OPEC Meets to Discuss ‘Public Exchange’

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The Organization of Providers of Expensive Coverage (OPEC), perhaps the most influential if not best-known health insurance industry advocacy group, will convene next week in Monte Carlo to discuss the anticipated ‘public exchange’ that will most likely be formed as a result of the pending national healthcare overhaul.

Proponents of the exchange claim that it will provide millions of Americans with more freedom to choose their own insurance and result in lower premiums. OPEC spokesman Rich le Batard said his group is “committed to ensuring that it will give some people more choices”.

After pausing briefly to sip Dom Perignon from his escort’s slipper, le Batard continued, “We appreciate the historical significance of this moment and look forward to both working with and acquiring more lawmakers in order to effect a seamless transition into this new era of prosperity.”

When asked how premiums might be impacted by the formation of a public exchange, particularly in light of the health insurance industry’s long-standing exemption from ant-trust legislation that might otherwise force fair competition, he responded:

“I don’t think people fully understand the significance of this extraordinary leap forward in the health care industry. This is about choices. The only thing I could compare it to would be if the ‘other OPEC’ established a mechanism by which consumers could choose, for example, whether the oil they consume came from Saudi Arabia or Kuwait or the UAE or any other cartel member of their choice. ‘Choice’ is the operative word here. People — some people anyway – will actually get to choose which company they’ll be forced to pay. This is a great time to be an American.”

In other news…

Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK), who yesterday said that “Americans should pray that someone can’t make the vote,” today hired 2 suspended New York City EMTs to look after 92-year-old West Virginia Senator Robert Byrd in advance of Thursday evening’s final vote on the bill. Coburn’s office released a statement this afternoon which read: “Pray, but Verify”.