Husband Beaters

[FreakinDJ]

Husband Beaters

In America, the term "Domestic Abuse" is typically associated with a victimized woman mercilessly beaten by an overbearing ogre of a husband. The fact is however, that more than a third of all DA cases feature males as victims, and even that number is considered low due to the relatively low reporting of these cases by men who are ashamed and afraid to do so. The stories in SLOW: Husband Beaters will provide an inside look at Domestic Abuse done to men from a variety of perspectives and shed light on a very dark and violent corner of America.

Tuesday, December 29 at 3am | 2c
http://www.wetv.com/secret-lives-of-women/episodes/husband-beaters

[seabeyond]

1. good. go after these women. take the shame from the man to report like we *cough* take the shame

from women to report.

all abuser should be punished in some way. regardless of gender

[cali]

2. I'd like to see the cite for the claim that 33% of domestic abuse charges

are against women.

[Hello_Kitty]

4. It might because the police arrest anyone who strikes their partner now.

And also if the violence is mutual, they can both be arrested, even if one of them clearly did more damage than the other.

I'm kind of torn about it, because while I do think violence is 100% wrong always, it concerns me that the very real problem of battery and domestic homicide (where the victims are overwhelmingly female) is getting minimized. There's also the fact that some male DV victims were assaulted by male partners, just as there is DV among lesbians, which may tend to skew the perception of female-on-male DV when just looking at raw numbers.

[FreeState]

5. In college I was on call to DA scenes as the Advocate for males

33% sounds about right - not including being under reported.

Most of the time its both ways - meaning the man and woman or man are abusing each other. Id say in my year associated with the service and 6 months of being out on call I never once had a call were a man said he was being abused were the woman did not claim the same. Thats not to say its not there - its hidden and rarer thats for sure. But 33% yep - that sounds about right and under reported in my experiance.

[Warpy]

8. I would, too. The usual number is 8:1 male abusers to female abusers

Women are still more likely to be killed by a male partner than the reverse and female victims of male battery are more likely to suffer severe injury.

Wiki's got a pretty good article on it, complete with numbers and footnotes at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

What might be narrowing the numbers somewhat is reciprocal violence, when both partners display injury when the cops are finally called.

No one should be hit in his or her own home. Any victim of domestic abuse needs to find a way to get out and stay out.

[ProgressiveProfessor]

21. The "usual number" is widely used but lack statistical support

[Warpy]

24. It was determined by a study of police calls

when it was first published over a decade ago.

[DesertFlower]

3. when my husband was married to his first wife,

he jumped out of a second story window to get away from her. he's been happily married to me for 39 years.

[Guilded Lilly]

6. Physical Violence against a partner is unacceptable

no matter the gender. Period. Violent natures are not gender specific.

However, even with the low reporting of female on male abuse due to possible "shame", I would bet that there are multiple times as many male on female abuses that goes unreported...or that end up as murder instead. It's a figure we will never really know for sure.

From any angle, physical violence is not acceptable.
Nor is mental abuse /violence either. That is probably an even darker corner of America.

[KansDem]

7. It might be because less damage is done when a wife "beats" her husband...

I know of a case where the husband beat his wife--I've seen the photos and they're not pretty! Police were called and the husband spent time in jail.

However, I know one man who's wife has struck him on several occasions--repeatedly at times. He just laughed it off...:shrug:

[rantormusing]

10. SO if she's able to laugh it off, it's ok?

:shrug:

[KansDem]

11. No, I just believe that women are injured more often and police are called as a result

The couple where the husband is struck by his wife didn't receive such injuries, so he didn't pursue legal action.

When you fear for your safety you tend to call the police. It becomes a statistic...

When you're a man and don't fear injury from an abusive wife, you tend to leave the house for awhile and spend time at the local watering hole. You might tell a friend or drinking buddy about what happened, but you tend to shrug off the whole incident. It doesn't become reported.

That's where I heard this story...

[rantormusing]

13. I disagree with your first line, but the rest makes sense.

I laughed off a woman who hit me on occasion, they eventually figured out to use something bigger. This is what i think of when people say, but the man can really hurt her, it's just more semantics. Technically, men can be plenty injured by women, but i still think they would leave.

[FreakinDJ]

20. My Ex hit me with a Gallon Milk jug filled with Ice

Had to go to Kiaser for a neck injury and stitches in my arm. As I fell I went through a window

[paulsby]

9. i have ZERO doubt there are more male victims than female victims

and i say this as somebody that has been a DV victim (slaps, on a few occasions, and no i didn't report it) on a few occasions.

what is undeniably true is that "serious" DV assaults are very disproportionately men.

slaps and pushes are (many believe) MORE common with women against men than men against women.

a relatively common DV pattern i have seen is woman slaps or pushes man, and man DECKS the woman

man goes to jail because we arrest the "primary" aggressor, which doesn't mean (necessarily) the first one, but the one who was... primary.

if she pushes him, he pushes her back, then she goes to jail. but a roundhouse punch is not a reasonable response to a push.

i also think it's true that FAR more women live in fear of an abusive man than the other way around

[asdjrocky]

15. It's a mans job to walk away.

We only have a few real jobs. Take care of our kids, take care of the lawn, and DON'T HIT A WOMAN.

