*Hi, I find you totally offensive /By Mark Morford/

[madokie]

*Hi, I find you totally offensive
<http://wc.sfgate.com/t?r=1854&c=1904665&l=53406&ctl=2CBA50A:C03CC34683EFF8FDF53B8D1EE687CC883F7A796353B5D68E&>*
/By Mark Morford/

Did that headline offend you? How about starting a column with a question? Or
three? Are you sure?

I'm very glad to hear it. But what about grammar? Syntax? Are you right now
intently scanning this paragraph for the slightest typo or eror or miztake,
ready in an instant to drop me a terse note and tell me all about it, right
along with how much you cannot stand people who write long, overwrought
sentences that flaunt punctuation laws and are full of delightful but somehow
also infuriating adjectival clauses and/or split infinitives that leave you
breathless and gasping for meaning and totally annoyed because, Jesus Christ,
who the hell told me it was OK to write like this or that anyone in the
miserable godforsaken Obamafied world would, for that matter, want to read it?

I would not be surprised if you were. Offended, that is. To be so is,
apparently, the latest craze. It is what we do best. It is who we have become.
In fact, for millions, to /not/ be offended by every little interpersonal
glitch, intellectual speed bump or global policy shift now appears to be the
exception to the way we routinely navigate the hellbound world.

After all, there are /so many things/ to be offended by, are there not? Have you
seen the news? The culture? Your Comcast bill? Your neighbor's yard? Can you
even count all the personal affronts? The endless cavalcade of insulting
wrongdoing? It really never ends. ...

*(click here
<http://wc.sfgate.com/t?r=1854&c=1904665&l=53406&ctl=2CBA50A:C03CC34683EFF8FDF53B8D1EE687CC883F7A796353B5D68E&>
to read the rest)*

(Full URL:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/12/23/notes122309.DTL&nl=fix)

[Heidi]

1. "...offenses happen like apocalyptic candy cane rain."

:rofl: :spray:

Why any regular Morford reader would claim to be offended is, indeed, mysterious. I've begun to suspect that the alluring, almost giddy anticipation of being offended is what draws some folks to his columns, i.e., "I've got these pearls. Now I just need a reason to clutch them!!!!"

ETA because wherever were my manners? Recommended, and good mornin'! :hi:

[madokie]

2. LOL

:hi:
Wishing you a very merry Christmas and a happy, happy new year

[Heidi]

3. Thank you, madokie!

The Christmas packages I sent to my family in Oklahoma arrived there unbroken, unopened and unsullied from Switzerland, so I'm allowing myself a sigh of relief. :)

Merry Christmas to you, too, friend! :pals:

[geckosfeet]

4. "In the case of this column, of course, offenses happen like apocalyptic candy cane rain."

His hilarious take on Tiger Woods touched off a national frenzy of righteous indignation. People wasted no time coming to the defense of Tigers,,, errr,, uummm integrity and honor.

Another reader followed what I've found, over the years, to be an alarmingly common, yet still entirely unpredictable pattern: initially loved the piece, was cruising along all delighted and happy like a kid down a verbal water slide, right until he got to the snappy reference to, of all things, Glenn Beck watching gay porn with Tiger. What? Slanderous! Unnecessary! Why was Beck even referenced? What was the point? Ruined the entire article. Just like that.

To be expected, that response. Hey, I baited them. But a few went beyond that, incensed that I dared to criticize "a real gentleman," a guy who has clearly been wronged by the media, by his army of blond fembots, by liberals, the universe, you name it. I am abusing a good gentleman. What? You mean the guy who smashed his blinged-out Escalade into a tree after his fabulously spoiled Swedish wife found out about the 147th skanky Vegas waitress he'd been gleefully poking for years like a silicone-jacked piñata? That gentleman? Oh.

Hi, I find you totally offensive

[Heidi]

5. Offensive Christmas Eve kick.

:evilgrin:

:kick:

[SpiralHawk]

6. Morford has obviously been brainwashed by the Illuminati

snarf

[pipi_k]

7. I've known plenty of people who belonged to the Church of the Perpetually Offended

There wasn't a thing that didn't offend them somehow, for some reason.

I guess it made them feel like they were better than everybody else. More "PC"...more "sensitive"...

better than the rest of the unwashed masses who didn't know enough to be offended.




The way I see it is, if someone finds me offensive, I'm doing my job.

:7