Just watched the Elizabeth Edwards interview

[Happyhippychick]

She's in a very bad place emotionally. I think that she has made an attempt with this book but she is far from healed over this.

I have nothing but compassion for Elizabeth and I have nothing but contempt for her husband.

Her answer about the paternity of the child was demonstrative of utter denial - she said she won't be affected one way or the other, it's not a part of her life. Ugh. I hope she has a good friend to lean on when those paternity results come in because it will be a tsunami when she finds out that her children have another sibling and she has to decide whether they will have contact or not. All of this while contemplating her own shortened mortality.

I think I really hate John Edwards.

[LostinVA]

1. I also thought that part was quite telling

And quite indicative of where she's at in dealing with this.

[Warpy]

2. I don't hate either of them

Yeah, so he was weak. A slight majority of men cheat during their marriages. A sizeable minority of women cheat, too, something like 40%.

What she needs to realize is that, while he made a damned fool of himself, he came home. To her.

The world is full of women who want to audition to be the great man's trophy wife. Most of them fail miserably and the truly unfortunate get strung along for a few years until they are too old to find another sucker.

Weak men abandon their wives and families for the younger, hotter, trophy wife. Edwards at least had enough class to stay with his family.

Mrs. Edwards needs to let this one go for her own mental health.

[Jane Austin]

4. " What she needs to realize is that, while he made a damned fool of himself, he came home. To her."

Well, who wouldn't?

And I mean that in an entirely heterosexual way. :)

[frazzled]

6. Oh, man

She should be grateful that after lying to her and cheating on her that he came home to her? That, my dear sir or madam, is definitely not a given ... and not for us to say. She may be able to forgive him, or maybe not -- but don't imply that she should somehow be grateful that after being caught in full public view, and having most probably fathered a child, that she should somehow think she's lucky because he decided to come back to his 10,000 square foot home.

I find this all repulsive playing out in public ... but they chose a public life, so that is how the cookie crumbles I guess.

[Dorian Gray]

9. Ditto...

It's laughable to state that she should be GRATEFUL that his lying ass came home to her.

I don't blame her for her anger and confusion at all this.

[Captain Hilts]

71. Same here. nt

[Fumesucker]

98. Wait until someone cheats on you

And *then* dumps your ass for the other person..

It is indeed two different levels of betrayal.

I speak with the painful voice of recent experience on this issue.

[Dorian Gray]

107. Whoa.....

I'm sure it's extraordinarily painful to be cheated on and/or left behind, but I would not be grateful that someone slinked home to me after cheating.

No way.

[goclark]

121. I understand ~

I felt so sorry for her and in my mind he is still a sneak.
I adored him but no more.

[Caliman73]

138. I counter with the same experience ...

My ex betrayed and left me. It was painful and a betrayal of all the efforts I had made to be a good husband. Ultimately she wanted to come back, but to me a betrayal is a betrayal and I was not going to allow her back into my life after she had chosen to leave and disrespect me like that. It makes no difference whether they stay or leave. Their commitment to you and their family is decided BEFORE they choose to be unfaithful and lie in the first place.

[MissDeeds]

30. Well said n/t

[JDPriestly]

48. John and Elizabeth probably love each other very much. That

was always the impression I got from seeing them together. And real love is very forgiving. As one who has been married a long, long time, I must say that a solid marriage has a spiritual and a human dimension far more important than sex. When you are in a long marriage, you share so many memories and values and hopes for your children. You have the same friends. You have done so much together that infidelity can be forgiven and forgotten.

I was an Edwards supporter. My main disappointment is that he chose to run when he should have known and considered that his affair would disqualify him for most voters.

No, it's not good that he had an affair. But there are worse things.

[ejpoeta]

113. i think it's him who ought to be counting his lucky stars that didn't tell him to get the bleep out.

i don't know what i would do or say in that situation, and it appears that she is trying to see beyond this and the man she loved and married. without trust, what do you have? and he lied to her.... more than once. did you see the interview with rielle hunter's sister.... i can understand why she would want to protect and defend her sister, but it's not like this girl didn't know john edwards was married. she should have had more respect for herself than to get involved with a married man.... why would anyone want to be with someone who would cheat on their spouse? i just don't understand it. what would serve him right would be to lose his career, have his wife kick him out and have his girlfriend dump him. i don't blame elizabeth edwards for trying to work things out with her husband. i just worry that she is putting this on herself, when this is HIS failings.

[sybylla]

116. You're right, Rielle doesn't get a pass either.

Like it or not, there is a segment of people who are turned on by power - or at least seek power by rubbing against people of power (perceived or not). I've hung out with politicians enough to know that this exists for both genders. Rielle knew exactly what she was getting herself into.

[seabeyond]

34. 50/50 now a days. and shivers of eeeew with "he came home"

eeeeew again. he gets no cudo's for that.