Man, don't I know they can drive you crazy. (Been married 3 times.) But you can't hit back no matter what. Smaller and weaker is the key.

I'm not saying just stand there and be a punching bag, I'm saying walk away. It's something my mom drilled into me, probably for her own reasons.

And you're right. The man goes to jail, almost every single time. The last thing I'm going to do is let a person, any person, get the satisfaction of seeing me lose my temper and on top of it getting hauled off to jail.

Mothers and Fathers, tell your children...

[paulsby]

16. i sort of agree

from a personal, chivalrous, personal morality sense, i do believe the man should walk away always.

but from a LEGAL standpoint, and when i am on duty, i enforce the law, not how i think the world should be, the man has no more duty to walk away from an assault than a woman.

and a woman has no more right to slap a man than vice versa.

the law is, should be, gender neutral.

personal codes of conduct, like mine, are not. like i said, i don't think ti was a big deal that a few women slapped me. i would think it's a big deal if i did the same to a woman. is that a double standard? yes.

ime, i'd say women are arrested for DV about 10-15% of arrests. so, the man is far more likely, that is true.

like i said, a big part of this is that men will not call the police if they are slapped, almost never.

but when it comes to the "serious" stuff - black eyes, broken bones, etc. it's nearly always men. probably about 95%+ of the time.

[asdjrocky]

17. Dude, you know it freaks me out when we agree.

Domestic violence, I guess I should say disturbance, at just about any level, is one of the toughest calls for you guys. In more ways than one.

[paulsby]

27. i agree

they are sticky situations. and since hte passage of VAWA (which i have mixed feelings about), the stakes are high

[FreakinDJ]

18. Not quite true - some women are....

But the reality is you just have to walk away - way far away, like as in divorce court.

The kid's mom got into drugs. First from the doctor's office then from her connection. Cut her off from the bank account to get her fix and she could be worse then a crocodile. When CPS saw the marks on the kids as will as hospital reports from me having to have stitches, they helpped me get sole custody of the children

[seabeyond]

22. thank you

my sons and i have talked about it. we generally bottom line it to one of those unfairs. but never gave them the simple of.... walk away.

isnt that silly.

but good point and thanks. i will give this to them. so simple and what a guy can do.

i dont hit. never been hit. dont participate in any kind of upset or violence. not my thing. so i dont always see the obvious.

[rantormusing]

12. It's a good thing more people like him are speaking out.

A world of good can be done just by losing the stigma that a man faces when being assaulted, abused, etc.

[rantormusing]

14. The unrec brigade is pulling overtime tonight.

This guy will be labeled a misogynist in 3...2...

[The Straight Story]

19. If we HAD a men's forum, this could go there - but men, we have no issues (nt)

[seabeyond]

23. but then, i may never had read a poster that gave me good info to give to my boys

if this was in a mens forum. and i would be the one at a loss to not read the thread.

(i hear ya)

[mainer]

25. 10% of those who seek help at shelters are men

at least, that's what a shelter director told me. (And he's a man). He also said that as you go into the young age groups -- the under-20's -- the percentage of male victims rises. It seems that the next generation of girls may be growing up far more violent.

[Meldread]

26. Good for him.

More info on male domestic violence statistics can be found http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/content/42/15/31.2.full">here.

In many cases, and this is really under reported, domestic violence is reciprocal. Both partners are abusing each other. Bottom line: If someone is abusing you, leave. They aren't worth your time. They aren't even worth fighting back.

In cases where women are the primary abuser, men are in particular risk. Although women typically are less strong than their male partner, they tend to make up for that by using weapons or other objects. Physical strength isn't everything, and it can easily be overcome. Again, Bottom line: get out of an abusive relationship immediately. Do not remain.

There is no shame in being abused, whether you are a man or a woman, and no one has the right to hurt you - ever.

Also, remember what starts off as a slap or shove, can easily escalate into something much more serious.

[TexasObserver]

28. Because many women believe it is their right to hit, slap, kick men.

This is the dirty underbelly of domestic violence that is not given full coverage. Most of the violence by women against men is unreported, and unprosecuted. Many women simply believe that hitting, slapping, kicking a man is their right as a woman.

The man should walk away, go somewhere else, and have the perp arrested, but they usually don't, because (1) she'll lie and say he hit her first, and then he'll be arrested, since the police usually believe the woman in such situations, and (2) the man will be ridiculed for reporting their victimhood.

There has been a strong effort to reduce domestic violence by men against women, and that has been a wise effort. We need a similar effort to attack the rampant domestic violence by women against men. Domestic violence is a way of life for many - a bad way of life - in which both parties use violence to express their anger.

If you really want to stop domestic violence, take the children away from both partners and have them raised by others, because children learn domestic violence from their parents.

Exposing children to domestic violence is one of the worst kinds of child abuse.