Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

Christmas gifts when you have almost no money

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
This topic is archived.
Home » Discuss » Archives » General Discussion (1/22-2007 thru 12/14/2010) Donate to DU
 
SOCALS Donating Member (163 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 02:50 PM
Original message
Christmas gifts when you have almost no money
I have a unemployed friend who has been looking for a job for several months now. Last week he spent about $100-150 on Christmas presents for some of his friends living in another state despite my recommendation not to do it because he has very little money left in his bank account and does not receive unemployment yet.

Am I right saying that if you are in a bad financial situation, you'd better not spend whatever little you have on Christmas gifts? If I were him, I wouldn't hesitate to simply send a card and let them judge me and call me cheap. Do you agree with me?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
enlightenment Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 02:53 PM
Response to Original message
1. It probably gave him a sense of control over his life.
It's not rational but it is understandable.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:34 PM
Response to Reply #1
16. really? spending $$$ you don't have gives a sense of control over yr life?
no, i don't think so

i think he feels helpless and out of control -- that he feels obligated to live up to other people's expectations

this "obligation" to exchange gifts and cards is part of what makes xmas so miserable for adults, we all know going in that we're not going to like most gives we give OR receive but we feel "obligated" to give/accept something

it would be a far better gift to relieve the out of state friends of the obligation by saying, 'look let's save a lot of time and standing in line at the post office shipping crap around" -- we don't need to exchange gifts to be real friends
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
enlightenment Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 04:56 PM
Response to Reply #16
27. Gee. I'm ever so thrilled to be corrected by
someone who is incapable of writing a coherent post. Learn to spell, discover the joys of punctuation, figure out what the 'shift' key does - and grow up.

Then we'll talk about how much you obviously don't know about human nature.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SOCALS Donating Member (163 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 05:02 PM
Response to Reply #27
29.  I move to name it Godwin's law II
that the first one to start pointing our spelling and grammar errors loses the argument
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
KittyWampus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-23-09 10:51 AM
Response to Reply #29
41. I'll just point out when people on the internets seem lacking in empathy. Human nature isn't always
rational. It's a gift and a curse.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Xenotime Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-23-09 10:52 AM
Response to Reply #1
42. Maybe he did have it to spend.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Donnachaidh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 02:54 PM
Response to Original message
2. many people are not doing presents, because of the economy
The facts that are NOT being reported is -- local food banks are swamped, local charities to help with the costs of utilities, etc., are swamped, and the social safety net is quickly coming unraveled while TV ads push BUY BUY BUY to the audience.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
kevinbgoode Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 05:00 PM
Response to Reply #2
28. I absolutely agree. . .we are not doing anything this year either
Everyone in my family - for one reason or another - has had to drastically tighten our belts this year. Even my retired parents are only buying small things for the small grandchildren. The rest of us are not exchanging gifts. Frankly, it's a relief - no concerns about shopping, fighting crowds, or juggling the finances for the holidays.

Almost everyone I know has scaled back this year - some drastically. I honestly don't know who is doing the buying sprees in this country, because I don't know anyone engaging in that at all.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
tridim Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 02:54 PM
Response to Original message
3. I'm baking all my christmas gifts this year.
Flour, eggs, sugar and butter are much cheaper than almost any gift you can buy at Wal Mart.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
seeinfweggos Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 02:57 PM
Response to Reply #3
4. nice framed photos are what my family is getting
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SOCALS Donating Member (163 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:00 PM
Response to Reply #4
6.  Good think to know that
I am not the only one acting rationally this Christmas season. I just don't understand the pride some people have when it comes to making Chistmas presents. SOme people are ready to starve but still buy a gift!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
seeinfweggos Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:02 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. yep, i have never understood it
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
kevinbgoode Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 05:02 PM
Response to Reply #3
30. haha..I'm not much of a cook. . .
but I did take my neighbors a nice batch of butter recipe cupcakes. They helped me when I was in the hospital earlier this year. I know it isn't much, but they were thrilled. . .even if I made them from a box mix.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Manifestor_of_Light Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-23-09 03:19 AM
Response to Reply #3
39. I used to make homemade fudge.
And pack it in those metal tins and mail it to people. It cost a few dollars in materials & postage, but people go into shock over handmade gifts.

