As I've learned here, Words Do Indeed Matter

[berni_mccoy]

I've learned a few things in my time, one of them is how to make a good point but lose any audience because my choice of words was poor. You'd think I've learned my lesson, but it appears there are many poor choices to make, especially when your emotions get in the way. The Zen of posting at DU I believe lies at the heart of not posting when you are upset. It's also a very good practice to avoid responding to insults, even though, as much as you believe a particular response is taking away from your post, it more than likely isn't if the responder was overly negative.

I'm amazed at some DUers abilities to ignore inflammatory responses. And your response to responses does indeed impact both your reputation and your rec count. This gives credence to the saying "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." I am trying to be more like these strong DUers, but often fail.

This is also not a post to tell people how to behave or what they should or should not say. It's just something I need to keep reminding myself of and others may find useful. There are many people here, and many who I don't agree with, certainly not on every issue. But we are all DUers and not just some ghosts in the machine. Real people on the other side of the screen, that sometimes we only recognize this as reality when bad things happen to them and we hear about it through a post from a relative using their account.

At any rate, today is Friday and, as a fellow real life person, I wish you all a good weekend.

Peace.

[Tailormyst]

1. I hope you have a nice weekend too Bernie.

Words are all we have here. No facial expression or tone or voice inflection, so words carry even more meaning then they might in the "real world". I bet most people here agree on more then they disagree on.

[Bonobo]

2. I think I have learned the opposite.

People fling around insults and platitudes faster than a monkey at a poo-flinging convention.

I really fucking hate what this place has become.

Yeah, I know, door, ass, don't let it hit, etc.

Blah blah.

We really have devolved.

Obama is as good as you can expect in this fucked up country.

Oh, and posting on an internet forum is NOT political involvement no matter how much you want it to be.

Peace out.

[berni_mccoy]

4. Ok, those words made me laugh and sad.

The poo-flinging imagery was funny.

But I agree this place has devolved a bit and it makes me sad. I'd like to help it change by changing myself, as I am not innocent in what DU has become.

[tandot]

6. +1

:applause:

[Cetacea]

10. +100

[arcadian]

3. rec

[EFerrari]

5. A good reminder for me, thanks, berni. TGIF!

[hunter]

7. There are positive ways to respond to insults.

And sometimes it's a good idea too.

But it's not as easy as simply ignoring them.

Have a nice weekend, berni_mccoy!

[tekisui]

8. Best to you berni!

Good post.

[Javaman]

9. No probs. :)

It's all good.

I used to do the angry post/replies, but I just don't have it in me anymore.

When I find myself replying in a hateful way now, I will write it out, then delete it. It gets what ever out of my system, but doesn't devolve the disagreement into a personal attack.

It's not worth it in the big picture.

And in reality, trying to get the "last word" in about anything, means nothing.

Cheers!

[pipi_k]

12. Yep, it's what I do sometimes...

there's nothing forcing us to click the "post message" button except our own lack of self control.

I almost always do a "preview" first, even when I'm trying to be funny...just to make sure I'm not being offensive or apt to hurt someone else's feelings. Sometimes I change it, sometimes I delete it altogether.


I try to imagine someone I care about very much being on the other end of what I'm about to post.

It's not easy, but I do try.

:)

[A-Schwarzenegger]

11. Trust the group perception.

Usually. Often.

There is a lot of good stuff in your post. Thanks.

I like this especially:

"... As much as you believe a particular response is
taking away from your post, it more than likely isn't if the
responder was overly negative."

There was a poster who was recently TS'ed who I thought
was the most aggressively contemptuous & insulting poster
around. He'd been here a long time & posted frequently, once
about a problem that drew much sympathy from many other DUers.

I simply thought I was alone, or in the minority about him.
To me, his brand of contempt & insult undermined anything
he had to say. I assumed that most other people either got
a kick out of what I saw as his gleeful cruelty, or were
impressed by him in some way that eluded me.

When he was finally TS'ed, the approval of the action was
almost unanimous, and I saw I hadn't been alone or in the
minority in my view of this fellow. Most people, I saw, can
see the obvious.

Negative, mean, mocking posters undermine their own credibility.
At the same time that kind of posting is a symptom of
anonymous internet posting. It's a temptation to our worst
side. I know in my ten years of posting in various places
I've become a gentler person, I think, in response to the pain I
brought myself & others through mean posts & getting emotionally
embroiled in arguments where the mocking became the thing & the
issue itself was crushed by the vitriol & ego.

[Cetacea]

13. I read here once about tombstone campaigns.

The thread was locked right after the poster wrote that there are groups here that actually band together to get people banned. I can see that someone who is not used to being abused on internet forums could easily lose it if being attacked quickly in an orchestrated manner.

I do agree with most of what you've written. I also agree with everyone who has noticed the change here since the '09 election.
But I also believe that the right is far more organized on the net than we are.

[hfojvt]

18. "a temptation to our worst side"

I think I saw lots of hostility thrown at the poster you are talking about. He would take minority or unpopular positions and often get insults thrown at him. True, he would almost always state his position with absolute certainty, but that is not quite the same as a personal attack.

It seems to me that many arguments quickly morph from "x is true" vs. "x is false"
into "you are an idiot/freeper/bigpt for thinking that X is false (or true, depending on the issue)" but that person was not the only one who argued that way.

[Caliman73]

14. Good post.

Passions are inflamed when you are writing about something you really believe in and insults are easy to hurl over the internet when you know you will probably not see most of us face to face. It is a good thing to be introspective about what your purpose is on the forum and to realize that we could all use some improvement in the way we communicate with each other. Thanks for taking the time to reflect openly about your process.

[timtom]

15. This was a particularly good post.

Happy holidays, young feller.

[hfojvt]

16. not all of us can have a weekend at Berni's

:P today, or tonight, marks the start of my work week. Not that it's a huge deal, but I sorta feel like a Jewish person at Christmas time, except for 52 weeks of the year.

[Bobbie Jo]

17. Thanks for the reminder, berni.

Your advice is timely (for me) and well taken. Its difficult to resist the temptation to snap back, and I've given in to it more often than not, lately. Just yesterday, I put someone on 'ignore' for the first time...ever. The funny thing was, I found out very quickly why I never used it in the first place, as my curiosity wouldn't allow it.

So...rather than putting on the 'ignore' blinders, I think I'll make more of an effort to practice the art of letting go and moving on. :)

PS..to those I've offended, please accept my apologies. Sometimes I forget we're on the same team. :hi:

[Hekate]

19. Have a nice weekend, Berni.

:hug:
"Ignore" has become a close personal friend of mine, LOL. Oh, there's a couple of people who only haven't made the list yet because I want to see what they'll do next, but mostly they get on it for something I find deeply nasty.

At the moment this place seems to have lost its collective mind, doesn't it? Maybe we all need to take a break...

Hekate

[Uncle Joe]

20. Have a good weekend, berni.

Peace to you,:hi: