VOLUNTEERISM: If your employer asks you what organizations you volunteer for, try these!

[Nikki Stone1]

A DUer recently got asked about volunteer activities by the big corporate bosses:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x7261776

If your employer demands to know how you spend your out of work time and what organizations you volunteer for, telling him or her about your progressive activities or your socialist reading group might not be the best thing to do. So if you're worried, or just don't think it's any of your company's business how you spend your off-work hours (aka, your actual life), try one of these!

Here's my memo:


MEMO
To: Snotnose Crackhead, Manager of Human Resources
From: Nikki Stone, the best employee you've ever fucking had
Re: Giving Back to the Community


Over the years I have volunteered for so many organizations, it's hard to keep count. My family hasn't seen me for dinner in years! Here is a brief listing of my many act of self sacrifice for the community:

1. Save the Naugas!

These poor little creatures are heartlessly killed to make naugahyde every year. Our organization finds farms, usually upstate with a lot of beagles, where the naugas can run free and live out the greatest expression of their sweet souls. Our next project is to get naugas the right to vote.

2. The Historical Society for the Preservation of Brothels.

So often, the backbreaking work of brothels is marginalized and falls into the waste bin of American history. Yet, the brothel was an important institution in the settlement of the American West. The fact that all males making the trek to the Pacific did not end up establishing same-sex marriage laws in California a hundred years ago is chiefly due to the presence of brothels and their hard working women. Our organization saves historic brothels and restores them to their estimated former glories. Our ultimate goal is to make them working brothels, complete with gaudy mirrors and women dressed in historical lingerie.

3. Museum of Performance Art Location Parts.

Performance art is fleeting, unless of course, it is filmed, but the film itself is actually an entirely different artistic experience and can't be actually referred to as "performance", only "film of performance in some particular time and place". Since human action cannot be preserved, our museum preserves, instead, the locations of the performance art pieces, or, more correctly, pieces of the locations of the performance art pieces. Our exhibits include plaster from the wall of the Reuben Gallery, New York, where Allan Kaprow's 'Admission Piece: 18 Happenings in 6 Parts' occurred in 1959; a piece gravel from the street at Black Mountain College on which an early George Maciunas piece was performed; and a wood splinter from Yoko Ono's Chambers Street apartment in Manhattan where Ono staged her earliest conceptual work, "Painting to Be Stepped On". These pieces of pieces form a conceptual whole, which becomes its own, somewhat recursive piece. I am the curator of preserved blades of grass.

4. Election Summer Camp for Children.

This program, occurring every summer in the foothills of Virginia, helps grade school children to prepare for a life in politics. They learn the importance of political image and learn how to develop their own images that will sell. They learn how to use language to mitigate facts, and advanced students take couses like "Creative Adverbial Usages" and "The Meme: Your Ticket to World Domination." They learn how to placate their party's base without losing the center, and how to cover up scandals, which, in this age group usually include kissing and peeing one's pants. The final project is a week-long election, in which 10 of the best students compete in primary race, in which only two of them per party are taken seriously. The winners in each party then choose a running mate from the group of their former rivals, based on whatever seems expedient. The project ends with a computer simulated national election in which Florida changes its vote count several times. My role in this summer camp is to play the part of the corporation organizing the "grass roots campaigns".

[PeaceNikki]

1. I don't think that employer "demanded".

I guess I am far less cynical than many here. I think it's awesome that an employer displays pride in the civic responsibility of the people they employ. I think it's commendable that they recognize the wonderful work that their people do, on and/or off "the clock". I think it's a GOOD thing that they support and encourage their employees to be proud of what they do.

And I think it's silly to send garbage like this. Either participate in their recognition or don't.

[Nikki Stone1]

2. I see you have no sense of humor.

:rofl:

[PeaceNikki]

4. You're right. When it comes to helping other people, I really don't.

I coordinate blood drives twice a year at my place of employment. The company offers time, supplies, and resources each time. We are also consistently topping the list in donations collected for causes like breast cancer research, Parkinson's research, feeding the hungry and supplying school supplies for families in need. ALL of these are efforts that began through the care of individual employees and all are supported by my employer.

I think more employers should encourage their staff to give back and support charity financially and by offering paid time off for these causes. And they should recognize and be proud of their employees for doing so. Some people are motivated by their peers and by recognition. I fully support ANYONE doing more to encourage people to be more caring and charitable.

ROFL away and call me a curmudgeon if you must.

[northernlights]

3. thank you for this

I needed a good laugh! :rofl:

Think I'll print it out in case I ever need to use it (at the company that thinks that because *they* assign virtually no value to my time, that gives them a right to crap over every minute of my private time they can weasel their way in to...)

[Howler]

5. LMAO!!!!!

I second what northern light said "I really needed this" Thanks Nikki stone 1.