Office cake day and gender roles

[BluePatriot]

Poll question: Office cake day and gender roles

We got a memo Friday for cake day. Every month employees bring in two cakes for birthdays and we hang out in the kitchen eating. My supervisor and I noticed something missing from a memo distributed about cake day and who was bringing food -- men. It's a small company but there are enough guys around for this to be a minor/funny/obvious oversight. Both female members of upper management, all female supervisors, all listed to bring cake...The memo was sent out by our female HR manager so I dropped her a light-in-tone email along the lines of "hey, the guys not capable of making/bringing cake?" cc my supervisor. We are both female. Well...instead of getting an "oops. let me find some volunteers" I received a reply of the cake day being totally voluntary and if I did not feel comfortable bringing in cake they would find a substitute. LOL. Somehow I have a feeling I will be painted as an anti-cake reactionary. I decided to opt out on principle and made it clear that it was because there were no males on the list that was distributed throughout the office. Did I do the right thing or am I being too anal? I feel like stuff like this should be pointed out in the workplace even if it seems minor.

*edit to clarify: memo was distributed listing cake "volunteers" from which you could then opt out if needed

[The Straight Story]

1. So they don't trust men and think we can't cook eh

shame on em I say :)

[BluePatriot]

3. I did frame it that way

in terms of "why are the guys excluded here?" Most everyone stops by the store to buy a sheet cake or something, they can do that too.

[Iris]

8. So, how did this become a voluntary thing?

I mean, did you sign up to do it?

[Iris]

11. (sorry, I replied to the wrong post)

but feel free to reply if this makes any sense at all in the current conversation!

[BluePatriot]

16. I didn't volunteer.

A memo was distributed with only female names. Across the board position-wise (managers, supervisors, assistants) but no guys.

[Iris]

17. omg! You've GOT to be kidding me! Than I re-affirm my affirmation

that you did the right thing!

on edit - isn't there some petty cash fund that would cover the cost of 1 large cake for the whole office?

[BluePatriot]

24. Probably. I think they want variety

I just find this situation very odd. I am a young woman and I have not quite run across anything this silly before. I almost just ignored it.

[Iris]

25. Don't ignore it, if you have the stamina not to.

This stuff will never change unless we stand up for ourselves.

[BluePatriot]

49. Very true

I sort of wanted to check how other people would react, though. I am glad that so many think I did a good thing. I even sense I have the office "rumor mill" on my side, which is no small feat.

[Dorian Gray]

78. Wow... I thought the whole thing was volunteer at first...

then your company is BACKWARDS! Holy canoli!

[helderheid]

99. THAT should be brought up.

[Iris]

2. I voted for "wow it's 2007"

but in reality, this would have been even worse 20 or so years ago when not as many women held higher level positions - basically, the ones making the least amount of $$$ would be the ones responsible for feeding cake to the rest of the office?

[BluePatriot]

5. Yeah

we have 6 managers and 3 are female. Heck, the HR person is female. Did they just not notice or care? Possibly, as this is Texas...

[youthere]

4. ...

"Somehow I have a feeling I will be painted as an anti-cake reactionary"
That has got to be the funniest line I've EVER read on DU. I'm quoting you in my sig line.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[BluePatriot]

9. Awesome, thanks!

But sadly, as far as small-office-politics go, I bet it has a grain of truth.

[Lex]

6. So you have to volunteer to bring cake?

Or you are assigned to bring cake?

Did no guys volunteer to bring cake--is that it?

[BluePatriot]

12. We were assigned to bring cake on a memo.

And no males were on this memo-list. The assigning was done by someone, probably the HR manager or secretary, both females. The memo was distributed to everyone.

[Lex]

That does suck.

At first, I thought people had volunteered to bring certain items and no men volunteered to bring cake.

[Captain Hilts]

30. Women are often their own worst enemies. Even in the workplace.

Stereotypes wouldn't be so persistent if more women didn't buy into them.

[Iris]

31. excellent point, Mookie.

That's why I'm glad BluePatriot said something.

