive patient...The patient sued later on and lost, believe it or not...But that was in the mid-90s, so a lot of judicial mindsets were different then...

[LynneSin]

13. Nurse needs to be punished - suspend her a few weeks

let her think about what she did wrong.

[Sebastian Doyle]

16. Nurse sounds like a goddamn OCA member

OCA= "Oregon Citizens Alliance" - sort of the Pacific Northwest franchise of the Westboro Baptist Church :puke:

[Deep13]

28. The hospital rules probably draw a clear distinction between friends and family.

It may be that she just didn't want to get fired.

[Deep13]

29. *wrong place*

[cboy4]

2. This incident will bring a smile to the faces of the Mormon and

Catholic Churches.

[closeupready]

42. That was my first thought, as well.

:mad:

[ismnotwasm]

3. These stories break my heart

For every one that gets in the news, I wonder how many have been asked to leave during a critical time in their loved ones life?

Thank God I work in a facility where this shit doesn't happen, and if it did, it's considered grounds for employee disciplinary action.

[nichomachus]

12. They don't break my heart any more

They just make me so mad I want to smash something -- and I'm basically a non-violent person.

This hospital needs to pay for this in some way. This is the only way these bigots are going to learn -- make them pay. Once they have to shell out a ton of money, they won't "make this mistake" in the future. Believe me.

Best Gay Pride sign I ever saw was in the Boston parade. A group of gay law students had a sign that said "We're here. We're queer. We'll sue your ass."

[ismnotwasm]

23. LOL

I love it.

[DCKit]

52. What ^ you said. Sue 'em. For lots and lots of money.

It's the only way to teach them manners.

[Chulanowa]

54. But that's OPPRESSION! *Whiiiiine*

Seriously, didn't you know? Punishing someone for treating you like crap is a form of oppression.

WHich just makes me want to find some bigger boots to put on more necks, how about you?

[livefreest]

4. oh my God. it must have been a horrendous time

[WeDidIt]

5. This needs to be pushed into the mainstreem TeeVee media

because this is precisely WHY gay marriage is absolutely necessary.

[Bluenorthwest]

8. This story must bring tears of joy

to the Office of Faith Based Discrimination. And the LDS and RCC must be thrilled. This is what they all want.

[myrna minx]

9. These stories break my heart. K&R n/t

[HillbillyBob]

10. That has happened to us when I was in hospital

even with power of attorney, surrogate etc. They kept him out once while I was in allergic shock from a mold allergy and once when I was having a heart attack.
We had the paper work with us, the first time the old biddy very reluctantly let him in about an hour later when he threatened legal action the second time I said don't even start I have the papers on file in your business office , besides he knows as much about my health as I do, he has the bag with my meds etc.
The first place then had me escorted out by an armed security guard when I said I was hiv pos..and this was in 2003 in Asheville NC. The only hospital in town.
Now I go to Duke and do not get any crap about it...well they have it all on file as all my paperwork like that was drawn up by their legal students and is on file in the legal and medical administration or where ever they keep that kind of thing.
I have heard of this over and over besides experiencing it myself.

[Baby Snooks]

22. Medical power of attorney...

Supposedly they are "the law" in all 50 states. In reality, they're not and "the law" is whatever the "policy" of the hospital is.

Even "living wills" are not "the law" in many hospitals. They're "the law" only if you get an attorney and get an injunction. Which isn't always possible.

Believe it or not this happens to unmarried heterosexuals. A mother comes out of nowhere and says, "well, she's my daughter, who the hell is he?" and the mother makes the decision.

[IdaBriggs]

43. Unmarried heterosexuals are also known as 'boyfriend/girlfriend'

and parents/siblings trump 'friends' *unless there is legal documentation stating otherwise* which you bloody well ought to have in place if you have 'crazy people' as blood relatives and you don't want them making important decisions on your behalf.

It makes sense to me. I wouldn't have wanted some of my old ex's making life altering decisions for me, especially when things were rocky! In theory, your family is forever, and unless you choose to make a significant other 'family' under the law (marriage), odds are they are transitory / may or may not be the folks you really *want* making decisions.

:shrug:

NOTE: I know there are lots of folks out there who have special reasons for being the exception to these rules, but frankly, my very reasonable explanation is one of the MANY reasons I support Gay Marriage. Marriage is forever, until you get a divorce. Parenthood is longer.