[JerseygirlCT]

36. I'm not feeling an urge to award him class points for staying

with the woman he married, or for staying with his own children. I don't think that was big of him; I think, in fact, he was damned lucky they accepted him back into their lives.

[ohheckyeah]

104. Is she supposed to be grateful?

That's just messed up.

[pnwmom]

105. I don't think she's necessarily lucky that he came home to her.

For one thing, he's not such a great prize. For another, it's possible he came home because of the children, rather than because of Elizabeth.

[WI_DEM]

128. John Edwards "had class enough to stay with his family" WRONG he was planning to run for president

and if he dumped his wife for a younger, healthier woman, where would that put his chances. He lied to her that it was only a one night stand which it wasn't. He put his mistress on his payroll. He denied the rumors as long as he could to run for president. It's not that he had any class that he came home to Elizabeth.

[Kalyke]

129. I wouldn't want him.

His home would no longer be shared with me.

I've been through it - and I had not nearly the support and certainly not the financial backing Elizabeth did - and I didn't want him after he'd fouled our marriage.

Good riddance.

[stevedeshazer]

3. I'm pissed off, too

I supported Edwards, in part because of Elizabeth and the overall image she and John and their family projected.

Hate John Edwards? No.

Pissed at him? HELL yes.

One can only imagine the scene if Edwards won the Iowa primary. If he was the nominee, and all this Rielle Hunter stuff came out, we'd be fighting with President McCain over Iraq right now.

We really dodged a bullet.

[Booster]

10. What Steve said.

[EFerrari]

13. In other words, this is about you?

[stevedeshazer]

33. I'm not sure what you mean

About me? How so?

:shrug:

[Arugula Latte]

60. What are you talking about?

Edwards put the nomination and a Democratic presidency at risk. That's huge, and not "about" the poster. Nor did he imply that.

Thank goodness we had someone spectacular like Obama to take the reins of the party.

[EFerrari]

75. Except a Democrat was going to be elected no matter what.

No little affair of John Edwards' was going to change that.

This didn't happen to us or to the party or to the nation. And if it had, it would have been dealt with like every other affair a popular politician has had. I see Gavin Newsom is running for Governor now.

Yes, people at DU behave as if Edwards cheated on them. We aren't married to him. Elizabeth is. And judging either of them for this situation is freeperish. Since when do we run around being the Bedroom Police?

[Maru Kitteh]

87. Are you touched? YES - it ABSOLUTELY would have lost us this election.

JE has never been as inspirational as Obama, plus, he's a trial lawyer of the ambulance chasing variety - setting aside the obvious good he did, I think we can all agree that large swaths of voters are not overly fond of ambulance chasers, especially when they get grotesquely wealthy doing it.

"Little affair?" Please. You don't get much bigger than knocking up some two-bit starchild while your wife sits at home taking care of your other young children while she gets on with the business of slowly dying from cancer.

Oh, and then there's the whole thing with the wheelbarrows full of campaign contribution cash he was giving the knocked up two-bit star child.


We wouldn't have just lost. We would have been crushed. It would have been the kind of generational setback that 12 years of Republicans bring.

I hope the asshole ends up in jail, I really do.

[EFerrari]

88. Yeah, right! Just like we were crushed when Clinton had to drop out.

[Stephanie]

96. I disagree with you

I was an Edwards supporter, but if he had won the nomination this news would have sunk us, no doubt about it.

[stevedeshazer]

101. Well, okay, but I would have appreciated a direct response.

Jeez.

What did I do to deserve such a response from you?

Bummer.

:(

[EFerrari]

102. I apologize for that. I realized I was over the top

and so didn't want to make a bad exchange worse.

The disappointment of Edwards supporters here at DU is entirely understandable.

[Arugula Latte]

109. "no little affair ... was going to change that."

Wow, must be nice living in that La La Land world of yours.

OF COURSE it would have been a huge, huge thing that would have blown up and be splashed across papers and 24/7 on Fox News and CNN. This is the potential president we're talking about, not the mayor of San Francisco. And there's a likely baby produced as a result of it.

It wasn't a given that a Democrat would have won. It would have been a struggle to get a win for Hillary, for example.

I personally don't have a stake in John Edwards' affair -- that's between Elizabeth, himself, and the other woman. What pissed me off was that he jeopardized the nomination and presidency for Democrats. I don't understand why that's so hard for some people on DU to understand.

[Merlot]

17. Exactly how I feel. n/t

[Cha]

51. We dodged a lot of bullets

in 2008 and this was a big one. Thinking back to the primaries of what we knew about Edwards had nothing to do with reality.

[Kalyke]

130. I kind of figured he was that way.

He always seemed so smarmy and insincere to me - like everything he did was fake, phony and faux.

[Cha]

131. He fooled

me, completely..but fate made me switch my support to Obama right before Iowa and before I donated any money to Edwards.

[Arugula Latte]

59. Yep. That's what pissed me -- a former Edwards supporter -- off.

This messy business is really among three people. But to put the Democratic Nomination in peril when we had our biggest opportunity in years to kick ass and take names -- Wow. Unforgivable.