And the two years I got pre-fab watercolor paper greeting cards with envelopes, available at your local art supply store, and painted them myself with gouache....boy did people really freak out and LOVE IT!!

(Former art major here) :D
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 02:58 PM
Response to Original message
5. oh i just went thru this w. somebody
Edited on Tue Dec-22-09 02:59 PM by pitohui
my friend is dead broke, but his v. large family still wants a fortune in gifts anyway

he has asked me to help him w. his finances, so i suggested he only buy gifts for the child and to inform the adults that he is no longer exchanging gifts

he never gets anything he likes, and they never get anything they like, at our age, if it's something you can afford to buy as a gift and you want it, you already have it

he cannot bring himself to admit to his family that he's lost everything so he went out and wasted a lot of money spending on credit, which will bring neither him nor the members of his family, the smallest pleasure and it will bring him much expense and future misery by inflating his already out of control credit card bill

it is sad but what can you do?

all i accomplished is that he isn't buying ME a gift this year, ha, i guess that's something (i also found several hundred dollars in tax overpayments he made, which he will be getting back at some point but not in time for xmas so at least that's something else but i still feel terribly helpless)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Blackhatjack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:05 PM
Response to Original message
8. What's his problem? All The Wall Street CEOs Are Getting HUGE Gifts This Year!
Honestly, how are the Elite in this country to have a Merry Christmas if so many people who have lost everything insist on complaining about not having enough food to eat and $$ to pay utility bills to stay warm?

It just puts a damper on large expensive celebrations!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
stopbush Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:18 PM
Response to Original message
9. I see nothing wrong with this guy doing this.
Edited on Tue Dec-22-09 03:18 PM by stopbush
Obviously, giving is important to him. I salute him for putting others ahead of himself.

Maybe he has $ in the bank. Maybe he's got good credit and threw the purchases on a card. You don't say.

Having said that, if he's the type of person who will be crying that he's broke in January and wondering why the world is against him, then, yeah, that's a problem. If he's giving the gifts and is willing to deal with the consequences to his own fortunes, then, so what?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SOCALS Donating Member (163 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:24 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. He has very little in the bank
and he doesn't have credit cards. He has enough money to pay for rent, food for a couple more months and that's it. He doesn't have family or friends able to lend him any substantial money. I know that for sure because I hang out with almost every day.

I think someone has to tell Americans that there is no shame in not giving presents on Christmas if you are unemployed and are on the brink of financial collapse
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
stopbush Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:27 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. Your point is taken, but Americans also have to realize that people have the right
to be fuck ups in this country.

You did well trying to offer him guidance, but who knows what's going on in his head considering his situation.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
MarthaM Donating Member (73 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:30 PM
Response to Reply #11
14. It's not just about the money...
... it's about a person with almost nothing doing what he wants to try and feel 'normal', doing what is normal for him at this time of year. It's a very hard time of year for those who have lost their jobs, and if spending a hundred bucks or so on some gifts makes him feel good, then I say he should GO FOR IT. And not worry about those who think they know better than him how she should live his life, or spend his money.

I think holiday gift-giving is getting a bad rap these days. That's not what makes a holiday commercialized; EXCESS is.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:31 PM
Response to Reply #11
15. there's another way to handle it which worked for me
it's hard for people to admit they're broke, because in america you are judged only based on your looks and your money

however, i ended up the gift exchange silliness by taking a different approach, i told people that i knew that they were busy and that i wanted to give them the gift of TIME by not exchanging gifts

by saying, let's save time, let's not shop any more for the adults in our circle, you don't make it about money and you don't make it about "i can't afford it this year"

it's about saving TIME which rich and poor alike can always use more time

it worked for me but alas the friend i'm trying to advise was still too shy to use this argument but it COULD work for you or your friend if they want to try it