:rofl:

[Flying Dream Blues]

40. I'm sorry you have had to endure this treatment. I'm so ashamed

of this country sometimes. Also, thanks for standing up and paving the way for equal rights; sometimes the wall comes down one brick at a time, but it will always come down.
:hug:

[ThomCat]

11. Another example of why separate but equal is not equal.

x(

[Zenlitened]

15. Exactly. Exactly. As long as same-sex couples are marginalized...

... as "different," "not-quite," "other" etc... then the bigots of the world will feel empowered to wage their little campaigns of hate.

Civil unions can be a useful step forward (although I think even that slight utility is overrated and outdated by now) but anyone who argues for a destination short of marriage equality... well, they're helping the bigots hurt people, it's as simple as that.

:(

[La Lioness Priyanka]

20. how dare you draw a parallel to other civil rights movements?

you are clearly racist :P

[ThomCat]

34. Our friend who likes to claim that

recently called me perpetually enraged or somesuch nonsense, apparently because of our history of disagreeing.

The only issue where I recall disagreeing with him was in thinking that gay rights really is a serious issue that shouldn't always be compromised and delayed every step of the way by our allies. So it's interesting that this makes one perpetually enraged if you speak up on any other thread. :P

[La Lioness Priyanka]

56. its funny because that is a stereotype that has been long used on what he considers

"his people"

[Rhythm]

31. Exactly. n/t

[Tim01]

14. Hospitals need to feel the bite of a lawsuit.A very public lawsuit.

The threat of a potential lawsuit will move hospitals to train their people and obey the law.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

17. And this is why it has to be marriage

None of this domestic partnership/civil union crap.

[Dappleganger]

19. +1 nt

[Rebubula]

26. Epic Point

Well said.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

18. poutrage. since obama supports civil unions clearly they are just as good as marriage

and this couple is just having a hisspy fit.

[Lex]

21. if he'd only been more "nice" to the hospital staff & nurses

then I'm sure everything would've been fine

those angry gays just set the whole movement back

[Duncan Grant]

24. Clearly this is just human error. The nurse isn't homophobic, she's just trying to do her job.*

*Read the comments section at the link.

After 20+ years of being "out", I'm still dumbstruck by the people who rationalize and justify such blatant hostility toward LGBT people. The great majority of these incidents involve some socially conservative moralist doing the "right thing". It's a traumatizing violation. An inexcusable outrage.

I hope Patrick finds both justice and satisfaction.

:nuke:

[ThomCat]

35. Almost every bigotry can be excused and rationalized

by those who don't want to see it as bigotry.

We see that here often enough. :(

[Duncan Grant]

39. Seems like only hours ago...

cause it was. Imagine.

:hi:

[xchrom]

25. that nurse needs to be fired and find aline of work that doesn't

involve being around animals or people.

[handmade34]

33. agreed

this happened to me once -domestic partner- and it is sad beyond words. I am so sorry this happens to anyone.

[xchrom]

50. same here - but with biological family. nt

[Sigh Sister]

27. This is outrageous

I'm a nurse and used to work med/surg. As far as I'm concerned, the decision regarding who should be in the room is entirely up to the patient. As far as I know, the hospital where I work does not have a policy regarding who is allowed in the room. When I hear these stories, I'm truly outraged.

[Deja Q]

38. BINGO!!!!!!!

The patient knows who is family to them; conventional or otherwise.

(I expanded on the adumbration, albeit not with your definition, in my response to the OP.)

I too am outraged.

[IdaBriggs]

44. Beautifully said! And welcome to DU! nt

[Deep13]

30. At least they let him back in (after a hassle).

I'm not trying to minimize this at all, but I have read stories of gay partners being kicked out by the blood relatives while the patient dies in a hospital room. That's just horrible. Can you imagine if you spouse or child or parent was dying and your other relatives would not let you in because they decided that you just were not family?

[Rhythm]

32. Heaven help the nurse, doctor, or admin who EVER tries to pull this crap on Lyric or me...

Hell hath no fury...

I hope these gentlemen sue the fuck out of this nurse, the hospital, etc... for this blatant denial of their rights. A costly lawsuit may be what it takes to teach these insensitive asshats a very valuable lesson about treating ALL families with respect.