Thank goodness for the miracle that is Barack Obama, is all I can say.

[Cha]

132. That's it in a nutshell,

Arug:hi:

[Arugula Latte]

137. Hey Cha

You nut ... shell. ;)

:pals: :hi:

[rwheeler31]

5. Wow can we come live in your perfect world?

[Happyhippychick]

7. ?? Not sure what that means - can you explain?

[rwheeler31]

11. This happens al the time people are human, can we stop being

so judge mental because it is on the TV.

[Happyhippychick]

15. No it doesn't happen all the time. And when it does happen to a woman who has lost a child and is

terminally ill then it's "human" to show compassion which is what I have done.

[EFerrari]

19. You have some reading to do about couples and stress. n/t

[Happyhippychick]

20. Thanks E. I'm a couples therapist so I'll keep that in mind.

[EFerrari]

27. I hope you do. Your clients will thank you for it. n/t

[Happyhippychick]

31. They thank me everyday.

[EFerrari]

42. Good. Then your continuing education can't possibly hurt them.

Cancer Hard on Marriages
http://www.webmd.com/news/20010512/cancer-cause-divorce-women

Cheating on a Sick Spouse
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=5559242&page=1

Chronic Illness in a Marriage
http://marriage.about.com/od/healthyliving/a/chronillness.htm

In Illness and Health
http://www.osmondms.com/in-sickness-and-health/in_sickness_and_health.html

[LiberalHeart]

39. Have you dealt with couples that include one seriously ill spouse?

Serious illness is often a trigger for the healthy spouse's infidelity. It's counter-intuitive, but I've seen it several times. Not that I'm suggesting that's the case in the Edwards' marriage. Just an observation I've made among my acquaintances.

[Happyhippychick]

54. Yes and when I do I have to give unconditional positive regard to both spouses.

That can be frustrating at times so when I see a public figure who has been so betrayed by a spouse I have the luxury of voicing an opinion instead of having to keep myself neutral. It is true that JE has had to deal with a lot and he too has lost a child and has a spouse that he loves with cancer. He has not had an easy time of it but I agree with the poster who said that his staying in the race shows a serious character flaw beyond what went on in his marriage.

[LiberalHeart]

56. Or it showed a commitment to battling poverty and getting health care for all.

[Midlodemocrat]

23. The fact that she is terminally ill makes this even worse.

[LiberalHeart]

40. How so?

I would hate to have a husband who was faithful to me only because I was dying. How demeaning that would be. But that's beside the point: Elizabeth's illness had not been deemed terminal at the time of the affair.

[Midlodemocrat]

44. Actually, yes it has. She has been terminal for a while.

And, the complete and utter disregard for a terminally ill spouse sickens me. I've dealt with this in my family. It's tragic, but you suck it up and deal with it, you don't cheat.

[LiberalHeart]

55. It was March when she was diagnosed as terminal. So, no, it was not before the affair.

[EFerrari]

16. Shhhhhhhhhhhh! DU doesn't know about infidelity and especially

not the widespread infidelity that occurs when one partner is very ill.

We're all virgins here AND perfect. :sarcasm:

[rwheeler31]

22. Oh ok I will be quiet now.

[Merlot]

24. I could have had some compassion for him...

because of the stress of having an ill/dying spouse might make you stop thinking rationally. Kind of like denying death. We can't know just how he felt, it's a horrible situation to be in.

Problem is, JE was running for president at the time which makes what he did VERY serious. To all of us who supported him. If he had cheated on EE after he lost the nom, I might have had some compassion for him. But he put us in a terrible position. So right now all my compassion is for EE.

[EFerrari]

29. The personal, the familial and the political spheres are getting mixed up here.

But, I also support Elizabeth to handle this as she sees fit.

[Merlot]

35. Life is messy.

I usually don't care what politicians do with their private life. But what JE did was beyond stupid.

[LiberalHeart]

41. The only anger I feel toward John has to do with the promise he made to us and then he broke it.

He said he was in till the convention. Based on that, I donated money I really couldn't afford to donate to his campaign. When he dropped out, I was furious with him. I am not furious with him about the affair.

[Merlot]

58. Yes, that was bad. Very dissapointing, and at the time, puzzling.

I think he dropped out because he knew the affair was going to be made public. Possibly he was forced out. Had he been able to stay in till the convention, we would have had a decent dialoge about health care and poverty. I was an JE supporter because I felt he had the best platform on those issues.

[liberalpragmatist]

49. Agreed

And if he did pay her hush money, and if he is leaving a baby girl fatherless, I *do* reserve the right to judge.

The affair I can't condone, but I can understand. It's their private life, and plenty of good people do stupid things, especially at mid-life, or amidst family illness, etc. Again, it's absolutely not right, but it's at least understandable, and I wouldn't judge him over it.