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
spoony Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:21 PM
Response to Original message
10. Agreed. And if they're real friends, they'd never have judged him
for not being able to buy them things. And if they aren't and would judge him, then he shouldn't buy them anything anyway, imo.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:28 PM
Response to Reply #10
13. many real friends would be delighted to give up the gift giving charade
years ago i informed people that i would be giving them the best gift of all -- free time -- because i would no longer be exchanging gifts/xmas cards with them

really how many gifts do you get as an adult that you want or like? in times gone by i would just take them back to the store and try to get the $$$ back but now the stores are onto it

the last time i returned a useless ugly sweater, the store's computer actually did a search of the lowest sales price the sweater had ever been sold for, which was abt $15 (the giver actually paid $60 but didn't have the receipt available to me) so at the end of all the shouting the gift giver was out $60 and all i got was a miserable $15 gift card which didn't buy anything in that store but a cheesy pair of earrings

what a waste, and it's all the more distressing if you know the person didn't actually have the $60 to waste on a piece of crap
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
spoony Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 11:41 PM
Response to Reply #13
34. A great, wise approach.
I think that would both simplify and enrich people's holidays a LOT. Cheers.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DrDan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:48 PM
Response to Original message
17. as a first-year teacher with 2 children (ages ago) - money was tight
Edited on Tue Dec-22-09 03:50 PM by DrDan
I bought some 2X4's, made my son a truck-n-trailer, my daughter a balance beam, and a set of wooden blocks. My granddaughter now plays with the blocks, and the truck-n-trailer comes out every Christmas to sit under the tree.

Money is but one solution. There are all kinds of alternatives to celebrate Christmas and share.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:50 PM
Response to Original message
18. my brother and his kids do this. then they ask to borrow. this has been decades
Edited on Tue Dec-22-09 03:50 PM by seabeyond
i dont get it, dont get it.

presents arent the issue for me, so not hard, not buying. plenty of inexpensive and fun
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Brickbat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:52 PM
Response to Original message
19. If he has the money, and wants to do it to make himself feel good for one more week, I don't see
what the problem is, or what business is it of yours.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
EC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 03:55 PM
Response to Original message
20. Maybe the spirit of giving REALLY makes him feel good...
Even when I was unemployed last X-mas I still did what I could because the feeling of giving is important to me...seeing a smile on a loved ones face is more precious to me than paying a bill that will wait until next month....
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 04:43 PM
Response to Reply #20
25. no the spirit of giving makes him feel really obligated
i wish we could just cut out the cant and admit to ourselves what we all know, that smile on our face when we open most of our gifts is pretty damn forced

adults mostly have what they want if it's affordable enough to be an appropriate gift, so if you're giving me something i don't have, it's because i don't want it

god bless america, i don't want your home-baked goodies so i can hear the griping from hubby abt his low carb diet, i don't want yr grandma's xmas fudge, but nor do i want you to feel obligated to go out shopping and buy me something i don't want -- and trust me on this people, if it has an odor, just rest assured that NO ONE wants it -- if it's for sale in a box in the drugstore, NO ONE wants it, that smile is a fake smile, you re not making yourself happy, you're not making the receiver happy

in fact, you're giving an obligation, because it's an exchange, you get me a gift and now i'm obligated to get you a gift and, frankly, if you're an adult, and you're not one of a v. small circle of people, it's just a nuisance that makes no one happy

and it's almost worse in that rare case where you find a thoughful appropriate gift because the chances of me being able to find a thoughtful approopriate gift for you that i can fucking afford are pretty close to nil -- i can't stand the fucking stress !!!

make your loved ones happy by freeing them from bullshit obligations to buy, buy, buy

everyone who buys me a gift obligates me to go out and buy them a gift, trust me, that is SO not bringing a smile to my face

give me the gift of time, let's agree not to exchange gifts

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
pipi_k Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 06:18 PM
Response to Reply #25
32. I feel the same way about Christmas cards...the most
senseless waste of paper next to bank statements saying a person has twenty-five cents in the bank and it cost 44 cents to mail the damned things.