[BluePatriot]

35. *nods*

As an assistant, I have been mentored/included in learning the "business" so much more often by the two male managers downstairs as they were grateful I was doing their grunt work, even if they occasionally made a boneheaded remark or two. I made a lateral move and up here the women are very much into making me learn my "role in the chain of command" and keep me under their thumb. I really never saw this before until now.

[C_U_L8R]

7. They may be right

Granted many men can and do bake fantastic cakes
there are some whose cake.... well... I wouldn't eat it

[BluePatriot]

14. The funny thing

is that a whole lot of people just stop by the grocery store and bring one anyway.

[Captain Hilts]

10. Women are always expected to 'bring something' to all social events. Men are not. nt

[Tunkamerica]

20. really?!

Here, I've been bringing wine and things to parties and I wasn't supposed to? Well, that will stop immediately. Thanks.

[Iris]

23. Hey, he forgot to add an adjective - "unevolved" men are not!

Proceed as you were.

[Captain Hilts]

29. Yes, men bring beverages, but women are expected to bring food.

I had a huge argument about this with friends. And they noted that even for family events, women were expected to bring something they'd prepared. Men just pick up beverages.

They said this was ironclad in their families. A friend of mine was meeting her boyfriend's family for the first time, and even though she can't cook worth a damn, was scrambling to prepare something to take. I thought this was crazy beyond bringing candy, nuts or something, but her friends all agreed that she needed to prepare something. She said it was a "Jewish Thing." Then a Catholic friend said it's also a "Catholic Thing."

It's nice of you to bring wine, etc. A gracious guest does something like that.

[Iris]

32. How about just flowers?

As you stated in your post up the thread, women really are responsible for this. What do they think will happen if they just say "no"?

[Captain Hilts]

101. Flower take no preparation either. Women are expected to 'prepare' something.

I asked my friend why she felt she had to bake something - she can barely reheat soup - and she felt that this was the tradition and she 'had' to. I told her take candy/nuts and to make sure she sent a 'thank you' note.

I also asked her if she would really want to eat food prepared by someone she'd never met, etc.

[Iris]

109. but I think the flowers would be a good item to throw everyone off

Anyway, she's just setting herself up for a life of martyrdom. It takes some courage to be yourself and accept that some people will like you that way and some people won't, but it's easier than trying to please everybody every time.

[Captain Hilts]

112. Agreed. nt

[michaelwb]

48. Men & beverages

Well, making sure there are plenty of beverages is very important to us guys.

We have to be fully ready to go out and "mark our territory" at all times....

[Tunkamerica]

113. Cinnamon Bobka

[elvisbear]

114. Cinnamon? Why didn't you get chocolate?

[Raydawg1234]

116. You better believe that men are expected to bring beer to a party

[Captain Hilts]

118. That takes 5min. at 7/11. Women are expected to prepare/cook something. nt

[Raydawg1234]

120. women are usually better cooks

thats just the way the world is.

(man the feminists are gonna be jumping down my throat)

[Captain Hilts]

122. Actually, the men I know cook better. They haven't had to spend years...

making up daily menus to please kids, so they're not burned out on it.

[philosophie_en_rose]

13. They assigned volunteers, and excluded men?

sounds pretty unfair to me.

Many of the men I know bake very well. Many women, not so much.

In any case, it is unfair for men to be excluded and for women to be automatically assumed to subsidize the cake supply.

[Lex]

22. Yep, my brother cooks delicious cakes. His wife brags on him

for it. All the men in my family can cook pretty well, actually.

[bleedingheart]

28. There is a DUer dude who makes this great pudding cake

and boy....I am hoping that next gathering he brings it ....

[C_U_L8R]

65. mmmmmm.. pudding cake

yum.

this thread is making me hungry

[Matariki]

38. 'assigned volunteers' - isn't that a bit of an oxymoron?

[BluePatriot]

43. LOL, yes

but that was C.Y.A. excuse the HR manager used when I pointed out the issue, that it was "voluntary." The memo does say they will "make alternate arrangements if you cannot bring your cake on the assigned day." Maybe they think that counts.