But to selfishly put the whole party at risk over this? And to engage in a big cover-up? THAT indicates some major character flaws in my book.

[seabeyond]

53. my gosh... all those couples with dying mates that didnt HAVE to just have an affair

but actually want to be closer, and bond, take care of, and be the best mate for the one they love that is dying.

we have remorse for his grief, his suffering, the healthy man next to the woman in pain and death.

wow

[seabeyond]

38. ridiculous. sounding like an effort to paint all with this brush, and those of us that wont cheat

get pretty damn offended with others insisting it is in us all.

[Midlodemocrat]

46. +1

I won't cheat. If I feel the need to do so? I will end the marriage. I owe him that much.

Not that I'm planning to, as much as I poke fun at him.

[seabeyond]

47. If I feel the need to do so? I will end the marriage. abso fuckin lutely

i have gone 47 yrs never purposely hurting another. i think i am pretty comfortable in my stance that to screw behind hubby's back is something not inside of me. IF i was at a point of cheating, something would be seriously wrong in our marriage anyway and i wouldnt be in it.

[sybylla]

117. I've always thought of cheating as the coward's way out of a marriage

They don't have the integrity and intestinal fortitude to deal with the problems at hand or to admit that they can't and need to walk away. They have to slink around behind their spouse's back committing the most brutal act of betrayal instead.

I'm with you, seabeyond. Today is my 27th wedding anniversary. I've enjoyed my husband's company for 31 years and never in all that time had the slightest thought of doing something so purposefully hurtful.

I'm always stunned to see all the justification for it, as though selfishly hurting people in so cowardly a manner should be accepted without criticism simply because "everyone does it."

[EFerrari]

70. LOL

[seabeyond]

77. why is that funny? n/t

[EFerrari]

81. What I mean is, it's great that you are so clear about yourself and your marriage.

But the fact is, most people don't plan to make mistakes. We just make them. That's how people are. That's how marriages are. So, it's a little silly to fault others for the mistake they make when our own are just round the corner. You call that a broad brush, fine. I call it recognizing my humanity.

[seabeyond]

84. so, you think no one is capable at saying no to cheating on a mate?

because you or yours did, you figure we are all in the same boat.

47 years gives me the confidence. my own experience gives me the knowledge of what i am capable of and what i am not. to presume from your experience it must be the same for all is at the very least arrogant

reality

40 yrs of marriage my father screwed around on my mother, a good woman. a good man. because he was getting old and had to prove he was still a man. he hurt her horribly. she killed herself day after christmas. all of us, kids, and grandkids lost a wonderful woman. 12 years later my father feels such massive guilt and loss of a good woman

was it worth it

not even

does it make it pretty easy to see how stupid it is
how not worth it it is
that there is not a chance in hell i would hurt another

pretty simple eferrari. pretty damn simple.

it is so weak and pathetic for those to shift it to all of us to assuage their own issues. as many people dont cheat that cheat. it is a very clear line for a lot of us.


tell me... how your experience trumps my experience

[EFerrari]

86. There is nothing weak or pathetic about having realistic expectations

of human frailty.

[seabeyond]

89. the is nothing to respect in self absorbtion at anothers expense. and an affair

is an expectation in your reality? that is sad

[EFerrari]

90. I expect people to be imperfect. And there is nothing sad about it.

In fact, it frees me up to have better relationships than I would if I shared your rigid idealizations or judgments or lack of empathy. I'll take my way every time, thanks.

[seabeyond]

91. even in our imperfections we need to take responsibility for our actions

with my supposed "rigid idealizations or judgments or lack of empathy" in my relationship my husband lives a comfortable life knowing i would never purposely hurt him in anyway, at anytime and he is quite satisfied with that. works both ways for us. a tit for tat. people are capable of altruism.

maybe it is the empathy i possess understanding the pain my husband would endure if i were ever to do something so hurtful to him.

"rigid idealism" not cheating on a mate? really? why dont we applaud those fragile souls that cheat as the truly superior mate?

live in your blissful relationships, i will live in mine. one where hurting each other and inevitably ourselves isn't something we want to participate in

it is not the edwards affair on these posts.... what they do is theirs and i really dont give a shit, it is their business. it is the people that insist that all are capable of affairs when reality states otherwise.

and even though a declaration that i am unwilling to hurt a mate, have an affair, you reduce something positive to rigid idealism. amazing conclusions, yours.

[EFerrari]

100. But I never said anything about abdicating responsibility.

:)

[dionysus]

111. don't you know cheating on a dying spouse is ok if smoove johnny does it? after all, it's "normal"

to some...

[seabeyond]

112. as long as the mate that has to comfort is comforted, i guess.

i dont know if this is a person that has cheated/been cheated on and just needs to give it to all of us for personal comfort or if it is a edwards thing. hadnt thought of edward fan for validating a cheater.

but i certainly dont want to be pinned a cheater just cause.... someone wants us all to be.

