The personal side of being at war

[AwakeAtLast]

There are plenty of people on DU who are able to remember that we are still fighting two wars. If you look at the MSM you would not have a clue that there are combat soldiers who are fighting and dying every day, still. This post is about how these two wars are effecting me and my family.

First some background about what has been going on...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=301

I have been talking with my soon-to-be-ex about lots of things, and I finally was able to pull an interesting bit of information out: his unit is on the list to go to Afghanistan in August 2010. This knowledge, that he has been carrying with him for over a month and a half, has sent him closer to the deep end. I'm afraid he will fall off and I don't know if there is anything I can do about it. I watch helplessly as he tortures himself with shame, fear, and dread.

I am going through a lot, sure, but I find myself thinking, "How many others are in the same boat as me?" I am fortunate that I have a job that has my own health insurance. I will be walking that fine line that I have to keep my job to keep my health insurance, but at least I have it!

These wars are tearing families apart and there does not appear to be any sign that it will stop.

[zipplewrath]

1. The problem of the all volunteer army

When we were all advocating for the end of the draft, in an attempt to stop a war, we missed that it would actually make wars easier. The volunteer army of today has recreated the "warrior" class in this country. These are people "predisposed" to supporting military action, and it includes not just themselves, but the families as well. Furthermore, it creates a division within society between those that are exposed to the wars and the rest who can "safely" ignore them. During Vietnam, the civil war, and really Korea, much of the active opposition that existed at the time came from people who were personally exposed to the prospect of having to fight the war, either themselves or their children.

As someone with at least some sympathies for the various antiwar/pacifist movements that pop up from time to time, I wonder if they would do better in advocating FOR universal service, or a draft. Doing so might create the political thrust to better demand justification for these military actions.

[ThomWV]

2. +1

[AwakeAtLast]

3. "Safely ignored"

I fear I will be too....

[AwakeAtLast]

4. Kick to see if anyone else cares

:shrug:

[Bluerthanblue]

5. I care- wish

I could do more-

K&R
:grouphug:

[AwakeAtLast]

6. Thanks

I appreciate it!

[Cid_B]

7. What is he scared of specifically?

Death? Dismemberment? Losing others? Leaving home for an extended period of time?

[AwakeAtLast]

8. He won't say

Probably all of it, and add fear of the unknown (which is scarier than reality).

I'm sure he is also afraid that if we were to reconcile this time that he would not be able to uphold his side once he left again.

He's a mess all the way around right now. :(

[Cid_B]

18. A few more questions..

edit up top : I read some more posts and realized he has deployed before. He may just be getting burned out. Chaplain advice still applies but the rest is more for a Soldier who hasn't deployed.



Has he deployed before?

I would say that most Soldiers go through a phase like this and it hits different people at different times. It hit me when I first signed up. Kept thinking about having a stump for some reason. Of course later it passed and now its more of a "Whatever happens, happens." (While doing everything possible to keep it from actually happening of course)

My point is that it passes for most. He needs to talk to his NCOs. I dont mean in the "I'm feeling worried" way but rather the tell me about deployment way. Eventually you just soak it in and it changes your whole mindset.

There are lots of reasons to be freaked out but eventually you realize if you spend your time worrying about stuff you can't control you won't get your work done, won't check/train your Soldiers properly etc.. etc.. and it goes to the back of your mind. Maybe he's worried he will freeze under fire. I dunno.

Bottom line : Let him work it out, talk to his NCOs, bump it up to a Chaplain if it gets really bad and realize it will probably go away eventually.

When he deploys, job dependant, hell be too busy to worry.

Let me know by PM if you need anything else.

LT Cid_B

[AwakeAtLast]

19. Thank you for your help

Yes, he was stationed between Ramadi and Fallujah in 2005-06, which was the worst time to be there.

He is extremely resistant to any form of help, be it a chaplain, counselor, etc. He is Pagan and I know Chaplains are supposed to be as neutral as possible, but a lot of them are not. He is leery of doing that.

I have thought about contacting someone above him, but I have a feeling that will make things worse.

[Solly Mack]

9. My husband's unit is slated to go January of 2010

He won't be deploying(so far) since he'll be Rear D, but that could change the closer to January we get. We were hoping to get out come May. He seems to be in a better frame of mind than I am about it. He's hopeful he'll stay Rear D and I'm the worry-wart.

Still, I'm definitely lashing out more (since the news) and he is quicker to temper too. So I think he's trying to keep it together - and you know what I mean....so he's tightly wound and probably isn't even aware of it. All smiles on the outside...

We were "lucky", if such can be said, with his Iraq tour. He wasn't injured in combat, though he did get horribly sick from a KBR chow hall and there was a vehicle crash. He still has nightmares, though fewer and fewer. He was doing so much better...and now...

I'm so sorry, AwakeAtLast..for what it did to your husband, to you & your child. I wish you all the best! I'm not in your boat, not really...but I know where you're coming from. I'm not sure we can survive another tour together.

Sorry...didn't mean to get so heavy.

[AwakeAtLast]

10. Thank you

No need to be sorry - this is heavy stuff, I'm afraid. Thanks for your kind words. They mean a lot! :hug:

[deaniac21]

11. It was more fun when bush was still in office.

[AwakeAtLast]

16. My husband was in Iraq when Bush was in office

I haven't had a whole lot of fun in the past six years.

[G_j]

12. thank you

this is an incredibly important subject.
I wonder if people who think Afghanistan is a 'worthy' war, take time to really consider all the human consequences to everyone involved and how far those ripples carry into families and even into generations.

[AwakeAtLast]

15. You're welcome

I think every generation has to come to grips with what happens when we send people off to fight.

[G_j]

17. and the next generation of children

of this generation's soldiers

[AuntPatsy]

13. I cannot understand why we are still there, my heart goes out to you as well as all those

who are living similar hells...I'm so sorry.....we should be doing more to ensure the end is soon...I just don't know what to do...

[AwakeAtLast]

14. Neither do I

I don't know much right now, really.