[philosophie_en_rose]

61. "Voluntary" doesn't cover her ass. It's stereotyping.

Assigning even an alleged voluntary task according to gender is not okay. She should have put everyone on the list.

But really, your employer should pay for the cakes themselves or do a sign-up list. Assigning "volunteers" is highly questionable.

If she gets pissy at you, it's retaliation for being concerned about a protected class. She's not much of a HR director, if she behaves that way.

[BluePatriot]

68. Thanks.

We actually have a cafeteria-plan sort of HR setup and she is the only on-site person. Our business is smallish but over 50 people. I don't know if she will get pissy, but she is not really so hot at HR. Even I can tell putting out a memo like that is iffy. She used to be the executive secretary.

[Retrograde]

133. as a non-baking female

I thought this sort of stuff went out of style in the late 70s.

I once worked for a group that had a monthly birthday cake: it came out of the director's budget and usually came ready-made from some store.

While I'm (IMHO) a pretty good cook, I just do not bake. I can even offer testimonials to that: a friend once commented that my pie was the worst he ever had. If it doesn't contain onions, I want nothing to do with it.

[soswolf]

15. That's the point of 'voluntary'

The idea of voluntary is just that. If you don't want to, don't.

Whether it's right or not is something only you can answer.

[BluePatriot]

19. *nods*

I kind of wish they assigned some guys to cake though. It's not like there was a sign up list...a memo was distributed on letterhead stating who was bringing cake when. And that you could opt out if you wanted to.

[soswolf]

40. Maybe they did?

I don't know the whole situation, obviously, but is it possible that there are some guys who were previously assigned, and then opted out?

Or, possibly, it was an honest mistake/oversight. I try to see the good in such things, and focus more on the 'how to make it better' aspect.

In either case, I'm pro-cake. Whether made/brought by a male or female. As a career foodservice professional, I can assure you that I've seen many good cooks/chefs, of both genders.

[BluePatriot]

62. *nods*

I do feel it was probably an honest mistake. It is just very funny our female HR manager who issued the memo didn't notice it at all. I feel that now that I have opted out, the HR manager now has a way to quietly approach a guy to bring cake without having to issue a new memo and potentially embarrass herself, and she will be more careful next time, and all will be well.

Edit: if she picks a female "substitute volunteer" I know I am screwed though, lol.

[Iris]

34. It wasn't voluntary.

As BluePatriot said, a list was sent out. To un-"volunteer" yourself would mean a new list would have to be created.

[soswolf]

46. yea...

My first reply was pre-edit.

[Iris]

56. sorry if I was prickly!

The whole situation is just so silly!

[BluePatriot]

58. Naaa, you don't seem that way

I edited to make it more clear. I would not be as bothered if it were, say, a volunteer sign-up for cake, and we all had a choice. The cake-memo thing is quite silly.

[soswolf]

110. I didn't take it that way, no worries n/t

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

18. One of the great pleasures of retirement is not having to attend office parties.

AKA: "The Gala Asskissing of the Bosses Day to Facilitate Upward Mobility".

[BluePatriot]

21. LOL, too true

[bleedingheart]

26. You did the right thing - I despise the "office mommies"

the women that perpetuate the idea that it is a woman's role to clean the communal office kitchen and that we are the ones who are supposed to organize parties for the office or bring in cake.

I go to work to earn a living
I don't go there for the social life although I do have friends there.
I want to go to work, do my job and go home to my life.

While I don't mind the rare happy hour here and there, there are folks who spend more time trying to make work like home rather than just focusing on work.

[bleedingheart]

27. note...the funny thing is that there are a lot of guys who like to cook

bake, and who even bring things in from their gardens to share...but when it comes to lists like the one you mentioned they are rarely the ones asked to do anything because of the "gender roles" that people perpetuate...

[Jamastiene]

88. Very true. n/t

[Pool Hall Ace]

45. Amen sister

:applause:

[KansDem]

33. As a guy, this really irks me...

The "Hubby/Daddy can't do anything in the kitchen" scenario that's been the basis for movie/TV plots and commercials for decades.