[dionysus]

114. i know. every time there's a thread about smoove johnny, there are at least a few clowns

who trumpet how "normal" that sleazebag's behavior is. it's pathetic and funny at the same time.
:hi:

[seabeyond]

115. if we all feel it is just "normal" makes it a little easier for us to cross the line, now doesnt it

cant hold ourselves in check cause after all .... we all do it, just gotta be, dna makes it so, people will be people.... lol

:hi:

[tsuki]

66. Yes, we are. And I am so glad that we got Bush I instead of that

awful Gary Hart. Just look at the bullet we dodged there. If we hadn't elected Bush I, Bush II might not have surfaced. Grover Cleveland slipped by us, but never again.

I'd rather be a prissy self-righteous prig, wouldn't you?

(Do I need do the sarcasm thingee?)

[dionysus]

110. i love it how bitter clowns leap to defend cheating on a dying spouse... it's a gas...

:rofl:

[seabeyond]

37. no. i love the people that insist we are ALL capable. an affair waiting to happen, each and

everyone of us. all of us lack character and integrity and unable to honor the one we commit to. ya think this is a way of accepting the behavior. i dont. plenty of people go thru life without cheating on mate, men and women.

[LiberalHeart]

43. And plenty of people go thru life denying they did -- when they did.

[seabeyond]

45. because they deny doesnt make it so. so what???? n/t

[LiberalHeart]

57. I guess you missed the "when they did" part.

[seabeyond]

65. no i didn't. and still... so what. anyone can deny, doesn't make it not so.

it sounds to me like you really really want to believe that we are all sittin in this and that is just simply not true, a self lie in and of itself. there are many people that can go thru commitment without fucking around. i wonder about those that would like to pin it on all of as. to assuage conscience? not my problem if someone does something that causes them guilt. i am not going to own a falsehood to make others feel less guilty

not my job

[LiberalHeart]

73. You've missed my point entirely, so never mind.

[seabeyond]

74. or you can just say your point

instead of playing games.

[LiberalHeart]

134. I said some deny it even when they've done it.

You just blithely change the meaning of what I said and then argue with me based on your words, not mine. So who's playing a game? I'm sure you'll find some way to argue with me again about what I said, even though what I said is clear, and you'll again stand up for fidelity, something I've not argued against. But, hey, whatever floats your boat...

[seabeyond]

135. ya. ok. some do it and deny it. i jsut dont see the relevence or even the point to that

i will go up thread to see if i missed some enlighting reason to post some people lie about cheating.

[seabeyond]

136. nope. re read the post you replied to. i see no reason for that comment. so

whatever

[jillan]

8. She said all the right things....

yet I didn't buy it.

Elizabeth is a great lady and she deserves to be happy.

[cornermouse]

12. And if the test says he isn't the baby's father?

What are you going to use as an excuse to look down on Elizabeth and hate John?

[Happyhippychick]

14. I don't look down on Elizabeth, I have enormous compassion for her.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

18. I think

that until the results of the paternity tests are in I will sort of sit this one out-

I do however think John was a dumbass for doing what he did regardless if he is the father or not.

I do not hate him. Maybe because he really didn't cheat on me personally. He did let me down but I have had so many more crushing letdowns in my life that I didn't hate anyone for that in the scheme of things, this is not a reason for me to hate the guy. Hell, I didn't hate the guy who did cheat on me IRL - why would I hate John Edwards?

[Midlodemocrat]

21. The results of the paternity test are immaterial to me.

He admitted that he cheated with this woman. On his cancer stricken wife. And, went forward with his bid to be the Democratic nominee.

I'm pissed at both of them for that, actually, but pissed at John for being so weak that he couldn't resist the platitudes of a total stranger and put his entire family in jeopardy as a result.

I liked John. I supported him for his stance on poverty. I don't have to forgive him, that's up to Elizabeth, but I sure as shit don't need to like what he did.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

103. I think the results

of the paternity tests are important.

Why?

Well... as a woman it would bother me more to have my husband father a child with another woman than just have had sex with her. It may be not so much to some people but it would bug the shit right out of me to know my husband was that connected to a woman other than myself. Having a child with someone is far more disruptive than a sexual thing.

I think John was an ass for treating his family like they were replaceable.

I too supported him and he was the guy I liked best for POTUS. It pisses me off that he cheated on his wife and kids... It pisses me off that his ego was bigger than his intellect.

But I don't hate the guy. I just would not vote for him.

[ailsagirl]

25. Hitler is someone I hate-- I don't hate Edwards...

even though he really blew it. What was he thinking??
Well, actions have consequences and he took a ridiculous
risk and pretty much lost everything. Very sad for his
family, who were the true victims of his terrible judgment.