[ThomCat]

36. Unfortunately, the police would be on THEIR side.

And a lawsuit would only help you long after the fact. That's if you have enough money to hire a good enough attorney to sue the hell out of the hospital and win. Remember that they have enough money to have a staff of good attorneys.

The deck is stacked against us. x(

You/we should never have to go through that. It should never even be a possibility. Unfortunately, it is, and when it happens there you have very few options at the time of the crisis unless you happen to have a really good attorney already that happens to be standing by.

[Deja Q]

37. So even "friends" can't be treated as "family"? Note to Nurse Nitwit, people can have close friends.

These two people are partnered, but each sees the other as being family. Sexual or otherwise, there are some legitimate blurs to the definition.

She's myopic and mean-spirited. Indeed, why couldn't she say the same about FAMILY if these really were life or death situations requiring immediate attention? Then it's uniform and proper, family and friends would get in the way and inadvertently cause problems.

We have two issues afoot, for by and large the same reason. I am pro-partner, and I am pro-close-friendship.

If nothing else, the nurse needs to watch the episode of "The Golden Girls" where Rose gets sick and Dorothy, Sophia, and Blanche aren't allowed to see her for the exact same reasons -- the nurse in that story was ultimately convinced they were a family.

Family is about emotion and compassion for each other. This can include friendship.

The nurse from Oregon is wrong. Period. She can disagree with homosexual activity all she wants. But these two men are family to each other. Why can't she respect at least THAT.

[Flying Dream Blues]

41. Good point...I don't recall ever having to show my "papers" to prove

I was related to a patient!

[Autumn]

45. What a damn disgrace

I'm sorry but I hope that fucking nurse dies alone.

[shimmergal]

46. A really poignant story,

I don't think the LDS, Catholic powers-that-be triumphed in this case though. Fortunately the lawyer's call made the nurse/hospital back down. And maybe the nurse--if she was acting on her own--got in trouble, too.

However, neither domestic partnership nor marriage is a sure remedy for this sort of discrimination. Does anyone remember the Terry Schiavo case?

[foxfeet]

47. I have been repeatedly assured on this very board that this kind of thing never happens

because hospitals are OBLIGATED to honor durable powers of attorney. What a bunch of caca.

[Pacifist Patriot]

48. Bookmark it. You'll need it in the future.

I suspect we'll hear it again.

[Pacifist Patriot]

49. There is a very important bright side to this story. Very important.

Look at the response of the OHSU spokesperson.

"Truly. Every couple is welcome here. It doesn't matter what their relationship is... same sex or not. We understand it. And I'm really very sorry this happened to this particular couple," said Barbara Glidewell, a spokeswoman for OHSU. The hospital has vowed to put staff members through additional training to make sure this doesn't happen again.

This is some powerful language that speaks to the growing social unacceptability of what happened. When a company is in damage control mode, it's because their behavior is likely to be widely perceived as unacceptable and ultimately detrimental to their business concerns. Can you imagine a similar story containing this paragraph 20 years ago?

What happened was wrong. It was insensitive, ignorant, possibly malicious (we have no way of knowing). No way to dispute that.

An apologetic stance and a vow--a vow to try to prevent this happening in the future? Cynics might be inclined to dismiss it as only talk, but it's important talk that should tell us something about culture shift in a big way.

[grace0418]

51. Here's the part that makes no sense to me.

Obviously the nurse is a bigot and should be fired, and the hospital should be sued. The whole thing makes me furious.

But what if the patient wasn't gay, had no family, and his best friend (who knew his wishes and medical history) was there? Would the idiot nurse have still kicked out his friend? It makes no sense to me. It's one thing if there were 20 people in the room making it difficult for the doctor to work, but one friend? That's ridiculous on every level.

Anyway, that's neither her nor there, but it puzzles me.

[sarcasmo]

53. Nurse should be fired, just my opinion.

[Libertyfirst]

55. I've listed my lawyer, a good friend, as my emergency contact and

health power of attorney filed with the hospital lists him. I am in too poor health and too old to have to suffer fools. He comes to the hospital any time I am admitted. He know my wishes about everything and he has a list of people, including my daughters, who may visit me. We have had a couple of incidences in the past with the hospital and they no longer try to play games. He is one tough guy.