I do about 90% of the cooking in my household. My wife will attest to that. I like to do it; I find it to be a creative (and delicious) hobby. Earlier this month I prepared 18 cupcakes for my son's 3rd-grade class. This is an annual celebration when a bean is placed inside a cupcake to determine a king and queen. My wife has been wanting to do this for years now and immediately sign-up to be the cupcake provider at the beginning of the school year. However, she was unexpectedly called out of town during this time this celebration was going to occur so I said I would do it (I had the week off). So I baked organic chocolate cupcakes with organic chocolate icing, and placed an espresso coffee bean in a cupcake for a boy and in one for a girl (I used green cupcake holders for boys; pink for girls). I figured the organic angle would be a new and refreshing change for the kids.

Anyway, I received a couple of calls from mothers making sure I was going to bring the cupcakes (I figured they weren't sure a hubby could/would do this when they learned my wife would be out of town). I assured them the cupcakes would be there. When I arrived at my son's class, I saw that several mothers were there to witness the proceedings (this is a very important event for third graders and often several parents will come to see it!). We passed out the cupcakes and watched as the kids ate them. and voilà!, the king and queen were found (although the boy found the coffee bean to be somewhat bitter)! While I was sitting there with the moms, one mother turned to me and said, "Did you bake these?" I replied yes, then she said, "My husband would never do this!" Then she followed that up with "...oh, he does other things around the house." I wanted to follow-up with something like, "Well, not all dads are like the ones depicted in the entertainment media..." but thought it would be best to smile and keep silent.

But this image of hubbies and dads as "kitchen dolts" is something that should fade away as quickly as possible.

Oh, I'm also a better housekeeper but don't tell my wife that...that gets her REALLY upset...

On edit: The rum cakes that I bake and bring to the annual Christmas departmental party are legendary!

[Captain Hilts]

41. I hate the way men [and women] are depicted in advertising. All men are belching...

sports-watching incompetents.

Not in my world they're not.

[soswolf]

50. I know.

I'm a belching, sports-watching competent.

Go Cubs! :beer:

[Patiod]

71. When we see that, we always say

Me: "Why?"
S.O.: "Because all men are incompetent idiots"

[Captain Hilts]

100. And we all have sports logos for avatars....

'Nuff said!

[soswolf]

52. Better yet...

I meet women who are astonished that I even watch my kids. Part of it is that we have six, but still...

A couple of years ago my wife took a trip for about a week. I still get asked, "who watched the kids for you?"

Duh.

[BluePatriot]

53. I am glad to hear it

My hubby bakes great desserts. Everyone thinks I must have made them, though. I am always sure to give him credit.

[Clark2008]

111. While I applaud you for your expert cupcake making

:applause: I have to, and with a great amount of teasing, chide you a bit for the color of the cupcake holders.

And, I laugh as I say this. Let me explain:

I was a tomboy. When I wasn't riding in rodeos, I was helping my Dad and his grandfather in my great-grandfather's shop. I played with the occassional dolly, but I found Matchbox cars and horse figurines and catching salamanders and crawdads in the creek much more enjoyable. Fast forward a few years to the time I was first pregnant: it was a boy (is a boy) and I was so relieved! Cars and super heros and race tracks and cool gadgets! And NO PINK! I hate PINK! Yeah!!

Well, guess what? It's a few years later and I'm pregnant again and we've just found out that... it's a, gulp, girl!! She's thus far, at 20-weeks in-uetero, a healthy little girl. Has all her little fingers and all her little toes and my jaw line and her little heart and brain are formed and functioning, etc. etc. So I get all excited about my little bitty girl and I want to prepare her room and buy her some little clothes so she's not constantly in my son's hand-me-downs and what do I find? NOTHING BUT PINK. It's a nightmare!!! I'm having to spend way more effort than I should have right now hunting down bedding in peaches and greens. I can't find a onesie in peach (found some in green) and I feel like the whole girl world has been Barbie-fied!!! Not only is the Barbie-pinkification of my unborn little girl's world so overwhelming, I also must deal with people who look at me like I've gone insane because I don't want to dress her like she's a cherry tart! Hasn't it dawned on someone that, well, not everyone looks good in hot pink, baby pink, cherry pink, cool pink, rich pink... PINK! I have olive skin and auburn hair. Pink makes me look ill! If my little girl takes after me in any way, shape or form, she won't look healthy in it, either!