[Ocracoker16]

26. She seems to want to be over it, but it seems that she isn't there yet

Everyone has their own ways of coping when something like this occurs. I don't think that there is a specific amount of time this process should take, because I believe that it is different for each individual. I think that Elizabeth Edwards hasn't really bounced back as she might say she has. I think that denial is a major issue for her at this time. She is unable to talk in depth about what her husband did. She seems to switch to talking about what Rielle Hunter did to her by sleeping with John. She never acknowledges that it takes 2 to tango which seems to suggest that her relationship with John is far from mended. There is nothing wrong with that, but there is a problem with her presenting herself as being beyond that stage in her healing. She didn't have very good composure in the interview which just reinforced the idea that she wasn't where she said she was. I know that her cancer diagnosis may be causing her to feel that she needs to tie up all the strings as soon as she can, but I don't see what good it would do her if she neglects to face all of the issues.

[Arugula Latte]

61. And when the paternity results come out, she'll be even more unsettled, most likely.

As I understand it John had portrayed to Elizabeth that he'd cut off the affair well before baby birth minus nine months.

If the tests come out as expected, she'll know that this affair will NEVER be put to rest. There is a living, breathing human as proof of it.

[MissDeeds]

28. I think she's in denial

about a great deal. I was stunned by Elizabeth's comments during the interview, and kept wondering if she is getting help to deal with the emotional trauma. Maybe repressing hurtful issues is her way of getting through each day, but it's got to be taking a toll.

[LiberalHeart]

32. No good will come of this book, no good will come of the publicity tour. n/t

[Kaleva]

50. Never complain...never explain

At least not in public.

[Skittles]

52. didn't care to watch

don't like people airing their dirty laundry - I find it unseemly

[question everything]

62. Except that, after she is gone, he will be the only one for the children

What is she doing? Wants them to hate their father?

I just watched clip and she looked really bad. All the makeup just highlighted the fact, I think.

[sybylla]

118. Wow. It's her fault he cheated on her and now the kids will suffer?

That's some pretty seriously messed up logic.

[KoKo]

63. I wish she hadn't done this...It makes the whole thing a Circus...Tabloid Trash...

I think she and John are heading off investigations about whether he paid Hunter with Campaign Funds.

NC here...our newspaper is filled with the story. It doesn't make either of them sound very good.

I know the RW hates them (including our NC Press) but, Oprah coming down to the Edwards Mansion...and having photo op with the little daughter...standing there in the op while Oprah's down talking about an affair and another baby

Why would Elizabeth use her children like this? They are old enough to hear the stuff from their fellow classmates. No kid today lives in a "Bubble" where media, kids and gossip doesn't get to them.

I think Elizabeth is trying to save John from major lawsuit that would take money from her kids. So, she has to include him.

But...the whole thing comes off as smarmy. And what about the Oldest Daughter in her 20's? What about HER friends and the effect on her.

Seedy Tabloid...but it's the way all the rich and famous act today. Get a PR TEAM...WRITE A BOOK...get on OPRAH and the Road Show...and you "salvage Reputation and Make Big Bucks, either way.

I really admire Elizabeth Edwards...but this whole thing doesn't reflect well on the Edwards Family Legacy. :-(

[MonteLukast]

123. Any blaming of Elizabeth is shooting the messenger. (nm)

[bertman]

64. While I feel for Elizabeth for her ill health and the pain and embarrassment of having

John's affair publicly spotlighted, I think BOTH of them are over-the-top attention-seekers. LIBERAL over-the-top attention-seekers, but nonetheless.

If the woman were as loving and compassionate as she has been made out to be by those who want to confer sainthood on her, she would not have written a freakin' book about this topic. This is revenge and payback against John for his getting caught in this affair. I realize that she's hurting, but this is LOOK AT ME!! I WANT EVERYONE TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME!! And it's sickening.

I thought she was a classy person until I found out about this. Now I say she's no better than he is. It's too bad really.

[KoKo]

69. I have always respected Elizabeth more than John (he was my Senator)...but have

to say..what you say is worth the saying...:-( as sad as it is...

[Avalux]

76. I agree with you. I feel sorry for the children involved. n/t

[mzmolly]

80. She has a right to express herself without being deemed an attention

seeker. I also don't believe that pity was her goal.

I'm guessing by your remarks that you missed the interview?

[bertman]

150. Just the fact that she deems her personal life travails worthy of any interview tells me

more about her than I ever wanted to know.

An actual tv interview to discuss something that personal is sick. I don't give a damn how many tv-addicted Americans are salivating at the heart-rending drama that's being laid before them. It's another example of life-by-tv. Very sad.

[ChillableRed]

67. She said she did it because she didn't want her life, her marriage

... or her family defined by the affair or by the other woman. Since she has a terminal illness, I completely understand her need to have her say and process the crappiness of the situation for herself and for her children by making her feelings public so that there is no, possible inaccurate, speculation about them when she is gone.

[Captain Hilts]

72. Welcome to DU. I bought...

some 'chillable Red' once. Boy, did my friends HATE it!

[mzmolly]

78. Welcome

to DU. :hi:

[ChillableRed]

108. Thank you both for the welcome

[sybylla]

119. I agree with you on her motives and give her a break because of it.

I think if she weren't facing the end of her life, she wouldn't have taken this step.

[Stinky The Clown]

68. I find myself unable to harbor simple feelings about this.

It would be easy to say he's a shit and she's a victim, and let it go at that. Both statements are true.

Don't take this as an endorsement of cheating on your spouse, but it happens. A lot. The reasons are as many as the number of cheaters and I dare say few of them are unable to rationalize why *their* cheating is more or less justified. That doesn't make it any more right. it does make it more understandable.

I am also more than a little upset with her for continuing to campaign for the shit. Or maybe better said, to continue to allow HIM to campaign ..... knowing that this sort of thing is NEVER safe from public scrutiny. And following the Clinton Blowjob® what about the harm it would have done to the Party?

And the end of it all, I feel bad for both of them ... but much more so for her.

[mzmolly]

79. I don't hate John Edwards,

but I do hate what he did.

[tnlefty]

82. Compassion and hugs to Elizabeth!

:kick: John, not so much.

[mzmolly]

85. Indeed.

My heart goes out to her and her children.

[SerfinUSA]

83. I smelled Edwards the first time I saw him.

[Stephanie]

92. This is a terrible question, but I will ask.

Could fertility treatments have contributed to her cancer? Do the hormones involved in fertility treatments make one vulnerable to cancer? I know that menopausal women are advised that hormone replacement is a risk for breast cancer.

[EFerrari]

93. Oh, no. I never thought of that.

God, I hope not.

[Stephanie]

94. It's already so tragic that I didn't want to ask the question but that was the first thing I thought

[EFerrari]

97. Goddamn cancer. It took two of my best girlfriends and Andy

in a three year period. My favorite cousin is Stage III colon cancer and I'm afraid to ask her how it's going most of the time. My poor mom had to put down her dog today because of goddamn cancer.

As far as I'm concerned, if Elizabeth Edwards wants to rant naked on CNN 24/7, that's fine with me. All this moralizing cr@p is just that, cr@p. When you're staring death in the face and your closest support turns out not to be solid, you'd think people would give you a fucking break. She'll be quiet soon enough but I guess not soon enough for some people.

I hope she never finds out if it was the fertility drugs. That would be too much on top of too much.

[Stephanie]

99. Agreed

But on the other hand, if she found out that was the case, I think she would think. so be it. Those children are precious.

[mzmolly]

122. ..."you'd think people would give you a fucking break"...

Indeed.

[Stephanie]

95. here >

http://www.slate.com/id/2163785/

[sybylla]

120. There are over 200 types of breast cancer - only some of them are "encouraged" by hormones

It's certainly possible. Just like women taking the pill are more susceptible to certain cancers.

[latebloomer]

149. I think it's a definite possibility

I just read she had a series of attempted IVFs, and two of them worked. That means a LOT of hormones and other drugs!

Women are guinea pigs in this department.

[mmonk]

106. I will not judge. They will have to work it out or not the best

they can. Human beings will error. It's how and where they go from there that determines much more. I give her my best wishes in her struggle over how she was wronged.

[1776Forever]

124. If John was John Doe down the block I wouldn't give a crap - But HE was running for President!

Why he chose this time in his life to "f" up so bad that it ruined not only his families but his dreams of becoming a voice for the downtrodden then John Edwards needs to really search his soul. He will have to live with this now for the rest of his life. All us humans are fragile but at some age we should be able to walk away from what might be exciting for a few years but is really bad situation and not look back.

:pals: for Elizabeth and all the children involved in this.

[Phoebe Loosinhouse]

125. A public service announcement - your spouse is probably cheating if you notice:

sudden fitness kick/weight loss, better eating habits, increased bathing/showering, new underwear.

[seabeyond]

126. ah ha.... how interesting. those that have experienced it, i would like to know if

it is for real, and if we really do know, .... like people say.

[Phoebe Loosinhouse]

127. Fortunately, I haven't experienced it

But those symptoms are how my husband and I joke that we would know if someone were having an affair. Any single symptom isn't indicative, but a combo - look out! Especially if the person in question previously thought lowering the Lazy Boy footrest was "working their abs" and that hummus was an SUV.

[dugaresa]

133. even if they haven't started cheating yet, those are indicators

that the spouse is on the prowl.

[Evoman]

139. Ha..I can't completely disagree, but I'm doing all those things.

Lol...although, I'm not cheating or on the prowl. I'm actually looking for a job and trying to get better at networking, and I figure a good physical appearance could only help.

However, I haven't bought new underwear yet, so there you go!

[Phoebe Loosinhouse]

140. New underwear really is the clincher.

Especially if the previous underwear was dingy, stretched-out elastic waisted tighty whiteys prized for their "comfort". When you see these being replaced by boxers with whimiscal patterns - look-out!

