Unemployment and suicide

[Cyrano]

I don’t know if there are any statistics on how many people have committed suicide because they lost their jobs. And I don’t know how many people felt they had to take their families along with them because they could no longer support them.

What do you do if you have a wife, kids, a mortgage and monthly bills that never stop coming? What do you do after you’ve maxed out the credit cards, borrowed on all your credit, and run through the second mortgage? What do you do after you’ve swallowed your pride and borrowed everything possible from family and friends?

One of the things you do is think about suicide. And as ghastly as it seems, some people even think about taking their families with them to save them from homelessness and starvation.

Millions of people have been in that mindset at one time or another. No one knows how many are there today.

This is not some idle mental exercise. Many moons ago, I was there. I was where far too many are today. I actually had death on my list of options. But I was fortunate. I got through it. I found many temp jobs and then permanent work. My family and I survived.

So what advice can I offer to you who today are where I once was? Just this. Hang on by the very tips of every single fingernail. Yeah, I know advice is cheap, but do this. Don't let go.

And also, get a copy of Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If.” There was a line that helped me in one of my darkest hours. It went as follows:

“If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

Holding on is the hardest thing in the world. And it’s very often the difference between life and death.

[firedupdem]

1. Thank You

:cry:

I'm more familiar with what you're talking about here than I care to admit. Thanks for this..

[angstlessk]

4. I too woke up at night with a start!!! WTF am I going to do? lost my job

my balloon payment was about due on my home...about to become homeless...thought about pushing a basket around town ... then I luckily sold my house for a profit...before the bottom dropped out in VA, it is really still strong...then moved to Detroit MI and purchased a house for cash...we spent the winter IN a house, no heat (heater broke down just before the HARD FREEZE here)...except for one kerosene heater (most of the time..except when we had no money for kerosene) and a fire place supplied with some fallen tree limbs from our back yard. But I slept better in the hard freeze than I did when I feared losing my home in a warmer clime!

Good luck to you, I hope you get through your bad time, too.

PS..they have houses in Detroit for from $100 (not suggested) to $5,000 very good homes that need extensive work, but some (like ours) have water and heat (till it broke down)

[county worker]

2. Good advice. I was there also.

Lost job, house, went into a clinical depression. I was sent to a safe house to prevent me from killing myself.


Here's what I came away with. When you are like I was, you have to keep trying new things to get out of the mess. There is no guarantee that what you try will work but you must keep trying things. If you don't there is a guarantee that things will not get better.


It is of little consolation to anyone what we are saying but it is all there is to say.

[Cyrano]

5. "It is of little consolation ..." Sometimes, you just never know what words

will help someone, somewhere.

As you said in your post, "you must keep trying ..."

It's all we can do.

[vanboggie]

3. K&R to get to the greatest

More people need to read this. I haven't been in this situation (knock on wood), but I can certainly understand the feeling of desperation.
Good advice and I hope many DUers get to read it.

[dixiegrrrrl]

6. G'Ma's advice has kept me sane thru several pits of despair:

"This too will pass"
"Nothing lasts forever"

Trite? Yes.
But...
Got me thru 2 bouts of serious suicidal ideations when I was losing my house, my kids, had no car, no money, and an ex who disappeared.
And no physical extended family support.
Only memories of a Grandma who raised 8 kids, first born in 1919, last born in 1945,
most of them raised during the depression and they were poor BEFORE then,
so I had the good sense to listen to her.

I will always remember feeling worried, worn, and weary for months and months.

[county worker]

7. I remember reading this back when I was suicidal. It helped me.

"There are times in every life when we feel hurt or alone ... But I believe that these times when we feel lost and all around us seems to be falling apart are really bridges to growth.

We struggle and try to recapture the security of what was, but almost in spite of ourselves, we emerge on the other side with a new understanding, a new awareness, a new strength. It is almost as though we must go through the pain and the struggle in order to grow and reach new heights."

[tomreedtoon]

8. Self-help is not bull! It can help.

The people who've helped me the most are:

Louise Hay. "You Can Heal Your Life." This is not only a book and audio book, it's a video presentation you can probably find in your public library. She's a woman who lifted herself up from rape and abuse to a life of serenity. She's also contributed a lot of hope with her support for people with AIDS.

Steve Chandler. "17 Lies That Are Holding You Back (and the Truth That Will Set You Free)." In book and audio tape form. More hard-edged and practical, Chandler insists on fighting back against the dark thoughts. Here are his 17 Lies:
L1. It's who you know
L2. There's something wrong with me
L3. I'm too old for that
L4. I cant because I'm afraid
L5. I'd love to do that, but I dont have the time
L6. There's nothing I can do
L7. I worry because I care
L8. I'm sadder now but wiser
L9. The longer I have a habit, the harder it is to break
L10. People really upset me
L11. Winning the lottery would solve everything
L12. They're too beautiful for this world
L13. You hurt my self esteem
L14. It's a shame we didnt capture that on video
L15. That's just the way I am
L16. What (alcohol and drugs) doesnt kill me make me stronger
L17. The central lie upon which the others are based: I am helpless

His truth: You can direct your thoughts to engage enough power to change your life for the better. His voice is not a strong announcer voice; he sounds like a common guy. And that makes his message feel better; he's a common Joe like us, not a golden god handing down aphorisms.

Susan Jeffers. "Feel the Fear and Do It Anwyay." People who are afraid of changing their lives stay frozen. Jeffers is perhaps the lightest of these people, but that may be the approach you need. She emphasizes shutting up the "chatterbox," the voice of cynicism and past parental lectures that destroys your hope.

[Cyrano]

9. I'm sorry to say this, but your post sounds like a stern lecture on how to

"pull yourself up by your own bootstraps."

Everyone in the position I was referring to in my OP is vulnerable and very fragile. I guess I don't so much object to what you said as the way you said it.

I know you're trying to help, but the tone of your post comes across as a lecture. Having been there, the last thing anyone in that position needs is "tough love," or to be reminded of "reality."

People can only be kicked in the face so many times before they need empathy and hope -- not a reading list. No book or advice is going to put that next meal on the table or pay that next bill. You might think about trying a lighter, gentler touch.

And for those of you in a really bad spot right now, don't lose hope, don't give up and don't stand for lectures from anyone. You're in a bad place right now and no self-help book is going to get you out of it. You need to know that you did nothing wrong and you've got to hang on until help gets there. And as hard as it is to believe, help is on the way.

During the Great Depression, FDR came through with that help. Today, Obama knows what you're going through and is doing everything possible to get help to you. Many people didn't believe that about FDR and many today don't believe it about Obama. But please, please, do this. Hang on. Hang on with every fiber of you being. You are not alone. And help really is on the way.