Why must we put boys in blue and girls in pink? Isn't that more stereotyping? And, hey, you put the boys cupcakes in my favorite of all colors! Green! I love green! Even pastel green!

So, please, let me have one of your cupcakes - they sound EXTREMELY delicious and yummy and you're a fantastic Dad for making them - but I want mine in the green cupcake holder.

:7

[KansDem]

131. Well, I was advised to use pink and blue cupcake holders...

...to differentiate between "king" and "queen." But we didn't have enough blue holders in the cupboard so I opted for green...:blush:

I used an espresso coffee bean because I had heard that in the year previously, one kid ate right through the bean and never noticed it. I was a jelly bean and I figured no one could taste the difference between it and the cupcake. Made me wonder what was in the mix used to make the cupcake. But both kids this year "found" the bean; one had to have a cup of water to wash the bitterness out of his mouth. But he did find the bean...

Since we, as a family, try to go organic and much as possible, I used a mix from Oetker's:

Dr. Oetker's Organic Baking Mixes
Oetker's also manufactures an organic chocolate icing mix.

I agree, though, about clothing for girls. When my daughter was much younger, it was next to impossible to find clothes that weren't pink, purple, white, red, or some variation thereof. I would buy her just simple T-shirts or sweatshirts--solid colors without writing or images on them. She wore them to some extent but as she got older, she began to prefer the "tops with a message." Now she seems to prefer the "landfill look:" old clothes with holes, tears and rips, and faded colors. What's a parent to do? :shrug:


My chocolate cupcakes turned out to look something like these:9

...couldn't find any photos with green holders!

[Nimrod2005]

36. YOU ARE THE CAKE NAZI.............nt

[BluePatriot]

47. *evil cackle!*

No soup, er, cake, for you!

[SoCalDem]

90. The cake was an invasive success

[BluePatriot]

96. OMG you just made me almost choke on my gum from laughing

Thank you for the laugh!!!!!

[Nimrod2005]

106. BAWABAWABAABWABWBWBWA

[undeterred]

37. I baked the memo which had the cakebaking instructions.

But seriously, I think its worth pointing out.

[NoSheep]

39. At my work we have group lunches. The women make good entree dishes and the men

bring pre-made rolls and cookies. Or Doritos.
The women always set up and clean up. The guys all go back to their offices, except one. I work in a very liberal environment. I was really surprised to see this playing out here.

[Captain Hilts]

42. Yep. That's what happened where I worked.

Guys bring a two-litre beverage they picked up on the way to work, or chips. Women prepare something.

Maddening.

[seemunkee]

44. We have treats on Monday AM. Everyone gets a turn

Men and women. The only person exempt is the owner, which is just as well because he is so absent minded about such things.

[yellowcanine]

51. We sign up to bring a cake on someone's birthday. Everyone is expected to sign up once a year. So

all of the birthdays get covered. No one has to make a cake. Store bought cakes are acceptable.

[BluePatriot]

55. Sounds good.

I find our setup so odd. It's putting the pressure on the employee not to participate and to seem odd/grumpy/over-sensitive/etc. Geez, it's just cake. I would sign up to bring cake. But if my name is thrown on an all-female "you are bringing cake" memo it's just weird.

[jobycom]

54. Good job. Raising awareness is in itself a victory. nt

[RB TexLa]

57. Why would people know when their co-workers birthdays are?

that a bit private.

[BluePatriot]

59. We have a cake-a-month setup

and then we ask around whose birthday it is. I don't think anyone here can rattle birthdays off specifically. It's more of an excuse to gather and eat than anything else.