And on the girly side, when the Hanes cotton briefs and sports bras get replaced with Victoria's Secret bikinis and "push-up" bras - the game is afoot.

[seabeyond]

142. but but but... i buy his underwear, unless of course, he bought it and leaves it in his car

scooby doo boxers say?

[seabeyond]

141. bah hahah, hubby hit 40's, got a cholestral check, started eating healthy and exercising

when he got the results back. raised an eyebrow for me, lol. nah.... i have always eaten healthy and consistently exercised. i wont worry about it

[Samantha]

143. I am not defending him but

it is truly unbelievable what a huge stressor does to one's soul. I don't think he could deal emotionally with her illness, and he succumbed to the temptations of another woman for solace. Was it a betrayal to her? Absolutely. Is it that unusual? I wonder.

My true sympathies rest with her. I do think they truly love each other, but how can she ever truly forgive him when she would always wonder if he came back to her out of pity, for the sake of the kids, whatever. To have a terminal illness and have the one person you count on to love and stand by you until the end betray you is a feeling I cannot comprehend.

I don't know what the answer is for either of them. I simply try to remain as non-judgmental as possible and hope they both find a way to get through this difficult time and achieve the end they both feel is the correct one for them.

I say this as a woman whose husband left her, devastating her in the process. It was not for another woman but simply because he had a mid-life crisis. We had been married 24 years. He called me a year later and told me he could never visit me because he was so filled with shame over what he did.

I never remarried, and neither has he. I do however live an extremely full, happy life. My therapist told me some people learn to get over things like this, and some never do. I hope John and Elizabeth fall in the first category, as I have.

Sam

[seabeyond]

144. wow

your experience. how you expressed it. thank you for sharing that. how sad for him. you go on. he will remember. that is why it isnt worth it.

[Samantha]

145. It happens to a lot of people for a number of reasons

I would not talk about this for years, I was so devastated. Now I share the experience with anyone I think it will help, simply because of the remark my therapist gave me.

My life is so much more richer now than when I was married I am so grateful to be alive. When my former husband left, we had a house and a studio he had bought for business purposes, a daughter who had just turned 18 who wanted to go to a music conservatory, and two dogs. He told me to tell my daughter there was no money for college and to give the real estate back to the bank. I worked my posterior off the next ten years trying to hold on to the properties and get my daughter properly educated. I managed to do both.

I took care of both dogs the rest of their natural lives. I can't begin to express the love they gave me.

I simply cannot express the pure joy I have today at observing the students my daughter has taught music to, the impact she has made on so many young lives, and the remarks the students and parents have made to me about her over the years. He has missed all of this, so I have gotten his share and my share as well!

I also still have two properties. The commercial property has increased in value 7 times over and is paid off.

I do not despise my former husband today. I still admire all of the traits and talents he had that originally made me fall for him. And he is my daughter's father.

We all exhibit human fragilities at times of great testing, and it really does not serve us well in our lives to carry hate or resentment on our backs while trying to regain some semblance of happiness. That I think is the important thing. Learn to forgive and go on to a better life.

Thank you for your comment. You made me feel happy, but that doesn't take too much these days!

Sam

[seabeyond]

146. He has missed all of this

i had listened to too many men on this board be their lesser selves a while back. i didnt get what they were saying and couldnt equate it to real life. i went on a lot of mens boards listening to their woes in marriage/divorce. and after two days and many hours i concluded really is no difference in the genders of expectation, desire for love, committment and as many men are being hurt as women. it was so good for me.

one of the big things i learned during the time was so many men that made the choice of your husbands regretted their decision and wish they could undue. that the grass wasnt greener. i dont know about women, i was exclusively listening to men.

maybe as we get older women just become pragmatic. i think i tended towards that always. i have been married 15 yrs and has been so easy, and good. if something happened and the hubby walked tomorrow i could easily thank him for the last 15 yrs and wish him well. and make the choices you have, and feel good about them.

pat you on the back

[Samantha]

147. Five years after he left, he fell in love with a beautiful Hawaiian woman

She was divorced, the relationship took off, she was exquisitely beautiful, and she moved in with him. He was smitten.

Soon she began telling him her former husband was stalking her. He came to where she worked and watched her. If she went out to eat, she looked up and he was there. My former husband finally went to confront the man, and in that process learned he was still her husband and he was "the other man."

He called me and told me every painful detail. I almost passed out while listening, I couldn't stand to hear this and kept wondering why he was telling me. I still loved him and did not want to hear this.

He ended his story with the fact that he had thrown her out saying, "You know what? I deserved to be hurt, but not by you." That was when I knew he knew how much he had hurt me, and he wanted me to know he had been punished for it. That was why he called.

Sam

[seabeyond]

148. well though we all may misstep

it can also be a huge life lesson and sounds like that was what it was for him. i hope he is able to get beyond it too

karma

[Raine]

151. Poor Elizabeth

she deserves better than this.