A conservative Love Letter to George W. Bush - posted from Air America Beta

[Mira]

By Ken Kupchik

Dear George W. Bush,

It has been too long. We miss you and we want you back.

This new guy sucks. He just decided to send 30,000 more troops into Afghanistan, but we're still not convinced that he's taking it seriously. He actually had to think about it and analyze the situation, can you believe that crap? What happened to leading with your gut, shooting from the hip? If you were still in charge we'd be building a Disneyland in Tehran by now.

And the budget? This guy spends money like he had your father's credit card during homecoming at Phillips Academy, Andover. This runaway spending is bankrupting the country. We can't explain exactly why it is bankrupting the country, because we have had a higher national debt in relation to the size of our economy before, like after WWII, but it really freaks everyone out so we'll keep saying it. (Learned that one from you and your boys.) Man, are we pining for the days when you made us feel like spending was patriotic, and a dead marsupial could get a mortgage.

I don't think you could fully understand how angry we are! This president is a radical leftist! He is imposing his agenda everywhere we look. Granted, he has drawn an economic team from the same pool of Wall Street elites as nearly all past presidents, kept your Federal Reserve chairman in place, kept your Secretary of Defense, hasn't legalized gay marriage or marijuana, closed Guantanamo Bay, repealed Don't Ask Don't Tell, or even proposed a single-payer health care system, but he is a radical leftist! We know for a fact, because Limbaugh, Hannity and Beck would never say it if it weren't true.

We are sick of people blaming all of these problems on you. I mean it's been like almost a whole eleven months, more than enough time to solve the largest financial collapse since 1929. Please come back, or at least send Sarah Palin in your place. America's problems will never solve themselves unless we allow them to solve themselves by ignoring them for another twenty years. And we miss Dick Cheney. He says the president is projecting weakness, and we know that nothing projects strength and courage like five draft deferments! We want our country back!

Love always,

Your Base xoxoxo