[jpgray]

60. Pointing it out is fine--it might encourage others to speak up

[lectrobyte]

63. You did the right thing. Who has time to bake? Can a man not stop

by the grocery store or whatever and buy a cake, too?

[BluePatriot]

66. *nods*

I find the whole cake memo so baffling. Why exclude the guys? And a memo of this sort issued and signed by our one, female HR person? This is why I am, er, confused.

[ieoeja]

79. EVERYONE has time to bake.

Turn on oven.
Mix one egg in bowl.
Add cake mix (e.g. Duncan Hines).
Mix.
Pour into pan.
Place in oven.
*Take shower.
**Remove from oven.

Baking a cake or cupcakes isn't exactly a time-consuming job. If you're really worried about it, you can always set the alarm clock 10 minutes earlier.


I had this trouble at the beginning of school this year. I took guardianship of a troubled 10 year old towards the end of summer. Asked by the 200 odd counselors we have to see every week how the first week of school went, I mentioned the rush to get ready in the morning. His mother, grandmother and the 200 odd counselors proceeded to counsel the boy on how important it is to be timely, and counsel me on ways to get the kid to move faster by reinforcing this and taking away that. There were charts and stuff with lots of words and pictures.

I solved the problem by setting my fucking alarm clock to go off 30 minutes earlier.


*I left out "take off clothes" on the assumption you would figure that out on your own.
**Ditto regarding "put on your clothes".

[lectrobyte]

103. But then I'd have to have a cake pan or something, and buy cake mix, and

all that stuff. Trust me, I don't have time. If I had time, I would sleep more. ;-) But seriously, I see your point, and was more just pointing out that women shouldn't be expected to be the cook at work.

[kiahzero]

126. If you cook naked, you save two steps! (n/t)

[Zookeeper]

64. You did the right thing...

and you were exceedingly diplomatic about it. I would have brought it up at the next birthday cake event and watched everyone's reaction. And suggested a rule change.

So, does the HR manager think men are incapable of remembering to buy a cake, or are men just too important to deal with such trivia?

[BluePatriot]

67. I have no idea

...but if it wasn't deliberate at least she knows to be careful next time and now she can go find a willing male volunteer. She has been with the company maybe 20 years so perhaps she may not have sensed it could seem inappropriate...but I have no idea HOW, she's HR manager, it seems pretty basic to me.

[Zookeeper]

70. I'd say it's time for that company...

to update their HR employees to the 21st Century. ;-)

[BluePatriot]

73. LOL they wish

but she's a bit...entrenched. No aides, no assistants, if she left they'd be lost for a while.

[Annces]

69. I think you are right

Why should there be gender roles in the workplace? People should be on equal footing there, otherwise women can get taken advantage of, by being expected to do for others, where the men do not.

[BluePatriot]

72. Ours is one divided by gender in general anyway

Warehouse: all male
Sales: all male
Office: 85 percent female
Accounting: male manager, 2 females for AR/AP
Office supervisors: all female
Management: 3 females, 3 males
Owner: male

so maybe it's to do with our office culture.

[Annces]

76. Yes, I suppose what kind of workplace it is matters

I know I worked a long time in a university office, where there were all female secretaries (at least most of the time), and the professors were all male except for one female professor. And that female professor really had to guard her ground, because she was the only female not running around doing errands and jobs for the professors. I have to say she was pretty cool, but I think she needed to be to maintain her position.

I think professional to professional, a woman will be careful about things like cooking and cleaning for the male counterparts.

[bumblebee1]

94. I read about that in one of Judge Judy's books.

Shortly after she was appointed as a Family Court judge, she went into the judge's lunchroom. The head judge says to her, "Young lady, this is the JUDGES' lunch room." She then says to the judge, "I'm sorry. I'm here to clean." She proceeds to clean. Some of the other judges at the table start laughing. They know who she is. Judge Judy then goes back to her chambers. A little later on, the head judge comes into her chambers and says, "Why didn't you tell me you were a judge?" This should have taught him a lesson about assuming. Judge Judy had a good laugh with that one.

[BluePatriot]

97. That was a funny way to handle it! (nt)

[Annces]

104. very funny

Judge Judy is a Card.

[redqueen]

74. You did the right thing!

One way to counter this kind of thing is to bring it to people's attention. It's amazing how mnay people do it without thinking.

Eventually it will change. :)

[mondo joe]

75. There is only ONE person with the authority to answer this.

Angela, head accountant and chair of the party planning committee.

[BluePatriot]

77. LOL. (nt)

[Marnieworld]

84. LOL!

That scene recently when she let Oscar back on the party planning committee as an offer of reconcilliation was so funny. I love Angela. Great character. great show.

And just to register my vote with the OP.- it is absurd that they didn't make the memo to all employees. It's bizarre that it was divided by gender when anyone can just pick up a cake. You were right to point it out and it's bizarre that they didn't even get your point. Weird all around.

[crispini]

80. How strange of them to leave men off.

Whenever we do an office function, a sign up sheet is put out and everyone is expected to bring something. Quite often the men would cook! Of course, it would quite often be a woman ORGANIZING the thing (birthday, holiday party, whatever) but the men would usually pull their weight when it came to helping out.

It is interesting, though. I have worked in a 90% female office, a 90% male office, and one which was about 60% male / 40% female. The (more) gender-balanced office was BY FAR the sanest, nicest work environment. The gender unbalanced offices were both weird in very different ways.

[mongo]

81. You evil anti-cake person!

LOL! You did the right thing, but I think you need a follow up conversation with the HR manager.

Maybe see how some of the guys feel about it too. Some of them would have probably wanted to volunteer too.

[SoCalDem]

82. In our office, the "gals" always got the coffee, until one day.. we just stopped.

Guess what? The "guys" figured out how to make it and bring it :)

[SmokingJacket]

83. I married into a kind of old-fashioned family, and...

though my husband (NOT old-fashioned) does all the cooking, I get all the compliments at mealtimes. I also get thanked for the gifts he buys. I always say, Oh, you have to thank Mr. SJ! But it never seems to sink in.

Some people just can't get their heads around the fact that men ARE just as able to cook and buy gifts as women.

[CharmCity]

85. I made a fuss about strawberry shortcake once...

I worked for a non-profit run by a former Lt. Col. He often held these horrible bonding parties, and the women -- regardless of their positions -- were pretty much expected to do the cookin' and cleanin'. I refused doing strawberry shortcake duty and called them on it. There was no real outcome to this. The "mouse women" didn't bother sharing their recipes with me. BFD.

[BluePatriot]

86. Hi, welcome to DU

Glad to hear you "worked" there, I would get out of my job in a heartbeat if I could.

[Jamastiene]

87. Were the men asked to bring anything at all?

That seems rather odd to me and I live in an area where they would just expect the women to do all the cooking while the men would bring their appetites if nothing else. :shrug:

Get in the kitchen and cook, woman. I noticed at least 2 ppl responded to your poll that way. :eyes:

[BluePatriot]

91. No...

and it's an all-year list. 2 cakes per month. As per the company memo no male is listed to bring birthday cake in for all year. This list was drawn up by someone and not a "sign up" thing. It IS very odd and I live in the South where supposedly I'm to expect stuff like this, hehe.

[Jamastiene]

93. Pardon my language, but that's just fucked up.

I saw where the word "volunteer" was thrown in there in your correspondence too. :wtf: I'd still raise as much hell as I could get by with on this one. If I knew any guys who would want to bake a cake in this situation, I'd strongly encourage them to do so and raise hell if anyone says one word about it even in private. :evilgrin:

[NuttyFluffers]

115. maybe the men are expected to pick up the strippers and beer...

:shrug:

oh wait, that would be wrong...... beer doesn't go very well with cake.

:evilgrin:

yeah, that's pretty crazy gender stereotypes right there. you just asking to be cheated out of some good cake. though i'm rather partial to pie myself. and i can't stand store bought cake and its disgusting frosting made of shortening. so i guess you could file me under anti-cake reactionary...

[Captain Hilts]

124. Now THAT's funny.....nt

[JVS]

89. Cake at work is fucking bullshit.

[Umbram]

95. Preach the word, Brother/Sister. Preach it. nt.

[AnnieBW]

92. My Male Boss

Is an EXCELLENT cook, and brings in cakes that are to die for. I can't make a cake without opening a box first. So, what's the diff?

[bumblebee1]

98. Men can't cook? Says who?

Both my husband and I cook, though not together. The only baking he does is bread in the bread machine and biscuits from Pillsbury. When it comes to baking pies, cakes and cookies, that's my area. I also make homemade candy. It's usually when I choose to do it. In the store where my husband works part time, I always get compliments on the cakes and cookies. It doesn't matter whether they were baked from scratch or from a box.

Last Saturday, my husband celebrated his birthday. I went to the local grocery store and bought a 1/4 chocolate sheet cake and a round marble cake. The following Monday, he took them to the store for the rest of his co-workers. One year, I baked a chiffon marble cake for his birthday. Another year, I baked a birthday cake for his office manager. Both times, I chose to bake those cakes. If I make something, it's because I choose to. I've also had many requests for fresh fruit salad.

[BluePatriot]

102. Yum.

Other people's offices sound more sane. I am glad you enjoy choosing to share treats. It's always fun to bring something in unexpectedly instead of by memo-mandate. That's what I found so wierd.

[catnhatnh]

105. Until the hunter-gatherers are tasked...

...to bring in large briskets for the main course, this is bullshit...

[catnhatnh]

107. Bye the bye...

...I worked in a non-insane workplace of thirty that ate together every Friday...sometimes delivery, sometimes shop cooked and sometimes roadtrip...but EVERY Friday lunch took an hour or more and the company accepted the gentle hypocrisy that EVERYONE forgot to punch the time clock on Friday and had to write in their half hour lunch...

[donco6]

108. No! Women make cake! Men eat cake! GrOWrrrr!

:eyes:

You are absolutely right - and that's coming from a man.

[Qanisqineq]

117. shit like that irks me to no end

my husband's job will tell him to have me make something for him to bring. I told him that if he has to bring something, he's making it himself and he can tell them that.

[Captain Hilts]

119. You go, girl! nt

[Catherine Vincent]

121. I know this has been said but if the men aren't allowed to bring cake then..

THEY CAN'T EAT ANY!

[qwlauren35]

123. Been there...

If you could have pointed to a few men with real baking skills, she might have realized that you wanted the list to be more INCLUSIVE, instead of you opting out.

But to be honest, those kinds of things shouldn't be in e-mail. Face-to-face will help avoid any misunderstanding.

[BluePatriot]

125. *nods*

The only choice provided was that of opting out of the already-sent-out-to-all-employees list. I guess if she had to make a new gender-inclusive list and send out a revised memo it would be Mega Embarrassing and prove me right. (Politics.) I mused on a few creative solutions and I sort of felt bad that opting out was the only way to make a point. I plan to bring in cake voluntarily sometime...

You may be right about the email thing but because of past incidents I tend to document stuff. Sad, really.

*on edit* I think this has to do with the tactic of making the individual look like the problem if they question authority or a tradition, rather than admit there could be a valid issue within management/the company. It's easy to back someone in a corner and make them look like a dissident. A dissident who hates cake. LOL.

[piedmont]

127. Wow, your workplace sucks.

Making something that should be fun into an unfairly-assigned requirement? Geez-- sounds like something I'd watched on t.v.

[BluePatriot]

129. This isn't their first dumb stunt lately

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=6096424

Little spiral notebooks...I contemplated decorating mine with stickers and doodles just like in junior high...

[AngryAmish]

128. I like cake

[Book Lover]

130. Wait, wait, wait - your company makes employees purchase something that is a business expense?

I'm still tripping on how they can get away with telling you to buy something and not get reimbursed...

[BluePatriot]

132. But, it's "voluntary!" And you can opt out! *sarcasm*

I wonder what would happen if someone submitted a receipt for their cake. It's a pot-luck sort of thing in practice.