I hate being the first to send out Christmas cards because then it (usually) obligates a person to send one back.

If someone sends me one and I hadn't planned on sending any (like this year, last year, the year before, etc) then I feel a stab of resentment against the person who has now obligated me to send one back.

Outlaw Christmas cards!!!

Unless they're photos of the family. I keep and treasure those.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
EC Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-23-09 10:49 AM
Response to Reply #25
40. Such a cynic...
no I really would rather give than receive and do so not only at X-mas...the gift of time? Days are always numbered and time is fleeting...
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Obamanaut Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 04:27 PM
Response to Original message
21. We read here on DU posts with words to the effect that the poster
Edited on Tue Dec-22-09 04:28 PM by Obamanaut
is practically destitute but sent in their last $18 to candidate so and so, and this poster is applauded.

Here is a person wanting to give to his friends and he is berated here.

Makes no sense to me because it seems inconsistent.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SOCALS Donating Member (163 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 04:29 PM
Response to Reply #21
22.  Those who sent $18 to the campaigns
did so hoping for a change. Hope has to be worth something
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Obamanaut Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 04:35 PM
Response to Reply #22
23. Seems like a burst bubble then, doesn't it. $18 down the tubes. nt
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SOCALS Donating Member (163 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 04:36 PM
Response to Reply #23
24. It is a lesson for the rest of your life.
$18 is a low price for a life lesson
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
pitohui Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 04:47 PM
Response to Reply #21
26. it isn't inconsistent, it's a completely different situation
when i send $$$ to a candidate, it's because i expect them to DO SOMETHING for me, it isn't because i am giving them a fucking gift

when i send a gift to a friend, i'm obligating them to buy me a gift, and it will probably both waste their time and money because they are unlikely to be able to afford to buy me a gift of something that 1) i like but 2) don't already have that 3) costs less than several thousand dollars 4) which is completely inappropriate to receive from anyone but the closest of friends/family

you can send $$$ freely to a candidate and not worry that because of the money you sent the candidate will later have to lose two afternoons frantically searching for something to buy for you
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Donnachaidh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 05:36 PM
Response to Reply #21
31. exactly WHO is berating this guy?
Many people are aware of just how BAD it is out in the real world, and are not following the BUY chorus this year.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 10:00 PM
Response to Original message
33. I like giving more than receiving. That is what Christmas means to me. They
may be the same way.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Withywindle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Dec-22-09 11:57 PM
Response to Original message
35. Objectively speaking, you're right and I agree.
But OTOH, the hardest part about losing the good job I had in the 90s with good Christmas bonuses is that I can't give gifts like I used to.

I just deleted a whole bunch of spew I wrote about how good gifts don't have to cost money...and it's true, they don't. But this isn't an issue to preach about. It's really about how in this economy, people are consistently losing the things that give them pleasure. That's why they call it a "depression." Making other people happy - even if it's with material things that "good" lefties look down on--is a very painful pleasure to lose. I'm not surprised that some people give that one up last.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
leftstreet Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-23-09 12:59 AM
Response to Original message
36. Is this the same friend who's rushing off to Afghanistan and recently got a DUI?
Such a difficult Christmas for this person
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SOCALS Donating Member (163 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-23-09 02:27 AM
Response to Reply #36
37. No it's just a regular guy.
He moved here from Michigan looking for better life
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
WorseBeforeBetter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-23-09 02:33 AM
Response to Original message
38. Unreccing b/c it's a manipulative post. (n/t)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Iggo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Dec-23-09 10:59 AM
Response to Original message
43. Other people's gift buying habits are none of my business.
I don't approve or disapprove how much or how little someone is spending.

My generosity, and by extension other people's generosity, is a personal and private matter.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Thu Dec 26th 2024, 08:52 PM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » Archives » General Discussion (1/22-2007 thru 12/14/2010) Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC